As long as Angela could remember she always hated Nanette Manior. They both grew up together in Tapwater Springs, a little Canadian suburb outside of London, Ontario and despised each other from day one.

"Excuse Moi," the blonde little girl squeaked. "But I'm afraid this zone has been set aside for the construction of a new freeway for my Santa Barbara Suzie's new Convertible."

Angela could only cry helplessly as the bologna-haired brat's butler, Alfredo, whipped out a toy bulldozer and knocked over Angela's sand castle. Apparently, she was so rich that something as menial as kicking over a sandcastle warranted the intervention of a servant.

Through elementary school Nanette was the charming little doll of a daughter that every parent dreamed of having; she was pretty, well dressed, "fluent" in French, showed respect to the point of sycophancy, and knew how to market herself as the prepubescent paragon of poise and refinement. Ephegenia Brinks, a teacher at Tapwater Springs Elementary School was one of the first to eat up her act, showering Nanette with gratuitous commendation at every turn she could. Even Angela's friends and parents were far from immune to Nanette's charms. Every so often she took pleasure in wrapping Johnny Abatti around her finger with the slightest bat of her baby blue eyes, and in a fit of Maternal guilt, Angela's mother Geneva once sewed her an eerily familiar French schoolgirl's outfit complete with a black beret.

Nothing seemed to change as Angela's class made their way through Middle School and now High School. Angela continued to be the only one to see through Nanette's "pretty princess of Tapwater Springs" shtick. Likewise, Nanette continued to lord her standing over Angela and do all in her power to make her life hell.

Adding to the longstanding drama between the two of them was boys. Nanette went through boys like King went through chew toys before her trip to that dog park in the sky. In fifth grade alone, Nanette had "dated" Jimmy Jamal fourteen times, both the Wu twins six times each, Mark once, Derek twice (out of spite to Angela) and bragged about an overseas paramour ("which is French for 'my one and only'") of royal lineage in the Middle East.

By contrast, Angela expressed no real romantic interest in boys, even Johnny Abatti whom everyone shipped with Angela since first grade. High drama was expected back in eighth grade when he began to get serious with Josephine Praline, another girl in class. Instead Angela shrugged it off and wished them the best. A handful of other boys tried to win her heart, but to no avail. When combined with her longstanding tendency to eschew anything that smacked of traditional femininity, rumors of her sexuality began to run rampant. It should come as no surprise that the loudest voice in all of this was Nanette.

Nanette and Angela's class had just finished their first full week of Junior Year, and as usual Nanette walked down the halls flanked by her copy-cat clone club of Karlene Trainor and January Cole. In her rush to get to class Angela absent mindedly dropped her eraser on the ground. It rolled out to the hallway and gently tapped Nanette's shoe. The three of them shrieked as if they had been bitten by a rattlesnake. Karlene leapt into January's arms while Nanette tumbled onto her back.

"Honestly Angela." Said Nanette. "If you wanted to throw your shit around, you should go back to that fetid monkey exhibit you dare call a chat-OH!"

Almost as if reflexively, Angela grabbed Nanette's arm and flung her against the lockers.

"Let go of me you savage little lezbo!" she shouted.

"Listen Bitch! Enough is enough, on account of I've had enough!" she snarled cupping Nanette's mouth. "One more peep and I'll pummel you black…and…"

Angela looked at Nanette's stunned face and choked. She never noticed how deep and blue Nanette's eyes truly were. If she were a boy, she wouldn't blame herself for getting lost in them, especially when their owner batted them at every male member of the school.

"…blue." Angela finished weakly.

Something stirred in her as she felt Nanette's wrist and face. The thought of bruising any part of Nanette's porcelain skin felt criminal. Before Angle knew it, she found herself massaging Nanette's cheek with her fingers. Oh what beautiful skin she had.

"Oh God, what's wrong with me?" Angela thought.

Angela let her tormenter go, but continued to stare at her in a trance. It didn't help matters that puberty had been more than gracious to Nanette. Her uniform struggled to contain Nanette's breasts which sat like twin fruits on a branch, and her ass began to plump up like a delicious soufflé. Angela inhaled sharply, only to have a faint cloud of Nanette's new Eau de Toilette invade her nose like it was the Bastille. The world around her faded, it was only her and Nanette.

"Angela!" came a voice snapping her back to reality.

The hand of Ms. Geraldine Klump, the school's principal, firmly rooted itself onto Angela's shoulder. Life had changed Ms. Klump something awful since that time she substituted Mrs. Brinks' class all those years ago. After the criticism of her time as Substitute Principal, she was given the chance to be a real principal at the town High School where years of shenanigans finally caused her to become the curmudgeon educator she always fought against. She looked at both the girl's sternly.

"Now Angela." She replied. "I know you and Janette over here have had your issues over the years, but I can't have disruptions in the halls. I'm still receiving flack for letting you slide on that flood back in fourth grade. Consider this your only warning."

"Yes ma'am." Said Angela forlornly.

"It's 'Nanette', which is Hebrew for 'Graceful.'" Nanette replied snootily. "And I fail to see why you can't just get the stones to expel this rabid dyke for-".

