A/N: so it's been 34943449435904 years since you've last seen me. Sorry. Mental health issues are possibly under control now? Can't promise other fics will be finished anytime soon though. Hope you like this one.

8th of January, 2017

"What?"

"You heard me."

Elsa stared at her psychiatrist. Their positions needed to be reversed. Sure, she herself would make a shit doctor, but she could definitely dole out a few dozen crazy pills. This woman clearly needed them.

Didn't she?

"So… you're saying… you're- you're prescribing- video games?"

Elsa blinked. She was a cynic at the best of times, but she'd definitely just received a nod in response.

Okay, she's gone completely batshit. I mean, it was a matter of time, considering I'm one of her patient- shit. She's talking. Better pretend I've been listening.

"...raise your self esteem, give you something to tick off… since the 'hygiene' category is asking too much at the moment…"

Hey! I used a wet wipe today, especially for you, bitch. Some people…

"...wouldn't recommend anything violent, more something that encourages you to feel you've achieved something by getting out of bed each morning-"

"-You think a video game addiction will help me become a functioning member of society?"

Elsa's psychologist sighed.

Don't do that condescending thing with your glasses, don't do that condescending- okay, you've done it. Thanks a lot. God, why don't I just hang myself, and then you can buy a pair of glasses that stay in that position and wear them to my fucking funeral-

"Elsa, you don't need to do everything to excess. All I'm saying, is that a couple of levels a day could really boost your confidence. There's no need to go crazy."

Oh, it's way too late for that.

Half an hour later, she'd found herself in a hideously overpriced video game store.

£40 for "Call of Duty"? I could import a gun and blow my own brains out for that money. Be better value. Though Mother Dearest did tell me (politely) to hurry the fuck up and spend my inheritance, before it gets taxed harder than a porn star gets fucked… Uh. Nope. Can't do it. I've got "cheapskate" in my DNA. Much to her ever increasing disappointment. Let's be honest, we've all stopped pretending I'm an actual member of the family.

Her eyes darted to a game in the far corner of the shop. Bright blue. There was a picture of some ice on the front cover.

Matches my soul. Let's see what we got here- fuck, I'm in the kid's section. Fuck. Fuck- wait, am I seriously worried a friend is gonna see me? Friends are so last year. Or four years- anyway. Might as well sink my reputation even lower. Ooh, it's got a princess in. "Play as the Ice Queen of Arendelle and save a princess from a far away land from a deadly blizzard that could threaten her kingdom." GAAAY. Also, the plot is shit. No wonder it's eight quid. Ages 5 and up, god, can I really buy a kid's game? I could say it's for a cousi- PC? You have to play it on a PC? Nah, fuck that.

Two hours later, she went back to the store, now ladened down with gifts for her "cousin". If anyone saw her leave the shop ten minutes later (having used the word "cousin" four times during the transaction) and climb into a taxi, surrounded by glitter and toy unicorns, they'd smile at her generosity.

When, in reality, I'm just a complete fucking weirdo. One with no concept of "saving money". Maybe I'll end up in a car crash and all it'll say on my tombstone is "Had the interests of a pre-teen girl, without the potential, or the cuteness. Did we mention she was fucking weird?"

Somehow, "Frozen" had found its way out of the stupid 20p plastic bag and into her hands.

"Includes 'safe chat' function". Well, this is it. I'm going to end up talking to five year olds on the internet. And they'll probably have far better lives than me.

This is how you die alone.