"WOOOOW!" Ruby squee'd in absolute delight, her eyes sparkling as she drooled over the unnecessarily over the top designed guns and weapons in the exhibit.

Rows upon rows of the weirdest stuff were on display here as we walked through the halls of Vale's Mound Mall. Ranging from, but not limited to: Grenade nunchucks that explode upon contact, giant swords that spit fire from its hilt, a bayonet attached to a small Gatling gun, a mechanical bow that shoots bullets when you pull its string back, and even a giant sword and shield combo that- when combined- transforms into the largest battleaxe that I have ever seen in my entire life.

Ruby was absolutely gushing over each and every single weapon she came across as if it was a mechanical engineering masterpiece. Like a hyped-up kid with crippling ADHD, she rushed around and ogled at each weapon before moving on to the next.

"Oh my god! This thing is an electric guitar axe! Are you seeing this right now?!" Ruby fangirled so hard, calling me over to look.

Me, however… I think I might have found out too late that I have a horrifying phobia of guns and weapons.

My legs were shaking like crazy as I nervously and cautiously walked around the displays. Each deathtrap in this damn firearms show could potentially kill every last one of us! I don't understand how Ruby would enjoy any of this…

Well, it's not like I was gonna change my mind and cancel the date. Like hell I was gonna do that! I'm not letting my horrible luck streak of each date going bad in the middle of it overtake my life, goddammit! THIS IS GOING TO BE A ROMANTIC EVENING WHERE RUBY AND I HAVE FUN AND NOTHING GOES WRONG, SO I BETTER MAN UP AND DEAL WITH IT.

Taking a deep breath, I did my best to calm down and pretended nothing was wrong, for Ruby's sake. Walking up to her, I nervously looked at the nightmare-inducing murder-stick and gulped, "Y-Yep. That s-sure is an i-interesting w-w-weapon there. Hahaha…"

Whether I'm getting better at lying or Ruby was too enthralled to pay any attention, she still hasn't noticed my predicament. I'd call that a score for me if I managed to survive through this.

God, I didn't even know why I was having such a horrible reaction to all of this. I mean, while it's true that I never held a gun in my entire life, I've dealt with worse in my hands before. I mean, I'm in charge of handling and sorting stolen Dust, which itself is volatile and prone to explode if handled poorly. I'm practically surrounded by them every day during my work in the White Fang. An exotic gun show should not be this bad for me!

A guide from the exhibit noticed us staring at the electric guitar axe and pleasantly spoke to us, "Ah, I see you folks took notice of Forseti!" Gesturing towards the weapon with respect, he went into detail about its origin, "Forseti is an absolute beauty of a weapon that was built and named after by the legendary genius, Forseti Glitner. He only created seven variations of his guitar axe, before mysteriously disappearing from the face of Remnant! No one knows where he is, or if he's even alive. All we know is that he left behind his final magnum opus upon us mere mortals."

"Woah! There's only seven left in this world?" Ruby gleamed in excitement, "How did you manage to get your hands on this one then?"

"Oh no, we don't actually own any of the seven. This is just a replica that some guy made before we bought it in a garage sale. A real one would have the power to literally demolish everything within a five-mile radius with just a simple pluck of a string. This is, at best, a glorified guitar with a fruit cutter attached."

"Oh." Ruby gave a neutral purse of her lip, before going back to being excited about it anyway, "It still looks really cool though! Makes you wonder what one of the seven even looks like if a replica can look this good!"

Knowing that the object in front of me wasn't even a real weapon and just an axe glued to a guitar made me somewhat relieved to hear. That meant not everything on display here was actually real. Some were just replicas to look cool for weapon-fanatics like Ruby to gawk at. Which also means, less chance of something going off and killing me.

"Would you like to try holding it, young ma'am?" The guide offered.

Ruby gasped, "Can I?! Am I allowed to?"

"Isn't this just for display only? Would we get in trouble for it?" I asked cautiously.

He waved it away, "Don't worry about it. It's just a replica anyway. If anything breaks, a simple soldering and hot glue would do the trick. Besides, I can't help but feel like being generous with you two. It's not often I'd see a couple walk in together to peruse weapons. It's certainly not my first choice of a romantic date!"

Ruby and I blushed together, softly laughing at the comment.

