Title: Matter of Buisness
Genre: Humor
Characters: The Titans and Batman
Summary: When you tell Starfire to count toilet paper, she counts individual paper, but why does she do this?
Notes: This ties into the JustWriteIt project for the month of April which will be slightly AU that I'll start posting sometime in May based around the theme of April Fools.

Everything started because someone complained about the lack of toilet paper at Gotham Academy. While the lack of toilet paper resulted from certain students stealing the toilet paper and covering the school with it, the headmaster made the mistake of saying they – a prestigious academy like Gotham Academy – couldn't afford toilet paper.

Dick of course knew what the headmaster meant. The school could not afford to have toilet paper waisted on frivolous things such as childish pranks. However, the parents took the headmaster's meaning as their funds were being waisted on other things rather than what was needed to be. After all, many of the parents were the socially elite.

In truth, socialite stupidity, for what else other than Dick himself could get Bruce Wayne attempting to suppress a laugh.

Except, the fact the stupid toilet paper issue was being brought up made Dick's OCD kick into full gear. He had to know the statistics, but he had to do the math himself. As such, Dick had Alfred buy packages of toilet paper without Bruce knowing, which he hauled off to Titan Tower as Robin so he could do his calculations.

Of course, Beast Boy saw the packages, and found himself tempted by the material which could be used for some kind of prank on the rest of the Titans. His green fingers reached for the packages. Robin looked up from the papers he was setting out to collect his data on, giving his friend a Bat Glare. "Touch my toilet paper and die."

The green furred hero slunk away, peeking from behind the couch as Robin opened the first package. Raven on the other hand let out a rather creepy, but short chuckle from where she read her book. Robin sat on the floor in front of the couch, holding the first roll of toilet paper. He carefully unlatched the first piece and started counting sheet by sheet.

"What are you doing Robin?"

Robin froze, frowning upon realizing Starfire was asking what he was doing. "I'm counting toilet paper."

"Why?"

"For school purposes." At that, Robin heard a loud thump as Beast Boy fell to the floor, laughing his head off.

"You're doing school work?"

"If I am, so what?"

"School is boring."

"You've never been."

"But you liking school?" Beast Boy stood up, leaning over the couch as Starfire looking at the papers. "Well, maybe gym."

"Uh-huh."

"So, this is how you count toilet paper?"

"Yes." Robin wasn't thinking about what he said, or Starfire leaving after saying she was off to count their toilet paper. He continued counting the pieces off the roll, noting how many each had as well as the size of the paper along with price. Eventually he found himself dealing with Cyborg and Beast Boy playing video games around him.

He finished and stared doing the math, calculating the cost of the day to day use of using toilet paper at his school, including all factors such as how much a person might use in a day. He worked on the calculations for quite a few hours. Putting together his presentation for the school board would only take a few more hours. Gathering the items up, he stood up, only to stop upon seeing Beast Boy looking at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah. I'm done with the toilet paper."

"If you proceed to toilet paper the entire main area, I will not only kill you, but make it quite painful."

Robin chuckled, preparing to leave and zeta-beam back to Gotham. He stopped short, noticing the mess just outside of the supply closet. Starfire hovered above he pile of toilet paper and rolls. His eyes widened. "Um… Starfire?"

"I counted toilet paper." She then blurted out a total number.

Sometimes with Starfire it was best not to ask. Her quirkiness wasn't – if Robin could pinpoint it – an issue of her lacking intelligence, or even her being a complete ditz. She was an alien trying to learn a culture foreign to her own, but also attempting to understand a language she learned simply by kissing him.

Alright, so maybe kissing him of all people wasn't the best idea if one wanted to learn language as he himself had an odd way of looking at language, and not because his first language wasn't English. Actually, he qualified as simultaneous bilingualism, not that he expected anyone to understand that he really did know English from a very young age, and not just Romani.

Of course, he preferred using Romani until he moved in with Bruce and Alfred, being that was what his core family used, and technically he also knew French, Spanish, Italian and Russian equally well, having picked these up from the other circus members. He'd delighted many an adult at the circus by speaking fluently in their own tongue, yet the other kids thought he was a show off for doing what came naturally – that, and for wanting to socialize with everybody and everyone.

It's why he liked Starfire – she was equally sociable, not that the others realized he was that social except for Raven.

