A/N: Long time no see

Thanks for the reviews. It's really nice to know that there are people who are still interested in this story despite my very irregular posts. Life's been a bit rough and I find myself finding less and less opportunities to post.

I really appreciate the support though.

Usual apologies

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

They were outside.

Lightning flashed and thunder roared.

The potion for Animagus transformation was finally complete and Severus had just cast the final spell. It felt like forever before the potion had finally been completed. James doesn't remember the process being so complicated or taking half as long when he and the marauders were doing it. But of course, Severus Snape is Severus Snape. So of course, he had to try and improve on the potion. He had to tweak here and adjust there and every single step had to be done absolutely perfectly. James had to transform into his stag at least ten times in front of him before Severus was satisfied. And James humoured the Slytherin since… well, there was nothing better to do. Plus Severus promised him they could go snog under the willow tree if he played along and did as he was told.

It truly is unfair just how good of a kisser Snape really is. James would never admit to that out loud of course.

It was also incredibly difficult learning how to change the weather in the room so it worked out just the way they wanted. About two weeks to figure out the exact times for sunrise and sunset and just how to cast a spell that would get them a lightning storm. The potion was completed, they went outside to cast the spell.

There was no telling what Severus' Animagus form would be and they didn't want to have to clean up a mess later. Plus, Severus had also noted that they couldn't be sure of exactly how big his form would be either. Though James doubted it would be all that big to begin with.

Most Animagus took on the forms of dogs or cats. His own stag is about the biggest form he's ever seen a wizard manage to take, with Sirius and his Grim taking second place. Of course the most likely answer would be that Severus' Animagus form would be the same as his Patronus. But Severus didn't have a Patronus, he couldn't have one.

James didn't know of a single Slytherin student that was capable of casting a Patronus. He could have asked, but he didn't want to run the risk of implying that there was a spell that the great prat Severus Snape couldn't cast. They'd probably just end up fighting again and James really didn't want to run the risk of being ignored for the next three weeks.

The Gryffindor sighed. Honestly, they aren't even actually dating and he's already treating the snarky twat like his girlfriend.

James flushed at the thought.

"Something wrong?" Severus asked standing about a few feet away from the other and James shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong." He let out a soft cough and ran a hand through his hair, "Go on then."

Severus watched him for a moment more before shaking his head as he turned around to face the other way.

He took a deep breath and James wondered what form the Slytherin would take. There was a slight chance that he might not change at all; what with the artificial weather patterns they had to conjure to make the spell work. But Snape spent so much time on it, James doubted that that would be possible.

Maybe he'd be a snake or a lizard. He'd probably love that. Ice cold skin to go with that ice-cold persona. James honestly wouldn't be surprised if he turned into a Basilisk of all things, but he hoped he wouldn't. Only Merlin knows what Snape would do with that kind of power once they got out. If they ever got out.

It's been years. Someone must be looking for them by now. Although a more prudent question would be, are they still looking or have they given up? James resisted the urge to sigh again and shook his head to get rid of the thought.

Slightly happier thoughts.

If he really had to think about it, a raven would suit Snape or maybe an owl. Something clever and mysterious. Or maybe a cat like McGonagall. Solitary and a little aloof. James had to hold back the urge to snort when he thought of the possibility of Snape turning into an actual bat. He'd never let the Slytherin live that one down, silent treatment be damned.

Or maybe-

"Amato Animo Animato Animagus!"

Severus cast the spell and James just watched only to gape once the full transformation had been completed and before him stood a deer. No… a doe. It had pitch black fur and large round eyes to match, with white spots scattered along its backside. It stood just a foot shorter than James' stag. James froze.

Severus didn't seem to notice him at first. He staggered around for a bit, trying to get his footing to stand up straight and then started looking around himself. If animals could frown then the look on the Slytherin's face would definitely be it. The doe tapped its hooves against the ground, stepped forward and then back before going around in a circle only to suddenly let out a startled bellow. Eyes going wide as it turned to face the wizard behind him.

