Disclaimer : I own nothing. I make no money out of it. Everything belongs to JKR.

A/N : Many thanks to Dlbn, my fellow Loveless fanfictioner, who agreed to beta read my work even when she is not herself into HP. Blow kisses your way my dear!

A/N : Actually, this is the very first story I ever wrote. I began fanfiction with this plot bunny, wrote it all, got about 80 pages on my computer and never published. I found it again 10 years later and thought I would freshen it a bit as I wasn't totally happy with it. I ended up re-writing the whole thing. Mind you, I like this version far better than the first!

Chapter 1

War is ugly. How desperately I would like to retain the happiness, the easy smiles, the gentle touches of those I love that I saw during the wedding of Bill and Fleur! But life is not such a walk in the park. They had to barge in and ruin it all. There is no happiness as long as there are Death-Eaters. Nor is there any joy or peacefulness. Only war and fear and hunger and cold.

So there we were, three teenagers running for their lives, hiding and hiking in the wilderness, going head first into a wild goose chase started by a dead man with dreams of omniscience.

Oh, we had our victories. We did manage to escape almost unscathed after many skirmishes, we did find and destroy several Horcruxes. The diary, of course, was destroyed in our second year. Dumbledore took care of the ring. We found the real locket at Grimmauld Place and Hufflepuff cup in Gringotts. I admit flying out on a dragon was rather dramatic. I won't forget either we were given the Sword of Gryffindor by an unseen ally.

But mostly, we were alone, terrified and outnumbered. Ron was splinched. Our trio shattered. We lost Dobby. Our friends were tortured at school. We were hungry, tired, cold and for a long time, had to burden our souls while bearing a Horcrux. We still had to find three Horcruxes with no lead at all and no guidance. No ally or family to support us. And a task so grim and colossal it sent us reeling and shrinking away in fear.

And the war intensified. It was raw and gripping. Despite all our precautions, we were caught off guard. When we managed to get a lead on Ravenclaw diadem, we had no choice but to throw ourselves into the thick of it. So we marched on, loyal little toy soldiers straight to our deaths. To Hogwarts, to the place we had once called ours; where we had once felt safe and protected. Up we went to Diagon Alley and on again, to Hogwarts. Sure enough, we had found the diadem, but at what price? Ron's death? Draco and his cronies' deaths? Professor Snape's sacrifice? Our mighty school on its knees, Voldemort at its doors? And then, the revelation. It was Harry's turn now, to sacrifice himself. But too late, too late we were, Ron and I. And we cried together and went into battle, with rage in our hearts for our best friend had just been raised to be slaughtered. And Harry being himself, he went out there, facing Him alone. And then he was dead. For real. There was no getting up. No, big play. Dead because Dumbledore's wish was just that. A wish. True enough, the Horcrux was gone. But my friend was gone too. We had two Horcruxes destroyed that day. In exchange, I had lost everything. My parents, sent in hiding, oblivious of my mere existence. Harry. Then Ron. The Weasleys; my wizard family. The school. Everything. What did I have left? Voldemort had won. I didn't have a place in this world anymore. I had nothing.

I fled. I left it all. I went to Muggle society. I tried to tend to my wounds, to seam my torn life and heart back. But how can you mend what is beyond repair? How can you go on, with no hope and no support? Those questions were soon pointless as the war reached the Muggle world. Attacks and sudden deaths were all over the papers. From all the paths opened to me, I chose the least likely and certainly the most illegal. Honestly, I had very low expectations of any future and I had no wish to begin anew in another country. I had no wish to live abroad and leave everything behind. My baggage was, in any way or form, much too heavy.

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