Chapter 33 I Find Myself in My House

I am very weak. I can feel it. I raise my hand. The thinness of the skin, the lack of fat under it, the darkly raised veins and skin spots on it all speak to my age. Izark and I have lived together, husband and wife, long enough for me to grow old and get to today.

I reach for Izark, sadly. He leans down and kisses my palm and I run my fingers along his cheek and into his long black hair. His eyes fight to not cry. He hasn't aged a day since I opened the world of light for him. He became fully 'demon', fully angel, in that moment, completely connected to the world of light and its constant life. I never changed from the simple human, other than to become a fully grown woman instead of a high school senior.

I'm even more sad because we were never able to have children. I'm not able to leave him with even one for companionship when I'm gone. All of our friends passed away before us. The world, the universe, has been kind to let me last this long for him, even though the last ten years have been very hard as my capacity to move more than a hobble around the house has kept us from traveling together.

He always comes back as soon as his task is done. He could feel it...that I was beginning to slip from this world...and hasn't left my side for the last month. It's bittersweet. I want to be young again for him. To love him with the vigor of youth one last time so he has something to remember me by and make him smile. I can feel his heart breaking, since he's been home. He can't hide it - it's part of the connection we share in the world of light itself.

"I love you, Izark," I whisper. It's all the voice I have.

"I love you, Noriko." I let the sounds linger in my ears as I let my strength leave me. It's the last thing I want to hear. His sapphire eyes the last thing I see, his gift to me since he knows I love them.

I finally let myself think the only thing I've not let myself since we were young. I wish I could have seen my family one more time. And I slip out, into the world of light. It's as full of peace and the presence of everyone in the universes, the same as the other times I've been here.

I'm spinning slightly. Feeling cocooned, warm, as if arms are wrapped around me, and wings. I -we- are moving through the universes, slipping past the boundaries, my last thoughts drawing me towards one particular one.

My heart constricts as I think of my mother, wishing I could see her as I saw her when I left, have her hug me one more time. Wishing I could see my father and hear his laugh, see his eyes light up as he talks about his latest chapter of his latest science fiction book. Wishing I could argue with my brother one more time, then go out and toss the ball again. Wishing I could sit next to my Grandpa, a book in hand, keeping him silent company as he tends to his garden. ...I've already lived longer than my older brother.

I slip into a peaceful darkness, like sleep, with a sigh, still feeling warmth around me. I don't know what death is really like. I just know what others have experienced from watching them. The souls from the Morning Mist woods, still there in the woods, trying to regain salvation so they can move on - it's been slow, but most have by now. The feeling of life when I'm in the world of light. The fact that I've seen everyone pass into the world of light briefly, then disappear. That's all I really know about it.

And...that Izark won't have to experience it for himself - a thing blind humans seem to always grasp for, but that immortals understand. Immortality in a mortal world sucks. I'm sad I've had to leave Izark in such a situation, but I'm not God. I have to live my simple life, and then it is over. I wonder where my family and friends are, that are supposed to be greeting me?

-o-o-o-

A breath. Another one. My breath. Why am I breathing? I open my eyes and look into the most gorgeous male face I've ever seen. I know behind the closed eyes are green-brown eyes, that sometimes turn blue - a breathtaking blue I can't get enough of. The long black bangs are sticking out over his ever-present bandanna, and his long hair is draped over his neck and shoulder the fetching way I can't stop looking at - or wanting to touch. Why?

I lift my hand to touch him and it's heavy, clothed in flesh. I freeze, staring at it. Young flesh. I turn the hand over, back and forth, staring at it. I feel like I'm back at the beginning. Seeing things that my mind can't reconcile. I take a deep breath. The only way to combat that feeling is to keep moving forward.

Is Izark alive? I touch his cheek. He's warm. I touch his neck. He has a heartbeat. I relax in relief, then rapidly feel for my own. I have a heartbeat. Why?

Our connection, so constant for so many years, is very faint, mostly just the initial early connection of knowing he is here and where. The constant deep emotional bond is gone. Carefully, I slip out from his light hold on me, sitting up to look around.

It's my old bedroom. I stare around in shock. It's been left the way I had it, but cleaner. I can see my mother's hand, her touch on the room. The desk next to my bed is clean, except for...the notebooks we sent back that had my story in it. That was a very long time ago. I couldn't go back after the last letter to David. How far it was to the Sea of Trees, how old I was getting...

It just made me too sad to recognize the passage of time that way. All children grow up and leave their parents to live with a spouse. Some even go to the other side of the world and never get to see their parents again, only getting to call on the phone.

Only, I never got to call, except to send those notebooks, and watch them from far away. I went universes away. That's why I wanted to come back even once. My heart clenches again, and I instinctively put my hand on Izark, my one source of constant warmth and comfort since then.

