Here it is, my new story. It's set five years after Ana and Christian got married, but Ana never got pregnant with Teddy. I will point out that this is not a cheating story. It's a story of insecurities, betrayal, and manipulation. I just wanted to get into a topic I hadn't delved into yet and an idea I had almost three years ago, but never turned into a story. I know many of you will ask if this story is going to have an HEA and usually I would always give it away, but with my last story, some readers were actually upset about because it's like giving away the end of a book before you have even started to read it. So, this time around I will not give it away. I will update a new chapter each Tuesday, usually around 10 p.m CEST. So, without further ado, enjoy and let me know what you think.

Sunny xxx

Five years ago, I was just an ordinary girl, working my way through college, always trying to get the best grades to ensure that once I had finished college I wouldn't have too much trouble to get a good job in publishing. I dreamt of one day being an editor, meeting a nice guy, getting married and having kids. Never in my wildest dreams though did I imagine that five years later, I would be the owner of a publishing house, married to an obscenely handsome and rich business man who turned my world upside down and especially, in the beginning took me on a whirlwind path that had only two outcomes… one it would make us stronger as a couple and fall in love with each other even more or two me giving up on love and moving on to become a bitter person with serious relationship issues.

Luckily for me, Christian and I found ourselves on path number one and even now, five years into our marriage we are still crazy in love. So much so, that just ten minutes ago my darling husband stopped by at my office for a nooner, because he couldn't wait to have me until we are back home in the evening. Now normally, I would object to us taking advantage of the fact that Grey Publishing is housed at Grey House, my husband's headquarters, but since we have decided to start a family, I have become much more lenient about that rule.

When Christian and I got married I was only twenty-one soon to be twenty-two and having children wasn't really on my radar, so we just agreed that we would have children at some point in our future. Four years ago my best friend Kate, who is married to Christian's brother Elliot had her first child, a beautiful little girl by the name of Ava. It was the first time I really thought about going off birth control, Ava was just such a precious little baby, but Christian had just signed Grey Publishing over to me and my wish to work and see more of the world with my darling husband was bigger than what little baby fever I was experiencing.

By now, Christian and I are uncle and aunt not only to Ava, but also to her younger brother Jamie and their cousin Olivia, who is the two-year-old daughter of Christian's sister Mia and Kate's brother Ethan. Two years ago, I told Christian that I wanted us to try to have a baby, I just felt ready to be a mother, even though at the age of twenty-four, many would have thought that there are so many more things to do before having kids, I felt ready.

Christian, on the other hand didn't. He was in the middle of a huge deal and had so much traveling coming up that at one point, he had to go away for almost three months, while I had to stay in Seattle to take care of Grey Publishing. So we agreed to talk about it when the timing was better.

As the time passed by I felt more and more like it would never happen, that we would never find the right time, until one day it would be too late for me to get pregnant, while my wish to have a child grew with each passing day. I found myself drawn to the baby section at department stores, reading articles on parenthood and just smiling when I saw a pregnant woman walking down the street, wondering if I would ever get to experience what it feels like to have a new life growing inside my tummy.

At one point, I wasn't even sure if Christian wanted to have children at all, because he always found one excuse after the other for us to wait just a bit longer. I felt like he was just making excuses and it started to bother me so much, that for the first time in our marriage I started to pull away… only for him to surprise me.

It was a month ago on our five-year anniversary. He took me back to France and we had dinner on board the Fair Lady, the same boat we stayed at for our honeymoon. After dinner we got up, looked at the ocean and he gave a small gift box, the content of it made me cry and jump into his arms instantly, because it was a charm for my bracelet, that he had given me for my twenty-second birthday and it was in the shape of a baby bottle with a handwritten note from him that read 'Let's have a baby, baby' it had me laughing and crying at the same time, because I knew with this gift all of my dreams would finally become true.

The moment we returned home, I made an appointment with Dr. Greene to get off birth control and to let her advice me on everything I needed to know to get pregnant as soon as possible. She told me not to expect to get pregnant right away, because I have been on birth control for over five years now and otherwise to just try and have fun with it.

Well, let's just say, there has been a lot of trying since then. I guess not being able to resist my husband is a good thing while trying to get pregnant. So far, I have only told Mia and Kate that we are trying to have a baby. Over the years Mia has become my best friend too and I'm so close with both of them, that I just can't keep anything from them.

Plus, they both already have been pregnant and in Mia's case are trying to have another baby, so I feel like talking to them can really help me. Like last week when my period started. The rational part of me knew it was going to happen. After all I have been off birth control for no longer than four weeks now, still, a tiny part of me had hoped it would happen right away. I have already made so many plans, next year I want us to celebrate Christmas for the first time as little family together, I have already looked into preschools, made plans for me to step back as CEO of Grey Publishing once I'm on maternity leave, because I want to spend the first couple of years at home with my child.

Good grief, I even walked through our home a few days ago and made a list of all the things we need to get done in order for it to be child proof. I guess it's pretty obvious that I am desperate to become a mother, but I know it won't be long until I will get pregnant. Christian and I are both young and healthy, so there is nothing keeping us from starting a family.