James kept staring, "Oh Merlin…"

The doe stepped back before it transformed again and Severus was suddenly standing right in front of him again, his cheeks flushed as he glared hard at the ground before stomping into the house.

"What- Snape! Wait!" James ran to catch up with him. "How… that was-"

"That was nothing." Severus hissed heading over towards the kitchen table to grab one of his notebooks and started paging through it, "I must have done something wrong. This must be some kind of mistake. There must be a way to fix it."

"Fix what? You can't change your Animagus form. Trust me, Peter tried when he realised that his was a rat and we-" James shook his head, "You know what that doesn't matter, I-I can't believe that you."

"I made a mistake. Something with the potion maybe-"

"We both know that when it comes to potions you don't make mistakes." James sighed, "Do you have a Patronus?"

Snape stopped, "What?"

"Do you have a Patronus? Animagus forms usually take on the same form as your Patronus, so if you have one then-" that's when he saw the look on the raven's face and he couldn't stop himself from gaping yet again, "So you… all this time?"

Snape paused, dropped the book and turned to immediately leave the room, heading upstairs.

"Damn it Snape! Would you just stop and talk to me?" He heard a door open and shut with a slam and sighed in frustration, "You don't think were both a little too old to be throwing tantrums like this?" He got to Snape's bedroom door and stopped when he realised it was locked. He could just spell it open, but Severus would hex him if he did that.

"Look, I'm shocked too but, I'm not even completely sure what you're so upset about. So, your Animagus is a doe, it's not that big of a deal." James waited but got no response, "Is it… is it because of me? Because mine's a stag? You have to know that that doesn't mean anything-"

"Of course it doesn't mean anything you twit!" He could hear Severus practically hiss through the door.

"Then why are you so upset?" Severus didn't reply and James took a deep breath. "You might as well tell me, we both know I hate being ignored and there's no one in here besides us. Making you the only person I can talk to. I'll stay here all night if I have to, all morning, for the next three weeks or months or-"

The door opened and James could see the raven haired Slytherin glaring at him through his hair.

"You're an insufferable toad."

James rolled his eyes, "Always the delicate charmer I see."

Snape turned back to his room and James stepped in after him.

"So, what is the problem?"

"There is no problem."

"Obviously there is a problem."

"Don't you ever stop?"

"I think we both know the answer to that question." James said as he flopped down on Severus' bed and the Slytherin sneered.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't contaminate my bed with your idiocy."

"After all the things we've done so far, I think it's a little late to be worrying about contamination."

Severus flushed, James couldn't even have a moment to enjoy the novelty sight since he could also see the rage in the other's eyes. He lifted his hands in surrender.

"Alright alright, I'm sorry. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll stop contaminating your precious sanctuary."

Severus looked away, shaking his head as he folded his arms across his chest and walked off to the side.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Then why-"

"It's because of Lily, alright?!" Severus said quietly staring at the bookcase on the far side of the room. "My Animagus is a doe, because my Patronus is a doe. And my Patronus is a doe because of Lily. She-"

"She has a doe as well." James paused, unsure of what to say.

Severus still didn't look at him, "You can imagine exactly how thrilled I am at having my Animagus form be something so…"

"So what? It only makes sense doesn't it?" James said his voice suddenly too quiet even to his own ears, but he could barely care about that. An unpleasant feeling rose up in his chest, something that felt tight, something that ached ever so softly. "You love her, don't you?"

It was silent for a moment, Severus tensed.

"She was my best friend. My only friend for as long as I can remember before you…" Severus trailed off again.

James swallowed hard, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For what happened at the lake." He wanted to make an excuse. Explain that he hadn't meant for things to go so far, tell Severus how he wasn't even aware of what he was doing until he'd done it. But he knew he couldn't do that.

