The crisp morning air filtered through his nostrils, making him forget the summer that was supposed to have lasted longer than it obviously had. It'd been cold for days, and it'd been cold despite the month only being mid June. He'd hoped to see the return of the heat, but the chill, he surmised, most likely had to do with the stench of death permeating from near everything lately. It didn't just permeate from the boy in front of him though—he reeked of it. Absolutely from head-to-toe reeked of blood and guts.

Jiraiya looked at Uchiha Itachi and felt a pinch in his gut at what he saw.

Dead eyes. Tired eyes. Eyes that had no doubt cried recently and yet here he was, in this situation Jiraiya assumed neither of them wanted to be in.

As it was, he was usually full of questions. Questions about the world, questions about life and death, about whether or not he was going to just become a giant toad one day. Things like why people were around to begin with? Why did things happen the way they did? What was the purpose to death if not for it to be an ending, and yet how could there be a cycle that followed there after? What happened when your story finished and you were at the end of the last page?

He had questions, lots of them, but only one for the boy in front of him.

"So why'd you do it?"

Waves of nerves echoed through her as she and her charge made their way to the Uchiha compound, and they continued to do so even as Shisui told her over and over again that she was probably going to be fine coming with him. He'd said that, but she was thinking it'd be better if she dropped him off and wiped her hands of the Uchiha in general. Forget they even existed and generally just live her days out alone under the sea where Byakuren no Niwa thrived apparently.

She'd forget this world ever existed and just live peacefully with the koi or something.

"Are you sure you want me there?" she asked, and nervously rubbed her fingers together as Shisui looked over at her with a frown.

"You have to be there to explain to them how you saved me," he said. She cringed. When thinking about the other Uchiha's—the ones that survived thanks to her—she had to also admit to herself the lack of trust they had with her, and that was most likely a product of her mishandling of them. She shouldn't have treated them the way she had in acquiring them, but that's just the thing—she had to.

In her plannings during the period for which she'd first started her asylum, she'd realized a few things about her that had helped when it came to certain things, but quickly realized that telling an Uchiha that they were in grave danger wasn't a smart thing to do. She supposed she really didn't have the brains to back up her claim if she thought the smart thing was to kidnap the children she could and Tsuneo's family.

Her chest hurt as she thought about the ones she couldn't have saved. And the one she'd dreaded letting die.

If only he hadn't been her teacher, if only she could've kept her heart separate and didn't care so much. Unconsciously she pressed her fingers to her chest and tried to isolate that ache, to ease it out. As if she could wrinkle it out and start afresh, but she couldn't.

Even if she hadn't killed them herself, she had blood on her hands.

It didn't matter if she didn't have it in her to save all of the Uchiha clan. It didn't matter, because even if she was effected by this situation more than she'd let on to anybody, it was nothing compared to the uncompromising grief of the thirteen—now fourteen—that were still breathing. It didn't matter because her hurt meant nothing if she couldn't use it positively. So she bottled up and when Shisui was waiting for an answer simply smiled before thinking of what to say.

"They don't trust me," she said at first and then sighed. She was glad they weren't roof top jumping, giving him a bit of time to come to term with things, and her the time to wrap her head around everything. "They think I had a hand in the murders because I knew about it before it happened."

She stopped walking, and so did he. Her mouth opened wide and she gaped like one of her koi's being struck by something crazy. She hadn't just said that out loud. She didn't, there was no way. Not after living a lie for nearly fourteen years of her life. She couldn't have been that stupid, but yes—she had. She looked at his face and he was stiff, his eyes shifting from their dark onyx color to the wheels of his mangekyo, right before she felt her body seize.

The feeling was similar to the incident she'd been involved in three years ago—like she couldn't breath, but there was still air coming in; like she was on the precipice between a dream and something horrifying. She didn't have any chakra coils, but apparently that didn't matter when it came to the hax'd sharingan.

"What did you mean?" he asked, and his tone became like velvet as he grabbed her hand and pulled her into an alleyway, all the while keeping his eyes on hers.

She had no safety with these questions, she realized. No magic seal keeping those words inside her mouth as she practically vomited in a toneless voice, "I've been dreaming for years about people dying. People I love dying, and I had decided to leave everything alone because in the end it would be a good end. Before I met Itachi, before I met Tsuneo, before Yuu-sensei. I knew about the Uchiha Massacre because I"d seen it in a dream, but I couldn't stop it. It was try to save the few I could or let—" she choked up and though she was still under his gaze, tears managed to pore down her cheeks because she was weak.