Next to the notebooks is a bound print book. I slip off the bed and pick it up. It's my story. Dad had it published and titled the way I asked. From Far Away. Good ol' Dad. I smile and flip through the pages, but put it down soon. I lived it once already.

I look up at the window. The smile slips from my face as I wonder if my brother's children are still living here. Would they have really kept my room just the same, after so many years and into new generations that didn't know me? When have we come to? In the science fiction books when was just as flexible as where. I'm young again, but I don't know what that means.

I step to the window and part the curtain just a little. The scene is similar to when I left. No flying cars, no buildings of new or futuristic design. Still electric poles and wires, cars like I've seen before, although I've never followed model and make to know how to date the ones I can see. I'm having to dredge up old memories, but they fall into place quickly as if my brain is as young as my body looks. That was hard, to lose my brain to old age.

Izark shifts and I go back to the bed and sit next to him. I run my hand down his face, touching to make sure we are both real. I had to do that a lot early on, too, although he didn't like it when I touched him. He told me later he was uncomfortable with it generally, but specifically he was afraid the more I touched him, the more he would turn into the demon. I was his kryptonite, was his fear.

I guess in a way I was, but it wasn't from just being human...or I guess it was, but...well whatever. I smile into his eyes as they blearily blink open. "Good morning, Izark."

He looks up at me, begins to smile, then suddenly sits up and stares at me, his hands back behind him, supporting him. "N-Noriko?!"

I nod, keeping to a gentle smile. I know how hard it is to see a thing your brain says isn't possible. "I don't know how, or why, either, Izark," I try to answer the questions surely running through his brain, "but we are in my world. This is my room, but I don't know when we are."

Izark looks around the room briefly, but really his eyes want to see me, the young Noriko. He reaches out a tentative hand to touch. I don't move, just let him understand with his hands what his brain and fiercely needy eyes are arguing about. Then suddenly we are mouth to mouth and he is kissing me, a kiss of fierce I've-missed-you-so-much passion.

I put my hands on either side of his head and gently push him away, but then take him in an embrace and hold him. His tears are always silent, but I can feel them wet my shoulder and my neck as he turns to hide and hold me, like he would before we found the world of light and he was afraid. I wait patiently. I remember how patient he was for me, especially the first few days, when I sobbed more times than ever in my life for the overwhelming emotions.

"Noriko, did you think of this place when you were...leaving?" I don't blame him for not wanting to say the word "dying".

"Yes."

Izark nods and sits up. "I thought so. I watched you start to disappear. When only your spirit should have slipped into the world of light, your body disappeared, so I followed you." He looks down. He's embarrassed now that he followed me and I get to know it.

I lift his hand to my lips. "Sheshe, Izark. I was also wishing I could be young again, just once, just for you."

He takes his hand back and cups my head and pulls me in for another kiss. "Sheshe, Noriko," he says huskily, the tears in the back of his throat again.

Suddenly, there is thudding outside my door and it slams open. Caught in a tender, but publicly embarrassing moment, I turn to look who it is and my eyes widen. "David!" He's still young. Maybe a little older than when I left, but young. Izark turns to look as well.

"Noriko!?" David yells. I nod with a smile. He looks at Izark and calms down just a little. "Izark?" Izark nods and gives one of his shy smiles that almost doesn't reach his mouth, but is easy to see in his eyes. Then as suddenly as he appeared, my older brother is gone, thudding down the stairs and yelling, "Mom! Dad! Gram'pa! [It's Noriko! Noriko's back!]" His voice gets fainter the farther he goes.

I grin at Izark. David's always been like that. "Our 'when' seems to be not too much longer after I left, but I'll have to ask to be sure."

"He's calling for your parents?"

"Yes, and my Grandfather." Izark moves to get up. I watch his graceful movement, glad for another opportunity to. He holds out his hand for me and I take it and stand up next to him. We're waiting, side by side, arms around each other, by the time the family arrives, running as fast as they can up the stairs again, Grandpa coming slower and David with him to help him.

Mom stops suddenly and puts her hands to her mouth and tears start to drip. Dad puts his hand on her shoulder. I can see it trembling until he grips her a little tighter. He's fighting tears, too. "[Mom, Dad, everyone. This is Izark kia Tarj, my husband.]" I introduce them to Izark with their proper names and Izark bows slightly to them, greeting them in his own tongue and I translate for him.

He shoves me lightly on the back, looking at my mother, and I'm off. I want a hug, too. That's why I came. Briefly, I'm afraid it will all disappear as soon as I get my hug, but when I finally release my mother and hug my father, and it doesn't, I relax slightly. Even if it all disappears after Izark and I can be together tonight, it will be okay.

