An Elucien Epilogue

**CONTAINS ACOWAR SPOILERS**

I don't know how long I stood in the street.

A minute?

An hour?

I'd seen so little of her after the battle with Hybern… Too little.

I spent the month before it in a mad dash across the continent to find Vassa, plagued by nightmares of returning just to find the blood of the battlefield cloying and seeing Elain take her last, shuddering breath. I was so scared, so sure we'd be too late, that I couldn't stop staring at her in those few precious hours after the battle when she was near… Even if she barely noticed me watching.

That was when I truly understood it- what Rhysand had endured and how horribly wrong things had gone with Tamlin.

Rhysand had to play the bastard while his mate suffered at Amarantha's hands. He held that wretched mask in front of his face while she returned with Tamlin and I to the Spring Court. I will never forgive myself for standing by while Feyre withered away, while Tamlin shoved her down further and further into herself. The female who saved us.

No- the girl who saved us.

Mortal, breakable, a human barely out of childhood, and yet she was already worth more than the entirety of the Spring Court. Than all of Prythian even.

Maybe that's why I hated her at first- the human who was more than I.

I can't blame Rhysand for anything he did after Under the Mountain. Before it- before it we had our differences, a history built on lies and false flags. After though…

Maybe that was the only good thing Ianthe ever did- spreading those red rose petals along the wedding aisle. I'd seen the way Feyre flinched from even the smell of them in the garden, I heard her telling Ianthe she did not want red, but that damned priestess insisted. If Feyre hadn't seen them, she'd have married Tamlin and been lost forever to that haze. The second she did notice those petals sprinkled along the aisle like drops of blood, I knew it was over.

Even then I was relieved. I'd half hoped she'd flee all the way back to the human lands. Did I want her gone so our world could go back to some sense of normalcy? Or did I want her to get away from Tamlin, to be free as I never thought I could be?

I don't know. Maybe both.

But he'd shown up when she needed him the most. Rhysand brought her back to life. He'd been willing to let her go to Tamlin, the male she'd destroyed herself for, if that was what made her happy. He'd been willing to sacrifice his mate if it was her wish… But not as long as she was slipping away inside.

If Rhysand could be that good of a male, I didn't see why I couldn't be as well. I tried to speak for Feyre, and when Tamlin didn't listen I kept pushing until he reminded me where my place was.

Pushing, not fighting.

Bringing her back to life- that bastard Rhys didn't intend to but he brought a lot of us back along with her. I'll go to my grave denying it, but he woke up all of us trapped in the Spring Court.

After the battle with Hybern, I could still smell the shadowsinger on her through the blood of our enemy. Elain was awake, alert, more alive than I'd ever seen- and there was a whiff of jasmine and smoke about her that told me he'd been the one to draw her out again.

Azriel.

Everything in me roared at that male who dared look twice at my mate, but then I caught sight of Tamlin across the battlefield. I remembered Feyre, hollow and dead, gliding through the Spring Court manor like some kind of wraith trapped between life and death. I remembered how he'd killed her with that toxic thing he considered 'love'.

I'm her mate, her mate…

But what claim did that give me? With me, she'd barely come out of her rooms. Since I'd left, she'd woken back up again. She smiled to him- a relieved, exhausted smile as they worked to heal the Illyrian host- but it stopped me cold.

She was happy.

Did I really want to be the one to hurt her again?

I volunteered to heal humans- anything to keep me busy and away from the Night Court tents. Feyre came to say goodbye, and I think she knew what I intended to do… Even if I did not.

As soon as they were gone I offered to escort Vassa back to her prison, accompanied by a nobleman from the Day Court who wanted to examine the spells keeping her trapped there. We winnowed most of the way, and after promising we would find a way to get her out, I hesitated to return to Prythian. The noble went on back to his husband and family, but I loitered for three weeks.

I was determined to stay away, but I knew I had to go back. There was something left to do, centuries of words left unsaid.

When I finally dragged myself to the Spring Court, I'd already made up my mind to be a better male than my father. I would never force a female to the marriage bed, I'd never force my mate to surrender what gave her life in the darkness. I didn't want to be cruel, I didn't want to choose myself over her.