"Let what?"

She fought answering at first, but not because didn't want to answer, but because the truth hurt, and she so very tired of hurting. But she was nothing in the face of his command.

"Or let everyone there fall under the hands of their brethren. How could I stand by and watch as children died to someone they trusted? To watch as needless bodies filled our graveyards too early? My own team-mate, someone I'd never get back, to let him just die with his family. Like I'll never get Yuu-sensei back because Itachi and that damn masked Obito took it upon themselves to do a bit of clean up?" Her voice was so quiet despite her impassioned words, but she wasn't brave enough to hear them louder than that. She needed them to be quiet, for them to be said on a breathless note. So she could pretend she'd never said them at all.

Her shoulders slumped the moment his eyes went back to onyx and she rubbed at her eyes, her stomach sick with the subject matter. She hated this world now. Hated, hated it. A world in which children were soldiers played against those they loved wasn't a world she could adore any longer. Now that it was too real for her heart, not when she knew that those she saved might not live very long if it were up to some parties.

Maybe she'd gifted them worse fates, or maybe she did something to alter the course of everything preconceived but that wasn't a new thought for her. Finally, after a brief moment that passed with their silence, she sighed.

"So you can see the future?" he asked, and she had to give him a pitying laugh for that.

"Just one."

It was as expected when they walked up to the gate for one of the adults she'd rescued to be there, guarding it along with paid enforcers while the Uchiha were under a state of emergency. She didn't expect a very welcome reception, but neither had she thought she'd garnered the kunai that was flung straight at her forehead, one she'd actually troubles avoiding when it'd been thrown so very, very fast.

She sighed—she'd been doing that a lot.

"Hey!" Shisui called, and she gave him a pointed look that said, 'see what your clansmen think of me? Kill on sight!'

She grumbled. And he'd said not to worry.

The adult she recognized was named Taishi had his face contorted in complete surprise when Shisui pulled her behind him and she'd pretended like she was okay with it. Really she wanted to just get the hell away and run as far as she could and as fast—which she was actually very adept at.

"Shi-Shisui-san?" Taishi called, and Shisui nodded.

"The one and only," the Body-Flicker ninja muttered and sent him a two fingered salute, and announced, "I'm back from the dead and I'd like to know what's going on here."

Taishi shook his head slightly, "Damn, I thought that bastard killed you, too," the man winced and his face morphed into one of pain. She was surprised to see it on his face, mostly because she'd become so used to the Uchiha who refused to allow those sorts of emotion filter through, but it was a testament to how much sorrow he was experiencing that he'd have that expression on even if she was around to see it, a girl they thought was their enemy.

It was Shisui's turn to shake his head, "Itachi didn't kill me, but I'd still like to know exactly what happened."

The other guards were giving Shisui and her questioning glances, and she wondered if maybe in this situation they should have reported to the Hokage's office before heading straight for the compound, but she hadn't wanted to visit Hiruzen and hate him on sight for his utter stupidity. As it was, she really didn't know how she felt. Still, she doubted Shisui was feeling very cozy with those of Konoha anyway, seeing as he'd been in that conflict with Danzo and it had been him who'd spurred Itachi's decision. Or something.

She really wasn't sure went on in the minds of others. She doubted she could ever kill her family for the betterment of the village, not when that meant giving up her dearest brother.

Taishi pulled the gate open and waved Shisui in, but looked at Suiren with obvious contempt. "Keep that bitch away from here, she's a double agent or something."

She was surprised when Shisui's response was to laugh in Taishi's face and say, "I wouldn't take out your frustrations on Suiren-san, she's the only reason either of us are even alive right now." He tugged at her hand and made it obvious to anyone else watching that apparently he would protect her.

A jolt of pain shot through her chest at that. She just couldn't get over her guilt for the others that she didn't save. Because Suiren wasn't a hero, she was just a girl from another world that may or may not be destined to produce a calamity.

Taishi growled, his eyes swirling for a moment, and she blinked when she saw the mangekyo staring out at her.