"There's no excuse for what I did that day, or any other day for that matter. I just don't know what it is about you. It's like you bring out the worst in me-" he cut himself off and took a deep breath. No excuses. "I'm sorry. I really am and you don't have to forgive me or even believe me but it's the truth."

Severus glanced back through his hair before he just shook his head, "It doesn't even matter. Lily and I ended a long time ago. Really I'm the pathetic one for hanging onto her for so long." Snape let out a humourless scoff. "Now I'm cursed with an Animagus that'll forever remind me of her."

James cleared his throat, that feeling in his chest hadn't gotten any better.

"You know, just because you have the same form, doesn't necessarily mean it has anything to do with her. When I got my Patronus, I thought Lily and I were meant to be together because well… you know. But the first time we cast the spell together her doe kicked my stag in the face and huffed at it."

Severus gave a snort and James smiled as he continued, "Besides, you're stubborn, protective, caring… not with me obviously but I've seen what you're like with Regulus and the way you talk about Rosier and what you used to be like with Lily. Why wouldn't you be a doe?"

"I'm not a slimy Slytherin snake anymore?"

James rolled his eyes, "Who's to say a doe can't be cunning and just a little bit evil?"

Severus let out a snort, "Why are you trying so hard to make me feel better?"

"I suppose, I don't like seeing you upset… anymore."

The raven let out a sigh and finally turned to face him. "So, Lily's Patronus attacked yours?"

"Didn't even get the chance to say a proper a hello. Terribly rude."

"Let's see it."

"What?"

"Cast your Patronus."

"Why?"

"Why not? Call it morbid curiosity."

James shrugged and pulled his wand from his pocket, not even bothering to stand from the bed and Severus turned out the lights.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A large stag with twisting horns materialised out of the wisp of light that came from James' wand and stomped a bit as it paced back and forth in the room. James jumped when Severus came over and sat down beside him on the bed as he pulled out his own wand.

"If Prongs gets kicked in the teeth again, I'll be very upset."

Severus scoffed, "Then I apologise in advance."

"You're apologising to me?"

"Take it while you can Potter."

James laughed.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A doe appeared from the wisp of light from Severus' wand and stepped back a few feet.

"Wow." James smiled, "We should give her a name."

"Like the ones you and your idiotic friends have? I don't think so."

"Oh come on why not, we'll call you…" And then James smirked, "Buttercup."

Severus looked up at him with a glare, "It's like you're just begging for a stinging hex."

"Alright, then you come up with something better."

Severus shook his head and James' lips pursed together before he spoke.

"What about Speckles because of the spots-"

"No."

"You have black fur, how about Raven."

"No."

"Oh come on! That one was pretty good."

"I said no."

James gave him a withering glare, "Well then how about sunshine since you're always such a bursting light of positivity."

Severus rolled his eyes only for a smile to start tugging at his lips, "Artemis."

"Artemis?"

"Muggle Greek mythology." Severus explained vaguely and James shrugged.

"Fine, then I'll call you Artie."

Severus looked up at him with a glare, "Call me that in public and I will castrate you."

"I wouldn't do that, that name's just for me." James said with a warm smile and Severus stared back at him for a moment before looking away.

The doe finally seemed to get its bearings and looked up at the stag. The two animals seemed to regard one another for a moment before Snape's doe came closer.

"Oh here it comes." James cringed only to frown. Severus' eyebrows pulled together in a crease on his forehead. The doe didn't charge or even attack in any way. It seemed to carefully edge closer, scenting the air and the stag did the same until they both finally made contact. Circling around one another and sniffing until the stag finally stopped and leaned up to lick the side of the doe's jaw.

James blinked, "What on earth?"

He looked over to Severus who suddenly let out a long-suffering sigh, rubbing his temples in frustration.

"Of course."

"Of course what?"

"Just… shut up." And the Severus' hand went up to grab James by the back of his neck and dragged him in for a kiss. James' eyes widened and it seemed that their concentrations broke as the patroni disappeared and the room was drenched in darkness, with lighting flashing against the walls as the storm carried on outside. That tight feeling in his chest suddenly released.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How is it that you're still better than I am at this?"

