The Joker had only been asleep for about two hours, but since he usually ran on three to four hours a night, she thought maybe it'd be okay to nudge him awake.

She was sitting cross legged against the headboard staring at him. He looked so peaceful. She softly cleared her throat. Nothing. She cleared it a little louder. Still nothing. She tried a third time even louder, but ended up making herself go into an actual coughing fit.

"Harley. Shut up." He growled and buried his head in the pillow.

Through the coughing she managed to get out, "Sorry Mista J."

She looked around the room and started to lightly whistle 'Happy Birthday'. He groaned and threw his pillow at her head knocking her off the bed. She yelped and landed hard on the floor.

"Oh! Mista J! Glad to see you're awake!" She turned the lamp on and popped her head up, resting her chin on the mattress looking at him with a big smile.

He opened one eye and glared at her. He had taken his greasepaint off before coming to bed last night. He looked over at the clock. "It's only six am, Harl. Don't you have another seven hours of beauty rest to catch up on?"

She frowned. "Um, Puddin', aren't you forgetting what day it is?", she asked a little slighted that she had to be the one bringing it up.

"Oh yeah, uh, trash day.", he said sarcastically.

"Don't you listen to me when I talk to you? It's a very important day! It's my birthday! Don't you remember?"

"Oh right." He sat up realizing he wasn't going to get to go back to sleep. "So how many spankings does daddy get to dole out this year?"

"Twenty-eight!", she giggled.

"Huh, you look older.", he said with a distant look on his face.

"Um, no. Just twenty-eight." She said self-consciously.

"Well I'll be darned. I'm a cradle robber.", he grinned at her. He got up and started getting dressed.

"Wait! Where are ya going?"

"Work, Harl. Daddy's gotta bring home the bacon." He was pulling on argyle socks.

"Can't you just take one day off? You haven't taken a day off in forever. I'd love to spend my birthday with you."

"It's just a birthday. You're a big girl, I don't have time to throw you a party or hire a clown to entertain you." Then he chuckled at himself and started reapplying his greasepaint as he looked in the mirror.

"Well I wasn't expecting anything like that anyway."

"Well what did you expect then?"

"I don't know, maybe breakfast in bed?"

"I can do that."

"Really?", she perked up and clapped. He opened the door and yelled to the sleeping men in the living area, "Harley wants waffles in bed! Get to it!" He closed the door and turned to her saying, "Tah-dah!" Then he returned to applying his paint.

She furrowed her brow and crossed her arms, "That's not really what I meant, J."

"Baby, I gotta go. I don't have time for this. I have lots to do today."

She suddenly brightened up. "You know what would make me so so so happy, daddy?"

He looked over to her. She was using those puppy dog eyes that drove him crazy.

"I would love to come along with you. See what you do all day. That would be the best present ever! I promise you won't even know I'm there!"

He stared at her with his mouth hanging open, speechless. Then, "I, uh, no."

"Oh please daddy, please! It's all I want! I promise to stay out of the way! Don't leave me home all alone. Not on my birthday." She was bouncing up and down on the bed, mesmerizing him.

This isn't going to work, he thought to himself. She will drive me outta my mind. I'll end up killing her. No, no, no! Then he looked back at her, her hands clasped together, her beautiful full lips mouthing pretty please.

"Get dressed. We leave in five."

This woman has me wrapped around her finger.

She squealed and bounded for the closet to pick out her outfit.

Just as Felix was bringing her a tray with homemade waffles with whipped cream she bounded past him making him drop the tray. He stared down at the mess on his shoes.

J downed a large mug of hot black coffee while he waited for her. She bounced down the hall grinning ear to ear. Marty was waiting for them in the car out back.

The Joker lit a cigarette as he reflected on how he probably just made one of the worst decisions of his life. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. His migraine would be starting early today. Marty made eye contact with J in the rear view mirror and J just shook his head.

"Mista J! Do you mind if we make a quick stop at Starbucks? I'm a part of the Birthday Club and I get a free drink today!"

"You're a part of what?"

She held up her phone to him showing the email with a coffee cup wearing a party hat. "Any size! Free!"

"Why didn't you get some coffee at home?", he asked already annoyed.

She pouted, "I don't want a coffee. I wanna birthday frappuccino."

He stared at her blankly and blinked. "Starbucks, Marty."

Marty nodded and pulled into the next drive-thru.

