note: Lord jesus, forgive me for using Lucy as Laxus' toddler daughter instead of making an OC. I'm not built that strong. I'm not built that creative. I'm gonna be THAT bitch who uses preexisting characters and downsizing them into babies for the main characters.

Anywaaaaaay. Welcome to a collection of oneshots about fairy tail characters being single parents. I say fairy tail characters despite all my existing wips for this collection being miraxus so far because I do have hopes and hcs for other characters. A very novel rule for reading this is to fuck off if you don't like shit like this. I know some people just give themselves ulcers forcing themselves to consume fanfiction they don't agree with but come on buddy there are a million different things you could be doing than reading my self-indulgent fanfiction. So go out there and be great. Your mother didn't go through labor to birth some basement goblin cawing about bad fanfiction.

lucky charms and nuts

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I can't do this anymore.

It's a thought that crosses Laxus' mind at least twenty times a day and it gives him no shame to admit it. It's as intrusive a thought as it is an honest sentiment and as a single father, he can say it all he wants. So many times he'd dreamt of leaving Lucy on a church's doorstep and hopping five cities south but it doesn't mean he loves her any less than he does. It's his philosophy that a child is meant to drive their parents or guardians up the wall. Up every fucking wall, actually.

He thinks about the church thing again as his daughter's wails go up a decibel.

Feeling as hopeless as every other parent faced with a public tantrum, Laxus leans against the handle of his shopping cart, watching his little girl bawl and bawl and rub her bunched fists against her leaking eyes. Briefly, he wonders how anyone ever finds this small demon cute when she was capable of all this toddler brand of evil.

"Look, Lucy, it's just cereal. You're not eating that much sugar in my house, okay? I can barely get you to sleep by bedtime as it is," He tells her in a tired voice. When she only sobs louder, Laxus sighs and adds, "I promise this tastes as good."

Not to be distracted from her fixation on Lucky Charms, Lucy continues to lament her breakfast of choice. "I want this one! You're mean!"

If there was one thing Laxus learned and retained from his own father's parenting, it was to never indulge a child to placate a tantrum. "Tough luck, kid." He tosses the box of Corn Flakes into the shopping cart. "My roof."

Like clockwork, the small face of his daughter scrunches up and turns an almost alarming shade of red. Her screams are back, which attract many inquisitive head turns from passersby. He can feel the judgement loaded in the stares, too. Everyone's a fucking critic.

"Laxus?"

Great. As if things aren't fucked up enough, he's caught in the middle of a Shitty Parent Moment by his extremely hot, perfect neighbor who lives next door with her sister. Laxus turns to face Mirajane and makes a conscious effort to wipe the omnipresent scowl off his face. He feels like a criminal with just three items striked off his grocery list, standing like a bulky lamppost in front of a weeping child. He's probably supposed to be holding Lucy, comforting her, quieting her, but his experience knows otherwise. Dreyars were naturally bratty and to indulge them was a shot in the foot.

"Oh, sweetie. Don't cry." When Laxus makes no greeting or any other acknowledgement that he sees Mirajane materialized in front of him, she moves to take the small girl into her arms. Laxus bites his tongue that he's trying to avoid paying too much attention to Lucy tantrums but he's tired. Too tired to protest or comfort or whatever fucking parental etiquette he's probably supposed to be following right now. He lets Mirajane shush the child. She's a nice woman and has babysat too many times to be a stranger. She sways from side to side and speaks in a soft voice and soon enough, the angry sobbing turns into pitiful hiccups.

"Sorry, kid." Laxus rubs a hand over his daughter's back. It's about as sympathetic as he can get over Lucky Charms. Then, he addresses Mira. "Sorry, too. I really wish you didn't have to see that."

Mirajane shrugs and offers one of her beatific smiles. Laxus almost feels the stress melt off his shoulders. "Rough week, daddy?"

Laxus laughs humorlessly. "I want three bottles of wine and a one way ticket to China."

Mirajane has made the very short list of people Laxus considers Cool™ because she doesn't say any of the stupid shit that people think they can say about how he raises his child and how honest he is about it being a challenge on good days and something akin to the seventh circle of hell on bad days. Kids are great but they are a hassle. Anyone who says otherwise is probably on a substance. "I can hold her while you finish shopping?"

He could have married her just for offering that. Choirs of cherubs sing in impeccable pitch in his head. "You sure? She's in a mood right now." Still, he's already pushing his cart forward and Mirajane follows with Lucy in her arms, already tired from her rage. He's expecting her to fall asleep now, as she is prone to after such fits.

"No worries." Mirajane replies easily. "Got any plans for the weekend?"