"It's one of the many mysteries of the universe I'm sure."

James rolled his eyes then leaned in and gave the raven beside him a kiss on the cheek, "Always so modest."

Severus smiled, "With you it's easy."

Lily was confused.

There was Severus and there was James. Her… ex-best friend and the bloke that's been begging for her attention since the very moment he met her. It was her understanding that the two hated each other. Severus hated James because James was an intolerant twat that bullied him. And James hated Severus because…

Lily didn't really know why James hated Severus. She'd been told by her friends and by most of the students from Gryffindor house that it was because of her relationship with Severus, but Lily didn't want to think about someone being bullied simply for being friends with her. It felt too…

Severus betrayed her. He'd ignore her whenever his housemates were around and at times seemed to be about as intolerant and vile as the rest of them. And then of course there was that day at the lake when Severus called her a…

It still hurt to think about, especially since she understood why he did what he did. He was angry and he was hurt and he was just lashing out, he was trying to save face in a moment of horrible humiliation. But she didn't want to think about it that way. It felt too much like she was validating his actions and in a lot of ways she was still angry. So she wouldn't think about what happened back then, only what was happening right in front of her.

She stood at the counter in the library. Madame Pince was off looking for some books that Lily needed for potions. Without Severus, brewing had become significantly more difficult even though they tended to pair up together for assignments.

Of course, those interactions were always strained, even before. Before Severus was nervous and quiet, Lily made it no secret that she hadn't forgiven him yet and Severus seemed to be trying to give her space. But now, even when they were paired up, Severus seemed to hardly notice her. He'd just give orders on how to prepare the potions and then he'd ignore her for the rest of the period.

It seemed so different. Before Severus wanted her forgiveness, she could tell that he missed her as much as she missed him but now it almost seems as if he doesn't care. Lily couldn't understand it and on some level, it annoyed her.

It was a terrible feeling to have. She wouldn't give him the time of day, but now that he's stopped paying attention, she suddenly wants him to.

Lily sighed, brushing her hair back behind her ear. It seems even worse with James suddenly being so enamoured with Severus. Even more so since she's sure that he's never looked at her that way, not even at the height of his pursuit of her. It was obvious to everyone that he asked for a resort because of the Slytherin. It was obvious that they were in a relationship together. There were even rumours about the two sneaking into each other's dorm rooms in the middle of the night. There were rumours of them being engaged.

Lily couldn't understand it, it didn't make sense. It was like someone was using love potions on the two.

There were other rumours that Snape had slipped James a love potion and to be honest; Lily considered the idea. She remembers how easily Severus explained brewing love potions to her, in third year before they'd even started discussing the potion. He'd be able to brew it. He'd be able to slip it into James' food. It just didn't make sense for her since there was no reason why he'd ever want to do something like that. Severus despised James, using a love potion to make the Gryffindor fall in love with him didn't make sense.

But nothing else made sense either.

Severus leaned up and pressed a kiss against James' cheek earning a smile from the hazel eyed teen.

He never smiled like that for her.

Her hand clenched.

That's a bad thought. It's not a nice feeling to have.

She wouldn't forgive Severus, she rarely ever gave James the time of day but for some reason now that they were together, now that they barely seemed to notice her; it bothered her.

She quickly looked away when Madame Pince came rushing around the corner carrying three thick books in her hands. Lily tugged at her skirt and took a deep breath as the older woman walked over to the counter.

"Right then, I think I may have found just what you're looking for." Pince said with a bright smile, "Now, you can't take these out, they're quite rare after all. I couldn't possibly allow any of the students to remove them from the library, but you can come in and work with them whenever you like." The woman said shuffling through the tomes with one hand before reaching out for a quill and parchment to write with the other. "I'm surprised to see another student take interest in these particular texts, Mr Snape is the only one I can even think of that's asked for them. Though he doesn't seem to need them much these days especially after he and Mr Potter became so… close." And then she looked up glancing over to the table near the back of the library, letting out a soft snort before looking back down at her notes, "Incredible, isn't it? I'm not sure I've ever seen Mr Potter so well behaved before. Not that I'm complaining mind you. We haven't had an incident in weeks and I'm grateful for it. Though it is a bit curious."