"I wanna venti strawberries and cream frappuccino, Marty! Oh! And a cake pop. Two cake pops!" She handed him her phone with the coupon.

He placed the order as the couple sat back behind the tinted windows. The cashier gave a total of $5.65.

The Joker shot Harley a look and said, "I thought it was free."

"The drink is free, but our cake pops weren't."

He had no clue what a cake pop was and he didn't want to know. He pulled out his wallet and threw a hundred dollar bill up to Marty.

Marty passed her the treats and she handed J a pink cake pop with white sprinkles.

"I'm not eating this.", he handed it back.

"Fine. Here Marty. My treat.", Harley winked as she passed it to the driver.

Marty shrugged and took the pop.

"Alright Marty, on to business. I gotta get to Nigma's first thing."

"Aw, how is Eddie?", Harley asked as she slurped her giant milkshake. J didn't know how this woman could consume as much sugar as she did. It's like she didn't eat anything but junk.

"Well how about you ask him yourself, pumpkin."

She rolled her eyes and looked out the window until they arrived at Eddie's apartment building. He lived in a fairly uninhabited part of town and the streets were quiet.

The couple exited the car and walked up the stairs to his apartment.

Harley was about halfway through her frappuccino by then. Joker knocked on the door and Eddie opened the door standing there in just his whitie tighties.

"Ah, J!", he slammed the door. After a few moments he opened up again clothed that time. "You have to warn me when you're bringing a lady over."

"General rule of thumb, Eddie. Just wear clothes no matter who's coming over."

Eddie shrugged and let them in. His face still red in embarrassment.

"Hiya, Eddie!", Harley chirped and winked.

"Hello lovely. What brings you out here today?"

"It's my birthday and I get to spend all day with Mista J!", she swooned.

Eddie grinned at J and J glared back. Eddie pointed Harley's drink, "Birthday Club?"

"You know it!", she giggled.

He led her to an empty seat on the sofa as they talked about cake pops.

J looked at his pocket watch. "Ed, I got places to be. So unless you wanna babysit Harley for me today, just give me my stuff so I can hit the road."

"He's a little grumpy today," Harley excused. "He didn't get much sleep last night."

"Enough Harley."

There was an exchange of bills for a Manila folder. J grunted and walked back towards the door flipping through the paperwork.

"Happy birthday, Harley!," Ed yelled as the couple left.

"Thanks Eddie!"

J gave Marty some directions and started sorting out the paperwork he was just given.

"Whatcha lookin' at Pud'?"

"None of your business."

"Where are we goin' now?"

He put a finger to her mouth and shushed.

She frowned. Then she got an idea and pulled out her phone. It wasn't just her birthday, but her twin sister's too. She dialed Hope's number and held the phone up to her ear. She turned toward the window away from J and whispered in a low voice to her sister. They had been in touch almost daily since they were reunited a couple months back. J didn't mind as it kept Harley from nagging him nonstop with her blathering. As long as Hope didn't try anything to take Harley from him, he preferred her a million times over Ivy.

Harley's voice steadily got louder as they talked about their birthday plans. Harley reminding Hope to use her free Starbucks coupon and how she was spending the entire day with J. Soon she was talking loudly and more heavily in her Brooklyn accent as she usually did when taking with her sister.

J sighed and slammed the file closed and looked at her.

"Oh, I gotta go, Hopie. Happy birthday, I love ya." And she hung up and beamed at J. "Sorry Pud'."

He gave an insincere smile back to her and caressed her cheek before giving her a solid smack.

"Ow!", she rubbed her cheek.

He leaned forward near Marty and pointed to a shady looking character near an alley. "There, Marty." They were in the heart of the Narrows now where police rarely ventured. They just couldn't keep up with the crime so the GPD allowed it to consume itself. Marty slowly pulled up to a grungy looking man with shifty eyes.

He looked at Harley and said, "Stay." She watched with wide eyes through the tinted windows. Marty hit the automatic lock button as J quickly walked over to the man. Their conversation was short, but there was an exchange of money and a brown paper bag. J walked steadily back to the car and got in as soon as Marty unlocked the doors again. They took off immediately.

Harley eyed the bag and then looked questioningly back at him. He smirked at her and then reached a pinky finger inside the bag and pulled out a tiny bit of white substance on his nail. He lifted it to Harley. "Tell me if it's good, baby." She smiled and snorted the powder from his finger and leaned back. It was just a tiny amount, but she closed her eyes. Within a few minutes she was smiling and let out a quiet giggle. He rolled the bag back up and placed it on the seat between them. She crawled up on his lap, straddling him. "It's good Mista J.", she said in a low voice and she started kissing him. Marty kept his eyes on the road as the couple continued kissing and pawing at each other behind him.