"You two seem like the sort to appreciate fine craftsmanship if you saw one. At the very least, it would make the young lady's day!" He chuckled.

Ruby looked at me, almost as if she was asking me for permission.

I smiled and shrugged, "If you want to."

Giving back a bright smile, she turned to the guide and modestly accepted his offer, "Well, if you insist!"

The guide nodded and pulled the replica off its stand, before resting it on Ruby's eager fingers.

I could tell that Ruby was doing her best to hold herself back as she rubbed her fingers across the guitar strings. She toned down the giddy energy because she knew that she would break the thing if she freaked out over it. She couldn't help but smile like a crazed maniac though, silently giggling to herself.

"Ohmygosh- It feels so real! If you hadn't told me this was a replica, I would have thought this was a genuine weapon! The guy who made this has such an amazing eye for detail!" She smoothly treaded her fingers around the edge of the axe. "I can't believe this was sold in a garage sale!"

"Yes, it was quite the steal. Twenty Lien, if you can believe it." The guide told her.

Ruby plucked the strings to play the beginning parts of one of her favorite Casey William songs. "Amazing…" Ruby gave the entire weapon another once over, before shuddering in ecstasy. Calming down, she said, "Thanks for letting me have a chance to hold it for a bit, sir."

"It was my pleasure, ma'am." He nodded his head.

Ruby looked over the weapon once again, relishing in the opportunity as much as she was allowed to get away with. Then she squinted at something on the side of the guitar, asking, "What's this switch on the side?"

"I believe that's the safety switch. It's required by law that all weapons have one installed, in order to prevent accidents."

"Wow, he even went through the trouble of making it seem as authentic as possible!" Ruby giggled as she absentmindedly fiddled the switch on and off again.

It was nice to see her having so much fun. Luckily, nothing has gone wrong yet during this entire date! I think I finally ended my unlucky streak! Hey, I even managed to stop freaking out like a paranoid schizo too! Maybe it's my turn to finally get a chance to have some fun, preferably alongside Ruby.

Ruby looked over at me, noticing the warm smile I was giving her. "Hey, you've been pretty quiet so far. You should try feeling it for a bit!"

"Oh, uh, no- I don't really trust myself when it comes to holding on to things like this." I tried to politely decline.

"Come on! Just touch it for a bit! I know you want to!" Ruby teased, handing over the guitar.

I was somewhat hesitant, but also pretty curious as to how it would feel in my hands. But I didn't really know if it was a good idea…

I glanced towards the guide to see if he had anything to say.

He shrugged, "I've already given you permission. Do as you will."

Well… Maaaaybe just for a moment.

I tenderly held onto the guitar axe as Ruby smiled expectantly at me, probably gauging my reaction.

As I looked it over, I came to realize… Shit, it really was a piece of art. I'm no weapons expert like Ruby, but even a total normie like me could tell that this replica was high quality.

Man, Ruby was right. If he hadn't told us it was just a replica, I'd probably be freaking out from holding a death machine in my hands. I wonder why I don't do too well with weapons?

I fiddled around with the safety switch, hearing that satisfying clicking sound whenever I switched it off. It actually sort of made me feel kind of badass, like I was getting ready for an epic battle. Is this how Ruby feels whenever she holds her scythe?

I guess I can see the appeal. I nodded to myself.

Deciding to get a little gutsier, I spun it around in my arms and posed like a rockstar. "Hey Rubes, how do I look?"

"You- um…" Ruby had a faint blush, a hand covering one of her cheeks as she eyed me up and down. "You look really cool…" She said with a shy smile. "Like… really cool…"

I blinked. Wow, I was not expecting a strong reaction like that. Guess that's the charm of having a weapon in front of a weapons-fanatic.

With my ego boosted to impossibly cocky degrees, I spun around and posed fabulously, getting ready to strum a riff, "Call me King, baby. The King of Swing!"

I let loose and went wild with the guitar chords-

Sirens blared all around us as the paramedics did their best to transport all the injured to the hospital.

The entire mall was in shambles, all the windows being shattered to pieces, as well as all the extra damages to store products and goods.

Nobody managed to figure out what happened. Some people thought it was an earthquake or a Dust leak explosion.

Ruby, the exotic firearms guide, and I all stood by the sidelines, silently watching everything unfolding around us before the shock wore off.

