Howdy y'all,

I'm sorry if you came running, thinking I'd uploaded a new chapter, only to find this message instead. I've been in your shoes multiple times, excited to see more of a story I love only to realize that it's a different sort of update. I do empathize with that let down. However, the situation being what it is, I think it's time to address the elephant in the room.

Those of you who have been following me for years know that, in 2018, I almost died due to a medical complication. I spent the back end of 2018 and beginning of 2019 recovering; then began the most arduous year of my life- both personally and professionally. That's not even counting the pandemic and overall series of sucker punches 2020 has delivered without pause. Looking back on where I was in April of 2019 and all that I've accomplished since then, I feel incredibly lucky to have survived it all with myself mostly intact. But I have lost a few things, unfortunately.

One of which was the passion I had for posting Queens of Vale. I still love the story, I love thinking about Weiss' growth and Yang's journey, about the trials ahead of them, about what victory looks like for them, and the happy ending they deserve. Writing the story itself is as easy as ever. The thought of posting it publicly, however, is daunting- posting anything has become a chore. Over the years, there are more stories I've written but never posted than I can count off hand but it's usually for one of three reasons: 1) it involves some inside joke or ridiculously complex sight gag that would work better in a visual medium than a written one, 2) it's a fictionalized account of a deeply personal experience written for catharsis and nothing more, or 3) I plain forgot to post it. Nowadays, though, I'm posting less and less because I don't want to deal with the chore of a chorus of people clamoring for more Queens of Vale.

I don't think there's true malicious intention in some of the requests for more. Those who pair their request with genuine praise or even criticism? I believe you truly love the story for what it is and look forward to where the story goes from here, even if you don't particularly care for certain aspects, plot points, or characters. This isn't directed at you. This is directed at those who honestly believe "more" has a definition synonymous with "good" or "enjoyable"; that simply saying "I want more" is enough praise to warrant the demand.

At first, it didn't bother me. It's just another reminder of a work-in-progress; I have many of those and I get the occasional comment reminding me about those pending updates. At one point, it motivated me to post over 500,000 words in 1 year; post, mind you, not write, as I actually wrote closer to 750,000 that year. For a frame of reference, the entire Harry Potter series is 1,084,170 words and written over the course of 17 years. The entire Lord of the Rings series, including The Hobbit, is 576,459 words and just the first book took 17 years to write.

And the thing about the demand for "more" is that it's unattainable. I write more, and more is demanded; I write even more, and more is still demanded; I write as much as humanly possible… more. More. More. More.

That wears a person down.

So I tried changing tracks, ignoring Queens of Vale in favor of projects that made me happy. I didn't get much attention for it; I've never written a popular pairing. I'm okay with that because the happy few who stumbled across those stories enjoyed them, just as much as I enjoyed writing them. They inspired people and that's why I post in the first place. It rebuilt my faith and bolstered my resolve to return to Queens of Vale.

Then, that taste of victory turned sour. I would post a story and I would get a flood of comments about Queens of Vale. Not on the fic proper, mind; not where it matters. Everywhere else, though, seemed fair game. Anon messages on Tumblr, PMs, DMs, comments on my newly posted fics, comments on fics from entirely different fandoms, on AO3 and FFN, messages on Discord- I became inundated, at times, to the point that I wouldn't work on anything at all on my computer. I returned to pen and paper, where I didn't have to worry about dings and trills and notifications. The harassment became infuriating.

So, I lashed out. I withheld chapters intentionally. I was mad; it's one thing to be an adult among children because a child doesn't know any better. I tried being the adult and teaching how demanding more incessantly is immature. But, I haven't been dealing with children. I've been dealing with adults or close enough who know the difference between right and wrong, between kindness and selfishness, and intentionally chose to put their own needs, wants, and desires over mine and insult me for daring to question why. Why do I have to sacrifice for you? Why do I have to dedicate my time and energy to you when you can't be bothered to be polite? Why should I give and give and give to someone who refuses to give so much as a genuine compliment back? Are you so single-minded that you think you're the only person to ask, to demand, to plead- are you so filled with self-importance that you believe your request will be more important than the scores that came before you? Or did you not dedicate even the smallest amount of energy to checking if someone else had already asked? Did you not even try?

In a way, I've spent the past two years grieving over Queens of Vale. I went through denial- it doesn't bother me, it's fine, they just don't know how to be polite, it's fine- and then anger- refusing to post out of spite, out of fury for such blatant disrespect- even bargaining- I stated multiple times how easy it was to be polite, to be supportive, to make writing and posting Queens of Vale bearable, I almost pleaded for it- and arrived at depression. Queens of Vale, just seeing the name, became a sore spot for me. It hurt looking at it because I could see the words flowing like a river from my fingertips but then I could also see the flood of comments once the dam of my silence broke. The impending lack of satisfaction. Who wants to willingly subject themselves to that treatment?

Last night, user Kallamez helped me into the final stage: acceptance. It doesn't matter what I do; I will never meet the expectations set for me. I could finish the story right now, all forty-some chapters, and the first thing people would ask for is a sequel. It wouldn't matter the quality of the story, it wouldn't matter if all loose ends were tied up, all questions answered, nothing left to explore; the demands would still come. I could orphan the work right now; I would still get comments and anons and messages. I could delete it from existence; the people who have pushed me to this point don't care. It doesn't affect them. It never did.

I will continue writing Queens of Vale but I will not be posting it publicly. In the back of my mind, I realize that those who likely never liked the story and actively tried to sabotage me will be pleased. They've won. Their incessant noise making worked. But those whom I've made friends with over the years will get the direct link to the Google Doc where I've been working on the story. Those who have seen the screenshots from various platforms and have outright asked me to delete the story; I know they truly love it but hate to see what people have twisted it into, and I think we can privately enjoy it going forward.

For those of you who are seeing this at some other time- either you've waded through the archive to dust off this old work out of curiosity or otherwise lack the context of over 2 years of harassment- I'm deeply sorry that you've been deprived of seeing the remainder of the story due to the misconduct of others. Queens of Vale is about many things- love, family, flaws and atonement- but above all it's about recognizing one's own self-worth. I would be doing a disservice to the story by continuing it here; I don't deserve the abuse I've received. I've accepted that. Let this be a lesson going forward. Fanworks take time, effort, and love to exist; when those become tainted and poisoned, the fanworks stop.

Rest assured that Weiss and Yang will be happy by the end and that they'll find true peace in the presence of the other.

-Tex