No fucking way, she thought. But oh yes, there were more Uchiha that had a hax kekkei genkai, and it occurred to her that that was another product of her dealings.

"Fine," he grunted out after a stare down between Shisui and him, one that she hadn't paid any attention to besides to have her mind blown! Who else had their mangekyo!? "She can explain herself in great detail about everything she did with that bastard in the main house. But she's yours to keep in check, got it?"

Shisui nodded, "Fine by me."

The three of them walked inside then and she shivered as they went, despite her being covered head-to-toe in a yukata that covered all of the oddities she'd received as a consequence of her being a sage. It was meant for the summer, but it had been cold lately despite it being June, and so she blamed her chills on the weather rather than on the simple knowing that this place had once been filled with people.

Now it was empty and no sounds could be heard aside from the wind-chimes and the the crunch of gravel under her dragging feet. She almost didn't want to go in, and it was obvious in how it was only her feet making any sounds that she was the only one. Shisui beside her was tensed, his eyes darting around and soaking in everything.

There was a well of grief there right inside of him, she was sure, but did she see anything? No.

They walked to the main house and as they did she saw her friend and team-mate Tsuneo pop his head in from out of no where. She blinked owlishly, not knowing what to do in this situation.

He came in quickly, fire in his eyes as his eyes met hers and he strutted over to them, their group stopping to see what he'd do. He didn't even acknowledge the two others, only having eyes for her, and she was sure she was about to be attacked right until the point that he stopped and glared, simply glared at her with his whole being.

After a tense moment he growled something unintelligible. If she was certain she wouldn't have to fight for her life, she'd have made a joke about him suddenly acting like an Inuzuka, but that was probably super insensitive and he'd most likely sooner slit her throat than laugh about it. She gulped, hating this. It wasn't like she'd really kept up a relationship with him while she was gone, she'd come back so often to visit Naruto and her father, and every so often to be with Tsuneo and Minoru and Yuu-sensei. But they'd had to replace her, so she wasn't really apart of their old team, was she?

His face contorted with what she assumed was rage before he stepped closer to her, and Shisui tensed for a moment before Tsuneo launched something at her and she caught the sheen of a kunai right before Shisui could do anything and she could side step it enough.

The moment was so charged and dramatic though that she couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she was bleeding, that her cheek had this intense pain, but she was still chortling and she wasn't even aware what the others were doing before she felt someone tug on her hand to lead her somewhere. She blinked through her tears, rubbing at her eyes and trying to keep another whoop of laughter inside.

God, she was being so rude! She knew that! Yet she couldn't help it. The fact that her team-mate had simply thrown a kunai at her when she knew he could have done a number of nastier things and hadn't even thrown it very well, was hilarious to her. So what that she was bleeding? So what that she probably sounded crazy, and also really fucking inconsiderate.

She opened her eyes to see Shisui's back, and nearly bumped into him as he opened the main house. They all stepped in, saying nothing, and even her peals of laughter had stopped.

Suiren was led through the halls, and the sadness was instantly back, remembering her guilt and then regretting her reaction. She pressed her hand to her cheek and pulled it away to see the blood thick there. The cut didn't hurt nearly as much as everything else did.

People used to walk here, just like her and then they were gone. Murdered by their own family, and she couldn't imagine how any of it was right.

Her hands clenched, if she ever got her hands on Danzo she'd personally have to slit his throat.

But she couldn't do that either, knowing the kill belonged to Sasuke, or heck, any of the other survivors. She paused in thought, her feet still shuffling after the group, her hand still in Shisui's. Danzo's own arm had been filled with the sharingan of the deceased. She blinked.

The bodies.

"The bodies," she murmured, and the group paused to look at her, Taishi and Tsuneo's eyes drawn in intense hate. Shisui was the only one who looked curious by what she said. She stammered, but she had to continue to be sure. "W-what did you do with the bodies?"

Taishi glared, "Why do you ask?"

She bit her lip, looking at Shisui for a moment. Should she tell them all? She'd always kept everything a tight secret, close to her heart. It wasn't until Shisui that she unvieled something so close, but it hadn't been willingly. A part of her was angry at that, that just earlier she had been taken hostage in her own body against her will and made to tell truths that could've done something terrible if Shisui had asked for anymore. But just like last time, because she was sure he'd been the one who'd sharingan'd her at T&I, he'd asked the relevant question and hadn't delved deep enough for real answers.