"Mrs. Grey, Mrs. Katherine Grey is here to see you." Hannah's voice comes over the speaker in my office.

"Let her in, Hannah." I reply, wondering why Kate has decided to stop by.

A second later the door opens and Kate walks in with little Jamie in his stroller. Usually, I would jump up to take Jamie out of his stroller first to kiss and hug the little guy, but I stop when I see Kate's face, she looks upset and flops down on the sofa.

"Sorry, Ana. Is this a bad time?" She asks and suddenly, in a really unlike Kate way, she starts to cry.

"Kate, oh my god, what happened?" I sit down next to her and pull her into my embrace where she continues to cry for a few more minutes until she pulls herself together.

"Sorry, I guess I just needed a good cry." She mutters and blows her nose.

"Kate, what happened? I have never seen you cry like that!"

"I had my appointment with Dr. Greene this morning… I'm pregnant." She says and my mouth drops open. Jamie is just three months old and Kate told me she didn't want to have more children, because she nearly died giving birth to Jamie.

"I don't understand… you said you didn't want to have any more children."

"I know, Elliot was supposed to get the snip next week, after what happened with Jamie we both agreed that we wouldn't try again. It just happened and we have been so careful, Ana. I want to be happy, really, but I'm scared to death, what if something goes wrong and Elliot has to raise our children alone? I want to be there to see them grow up… I'm so scared, Ana."

"Have you talked to Dr. Greene?"

"Yes, she says it has to be a scheduled C-section and that I should try to relax and take things slow, but I can't. I have talked to Elliot and we talked about… you know… not going through with the pregnancy, but I can't do that either. I couldn't look at Ava and Jamie without thinking about my baby… but I just don't know what to do. Elliot was so freaked out, he was crying, Ana. I have never seen my husband cry… he thinks it's his fault, that he didn't put the condom on right or… I don't know. God, this is so messed up, I should be happy, I know that, but I can't." She says and gets up.

"Shit, look at me, you are trying to get pregnant and here I am bawling my eyes out because I am." She mutters.

"It's okay, you and I are in two completely different situations, so don't worry about me. Look, I think Elliot and you need a little time alone to really talk about this. How about Christian and I take Ava and Jamie overnight?"

"You would? Oh, that would be amazing of you, Ana. Are you sure Christian will be okay with it, Jamie doesn't sleep through the night and Ava still hasn't gotten the memo that her terrible two's ended when she wasn't two years old anymore." Kate says and I laugh.

"He'll be delighted to have the kids over, Kate. Don't worry, plus it will be a good practice for us. So, how about we leave now, go to your place get what I'll need for Ava and Jamie and then you can relax until Elliot is home tonight and I pick Ava up at her preschool?"

"You Ana Grey are a saint." She sighs and hugs me. I let Hannah know that I am leaving for today, send Christian a text that I will be working from home for the rest of the day and then leave with Kate.

An hour and a half later I have both Ava and Jamie in the car and arrive home with them.

"Auntie Ana, can we bake cookies? Me likes your cookies?" Ava asks when I unstrap her from her car seat.

"Sure, we can do whatever you like, but first we have to change you out of your school uniform."

Inside I call out for Gail and comes into the hallway.

"Oh look at that, we are having some special guests." She says with a bright smile and Ava hurries over to her.

"Mrs. Gail… auntie Ana is going to bake cookies with me and Jamie and me are sleeping here and I will bake special cookies for unky Christian." Ava tells her in a rush.

"Wow, that sounds great, I might even have a bag of extra special chocolate chips and rainbow sprinkles for your cookies." Gail says smiling at Ava.

"Gail, can you ask Ryan to get the travel bed for Jamie out of my car and set it up in the guest room where Ava is usually staying?" I ask her and she hurries away to find Ryan while I walk into the family room where I place Jamie on the sofa and secure him with a few pillows so he won't fall off.

"Ava can you watch your brother for a minute, so I can get his playpen?" I ask her and when she nods I quickly get the playpen we have had since Ava was born and set it up in the family room.

Once Jamie is inside and sleeping, I set the baby monitor up and lead Ava into the bathroom where I help her change out of her uniform and into a cute little dress and flip flops. I bread her hair and once we have both washed our hands, I check on Jamie again before we get into the kitchen and start to make cookie dough.

The entire afternoon, while I'm taking care of the kids and I can't help but smile, thinking that soon I can do all of this with my own baby and in the evening when we hear Christian arrive home Ava jumps up and runs towards him wrapping her little arms around his legs, not giving a damn that she is getting chocolate from her fingers all over his suit pants. I can see a pang of annoyance on his face, when he notices it and grin 'get used to it, Grey'

"Whoa, look at that, princess Ava stopped by to visit us." He says after a second and picks her up to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Unky Christian, me has baked cookies for you and Jamie and me are sleeping here and aunty Ana saided we can have mac and cheese with extra cheese for dinner."

"Cookies and mac and cheese, seems to be my lucky day." He smirks at her and she beams up at him.

Christian really is great with kids, both Ava and Olivia adore their uncle… which I am sure is also because he likes to spoil them rotten, something we will have to talk about once we are having our child, because I don't want our children to end up being spoilt little brats.

