A/N: Originally posted on ao3 under the pen name youngjusticewriter.

Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another - Lemony Snicket.

As he put down his spoon there was a lull in the general conversation: Mr. Weasley was leaning back in his chair, looking replete and relaxed; Tonks was yawning widely, her nose now back to normal; and Ginny who had lured Crookshanks out from under the dresser, was sitting cross-legged on the floor, rolling Butterbeer corks for him to chase. "Nearly time for bed, I think," s

As he put down his spoon there was a lull in the general conversation: Mr. Weasley was leaning back in his chair, looking replete and relaxed; Tonks was yawning widely, her nose now back to normal; and Ginny who had lured Crookshanks out from under the dresser, was sitting cross-legged on the floor, rolling Butterbeer corks for him to chase.

"Nearly time for bed, I think," said Mrs. Weasley with a yawn.

"Not just yet, Molly" said Sirius, pushing away his empty plate from him before he turned to look at his godson.

"You know, I'm surprised at you. I thought the first thing you'd do when you got here would be to start asking questions about Voldemort."

The atmosphere in the room changed with the rapidity Harry associated with the arrival of Dementors. Where seconds before it had been sleepily and relaxed, it was now alert and tense. A frisson had gone around the table at the mention of Voldemort's name. Lupin, who had been about to take a sip of wine, lowered his goblet slowly, looking wary.

"I did!" Harry cried out indignantly. "I asked Ron and Hermione but they said we're not allowed in the Order, so -"

"And they're quite right," Mrs. Weasley snapped. "You're too young." She was sitting bolt upright in her chair, her fists clenched on its arms, any and every trace of drowsiness gone.

Harry felt the anger from this summer start to crash over him. He knew Mrs. Weasley was trying to protect him but there was no protecting him. Hogwarts was considered safe and how many times had he almost died. How many times had the adults been well Mister Poes, Harry realized suddenly.

"Since when did someone have to be in the Order of the Phoenix to ask questions?" asked Sirius. "Harry's been trapped in that Muggle house for a month. He's got the right to know what's been happen—"

"Hang on!" interrupted George loudly.

"How come Harry gets his questions answered?" said Fred angrily.

"We've been trying to get stuff out of you for a month and you haven't told us a single stinking thing!" said George.

"You're too young, you're not in the Order'," said Fred in a high-pitched voice that sounded uncannily like his mother's. "Harry's not even of age!"

Both Sirius and him answered at the same time.

"Since when has Dumbledore and Voldemort cared about my age?" Harry snarled out.

"It's not my fault you haven't been told what the Order's doing that's your parents' decisio-" Sirius had been explaining calmly to the Weasley twins before he processed Harry's statement. "Why haven't Dumbledore cared about your age?" Sirius asked wearily.

Instead of answering, Harry took a deep breath and said something he'd been wanting since he'd been left at the Dursleys without any contact besides stay safe and behave:

"Have you ever heard of the book series A Series of Unfortunate Events?" He asked the group in room. He waited for a minute that was filled with silence of confusion before he went on.

"It's a story about three orphan siblings whose parents had been killed - though quite possibly been murdered by the first relative they're sent to that to live with by their quite frankly idiotic banker Mister Poe. Anyway, the Baudelaire orphans try to tell Mister Poe and Justice Strauss," Harry gave Mrs. Weasley a pointed look, "that Count Olaf is no good. No one listens because no one cares or they're utter morons despite their good intentions."

This time Harry gave everyone in the room a glare. "So the Baudelaire siblings have to save themselves. Each Baudelaire child has a talent rather it being a child inventor, a studious reader, or having really sharp teeth. They barely manage to stop Violet being married off to Count Olaf so he can have access to their family's fortune, Sunny being dropped to her death, and convincing the adults that their guardian was evil."

Harry paused, giving time for the quick summary of the first book to sink in, before he continued. "Enter the second book. The Baudelaire orphans are sent to live with their relative Montgomery Montgomery, more commonly referred to as Uncle Monty, who will be the only worth while relative the Baudelaire get. Unfortunately for the orphans Count Olaf comes back into their lives like the bad penny he is. He murders Uncle Monty and to be honest the only person who fits this character in my life is you Sirius so I'm a bit worried about your life since I can personally relate to them. Anyway, no one once again listens to the poor Baudelaire children but they manage to real Count Olaf's true identity and his plot to steal their fortune."

Harry paused and took a sip of water before he continued. "There are several books in the series but I'm going to quickly summarize it up. Basically, everyone around the Baudelaire orphans do more harm than help to them. The Baudelaire keep having to save themselves despite being children because Count Olaf sure as bloody hell didn't care for the age nor did the universe apparently. Let me explain why I'm telling this to you since you all lack common sense. I'm the Baudelaire orphans and my talent is being good at Defense Against the Dark Arts, Voldemort is basically Count Olaf though I don't know what he's after which made him try to murder me as a child, you all (with the exception of Sirius who represents Uncle Monty and Mrs. Weasley who represents Justice Strauss) are Mister Poe which is to say you have good intentions but your stupidity and blind faith in the will, which is to say Dumbledore, is causing me more harm than help. It doesn't matter if you don't tell me what's Voldemort is doing because there's this trend that at the end of the school I always find out and get stuck handling then I get awarded for this behavior by Dumbledore. If you don't believe me you can go ask Hermione and Ron who also get dragged into it as well. Dumbledore and Voldemort don't care about my age. I hate - actually I don't - to shatter your rose-tinted glasses but I rather you just tell me instead of me finding out right before it's too late and I have to go save the day before Dumbledore is mysterious absent when needed."

Everyone looked shocked. Harry, who had to endure the Dursleys and knowing that Voldemort was out there without so much of a word (besides be a good little boy and don't cause trouble), couldn't feel an ounce of regret. Honestly it was quite therapeutic and well deserved. There was only so much Harry could take despite what everyone else thought.