I drunk-wrote this feeling extremely tired and being unable to sleep. I warn you, this is probably the worst written thing I've ever done so it'll get a rewrite (reposted to because the edit option doesn't work on my laptop for some reason) and maybe a possible part 2 if ya'll want one. Trigger warning for difficult births (it ain't graphic, just tells it but gotta be careful) Despite it being badly written, I hope you still like it :)
A knot forms in her stomach, twisting and turning as his kisses grow more insistent. It was supposed to be a good night's kiss, a peck then settling down in his arms, ready to fall asleep. Yet as Regina went to pull away, Robin had chased her mouth, recapturing her lips, his tongue tracing the seam as he tried deepening the kiss.
She couldn't do this.
She pulls her mouth away and he doesn't follow this time, instead he moves downwards, suckling her neck, teeth scraping against sensitive areas.
One time Regina would be moaning at his ministrations, hands catching in his hair, keeping in there. And she tries. Tries focusing on the pleasure, tries stamping down on that anxiety gripping her. But she can't. It's more than anxiety, it's fear.
Faith's birth had been...difficult. They'd managed to find a cure for Regina's infertility yet like most magic, it came with a price- a price Regina didn't realise.
It had all started when the baby was the wrong way around: feet first. With the effort it took to turn Faith around, Regina had already lost a lot of blood and she hadn't the energy to heal herself or even magic the baby the right way around. Her insults had stopped, the first sign that something was wrong and her tight grip on Robin's hand had become relaxed, fingers loosening as her body focused the last of its energy on keeping Regina alive.
To make matters worse, once the baby was the right way around, the cord had become wrapped around its throat and by that time, Regina had become useless, holding onto the last thread of life she had.
Then it turned into a operation. Words like C-section came into play, words Robin was still yet to learn and in a confused and terrified state, he was ushered out of the room, left to watch them cut open his soulmate from a tiny window.
While Faith had become one of the best things to happen to her, Regina had been traumatised by the birth and the thought of sex and the possible chance of pregnancy terrified her.
She places a hand on his chest, that knot tightening and tightening as he makes his way further and further down her body.
"Robin," she says, voice cracking a little. She's stupid. Stupid and pathetic and can't even do simple things like this. "Stop..."
It's instant as always. She never has to ask twice. Says the word once and there he goes, stopping and pulling away from her completely; no last lick, suck, sniff, whatever, just a stop. If the situation was different her heart would be flooding with love for this man.
But it's not.
It's flooding with fear.
Deep, black, horrible fear and wraps it's dark hand around her heart and squeezes until it's all she can feel.
He can tell someone wrong, his finger coming up to stroke her cheek and even that has her letting out a breath, scared.
(She's pathetic. Completely pathetic)
He has to know, though. Has to know what the issue is but he doesn't stay anything, just takes his hand away and she misses his touch in an instant.
"Not that," she says, voice quiet and tiny. "Not tonight."
Not ever. Never again.
He nods, once less glance at her body before laying back down against the pillow. Regina follows quickly afterwards, that anxiety and fear lessening so, thank god and Robin spoons her from behind but unlike in the past, there's no kiss against any part of her body, his hands stay still on her waist, not even stroking a thumb, they're just still.
He does murmur into her ear, however. A soft, "When you're ready." And it hits her what he thinks is wrong. It's been months after Faith's birth (which is what makes her 10x more pathetic) and his doesn't know how women's bodies work, only knows that they can't have sex a few weeks after they've given birth but he doesn't know the exact time, that's what he thinks is wrong.
It's breaks her heart a little that he doesn't know the true reason of why she doesn't want this but she can't exactly blame him, he doesn't know.
Nobody does.
He doesn't try to touch her after that, not for a few weeks and still going but it's taking its toll, on the both of them.
Sex was the perfect release, mostly from stress or when they couldn't sleep and they'd both had a lot of that. Work mainly causing the stress but Roland had reached that age where he was now playing up. Gone was that good boy with the cheeky dimples she'd fallen in love with and was now replaced with this entire different person who tried so hard every day to test the limits of both parents. Faith was causing problems too. She'd recently decided that no, she didn't want to sleep through the night anymore or even go to bed, bursting into wails whenever they entered even a millimetre into her bedroom. It had left both she and Robin tried and miserable. When Faith had finally settled down half two in the morning, it was just perfect that Regina couldn't fall asleep. She'd been the one to initiate the act. They'd make it quite far, actually where all Regina focused on was the pleasure but when it came to *it * she couldn't do it and had ran off to the bathroom, a series of sorry's falling out as she locked herself away, finally breaking down.