I wanted to explain things to Tamlin, to tell him why I went with Feyre, why I stayed with them after she was safely back at Rhysand's side. He barred the gates of that ruined manor and refused to even see me.

Fine, but cauldron boil the fool- I was going to make him hear me.

It was supposed to be a calm, rational conversation. At the end of it we were going to be friends again. Maybe I'd come back to help him put his world together again after the fallout. Feyre dealt his Court a near-fatal blow, but I'm not sure he didn't deserve it.

Even after the battle I wasn't entire sure who's side he'd been on. I think he played both just enough to survive.

Still, I was willing to come back. I was willing to help him find his way again, if only so that Azriel might bring Elain more happiness. It wasn't something I could watch, but it was something I could hope for. A hiding place- I suppose that was what I was really after.

With the gates barred and my temper already fraying, that calm conversation turned into a ranting, raging mess. I screamed at that dark manor house until I was hoarse. I drank deeply from my water supply to wet my drying throat and when that ran out I emptied the wineskin in my pack as well.

That's when honesty became cruelty.

I told him everything- how Feyre looked at Rhys with such unbridled love it made my heart hurt, how throughout the Night Court Tamlin's name was a joke. I told him how the first thing she did when we made it back was jump in bed with her mate and scream so loudly we heard it streets away.

I told him about how he'd killed me as surely as he'd tried to kill her in that house.

We weren't friends, I was just another slave to serve him. That cunning High Lord of Spring- he'd gotten rid of his father's human chattel only to take on the immortal kind.

I mixed lies and truth, trying to hurt him, make him rage and roar and show himself to me. I'd crossed continents and was ready to give up my mate, and he couldn't be bothered to open the damn gate! Four hundred years of obedient friendship, of abuse and dismissal, and I'd never shown him more than mild disapproval. I'd never done more than push for what was right. Now, after one of the most difficult years of my long life, I was ready to say all those things that I'd left unsaid.

Feyre- that too-young human and fae who was stronger than all of us- she gave me the courage.

The cruelty, I suppose, was my inheritance from Beron.

I don't know if Tamlin heard me. I don't know if he even cared. When dawn came and I woke with my tongue thick and my head throbbing, I left. I wish I could say a comforting breeze followed me, that my water sling was magically full, fresh food lay on my pack, or that there was some sign he'd heard and understood- that he was repentant for it all.

There was nothing. I honestly think he will die alone and bitter in that manor, not seeing that he was the poison that devoured his Court. What did Feyre do but remind them who their High Lord was? She gave him every chance to be the leader we knew all too well: cold, haughty- the type of male who'd let a family starve and then punish them for not paying his precious tithe.

"Take this to the bastard, it's from Feyre." I held her note through the bars and waited until it vanished- snatched by some faerie wisely keeping out of sight. Another slave trapped serving the psychotic fool.

I winnowed across Prythian as fast as I could, eager to put distance between myself and that prick Tamlin…

Three days later, I was walking through the gates of Velaris. I barely knew that city, and yet the mating bond directed my footsteps as surely and truly as if I'd been born there.

I didn't want to see her, I didn't want to go back there ever again. I was going to hide in Tamlin's court until the ache faded. Eventually word would spread that the Archeron sister had given birth to a half-Illyrian infant with her love Azriel. Then the pain would stop. Then I would finally be free of that wretched monster that was hope. Marriage ended in the face of a Mating bond, but a child- a child would be my cure. Only a monster would still long for a female with a happy, loving family… right?

So I stood there in the streets of Velaris, looking up at a townhouse I couldn't enter. If I did, I wasn't sure I would ever leave again. I didn't want to become Tamlin- that wretched, hateful monster. I wanted to be better than that for Elain. If I so much as caught a whiff of her rose-and-apple scent, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to say goodbye to it again.

Something small smacked the back of my head.

Then another.

Then another.

As I turned, golden eye whirling, something hit it and was tangled in my eyelid.