Mom has walked over to greet Izark with a hug, and when I release Dad, he heads that way also. I'm caught up in David's arms and he's babbling, as normal, but in the end he's grinning at me. "[See? I said you'd get to bring him home with you!]"

I stare blankly at him. "[Did you get the message back, the last time?]" he asks.

I suddenly remember. "[Oh, I forgot, I'm sorry. You did say that, didn't you. Did you have a dream of it?]" I ask curious.

He nods. "[I did, actually. He looks just like he looked in my dream, too.]"

I grin. "[In that world you would be a seer then.]"

His eyes fly open wide, then he chuckles. "[Yeah, I guess so, but then you dreamed of going.]"

"[True...,]" I wonder. Then I'm hugging Grandpa gently. "[I've missed you, Grandpa. There were a number of kind men who reminded me of you there.]"

"[I'm glad you're back, Noriko,]" he says in his quiet voice. I've missed hearing it, although he never said much before either, and I tear up, remembering my grief at his passing the first time.

"[Me, too.]" I say.

"Noriko," Izark calls me and I return to him. He has...my dictionary? ...in his hand, open to the first page. I look at him curiously. He reaches for me and pulls me to his side again. Haltingly, in the cute accent I only got to hear a few times early on, he says, "[Thank you. For Noriko, thank you.]"

My mom's in tears again. Dad very seriously answers, "[You're welcome.]"

Izark looks at me and we share a smile. "[He knows that one,]" I say to them. "[Their word for that is the most difficult one for our tongues to say. It took me forever to not mangle it and I still couldn't say it right in the end.]"

I can see Dad has lots of questions. Mom can see it too. "[Let's go down and get something to snack on while we talk, shall we?]" Mom says. Dad agrees, and everyone troops out of the room.

I hold Izark back just a bit. "Why do you have the translation book?"

He blushes and looks away. "...I ...was thinking something like this...might happen."

My hands go to my hips. "Izark!" I scold. He looks at me, then grins and grabs me for one more kiss before dragging me after the family, an arm around my waist. He's always such a tease when he's happy. I wonder how much pleading, arguing, and demanding he had to do to the world of light to get this blessing, remembering how I'd gotten my double-rainbow promise just before our wedding.

We get to the living room and they're waiting for us. Dad is dancing on his toes nervously. I would be nervous too, wondering if we'd come and gone already. They've saved us the love seat and look like they're all planning to crowd on the couch even though there are three other chairs in the room. I feel like we're entering the courtroom, but Izark is relaxed - mostly. He still has some of the nervousness of meeting the parents of the bride for the first time, but only I can tell.

As soon as we sit down, Dad plops himself on the couch and leans forward on his elbows. I hold up a hand. "[Dad, wait for Mom, and let me tell it or you'll have the whole thing confused, or at least everyone else confused. Then we can just sit, the three of us, and you can dig for details.]"

He looks at me, then sighs and sits back. "[Okay. You're right.]" He can't sit still, though.

"[Hand me your pen, please,]" I ask, saying it slowly enough Izark can start to get a feel for the sentence structure, etc. Dad pulls his ever present pen from behind his ear and hands it to me. Izark hands me the notebook. It's open to the first page, where I put the all important polite words, and the numbers, and dating formula. That's the page I want.

At the top of it is the date I left this world. "[Dad, what day is it?]" He holds still for a heartbeat then tells me. I write it down, then do the math. I look at the calculations I did way back then, on the first day, then shake my head in amazement. The universe, the world of light, has been kind. Perhaps it has repaid me for my small efforts in Izark's world that built up over the years there.

I've arrived on the date that is equivalent to the age I was on Izark's planet when I arrived there. Today, on Earth, I am nineteen years, five months, and fourteen days old. The additional blessing is, I'm old enough to legally have a husband.

I sigh in relief. Izark raises an eyebrow, and I tell him. He stares at me, then laughs, one of his rare, rolling laughs. I listen to it for a while, enjoying it, then I go back to the math. It takes longer this time, since I didn't do the conversion last time. Then I tell him... he's not older than me any more. He's one year, four months, and five days younger.

He stares at me. That he doesn't find funny, but I didn't expect him to. I'm grinning though. He'd been so proud to be older that time - too proud. Now it's my turn. He huffs, then puts his chin in his hand, resting on his knee. I explain the math to my family and David laughs. Dad likes the parallel and I can see him adding it to his mental file of details to use in his books.

"Noriko," Izark asks slowly. "Do you think I have gone back in age? I hadn't been thinking I had, since I chose to step through and come."

I look at him, "Izark, there are a lot of questions we'll have to explore, if we get to stay." He freezes briefly at the 'if'. "We can't tell just by looking at you, so I don't know if we'll ever know the answer to that one. We've both already lived one mortal life span. You can chose your age here. That's just the equivalent to the time we've come back to. I'll do the calculations for how old we really are next. We'll need to explain that - why the story is so much longer now."

