What's In A Name

"So I've been thinking."

"Uh oh."

"Haha, very funny. But seriously, I think the answer is hyphens."

"Hyphens."

"Yes. Now, I know what you're thinking. Hyphens make things really long and clunky. But we both have single syllable last names, so it won't be that bad. And it solves the biggest problem I've had with this whole thing."

"Mabel, you know I have no idea what you're talking about, don't you?"

"Last names, silly! It's traditional for the girl to take the guy's last name, you know? And I thought I wouldn't have any problem with that. But I think I have a sentimental attachment to my last name. I mean, it's been my last name my whole life, you know? When I thought i might have to give that up...I started feeling sad. So then I thought maybe we could just use MY last name. But then I realized that might be emasculating for you. I wouldn't want to aggravate your inferiority complex."

"What are you even...wait a second here. What inferiority complex?! I don't have an inferiority complex!"

"Oh, of course you don't, honey. What I meant was, I wouldn't want to aggravate your nonexistent inferiority complex. And then the answer came to me. Hyphens! We'll just hyphenate! It's so perfect! And doesn't Mrs. Mabel Pines-Pines just have the nicest ring to it? So, what do you think?"

"I think-"

"Oh, but there are problems with hyphens, too. Like, what if a child of ours married someone else with a hyphenated last name? That could get really confusing." *gasp* "What if our kid married someone else with THE SAME hyphenated last name?! They would be Pines-Pines-Pines-Pines! That would be so awesome!"

"Oh, Dear Lord. I hope that doesn't happen. For soooooo many reasons."

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport. That so totally would be awesome."

"Look, Mabel. Why don't you just keep your last name, and I'll keep mine?"

"What, like one of those celebrity couples that always get divorced in like a year? No WAY am I doing that."

"Mabel, you don't seriously think we'd break up over something like a last name, do you?"

"Well...maybe not. But why take chances? Besides, did you know that marriage is the only time you can change your name legally for free? Any other time you have to pay through the nose for it. In fact...that gives me an idea! Why go with hyphens when we could totally change our last name to something way cooler?! Like Demon Slayer! We could be Dipper and Mabel Demon Slayer! Hold on, that's kind of two words. Would we have to mash them together, like Demonslayer? That doesn't sound as cool. Oh, I know! We could use hyphens! Mabel and Dipper Demon-Slayer!"

"Mabel. The person I fell in love with all those years ago was Mabel Pines. Just like you, I'm really, really attached to Mabel Pines. Why don't you just keep on being Mabel Pines, and I'll keep on being Dipper Pines? Okay?"

"...Okay."

"Good."

"You goob."

*smooch*

"Wait, is that your Pines or my Pines?"