"Huh." The guide began, "What were the chances that we'd manage to have one of the seven legendary Forseti guitars?"

"What were the chances." Ruby and I mindlessly repeated.

The Vale's Mound Mall sign precariously decided to break apart and fall at that very moment, landing inches in front of us.

Wordlessly, I flipped the safety switch back on and shoved the guitar back into the guide's hands.

"I'm gonna go get a museum curator to help find a home for this thing." He said simply. "You kids should head home before the authorities grow suspicious of us."

With that said, the guide parted ways with us as he carefully held on to the valuable and almighty guitar weapon for dear life.

Ruby grasped onto my arm and pulled me away from the scene of my crime.

I was probably not going to be able to sleep soundly anymore, because of this.

That was gonna suck.

"I'm bad at being a boyfriend…" I lamented, shamefully covering my face.

Ruby comfortably ran her fingers through my hair and gently caressed my wolf ears. "No, you're not." She reassured as she chuckled softly.

After the mess at the mall, Ruby and I decided to go to the park and sit on the bench where we had our first kiss together to relax.

"Every date I set up always goes wrong in some way or another. I'm always leaving it to you to fix it at the end…" I groaned as I laid my head on her shoulder.

She pulled my head closer to her chest and tenderly hugged my neck, "I'd still rather have you as my boyfriend than anyone else."

The slow beat of her heart calmed me down. I snuggled my head against her and closed my eyes, just listening to the steady rhythm of the beat.

"You're too good for me, Rubes…" I mumbled in agonizing self-deprecation.

"I'm gonna smack ya if you keep feeling bad about yourself, you silly goober." She threatened, before giving me a soft peck on the forehead.

Straightening myself out, I stood up from the park bench with a sigh and reached my hand out for Ruby to take.

She gladly obliged, wrapping an arm around mine as we walked away.

"Seriously though, all joking aside. That's gotta be my third attempt at a special date for us already up in flames. Do I just have some sort of curse or something?" I asked.

"Maybe." Ruby casually replied, not even missing a beat. "I mean, half of today is totally your fault though."

"Jeez, what happened to the 'Don't blame yourself' pep talk from five minutes ago?" I deadpanned.

"I'm talking about how you kept your phobia of guns to yourself instead of telling me right from the start, dummy!" She pouted, flicking one of my wolf ears and causing me to flinch. "We could have avoided this whole thing if you were just upfront with me! I wouldn't have gone to a gun expedition if I knew my boyfriend had a PHOBIA of GUNS."

I sighed defeatedly, "Okay, point… I just didn't want that to be the reason why we had to cancel our date. I mean, I literally just found out I had a phobia like that just today too, so it's pretty unfair to you if we had to stop simply because of that. Especially since you were having so much fun in there."

"You know what else would have been fun?" Ruby snarked, "Not having to watch my boyfriend, who I need to remind has a GUN PHOBIA, force himself to put up with a GUN EXPEDITION just for my sake." she then sighed, before murmuring, "Seriously, something like that is too serious to ignore. You could have gone into a panic attack! What would you have done then?"

"I dunno. Die, I guess?" I shrugged.

Ruby suddenly unlatched herself from my arm and stood stock-still in the middle of the sidewalk.

I turned around in confusion, calling out to her, "Ruby?"

She was giving me the biggest staredown I've ever seen in my entire life. Her face was red and her eyes were giving me the death stare of the century.

"Uh…" I nervously stammered, having no idea how to react.

Did I say something wrong?

"Don't ever say that. Not even as a joke." She said, leaving no room for argument.

"S-Sorry…" I muttered quietly.

Holy crap, she seemed pissed beyond hell.

It took her a few moments after studying my face before she calmed down. With an annoyed tone, she told me, "You're really lucky that it's me. If it was anyone else, they would have stood you up on the second date."

Ouch. That was the fiercest attack she ever did on me since the cliff incident.

"Guess I'm glad that you didn't…" I chuckled nervously.

She glared at me for a bit before softening her expression. Before I could even react, Ruby had already latched onto me again and reached up to kiss me on the lips.

It took me a bit to react, it happened too quickly for me to really comprehend it. But eventually, I did start kissing back.

After a moment or so, she pulled away with a sad look.

We stared at each other for a bit, not really knowing what else to say or do.

It's been a while since we've had an awkward silence like this. Not since our second date.