After a while J pulled away and looked at his pocket watch. Harley was finally coming down and rested her head on J's shoulder. He knew he couldn't bring her on his next jaunt. He had a meeting with a snitch regarding Falcone at The Grin and Bare It. He didn't get off to strip clubs and he didn't care for strippers, never did. It was just an easy place to meet in the Narrows where no questions were asked. Harley wouldn't get it though. He rubbed Harley's shoulders trying to butter her up.

"Why doesn't my little girl go out for a birthday lunch with her best gal, Ivy? Hmm? Take her to the Iceberg Lounge. Tell her it's on me. I'll pick you up when you're done."

Harley looked at him skeptically. "You want me to go out with Ivy?"

"Why not?" He gave her another long kiss.

"O-okay."

The Iceberg Lounge was on the edge of The Narrows. It was a safe place for criminals like them to enjoy themselves without worrying about being seen. No one honest ever stepped foot in the place.

She called Ivy and they were going to meet at the club in fifteen minutes. Marty turned around and drove to drop Harley off. J spanked her on the way out. "Take your time, Harl!" Ivy was waiting outside to meet her and they hugged before heading inside.

"Real smooth, boss.", said Marty

The Joker chuckled. His stomach growled and he looked at Harley's seat where the Starbucks bag sat. He looked inside and saw the last chocolate cake pop inside. He popped it in his mouth. When he looked up, Marty was side eyeing him in the rear view mirror. "Don't judge me." He threw the remaining stick out the window.

Ivy and Harley were seated. The dress code was much more lax during the day and Harley was relieved as she was wearing black skinny jeans, a green v-neck sweater and purple Converse high tops. Ivy was always dressed much classier. She had on a green long sleeved cotton dress that fit in all the right places. Once they were seated they opened their menus.

"So you coming out with me was his idea?", Ivy asked skeptically.

"Yeah, kinda weird, huh?"

"Strange indeed. But I'm not complaining since I'm happy to celebrate your birthday with you and the man's paying.", she winked.

She passed Harley a small gift wrapped in pink paper.

"Aw Red, you didn't hafta!", but Harley was so glad she did. She knew this would be the only gift she received today and that made it all the more special. She tried to to be ginger about opening the box, but was too impatient and ripped the paper off. It was a velvet jewelry box holding a silver chain with a leaf-shaped emerald.

She looked up as Ivy was was putting on her own necklace with a red diamond-shaped stone. Harley gave her a flattered look and put her hand over her heart.

"I thought we might be a little too old for BFF jewelry, so this is the adult version.", she chuckled.

"They're beautiful, Red. This is the most thoughtful gift I've ever received.", she teared up.

The girls had their lunch and ordered decadent desserts. As they finished with some champagne, Harley texted J to come pick her up.

A while later he texted back letting her know the car was in front. She hugged and kissed Red on the cheek as they left the lounge. J's window was cracked as he smoked and Red waved and shouted, "Thanks for lunch!", and she winked at him. He rolled his window up.

"Hey Puddin'! That was so fun and I'm stuffed!", she patted her belly.

He smiled at her and then quickly noticed the necklace she was wearing.

"What's this?", he flicked the green stone.

"Isn't it beautiful? Red gave it to me! It's like grown up best friend jewelry. She has a red diamond for me.", she twisted the little leaf in her fingers back and forth.

J felt a pang of jealousy. How dare that plant try to one up him by giving his Harley a gift. She'd probably wear that stupid chain everyday, forcing him to look at it, reminding him that there was someone else in the world receiving attention that should only be his. He shouldn't have to get Harley a gift. He should be gift enough. She was lucky to have him. He gave her everything she asked for anyway. What would be the point of giving her something? She could ask for anything and he'd get it for her.

He scoffed at the necklace and turned away. Harley picked up the Starbucks bag that she left on her seat and looked inside.

"Hey, where'd my cake pop go?"

She looked over to J and he was staring at his phone intensely as he texted someone.

He looked out the window. "Just up here on the left, Marty."

The car pulled deep into an alley. "Where are we, Puddin'?"

She looked over to him and he was checking his gun making sure it was fully loaded before putting it in his shoulder holster.