Why he did that, she didn't know, but maybe he hadn't know he could've asked for more. That he could have asked her to bare her soul to him, but in the end all she'd managed was to tell him a version of the truth through her forced words.

She'd told him she'd received these visions through dreams—and a part of that was true. That world really was like a dream, something she disassociated herself with entirely. Things that once been memories were like hazy wisps of things she was beginning to forget and forget. But it was all there, hidden by whatever age did to those sights inside her head. And sometimes she did end up seeing it while asleep, so she hadn't lied. Not really. She just hadn't given him the full truth.

She clenched her teeth.

Shisui knew, and she supposed she would've told the rest the same thing she'd told him anyways, but now this time it'd have to be of her own volition.

Even if they were in the hallways still, and not even a meeting room, she felt this was good as time as any.

Opening her mouth she said, "I know things. I've always had a way of knowing certain things. Mostly it's come to me in dreams, but the massacre of your clan has always been one that has haunted me."

Shisui nodded, crossing his arms while the other guys looked at her funny. Tsuneo looked at her like she was crazy, and she supposed so did Taishi.

Those two weren't going to believe her unless they knew she wasn't lying about it.

In a flash, she threw her hands up in exasperation, "Shisui, just do your thing, you can ask me whatever you want." Just nothing about reincarnation, fish, or seals. And other things like the fate of the world. Then again that wouldn't matter seeing as the fate of the world was now a big fat undecided question mark.

She squeaked when his eyes wheeled and her heart stopped, yet continued beating. She was breathless again.

"How long have you known about the massacre?" His voice was velvet again, and she had to comply.

"Since birth." Her voice was without inflection.

"How?"

Reading it in—"Stories. Dreams. Dreaming." Though she wasn't reacting outwardly, inwardly she was reeling from the almost slip up. She cringed, hoping they hadn't noticed.

"And you saw what in your visions exactly?"

"Masked man. Itachi and him killing everyone because of the upcoming coup. Itachi couldn't stop it, couldn't bring the village and the clan together. Had to make a choice. The leaf or his own family. He loves too much. Danzo gave him the mission. The bodies, the eyes. Danzo later uses the eyes to implant all over his arm. His eye. He stole your eye during your fight with him. You gave up, gave your other eye to—" She blinked. She didn't even really know all what she just said, but she'd been stopped by the one holding her gaze.

"Enough." Shisui dropped his gaze like last time, but this time he looked more calculating, and then blew out a charged breath. Probably thinking about Danzo, but in the moment she didn't really care about much of anything with the exhaustion she was starting to feel. It was bone deep, and so tiring she had to lean a bit on the wall beside to keep up.

There was a long silence that reigned before Tsuneo piped up, "Is that why you did what you did?"

"Yes. I had to save you." For what felt like the thousandths time that day, tears slipped down her cheeks when she thought about what not being able to save Yuu-sensei was like. What not being able to save everyone was like. Guilt. Too much of it for one person. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you never tell anyone before?" Tsuneo ground out, his voice harsh. She flinched. "You could have told me. Or Yuu-sensei! Or fucking anyone! All of this would have never happened!"

That was when she had enough.

"No I couldn't!" she shouted back, and the two swapped heated glares. She was so docile in nature that she usually would've just taken the loss and taken whatever was dished at her, but this time was different. She didn't want to feel like the world was on her shoulders just because she knew about a future. Just because she had to be the way she was. She was tired of having that be pushed onto her. And even if she would feel guilty til the day she died a second time, she had no intentions of being punished for it.

"Yes you could have!" he shouted back.

"No I couldn't because no one would have believed me! And besides, you guys were planning your coup! You were going to kill the rest of us anyways! Itachi was looking at it from the perspective on what kind of loss of life would follow after! He didn't want anyone to die! Let alone to have to kill his own parents! His own cousins! The girl he liked! I understand it better than you guys think! It was ordered under the pretense that you were planning to incite a war and kill us all. And you know what that would have meant? You guys are monsters, you could have the whole lot us on our asses with your bloodline, heck, maybe in the future you do because I decided to risk my brother's happiness for you! Because I love you all so much!"

Fire coursed through her blood, and she growled, an animalistic sound that raised the hairs on her own skin, but she didn't stop. There was too much be to said.