I think my carelessness might be putting Ruby in a bit of a funk… Sigh… I think I might actually be pretty terrible at being a boyfriend… I seriously had no idea what to do here.

Ruby then decided to speak up, "You wanna know something that I've been dealing with lately? Ever since we started dating?"

"Dealing with something? What do you mean?" I asked.

"I've…" Ruby seemed to hesitate for a bit, as she tried to gather her thoughts together. But then, with a resolute look, she spoke up, "Lately, I've been feeling insecure when I'm with you."

…

Wait, what?!

"I-I-Insecure?" I stammered.

Oh shit, did I do something wrong? Have I been looking at other girls without meaning to? Did I give her the idea that I might be cheating on her?! OH GOD, DOES SHE THINK I HAVE A SECRET WHITE FANG GIRLFRIEND THAT TALKS BAD ABOUT HER BEHIND HER BACK?!

"I mean, I don't feel that way all the time. Most of the time, I feel giddy and spoiled when I'm with you." She clarified, looking away nervously. "But… I guess you could say that I… get this bad feeling that all of this might disappear one day. I get anxious because I feel like it might happen sooner than I think."

...disappear?

"This is my first relationship with a boy…" Ruby smiled gently, "Every time we're together, my heart swells up to the point where I think it might burst… That's why I get so scared and paranoid at the idea that this might not last forever. I mean… I don't even know what I did to get you to ask me out in the first place."

Looking away, she started curling her hair in her finger.

"I seriously have no idea what it is you like about me. And because I don't know… I get really anxious… I keep getting thoughts in my head, like- 'Does he like me because I act like this? Or because I'm more like that?' Then it starts leading to thoughts like- 'If I stop acting a certain way… would he stop liking me?'

I feel like there are more cons to me than there are pros. That's why I sometimes wonder if… you'll ever get tired of putting up with me one day, and decide to cut ties. Maybe I'm too childish for your liking or… or I'm too boring. Maybe I'm too hard to satisfy. Or maybe I'm just too much trouble than I'm worth."

Is that… is that seriously how she thinks about herself?

"I do my best to not think about depressing stuff like that, and try to convince myself to have more confidence… but… the idea that there's even a remotely small chance that I might lose you simply because I didn't act know how to act and then mess up-"

I've heard enough.

My body moved on its own before I could even think to do it myself.

I hugged Ruby tightly against my chest and snuggled her head under my neck. She yelped in surprise but steadily held her hand on my heart as she blushed.

I could feel her breathing slowly.

"I like you because you're you. You have no reason to even think like this." I told her.

Ruby curled my shirt into her hands, "I know I don't. But I still do."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this before?" I asked.

"Because I thought it would make me seem clingy and emotional. We didn't really seem all that serious about each other either, at least not until just a week ago." She hid her face in my chest and sighed, "I dunno… I was worried I might scare you off or something. That you might not like that about me."

"That's completely asinine and you know it, Rubes." I scolded her, "I wish you had told me this sooner! If you did, we could have tackled this problem before it even started, and you'd have more confidence in yourself in our relationship! I don't want you to keep these things to yourself for my sake! We're supposed to be in a relationship now! People in relationships shouldn't be keeping secrets from each oth-"

I paused mid-way as my brain slowly processed the words that were coming out of my mouth.

I pulled Ruby away to see that she was giving me a mischievous little smile as if she totally knew what she was doing.

"Oh I see what you're doing here." I deadpanned.

"View's not so nice from the other side of the end, is it?" She chuckled.

Damn clever little minx, knowing how to emotionally manipulate me…

Sighing, I raised my hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, I get it. You're right, I shouldn't keep stuff like this to myself anymore. If I run into a problem, you'll be the first to find out about it. I'm sorry." Rubbing my forehead for a bit, I then pleaded, "Just… don't lie like that to get your point across again."

Ruby looked away with an embarrassed smile, whispering to me, "Well… None of that was a lie…"

My eyes widened at that. So she was seriously going through something like that this whole time?

Ruby grabbed my hand again and placed it on her cheek, as she gave me a sad smile. "We're more than just friends now. That means there should be even less secrets between us than ever before. You already have my trust, so… it'd be nice to know if I have that same kind of trust back…"

…

"Alright. I promise." I told her with complete utter seriousness. "I'll trust you with everything as long as you do the same."