Laxus expertly maneuvers into the diaper lane. "Laundry. Lawn mower. Installing a bidet. Three seasons of House of Cards. Stress in the form of family." He takes Lucy's brand and dumps a month's worth of diapers into his cart. He consults his mental inventory for baby wipes, decides his supply is low and grabs an economy pack. "My grandfather's wife is visiting from New Zealand. She's a nightmare. She studies medicinal herbs and can curdle milk with a look. Used to be my afterschool tutor. Still makes my balls shrivel up when I hear her voice."

"That sounds… eventful. Will you be cooking?" She shifts the quiet toddler in her arms, brushes back wheat-colored hair from the girl's shoulders. The scent of lemon shampoo and baby powder lingers in the air.

"You mean buying a roast from Vons and saying I slaved three hours to make it?"

Mirajane laughs at that as they round an aisle. And suddenly, memory lane smacks him in the face and runs her cart against his.

Laxus manages to swallow his spit and choke on it at the same time. Mirajane looks alarmed and in an effort to slap him on the back, jostles Lucy awake.

"Comedic." The old lady whose cart Laxus ran into says. "Hello, Laxus. I see you're still an idiot."

Now Mirajane shifts her shocked expression to the stranger. She's about to say something but Laxus beats her to it. "Porlyusica. They really don't lie when they say you can summon Satan by talking about her." He spares Mirajane a glance. "This is the crazy woman my grandfather married."

"Ohh."

Porlyusica eyes the scene before her. "Makarov didn't mention anyone was crazy enough to marry you." Porlyusica's eyes are already softening as they appraise Lucy. "Ah, but you, I've heard about. And aren't you a treasure." In the way of old people, Porlyusica's hands outstretch expectantly for Lucy. Mirajane looks inquisitively at Laxus who only sighs in resignation (and she guesses that's all the affirmative as Laxus allows) before depositing Lucy into Porlyusica's arms. Porlyusica actually coos and her stern face pulls up into a smile. Lucy, still too sleepy despite the new company, burrows her face into her new great grandmother's shoulder.

"Fantastic. You handed my daughter over to a known child eater."

Porlyusica glares at him. "Insolent boy. Introduce your wife to me."

The first wife comment had gone over both Mirajane and Laxus' head in the midst of the ruckus so the new one makes both of them blush in matching tones. "S-she's not my wife, you senile hag!" Laxus squawks the same time as Mirajane extends an unsure hand and says, "I'm Mirajane Strauss, his neighbor."

Porlyusica takes Mirajane's hand and shakes it firmly, balancing Lucy perfectly on the other. "Neighbor, huh? Could have fooled me." Before Laxus' noise of protest and mortification can be followed by any actual words, Porlyusica plows on. "You'll join us for dinner tonight, Miss Strauss." It sounds more like a statement or a command rather than an invitation.

"Oh, I couldn't impose-"

"You are an imposition only if I say you are." And just like that, both adults are silenced. Pleased, the older woman smiles tightly. "Lucy seems complaisant in your company. We would welcome you as a guest."

"You can't just invite people into my house," Laxus grumbles, like he's back in high school being scolded by the same woman for cheating on his take home Biology tests.

"Then maybe you should invite her yourself. There's a kennel of puppies by the pet area I can amuse the little one with. Finish your groceries and find us." Placing the sleepy girl on the pullout of her shopping cart, Porlyusica strides away just like that, leaving Laxus dumbstruck and Mirajane amused.

"Well?" Laxus finally says after he dismisses the awkwardness he still feels. "You wanna come over and see more of that circus?"

"Are you asking me because your grandmother told you to?"

"No." He tries very hard to ignore the whole grandmother thing. "It's not so bad when you come over."

And knowing Laxus, that's as much as he can admit that he enjoys her company and wants more of it. She wonders if he knows his neck is pink again. She foregoes teasing him about it since he looks so close to imploding. "You make a girl swoon, Laxus. I'll be there, and I can help you make actual roast, how about that?"

"Great," Laxus bites out. His nerves always translate to a mean face and tart words. "Great stuff."

Great stuff. She'll have to agree. The blush on him is incredibly endearing. Mirajane takes him by the arm and starts steering him to the snack aisle, since those are next on his list. "Your grandmother was kind enough to give us time to finish your groceries, so we better not just stand here and make eyes at each other. We have to buy things for the roast, too."

Laxus tamps down on his mortification. He's been through too much to be ruffled by a woman like this. "You're not gonna be this smug when you're talking to Porlyusica and the old man. They're nuts."

"I like nuts. And Lucy. So I don't imagine it's gonna be that much of a chore to have dinner with your family."

He likes nuts and Lucy, too. And he likes any woman who can jump into that mix without breaking a sweat. Laxus finds himself grinning for the first time today, actually happy at the turnout of events. Maybe Porlyusica isn't such a hag after all.