Jaded

Prologue

...

The deed was done.

Sakumo fell weak onto the floor with a fatal wound in his stomach –– a self-inflected gash. He felt himself run cold as his warmth seeped out along with his blood. He drew his last breath, and finally numbed himself from the guilt of leaving his son.

He felt his grip around his tanto weaken. A soft but jaded smile carved onto his paled lips. He never thought that he would feel peace at the doorstep of Death; he had expected death to be nothing less but chaotic. Maybe that was the beauty of juxtaposition.

But… now… as he felt the cadence of his pulse fade, he felt relieved that Death was but a silent embrace from his tumultuous life.

Sakumo had finally crossed the chasm between the planes which separated the living and the dead.

He had finally accepted that he was going to die in shame –– a coward.

…

The dark was unnervingly cold, but still tranquil. Sakumo felt himself haphazardly descend further into the unknown. The deeper he sank, the weaker his mind became. Piece by piece, memories of his life –– memories that defined him –– fell apart and was soon replaced by the void.

Maybe this is what he had wanted all along.

To forget.

But, somewhere along the way, Sakumo felt himself stop from his descent into the blackened pool. His memory suddenly stopped tearing itself apart, and the chill that had been injected into his soul …. warmed.

Sakumo felt himself catch his breath –– a gasp. A tender beat could be felt in his chest again. A beat he had already dissociated himself from ever since he had pointed his blade at himself.

He thought he had already accepted everything.

His eyes tightened as he witnessed black pale into white.

"Sakumo!"

A voice –– belligerent and familiar –– tore selfishly through the web of self-acceptance Sakumo had enveloped himself in.

…

A mellow hue of aureate from the over-hanging light greeted Sakumo's vision, as he wearily blinked back to life. Was this Heaven? No, it couldn't be. After all, he recognised the pattern engraved into the wood of the ceiling –– his ceiling. But, what he didn't notice was the foreign warmth of another, radiating throughout the cells of his body.

Sakumo's eyes followed the trail back to the source of the heat. He didn't expect to see the hazel eyes of his comrade in arms. Yet, here she was. She was tainted in his blood –– and she was shivering in the presence of it –– but tried to remain collected, as she forced her chakra to knit his flesh back together.

"Tsunade," Sakumo finally acknowledged her presence, mute of emotion.

The blonde wiped the trace of his blood from her lips, which suggested that she had resuscitated him back to life. Her facial expression was as monotonous as his, but the depths of her eyes –– the fiery hue behind it –– contradicted her outward expression. Still, she was silent. Sakumo had half-expected her to throw him through the walls of his house, but she gave him nothing of the sort.

He shifted into an upright position and patted his hand down his torso, witnessing a light scar on his chest, one that he had not inflicted. "What did you––"

"I had to manually pump your heart," Tsunade quickly spoke, intentionally cutting him off, as she wiped his blood off from her hands and onto his discarded Jōnin shirt. The fibres of her body grimaced upon hearing his raspy voice; she had subconsciously given up the chances of him living, and was ready to deliver the news to her sensei. Sakumo was one step away from Death, but she managed to salvage the vestige of life he had left.

Idiot, she wanted to say, but her mouth ran dry. She knew that Sakumo has been on thin ice ever since the incident, but she didn't think that she would see his lifeless body strewn on his living room floor.

Sakumo hung his head down, knowing well that she would soon start prodding for answers. Answers that he could not provide himself. The act of his suicide was not committed erratically. He had been contemplating about it for months now, calculating for the perfect day to end it all. Today was supposed to be the perfect day.

"Why did you come here?" He asked in a caustic manner, albeit unintentionally.

"Sensei told me to deliver your slip of leave. He wanted you to spend more time with Kakashi, and to rest." Tsunade clenched at the fabric of her red skirt, now blotched with Sakumo's blood. "I didn't think that I would find you like this..."

Sakumo felt his lips quiver at the mention of his son's name. "I'm sorry." He whispered weakly, averting eye contact with her.

"Tell me, Sakumo, did you ever think about your son?" Tsunade evenly asked, eyes hardened and locked onto the elite ninja. "Did you ever think about the psychological effects this would have on Kakashi?"

When she didn't get a response, she grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him for answers. "He's a child, Sakumo! And you were just going to abandon him?!"

The last piece of sanity in Sakumo... broke. "Of course I thought about it!" He snapped crueller than he had expected, but it conveyed his emotions well. He did this for his son, that's what he told himself. This act –– this selfish act of his –– was all for Kakashi. After all, who would want a failure of a father? Kakashi was better off without his shadow.

Kakashi was the brightest boy he had ever seen. Even the ninjas who despise him thought so, too. Kakashi was special; a prodigy that was seen once in a generation. Kakashi was his stubborn little boy, and he deserved far more than this.

Sakumo just wanted to protect his boy.

Tsunade recoiled when Sakumo grappled her by her wrist with a bone-crushing pressure. She winced at his unexpected behaviour, but stood her ground by locking eyes with him. "So, what are you doing to do now?" she challenged calmly, ignoring the ebbing pain in her wrist. "Are you going to do it all over again?"

His eyes widened at her sharp inquisition. He didn't know what his answer was. Would he? Would he knowingly betray his son –– again? He became crestfallen at the face of reality. What kind of father has he become?

Kakashi…

Sakumo slowly leaned his forehead on her shoulder and wept, silently trying to find comfort in her presence. Tsunade reluctantly obliged and she wrapped her arms around the broken man.

"I want to live," he cried his confession upon reaching a new ultimatum.

A/N: Truth be told, I thought I had put down my pen for this website. It wasn't until recently that my mind was heavily bombarded with ideas for the Naruto-verse. I hope you guys liked this quick inkling from yours truly. :)

Exciled3