Ruby smiled back happily, "It's a promise."

AN: And that's the end of that. I haven't worked on this story for the past several years now and I have no idea if anyone is even going to read this after so long.

I don't think I'll be continuing this in the near future. I'm not a fan of RWBY anymore like I used to be, so this might be goodbye to any fanfics from here on out. I've been much more focused on making original stories now instead.

Sorry to everyone who's followed and read my stories. I hope you're not too disappointed, but I'm honestly out of the loop when it comes to RWBY stuff now.

From here on out, it's a rough draft guideline on how the rest of this chapter is supposed to go. After that, a checklist of the plot of what I originally planned write to give you a sense of what direction I was heading towards.

Thanks for sticking by me, and sorry for being gone for so long. This is farewell. If you want to read some of my more original newer stories that I've been making, you might be able to find me on CHYOA. Be warned, it's an erotic literature site, meaning it's for adults only. The stuff I make has more adult stuff in it than you guys might know me for.

I'll miss this site, and I'll miss the RWBY fandom. Until next time.

- TheNextGamer

They make up and then decide, hey, we wanna end this date on a high note instead of leaving it here awkwardly. So why not we go do some shopping and then go home later.

And then they went to a nearby shop part that Ruby usually frequents. Ruby decides that, since this date is technically Wolfies fault, it's on his tab for whatever Ruby is in the mood to buy. Wolfy, while staring at his wallet in despair, still wholeheartedly agrees.

And then it's like, Ruby finds a weapon mod or something, and she's totally giddy about it cuz it's i dunno, fucking rare as fuck. And it's, like, half the price than what it normally should be, so it's like, Holy shit, what a score!

So then they go up to ring the item, and Ruby is saying hello to the familiar woman behind the counter

So it starts off nice enough, but then suddenly, the old bag notices Woflies wolf ears, and was like

Hey you, faunus mutt, what the fuck are you doing here.

And this makes Ruby literally shocked. As in, she gets electrocuted, nah jk. But she clearly wasn't expecting such a hostile reaction to someone she knew before and knew well.

Wolfy, surprised, but completely used to this sort of abuse, tries to convince the woman that he's a paying customer, and he just wants to buy the weapon scope mod as a gift for his girlfriend, and the woman is all like "GIRLFRIEND?! Ruby, you're dating this animal?!" And Ruby is still in shock so she can't really properly react.

Wolfy gets upset, almost to the point where he wants to cause a scene and chew the lady out, but calmed himself when he realized Ruby was still there. Knowing that the lady and her are good friends, he hesitates to say anything further in case it might hurt Ruby somehow, so he calmly sets the scope on the table and tells Ruby to go ahead and buy it, and meet him outside. He promises to pay her back.

Once he leaves, Ruby is still in complete shock, seeing the transaction go on. The lady sneers at the boy, but is back and all smiles with Ruby, although in a bit more of that Naggy "I know better than you because I'm an old person" way that your aunt does when she visits for family dinner.

She goes on and on about how Ruby can do better and that she needs to dump his animal ass before she ends up hurt, and that it's not worth the hassle of dealing with animals and that she can introduce her to other guys she knows taht frequents her shop, all the while scanning the scope to sell it

But Ruby, after the shock wore off, in her Deep Silver mode is all like "You know what. I don't want to buy anything anymore."

Lady looks up and looks terrified because for a brief moment, she saw death itself looking at her with DEEP DARK SCARY SILVER EEEEYYYYYYEEEES. Briefly though, before Ruby turned away to leave, slowly tearing up over how badly mistreated her boyfriend got.

So he's outside, scratching his head frustratingly because he felt powerless and couldn't do anything without making himself look bad in front of Ruby, in fact, he's sort of feeling guilty because he even had i dunno bad thoughts about stuff even though he knew it would make Ruby disappointed, or worse, hate him.

But when Ruby comes out, he's like, "Oh hey, how much did that thing cost again?" but Ruby didn't answer, and forcefully grabbed his hand to go to a seperate location, far from this shop.

Then, after that, Ruby hugs the shit out of him and apologizes profusely because she felt guilty taht she didn't do anything to defend him from such mistreatment. She screams out how long he's been treated like this, how much it must hurt, and that she's a terrible girlfriend for letting it happen to him while in front of her.