"And isn't that what your whole stupid fucking curse is? Love!? That you all love too much that it becomes like hate? Well you should know your curse has the potential to do a lot more damage than you lot fucking think! And you know what, Tsuneo? I tried my best! It's not like I could've hit Hiruzen upside the head and made him see the fucking light of day! He's an old, stupid man who doesn't know how to see the corruption right in front of his very eyes! And I'm sorry! I'm sorry because the Uchiha clan has always had the humiliating position in Konoha because of damn Tobirama after Hashirama died! I know how segregated you all felt! I understand all those things!"

"Then why didn't you tell anyone!?"

"Because there was already a happy ending! Because my brother was happy! Because even Sasuke would have been happy! B-because I'd only ever planned to change one thing when I realized what the truth of what I was seeing was! My father's going to die, Tsuneo! At the hand of his own fucking student! And not just him! So many people are going to die! But it's worth it right? As long as the ones I love are happy? As long as in the end the world rights itself the moment my brother saves the world!?" She was sobbing then, fat tears dripping down her face and then she slumped, loosing the strength in her legs.

Lowly, she muttered, "He would have been so happy in that future. But what if I've changed it to where that's not possible anymore? What if he dies and we're all just lost because he's the only one we can really count on? What if because of me he doesn't become that hero? What if? What if, huh? Ha! Hahaahh! Hah!" Her laughter tapered off before she settled enough to palm her face and sobbed, "Face it, Tsuneo. Just face it. It's no use asking what if. The only response you're ever gonna get back is something you don't want to hear."

Suiren didn't react at first when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see her friend, tears in his own eyes as he leaned down and wrapped his arms around her. She stopped breathing. Stopped thinking as she received the first hug she'd ever gotten from her friend. Before everything that had had changed everything for good had occurred, he'd been quiet just like her. Yet sometimes he'd have the bright idea to do something fun, and she'd followed after him with Minoru. And Suiren . . . well, she missed that so much she could die.

That camaraderie she had with them, and she understood Naruto's desire to bring his friend back, because in his shoes she would have done the same.

Her insides warmed and soon she pulled her arms out and hugged him back, and as payback for all the heart-ache she'd experienced as a side effect of being such a staunch supporter of the Uchiha, she rubbed her snot and tears all over the front of his shirt.

"I'm sorry, too, Ren." She shook her head of the apology and looked up, smiling for the first time in days. She loved her nickname falling from her friends mouth, knowing that they were on their way to bridging something she'd thought was undoubtedly broken.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Tsuna," she replied, using his.

It was his turn to shake his head, and sheepishly, he added, "It's gonna leave a scar." He brought his hand up to her cheek as a reminder and she shrugged. She'd already forgotten it, despite the blood she realized would be caked on her hands. Probably all over her yukata.

But, really, "So what?"

He frowned, pulling back from her. "I thought girls cared about their faces, and you're such a girl I thought it'd be the worst thing I could do to you."

A laugh erupted from her, "Is that why your aim sucked? I thought you were trying to kill me, but hadn't been practicing or something so you missed. Didn't know you wanted to mark up my face."

He was still looking at her weird, but he sounded sincere as he said, "Nah, I couldn't kill you, Ren. I thought about it when I thought you'd been working with Itachi, but I couldn't do it."

Whether he knew it or not, that was just how friends were supposed to feel. Nakama til the end and all that.

"Okay, love birds, we have more to discuss than whether Suiren-san will scar from your love-cut," someone said and the both of them looked up to see Taishi and Shisui still hanging back and watching them. To be honest, she'd forgotten they'd even been there.

Tsuneo helped her up, and she smiled even though it was starting to hurt, and she had to stop so she could be serious again. But it was so hard to do when she was feeling so light! Maybe she was bi-polar, she thought, because how could one have from one go from lowest to the low, to a straight high.

"We aren't love birds," Tsuneo immediately grumbled, and she had to laugh. He sounded so serious. She elbowed him, like she used to do and felt a return to a bit of normalcy and looked at Shisui and Taishi with a renewed sense of determination. She'd tell them some of what she knew, but only what they needed to. She wasn't about to give them all her secrets, but this time it'd be of her own voice.

Unedited and Posted (12/1/17)