Shaking his head, he decided to let Raven deal with Starfire despite the fact she'd likely hurt him when he got back for doing so. He settled in at his desk at home, content with preparing his data for presentation. He knew the level he went into was ridiculous, yet he couldn't stop. He then presented his information to Bruce, who seemed less than impressed.

"Dick… what is this."

"The consumption of toilet paper by the students and staff at Gotham Academy. Doesn't my report say that?"

"I get that, but…" Bruce flipped another page. "What do you hope to achieve with this.

Dick's eyes blinked, his heart sinking. "To prove that the headmaster is right."

"Yes, but…" Bruce frowned. "Isn't this a bit anal."

"Are you trying to make a joke? Because that's a bad one."

"I… no."

"I messed up still, didn't I?"

"Well, I'm not sure how to put this. I see you started off by calculating how much toilet paper is on each roll, how much it would cost, but then how much would be used in a day, thus figuring the day to day cost. Then you calculated what other uses the money could be used for, yet isn't that the point the parents are making? That it's important to spend this money on toilet paper."

"Except the principle shouldn't have to spend the money twice." Dick pointed out his other statistics. "The parents are taking for granted the fact Gotham Academy pretty much has unlimited resources, so to speak, yet other schools don't. What the principle meant was the students who pulled the prank didn't realize the cost of replacing the paper would be."

"I get that, but I'm not sure how well your argument is going to go over."

"Can I still have permission to try?"

"Dick, you don't need my permission to try this. I'm just worried they won't get it. Your mind, it's not just beyond that of a normal child. It's beyond that of some adults as well. No matter how this turns out, don't blame yourself for them not getting it."

"But that's the point. For me to convince them."

"Yes, but…" Bruce sighed. "Never mind."

Turns out adult socialites hated academics as much as their offspring, so to end his long presentation early, he was asked the meaning behind the statistics. Of course, they at first found his small stature amusing, but expected something less in the first place.

"The headmaster said the school can't afford toilet paper, yet we could pay for anything the students need."

"Isn't that though the problem? The school is attempting to run on the budget given by the school's advisory board rather than coming and asking the parents of students for more money than what was initially allotted. By sticking to said budget, the school administration is responsible and accountable, something they are trying to pass on to our students. In addition to this…"

"There's an addition…"

"Compare Gotham Academy to the public schools in Gotham where choices have to be made regarding how funds are allocated much more strictly. There are schools in Gotham with missing doors to the bathroom stalls that they can't afford to replace. Some schools are understaffed, or the teaching staff is under qualified. Can we say the same about this school?"

"Yes, but the headmaster refused to spend money on toilet paper."

"Did he? The word afford doesn't refer to money. It also refers to things like time, but also supply and demand. The school can't afford for students to come in and use the school resources for toilet papering the entire school, because not only does it cost money to replace, it takes time out of one or more of the staffs already busy schedules to get the supply, but is the school guaranteed to have a supplier ready to deliver outside of the normal delivery schedule? They are not, thus the school can't afford students pulling stunts like this."

Dick took a deep breath. "Instead of examining the headmaster's behavior, it's the behavior of the students that needs to be examined. Unfortunately, nobody knows who pulled the stunt, so yet again there's another manner in which the school resources are being wasted, as finding who did it also takes time and effort. We're here for academic learning, yes. Some are here for the chance to show off their athletic skills. Other's sills the academy teachers are leadership, and other skills we'll need in our adult lives."

The headmaster came up, clearing his voice, seeming a bit unenthusiastic. "Alright Grayson. Why don't you take a seat now?"

Dick sat down in front thinking he went overboard. One of the parents spoke, rolling their eyes. "Please tell me that wasn't one of the charity scholarship cases?"

He felt his blood run cold. He heard someone clear their voice from the back of the room. "Dick's actually mine."

"Ah, Mr. Wayne."

Problem was, being the ward of Bruce Wayne still made him a charity case in some people's eyes. "He's attempting to make you a business pitch, but is looking at the school as a business we've invested ourselves in. In this case, the commodity the business is outputting is the students, but he's arguing that how the school spends the money does eventually affect said output."

Somehow, he'd managed to "sell" his point, yet he couldn't help but feel like he hated business after that.