Cue repeat of beginning where Wolfy lamented over being a bad boyfriend.

"I'm a terrible girlfriend."

"No you're not"

"I should have done something to protect you but I didnt, and you ended up walking away hurt because of me!"

"I'd still rather have you as my girlfriend than anyone else"

"I'm so sorry for everything you've went through your entire life"

"I'm gonna kiss you if you don't stop feeling sorry for me."

next chapter was gonna have blake visit Ruby during her next date and try to introduce herself to Rube's boyfriend to get to know him better, but Wolfy is freaking out because holy shit that's Blake Belladonna, former highest member of the White Fang before defecting

shenanigans ensue, Ruby and Wolfy try their hardest to make sure Blake doesn't know about Wolfy's ties to White Fang and everything goes great

after that, weiss comes to see how Wolfy is in person and visits ruby during their NEXT date, and now Wolfy is freaking out because holy shit that's Weiss Schnee, heiress of the Schee corporation and part of the White Fang's number one enemy

Something along the lines of "WHY DOES YOUR TEAM HAVE BOTH BLAKE BELLADONNA AND WEISS SCHNEE IN IT?!"

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'D BE A PROBLEM!"

"IT'S A MAJOR PROBLEM"

shenanigans ensue, Ruby and Wolfy try their hardest to make sure Weiss doesn't know about Wolfy's ties to White Fang and everything goes great

More dates after that, things happen, Wolfy gets to go back to being a frontline grunt instead of Dust organizer, pisses off Malone the dog Faunus who originally punched Wolfy in the eye, Wolfy goes on heists, something goes wrong, they gotta run from the police-

Oh gee weez, apparently Blake happened to be nearby and joined in on the chase and now Wolfy is freaking out because if Blake finds out about him, his relationship with Ruby will be ruined-

Wolfy gets miraculously lucky and hides inside a trashcan to hide from Blake, safe and sound, secret not out yet.

something something something between here, story goes on, life is great, lots of potential story content was supposed to show up here and now it's lost forever because I'm horrible- OH GEE WHIZZ, WHITE FANG PLANS ON DESTROYING VALE AND UNLEASHING GRIMM ON THE TOURNAMENT THING

Wolfy is definitely not going to be joining this part of the program and vehemently does not support it- but White Fang changed from freedom fighter group to terrorist organization under his nose for a while and now dissenters get punished for not mindlessly obeying

so he just barely escapes and also gets his ass kicked by Malone the Dog faunus in a symbolic fight of top Alpha Dogs fighting to be pack leaders-

Wolfy is now in critical condition and also nearly dead i think, shows up to the ice cream parlor almost dead and Ruby is freaking out because her boyfriend is almost dead

ruby does that thing that pyrrha did to jaune and gives him an aura or something and he starts feeling a little better but still almost dead

something something love you please dont die also please for the love of god do not take part of the tournament, they plan to destroy it with the Grimm somehow

Ruby gets scared and tries to warn everyone but no one takes her seriously because "HAHAHA ATLAS IS TOTALLY GONNA PROTECT VALE FROM THESE PRIMITIVE WHITE FANG GRUNTS, WITH THEIR SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGY, THERE'S NO WAY WHITE FANG COULD POSSIBLY DO ANYTHING TO MESS THE TOURNAMENT UP"

but then it did.

Wolfy and Ruby get seperated during all this, not being able to see each other again for a long time as they follow their own stories-

wolfy gets his own semblance after fighting tooth and nail just to save his father figure Old Boss Mint from White Fang, which was either going to be a JoJo ripoff "STAND POWER" of a wolf, or Aura transferring where he saps people's aura away and uses it against them like a shockwave for awesome punching power- I dunno

so then like, the timeskip happens and Wolfy is revealed to be starting a new White Fang group, but it's not the White Fang, it's under a different name and he's like a leader in trying to fight back against the White Fang for making Faunus look like evil terrorists and stuff and then like Ruby eventually meets up with him after he travels the world to get more intel to start this epic plan about faunus on faunus war, and they're totally still in love with each other

and I have no idea where to go from there

eventually, they were going to sleep with each other, and the last chapter would be where I revealed what his real name was. It was going to end with something like

"I love you, Ruby."

"I love you too, Cracking a Cold One with the Boys"

and that would be his name. literally.

I fucking suck at this.

The end.