"YOUNG LADY!" Ms. Klump roared. "I will not entertain such hateful speech in my hallway. You will march to my office this instant and we will see what we can do about adjusting your homophobic conduct. Perhaps some extracurricular time with GLAAD will straighten you out."

As Nanette marched with Ms. Klump, January and Karlene scornfully turned their heads towards Angela:

"I think Nanette's right. You're a dyke."

"I think Nanette's right even more. You're a super dyke."

Angela didn't go to class that morning. She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror and washed her face.

"Big surprise that Slimy Nin called me a lezbo." Angela thought to herself. "If I had every boy drooling after me, I'd act like a little queen too."

(Angela imagines herself dressed like Xena: Warrior Princess. She sits atop a white horse as Tapwater Springs High becomes Ancient Greece.)

Angela: Did someone say Queen?I Angela Xenaconda, Warrior Queen declare this land free of the hateful forces of Ninny-Poo the Hopeless. But what's this I see, it appears that our flirtatious foe has come back, well endowed with a luscious set of hypno-bosoms…

(Enter the hand of "God" pointing at Nanette's chest. It doubles in size.)

Angela: …And it looks as if she's amassed an army.

(Scene pans out to all the boys carrying Nanette on a liter. Nanette reclines, dressed in a white toga that clearly hugs her body and eats grapes).

Angela as Army of boys: 'We live to fight for you O well-endowed one'" They will chant.

Angela as Nanette: Eeek! It's Angela Xenaconda! The prettiest queen of Lesbians come to scissor me.

Angela: Did someone say Scissoring?

(Angela pulls out a comically large pair of scissors and cuts off Nanette's breasts. As the boys cheer for their freedom and walk away, Angela chases Nanette with the scissors and cuts her in half. Nanette's legs continue to run around in a circle while her top half begins to cry)

Angela: Oh Nan-nutsucker. This must put you in such pain. And speaking of pain, you've clearly been naughty today.

(Angela grabs the bottom half of Nanette and bends it over her knee. She spanks Nanette's ass, grinning maniacally on account of its jiggle. After four slaps, Nanette's bottom half disappears and re-attaches to Nanette).

Angela: Huh?

(Nanette stands voluptuously for a moment, her breasts and legs have grown back. She pins Angela to the ground and begins to kiss her passionately).

Nanette as Angela: 'What are you doing, I thought this was my daydream.' You will say in shock.

Nanette: Oh believe me my pet, I will say, this is every dream you've ever had.

(Nanette tears off Angela's outfit and begins to passionately kiss her neck. Angela's surprise turns to delight as Nanette's lips caress her breast. Angela lets out a muffled moan as she weakly wraps her legs around Nanette's beautiful body. Nanette acknowledges Angela's advancement and chuckles breathily, making Angela hug her back tighter.)

Nanette; Angela, Oh Angela-

"Angela, snap out of it." Said Gina.

Angela let out a yelp. Her best friend Gina Lash stood next to her. While she was still the smartest in class and rocked that pink dress like nobody's business, she had begun to grow into a great deal of her weight.

"Oh, hi Gina Lash." Said Angela.

"That was some showdown in the hall, huh." Gina said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, I guess." Angela replied looking in the mirror. "It really hurt you know, how they called me a dyke."

"The term is lesbian." Said Gina. "Deriving from the Greek island Lesbos where Sappho wrote her poetry."

"Yeah, you would know that Gina. On account of you being a genius and all." She replied with her voice growing quieter as she continued. "But… it hurt because…they weren't exactly…wrong."

Gina turned around and stared at Angela for what felt like an eternity.

"And?" she finally said.

"And what?" said Angela.

"You're a lesbian. Why do you expect me to be surprised?"

"How long have you-"

"Since forever." Said Gina. "You like monster trucks and space travel, you were more than vocal about playing Hercules in Nanette's little play, you've expressed no real interest in any boys, and when Johnny started going out with Josephine you barely batted an eye."

Angela looked at the floor. It was obvious wasn't it?

"As far as I'm concerned Angela, whether or not you are a lesbian shouldn't matter. You'll always have me as a friend."

Angela buried her face in Gina's shoulder and began to cry.

"Thanks." She said wiping the tears from her eyes. "You know, you really are kind of pretty."

"Are you trying to tell me something Angela Anaconda?" Gina replied jokingly. "Because if you are it would break poor Gordy's heart."

"No, I'm just saying." Said Angela saving face. "Gordy's very lucky to have someone like you."

"And I him." She said. "I know that him liking me was kind of embarrassing when we were kids."

Angela giggled; where Gordy got points for flair and passion, he lost them for tact. She remembered that one fiasco of a Valentine's Day where Gordy donned a diaper and wings as Cupid with a letter for Gina. That letter got mistakenly sent to Gina's mom Liz and set off a brief series of dates between her and Coach Rhinehart.

"There's that smile." Said Gina giving her friend's nose a reassuring boop. "Now, let's get some pizza at Abatti's. If I got to have cafeteria lunch again, I'd puke."