"Ava, why don't you go and see what Gail is doing in the kitchen, I need to change and talk to aunty Ana for a moment." He says and puts her down.

"Kay… bye unky Christian." She all but yells and takes off.

"Hi there." He smiles at me and pulls me in for a kiss, before we both head up into our bedroom. Inside he stops dead in his tracks when he sees the travel bed next to my side of our bed.

"Why is this here?" He asks and I start to loosen his tie.

"Well, Ava and Jamie are staying over tonight. At first, I thought Jamie could sleep in the guestroom where Ava is staying, but he wakes up a few times during the night, so she wouldn't get a good night's sleep. All the other guest rooms are too far away, so I decided to have him sleep in here."

"Why are they staying over anyway? Kate didn't want Ava to sleep anywhere else until she was a year old." He says while I am now unbuttoning his shirt.

"Kate and Elliot needed a night alone."

"So they get to fuck and I don't?" He says raising a brow and I playfully slap his biceps.

"It's not like that… look, Kate had an appointment with Dr. Greene today and well… she is pregnant again."

"What? The little guy is just three months old… wasn't Elliot supposed to get a vasectomy?" He asks blinking at me.

"Yes, they didn't plan it… Kate came to my office bawling her eyes out she is so scared. I mean it was a close call with Jamie, she nearly died and they both didn't want to have more children if it meant putting her life at risk. It just happened… Elliot is very upset as is Kate and they needed to have some time to talk about it."

"Well fuck, from what Elliot told me it was really bad when Kate had the little guy… shit, are they thinking about … well, ending it?"

"Kate said they briefly talked about it, but she couldn't live with it and Dr. Greene told her she would need a scheduled C-section… I guess they need to really think this through. I feel so bad for both of them. You know how Elliot always wanted at least five kids and after Kate had Jamie he was devastated when she was in a coma for five days… I can't believe this is happening to them." I murmur and leans my head against his bare chest.

"Let's hope for the best… so would it be terribly inappropriate if I would fuck you tonight with the little guy in the room?" He asks wiggling his eyebrows at me and I laugh.

"Yes, it would be, but we can have a quickie in the shower later tonight. Can you settle for that?"

"Do I get some playroom time in exchange this weekend?"

"Oh Mr. Grey, if you are being a good boy tonight you might earn yourself an entire weekend at Escala and then we are talking TPE." I grin and his eyes widen in excitement.

"You have no idea how good I can be, baby." He says and kisses me.

Years ago, his lifestyle scared me, because I didn't understand that BDSM and a loving relationship are not two separate things. Of course, it is a huge difference for me to sub for him from time to time now that I am his wife or to be a fulltime submissive, like he wanted me to be when we first met.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the kinky fuckery right away, but all of the canes, whips and belts in his playrooms really scared me. Thank god, they are long gone. These days, the worst punishment he dishes out is a spanking and even that doesn't really hurt, because Christian loves me too much to hurt me in any real way. The more confident I grew in myself, the more I learned to enjoy BDSM, especially with me being a CEO now myself, I really appreciate that I can give up control and let Christian make all the decisions. So, about two years into our marriage I asked him if we could try a weekend of total power exchange. He agreed and I really enjoyed it, so now it's something we do from time to time and both enjoy a lot.

Still, when we moved into our new home a couple of months into our marriage, we decided against having a playroom here. It doesn't mean we don't have toys here and use them frequently, but Christian thought having a playroom here would bring too much of his old life before me into his new life with me.

So, at least twice a month we go to Escala to have some serious playtime. I guess once we have a baby, we have to cut back on that until our baby is old enough to stay with our relatives for a night, but still can get creative here at home, so it's not like we won't have time for some kinky fuckery at all.

"Do you think I should call Elliot?" Christian asks when he steps out of the closet now dressed in jeans and t-shirt.

"Tomorrow, let him have some time with Kate, they need to work this out together." I reply and he pulls me close.

"Kate said what she fears the most is not being able to see her children grow up… Christian when I'm pregnant and something goes wrong…"

"No! Do you hear me; we are not even going to talk about something like that!" He says immediately and I sigh.

"But we have to, after what happened to Kate… I don't know, I just want you to promise me that if something bad was going to happen and you had to make a decision, you would pick our baby." I get out and he closes his eyes.

"You know I can't do that. I can't live without you, Ana." He says and I really hate the look on his face, so I decide to change the topic, because frankly, if he starts to overthink things, I will be back on birth control in no time and I don't want to risk that.

"Come on, let's have dinner, because I know that not just our niece is looking forward to some extra cheesy mac and cheese." I grin and he smiles back at me.

"Why Mrs. Grey how did you know that I do love your mac and cheese?" He asks and I snort.

"Maybe by the way you chow down at least three helpings without blinking and you still pout when it's all gone." I reply and he laughs.

"Yes, that would be me, now come on, feed me, wench."

And with that, we leave our bedroom and enjoy an evening with our niece and nephew… if only I had known then that a few months later my dream of us becoming a family would be crushed and nothing would ever be the same again…