He looks at me a bit sharply. "You've said many things I don't understand. Do they understand our relationship?"

I nod. "That's how I introduced you, first thing - as my husband."

He sits up and takes my hand, relieved. He kisses my cheek, then accepts a cup of juice from my mother with another "[Thank you.]"

Just before he puts it to his lips he stops and looks at me, then doesn't drink it. I smile. "It's okay, here, Izark. We purify everything before we sell or buy it. The only things to worry about will be the foods that don't sit well with you. That is just a fruit juice - probably sweeter than you can drink, so just sip at it for now, if so.

"It's okay to take the foods slow. Mom won't be offended. Our society has advanced enough we all understand such things at that basic of a level." He raises an eyebrow at "basic", but nods and tastes the juice.

I take my cup from Mom, thanking her, too. It's too sweet for me, now, too. "[Mom, would it be okay to get them watered down? It was a medieval society, so not much into the corn syrup stage. I'm sorry.]" I don't want her to be too embarrassed.

She kindly gets up and goes to retrieve two cups half-full of water. I pour half of my cup into each one, then trade Izark's cup out, putting half of his in my now empty one. "Here, this is a better level to start at. I really don't want to know what a demon high on sugar looks like." Not that he would. Alcohol never affected him.

He stops, then carefully puts his cup down on the table, turns to me and takes my hands in his. His expression is very carefully neutral, although his eyes are tender. "Noriko..." I wait. "...I paid a price to come here with you." He rubs his thumb on my hand. "I can't go back."

I nod slightly. I'm not surprised, but then I'm still not expecting to wake up alive tomorrow. We already knew if just I came I wouldn't make it back. "And...I'm not a demon. I don't have any of the power or strength I had in my world. ...I will die in this world."

I look at him confused, "Are you sure? ...Your eyes are sapphire blue."

He looks at me in surprise, then nods soberly, "I don't know why they would be. I can't make it happen on purpose any more."

I can't prevent the tears from springing to my eyes, although I hold them back. I reach up a hand to touch his face gently. "I'm sorry, Izark, that you'll experience weakness and pain, that you won't have what you had before, and that you'll die a stranger in a strange world. ...But...since you are here, can I say it's for the better, that you don't have the powers?

"Such creatures as what you were are only folklore here. Life would have been very, very hard for you here, harder than it was there. Just like the governments wanted you there, they would have wanted you here, and here, you wouldn't have escaped. Humanity covers the entire face of the planet, save for the few saved wildernesses. Because humans are the worst of the predators, and we are so advanced in understanding, ..." I shake my head sadly.

"This world is both better, and worse, than your own. Doing our best, individually, is all any of us can do anywhere. You don't have to be great or powerful here. Here, you can just be my husband and do something you enjoy, while helping lift others in small ways. Can your heart be content with that?"

He pauses, "That depends on what you mean by 'if'."

My Dad shifts uneasily. "[Ah, I'm sorry,]" I say. "[Izark's just told me he had to give up his powers to follow me back here, and we can't go back.]" The family sits in shock and then makes sympathetic noises, but look as relieved as I feel.

I turn back to Izark. I don't want to tell him, but he should know. I rub my fingers on his arm. "I don't understand why we're here at this time, but the thoughts that drew me back here were all singular. One more time with Izark as a young woman. One more hug from Mom. One more chance to see everyone. ...Until I wake up tomorrow morning, still in my bed, my Izark next to me, my mother to hug again at breakfast, ...I can't allow myself to believe it will happen. I'm sorry, Izark."

I grip his hands tighter. He looks like he wants to cry again, but is keeping it down. I know that, too. "Then I will believe it for both of us," he finally says, determinedly, "Will you believe it, for my sake?"

I smile at him, "I would like that Izark." I tuck his hand into my arm, pulling him close, letting him feel my warmth so he can keep the lid on the worry just enough. We don't have to have the World of Light connection on the emotional level any more, we know each other so well...although I will likely miss not being able to use telepathy. It is really hard to live a storybook life and not know the ending.

...And that is how I begin the rest of our story to my family.

-o-o-o-

Thank you for reading my little re-write. I'm bouncing around the idea of making a follow-up, from Izark's pov, of their journey on Earth (my intellectual brain wants to play with all the "lots of questions to explore if we get to stay" and Izark's path from confusion as to 'why oh why can't I do all the millions of things my strength and powers let me do before and how do I live in this crazy place' to the calm assurance he will surely learn)...but it isn't necessary. This is enough.

If you do want a little more, go read *my newest rewrite of this one* from Izarks POV: The Sky Dragon: An Autobiography. This Izark and Noriko are also in my crossover Comets over Clarines (not written in first person).

Caio.