They stop trying, ignoring those urges they both had but Regina finds herself lying there, Robin snoring softly beside her with fear keeping her awake. She knows deep down he wouldn't do it, not while she was asleep but what if he had a dream, what if he was frustrated (she was. they never spoke about it, it was a topic they both silently agreed to avoid and just act like a normal, loving couple through the day) then what was she to do?
There's a cry from the next room. Loud. And Robin grunts, turning to face the wall. Regina sighs, guesses since she's awake she may as well sort Faith out and makes her way to the baby's bedroom.
She's hungry- Regina guesses that the reason she woke up in the first place yet even once she's had her fill she doesn't settle. Every time she's placed in the cot there's just a wail. Regina sighs, feeling the fatigue of lack of sleep finally dawning on her and goes to sit in the rocking chair, see if she can soothe Faith that way. Yet when she's about to sit down, she's hot with an idea and takes the baby off to her room.
It surprisingly works, placing Faith down in the middle of the bed. There's no crying and she shuts her eyes immediately, sucking on the pacifier in her mouth.
Regina smiles, carefully lying down next to the child in an attempt not to jostle her, least she wake but she's well away it seems.
Regina shuts her own eyes, wrapping a hand around the tiny thing as that fear melts away. The baby is asleep but most of all, there's a separation between she and Robin.
Though perhaps next time she should give him a heads up. He wakes, precariously close to where Faith is sleeping. Had he rolled over just one more time, the baby would've been squashed beneath him.
"Why was Faith in our bed?" He asks when he finally comes home. That's how it is now. He works, eats at the bar where he works, and comes home when the bar shuts. While Regina looks after a whole town, picks the kids up from school, parents those kids, looks dinner for those kids, baths those kids, and puts those kids the bed. Robin probably wouldn't even come home if not for the fact that there's a bed here.
(That's not fair, Regina tells herself, feeling guilty at the thought. He loves her, this is just a difficult time)
"She won't settle in her own bed." She says and Robin Oh's and the conversation is left there. Though it becomes flipped now. Regina gets the good night's sleep (as she deserves, she tells herself) and Robin gets the 3 hours, all because Faith likes to take up his side of the bed.
It's the third night he moves out of the bedroom.
He'd came home one night, slamming the door rather forcefully and Regina glares, she'd only just gotten Roland down, the 8 year old insisting that he wasn't tired and Regina knew he'd only just gone down. The last thing she wanted was for Robin being loud to wake him up and start the whole thing over away.
He walks through the front room while Regina is going over some finances with not even hello, just straight to the kitchen to grab a beer, and that's how it is now, they're just like passing ships on the ocean, too busy going their own separate ways to sit and converse with each other.
He renters; the beer in his hand and sits on the one of the chairs, taking a swig of it.
There was a time when they'd lie on the couch together; watching the TV or just talking and now look at them. They're just two people who just so happen to live under the same roof. There's no relationship here, not anymore. That's all gone now. Whatever was salvageable before has now decayed and died.
Regina doesn't even look up at him, just focuses on the pieces of paper in front of her. She feels on edge though. The vibe she's receiving from Robin isn't a good one has it has a slight twinge of anxiousness running through her, making her alert.
"I'm sleeping in Roland's room tonight."
Now that makes her look up. She almost asks why but she knows why, she'd be stupid if she didn't.
"I can't sleep with Faith in the room. I lie there thinking I'm gonna squash her in my sleep."
Regina could fight back. Could say she'll start making Faith sleep in her own bed tomorrow, Thad what she should say but truthfully, she's glad he doesn't want to sleep in her bed anymore and it kills her to think so but now the fear would all be done completely, she wouldn't wake, terrified at the thought of his hardness pressed against her anymore.
The air mattress is thrown down on the floor of Roland's bedroom. Regina watches, handing spare bits of bedding they have and wait as Robin sorts it out.
This is what it's came to, he's already left their bed...how long until he leaves the house? How long until he doesn't come home.
Regina once thought that was the only reason he did come home but now he hasn't even got that. What's to stop him from getting up and just leaving forever?
Once Robin is settled, Regina hops off to bed. It's strange not feeling his presence and while the fear is gone there's a heaviness to her heart. That fear has been replaced by worry, worry that he'll leave.
She doesn't want him to go. She misses him. Misses what they had, the memories they created, the family they had. They're nothing but strangers now, two people who share children and that's all. She misses all those domestic moments they had, the laughs they shared. She's grieving someone who isn't even dead and he could be, too.
She knows, lying there, that she has to do something about what their relationship has become. They needed help. She needed help.