Lily glanced over to the two one more time. James laughed just then only to stop when Severus nudged him harshly and he quickly quieted down. Severus smiled with a shake of his head, the lightest blush colouring his cheeks. That unpleasant feeling in her chest grew.

"Yes, very curious."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was so weird. It was so weird. It was so weird!

James and Severus lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling in silence.

It's been three years since they ended up trapped in the room and the night before they finally… well-

"That was…" James trailed off, not really sure what he wanted to say, but also knowing that there were no words he could say that would be able to do their situation justice.

It was weird, not because it was bad. No, it wasn't bad at all.

The problem is that they just had sex and they didn't hate it. Severus expected to feel some level of regret once all was said and done and in a way, he did have a little regret, but it's not for the reasons that he'd thought.

And James…

James was feeling a lot of things.

So many, many things.

Before when they were together, they'd mostly make out. Truth be told, James was happy just having Severus agree to sleeping in his bed with him. But there were occasions when things went further between them. When things went further than just a kiss. For example, the day that the Slytherin suddenly went down on him without warning about a month before. James had nearly had a heart attack that day, Severus caught him completely off guard. Of course the shock only lasted so long. Afterwards, even in the haze of the afterglow he couldn't help but wonder if Severus had ever done that for Rosier.

He voiced his thought and almost immediately ruined the mood, leading to another fight that had the raven haired Slytherin ignoring him for several days. But that was then.

That night Severus transformed for the first time, the Slytherin kissed him and dragged James closer, James allowed himself to be dragged along and positioned at will. As always wary of doing anything that might set the Slytherin off. He was surprised for the fourth time that night when Severus suddenly moved up to crawl on top of his lap.

Now, he isn't sure what to say. He didn't want to ruin it by saying something stupid, the way he always does when things between him and Severus were going well. For once James decided not to say anything. He closed his mouth before he could say anything else, anything that might ruin it all over again.

"Just say it already."

James blinked and looked over to the Slytherin lying beside him.

"What?"

"We both know what an absolutely sentimental twit you can be, you have something to say so just say it."

James glared, "Why do you always have to ruin the mood?"

Severus turned his head on the pillow to look at him, his face was still flushed with heat, long strands of raven hair falling over his cheek. James felt himself blush in response. Severus arched a brow at him and James let out a sigh.

"We've never done that before."

"And?"

"It doesn't feel… strange for you?"

Severus didn't say anything for a moment, James shook his head.

"Have you ever done this with anyone else?"

"Yes." James felt his jaw tighten for a split second before the Slytherin finished, "Have you?"

"Yes… never with a bloke but, yes. Who did you-"

"You know who." Severus said cutting the other off and James had to take in a deep silent breath. Yeah, he knows who it is.

"Are – do you-"

"Potter, if you ask me who was better, I really will kill you."

"That's not what I was going to ask."

"Then what did you want to ask?"

"I just…" another deep breath, "Do you regret it?"

Severus moved to prop his head up on his hand so he was lying on his side, his face expressionless as always. James wanted to roll his eyes.

"Do you?"

"No."

Severus was silent again before he suddenly let out a sigh as he looked off to the wall, "It's… strange. But I strangely don't regret it either."

James turned so he was on his side as well, "Really?"

Severus looked at him, "I haven't kicked you out of my bed yet, have I?"

"No, you haven't."

Severus then fell back and stared up at the ceiling, shutting his eyes as he took in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I said, I'm sorry." The Slytherin said, sounding slightly annoyed. James just frowned.

"What for?"