"Stay right by me, Harl. Keep quiet and let daddy work, ok?"

"Yes, sir."

They both got out through his door and walked further down the alley. There was a steel door and J knocked twice. Someone came and slid a small window to see who it was. A moment later the door opened and the two walked inside. The room was large and filled with crates and large assault riffles hung from the walls. It smelled strongly of gun powder and metal.

Another tall skin headed man with an anarchy symbol tattooed on the side of his scalp was standing at a table sorting through a bin of bullets.

His voice was deep as he looked up, "J, how's it been man."

"Good enough. Whaddya got for me?" J's voice had a serious, no nonsense tone.

The man noticed the small blonde walking right behind J. He cocked his head to the side to get a better look.

"Did you bring me a gift, J? I don't typically accept women as payment, but I'd make an exception-"

J cut him off before he finished that crude thought and he put his arm back protectively in front of Harley. "This ones mine, Wolf. Back. Off."

Wolf put his hands up mockingly, "You got it. Anyway, I have what you want." He turned to some shelves behind him pulling out two long cases. Harley started to tune them out as she glanced around the room only hearing some words, "fully automatic", "muzzle brake", "1000 rounds per minute". She turned back around as J was handing him the bag with the coke and some cash.

Harley turned to look for the man that had let them in, but couldn't see anyone else. Suddenly, the steel door was open as several policemen wearing armor plowed into the room with guns raised, yelling for them to get down. The Joker kicked Harley's legs out from under her forcing her to fall flat on her face, her chin hitting the cement floor. She felt dazed as he pulled her by the ankles behind the table they had been standing at. It all took only a few seconds. Bullets started flying and J and Wolf grabbed the nearest weapons and started shooting back. The firefight was loud and intense and nothing like Harley ever witnessed before. She covered her ears and closed her eyes. She peeked up at J who was ducking again to reload. He glanced quickly at her and licked his scars before he was up and shooting again. Harley looked in front of her to see a small crate holding some grenades. She knew J kept those around, but she had never actually seen him use one. She crawled over a few feet and picked one up. She crawled back to J and tugged on his coat. He glanced at her as she stuffed the bomb in his hand. He shook his head and gave it back. She frowned, she just wanted to help. Moments later the noise stopped. She looked over to find Wolf with a bullet between the eyes.

"Well, I'm gonna have to find a new gun guy.", he said nonchalantly slapping his palms against his thighs.

She was quiet.

"What's wrong?", he asked. "We're okay. You're not hurt right?", he started looking over her body.

Her chin was bleeding from she she hit the floor, but she said, "I just wanted to help you."

He chuckled and pulled her on his lap. "I know, baby. It's just that, it's not a great idea to throw a grenade in a room full of ammo. It's kind of the worst idea." He pet her hair. "Come on kiddo. It's been a long day." He picked up the two long cases he came for and they stepped over the bodies as Marty pulled the car around. Harley got in as J put the cases in the trunk.

On the drive home the sun was already setting. J hid it well from Harley, but he kept replaying the recent event in his mind. This is exactly why he hated bringing her along when he worked. He preferred for her to stay at home so he didn't have to worry about her. He hated that he worried about anyone in the first place. Sure at home she could handle herself with his men. She was queen. She'd lost it more than a few times when they crossed her on a bad day, even killing a couple. But out here in the real world was much different. She was like a child. He had to be more careful in the future.

"One more stop, Marty. Angelo's."

Marty glanced at the rear view and raised his eyebrows. Joker sighed and looked back out the window.

Harley had no idea where they were. She was instructed to stay in the car and she was so exhausted she didn't even put up a fight. She was starting to drift off when J came back in, slamming the car door.

They arrived home and J started instructing a couple of guys to unload the trunk.

"Harley! Come to daddy, princess."

He took her to the roof to gaze out at the Gotham city skyline. He wrapped her up in his purple coat to keep her warm.

"I had the best birthday ever, Pud'." She sighed and put her head on his shoulder. His hands were folded in his lap.

"I have something for you."

She looked up at him curiously. He pulled out a small black box from his pocket and handed it to her. She sat up and lifted the top. It was a small black band with a large red diamond flanked by small white diamonds around the entire band.

Harley lost her breath for a moment. "Joker, is this...? What is this?"

He looked down at her as he slid the ring on her left hand. Then he grabbed her chin and had her look in his eyes, "We're gettin' married, Harl."