"I don't really see the point in denying it, at least not anymore. I won't pretend like you were the only one taking part in our feud. I'm sorry for…" Severus shook his head, "Everything. So much wasted effort and for what? It all seems so pointless now."

"Pointless?"

Severus opened his eyes and looked over to the other, "There's no reason why things carried on as long as they did, even for children it was all a bit excessive wasn't it?"

James sighed and fell back so he was staring up at the ceiling as well, "Yeah."

"If we do ever manage to leave this place, I don't see why things have to go back to the way they were."

"What do you mean?"

"We're both adults and all of that house loyalty nonsense seems so stupid now." Severus lifted a hand to cover his eyes, "Merlin, I was so close to… they just made it seem like it all made so much sense at the time and I was so ready."

James frowned, "What're you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Snape-"

"My point is, I don't see any reason as to why we can't be on civil terms with one another. I've wasted enough time as it is, I just want to move on with my life."

"Civil terms? So, we'd be friends?"

Severus let out a snort, "I mean I won't try to hex you every time I see you."

"Of course." James shook his head. Then his lips pursed together in a tight line before he spoke, "And what if, what if I didn't want us to just be friends after all of this."

James didn't look up, but he could feel the other's eyes on him. Severus let out a sigh of frustration.

"Salazar, Potter. I thought you said that you've had sex before."

"I have."

"Sleeping with me doesn't meant that you suddenly need to pledge your everlasting love to me."

James flushed, "That's not what I meant, at least not like that."

"Then what do you mean?"

"I… Merlin, why do you always have to make things so difficult?!"

"The same reason you always need to be such an over emotional-" Severus cut himself off when James suddenly moved over him putting one hand on either side of the Slytherin's head and glaring down hard. The raven blinked.

"What're-"

"Just, for one moment just be quiet. Honestly, you're the only prat who could ever manage to be smart and still this completely stupid."

"What?"

"You." James took in a deep breath and let it out, "I don't know what it is about you, but you bring out the worst in me. I don't know how to control myself when I'm around you. No one's ever made me feel the way you do, not even Lily. And as infuriatingly frustrating as it is, I think I know why."

Severus frowned, "And why's that?"

"I like you." James said quickly, he almost faltered from what he was going to say next since the Slytherin's face seemed so completely expressionless. "I don't know for how long and honestly, I'd rather not think about that. But I like you and I don't want us to just be civil or even friends."

"Potter," Severus started slowly, "We discussed this."

"I know."

"We agreed that this arrangement would be strictly physical. That's why I agreed to it."

"I know."

Severus huffed out a breath, dragging a hand through his hair, "I knew this was a terrible idea."

"It was awful, but I don't regret it. And I can tell you don't regret it either." James said clearly, bright hazel locking onto deep onyx, "Like you said, we're both adults and the way we behaved in school was stupid. If I could do it all over again, I never would have let it get as bad as it did."

"And what? We would have been best friends?" Snape said his tone dripping with sarcasm James rolled his eyes.

"Maybe, provided that you didn't behave like such a snarky prat."

Severus' eyes narrowed down into a glare and James couldn't help but smile, "My point is, when we leave here, even though we're older it'll sort of be like we're starting over. I don't mind seeing where this goes."

"Of course." Severus' head gave a tilt against the pillow, "And how would you explain this to your friends?"

James paused, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Severus took a deep breath, "I'll think about it."

"But-"

"Would you rather I just reject you right now?"

"No, of course not."

"Then give me the time to decide on what I want."

James bit his lip, resisting the urge to sigh in frustration before just nodding his head. "That's fair. I can wait, as long as it takes."

Severus arched a brow at him, "You realise that you might be waiting a long time?"

"You're worth it." James said and Severus rolled his eyes, before suddenly leaning up and pressing a kiss on the Gryffindor's lips startling the other before he fell back and actually smiled.

"Maybe you will be too."

A/N:

This story won't be too long, I feel like I'm nearing the end now. I'll go into what happened with Evan later.

Please review