"Cauldron damn you!" I swore, wiping at my eye to get the sunflower seed out before the salt coating it could soak in. Mother above, did it hurt! I cursed the assailant relentlessly, with every vulgar word I knew and a few I made up in the heat of the moment. Tears eventually washed out the worst of it but I still considered throwing a fireball at the Gods-damned fool who'd-

Cassian was biting his lip so hard it was a wonder there was no blood. His face was bright red, I couldn't tell if he was even breathing. Tears welled up in his eyes with the effort that he was throwing into not laughing at me. A small pouch of those damned sunflower seeds was in his hand and he was still poised to throw another.

Beside him, Nesta glowered.

"If you're going to block the gate like some fool then you deserve it," she snapped and shoved me aside.

"I- I'm sorry, I-"

"A battle and one little trip and you've already forgotten common decency? At least this idiot mopes in corners, not the middle of the front walk!" Her words didn't bite as much as they usually did. I glanced to Cassian as he followed, trying desperately to hold back the laughter he knew would only set her off.

Nesta and Cassian.

I looked back down the street, blinking through the tears still in my eyes- a few High Fae and faeries shot me dirty looks as they ushered stunned children away, but there was no sign of the rest of the Inner Circle of the Night Court. I looked down at the small pile of sunflowers that Cassian had been pelting me with as I stood like a fool in front of the townhouse. The four I'd noticed made up the last of an embarrassingly large pile.

Nesta and- and Cassian?!

It was obvious enough they were mates, even if they hadn't figured it out yet when I left. I just expected them to destroy one another long before they did things like go for walks and eat sunflower seeds. More accurately, I expected herto destroy him in a way that would make even Amren tremble.

I'd half wondered if Nesta might find a way to do physical damage with one of her tongue lashings. If I'd returned with Vassa, Drakon, Miryam, and the Archeron father only to see Nesta shouting Hybern into submission, I wouldn't have been surprised.

In fact, Feyre's father and I had a wager going. Unfortunately, Nesta and Elain killed Hybern with a knife, not a scolding. I made a mental note to give ten gold coins to a temple in his name.

"Are you coming in or should we call the city guard to remove you?" Nesta barked from the open door.

I quickly adjusted my pack and followed them into the townhouse.

It smelled exactly the same- like warm food and fresh cut wood. Mor's citrus scent warred throughout with Cassian's cinnamon, Azriel's jasmine, Amren's lemon verbena, Nesta's sandalwood, the special ocean and citrus mix that Rhysand and Feyre both had, and the simple beauty that was Elain's.

My mate's scent overrode all others. Roses and apples. The new life of a garden, the awakening fragrance of a warm, brilliant day filled with light and laughter. From the first moment I scented her I almost abhorred the mating bond- my heart immediately hating anything that would change a fragrance so perfect.

"She's in the garden," Cassian managed to get the words out without cracking. Nesta merely swept into the sitting room where I could hear Feyre and Mor arguing halfheartedly over their evening plans, Rhysand providing the occasional suggestion and an annoyed huff that was undoubtedly Amren. I knew they were only pretending they hadn't noticed my arrival.

They were waiting to see what I would do.

"Lucien." Azriel's deep voice made my blood boil, "Come here."

The command nearly had me seeing red. But as I took a deep breath I caught a whiff of those roses and apples again.

It wasn't just Elain's scent that made me bite back my words and go to the dining room. The roses reminded me of Tamlin, and of a drunken oath screamed through a fence to never let my own desires be a noose around the throat of the female I loved.

Without knowing it, Elain freed me.

When Azriel closed the dining room door and my eyes met his, I felt no rage. Pain- more pain than I'd felt in centuries- but no wrath. No poisonous sense of possession.

The shadowsinger's face was utterly unreadable as he took in my haggard appearance. I'd spent most of the back half of my trip winnowing, but even the strain didn't account for my sagging skin, red-rimmed eyes I would only attribute to Cassian, or even the slight tremor in my hands. I was exhausted beyond words, yes, but I was also terrified of what seeing her would do to me.

"Elain is a good female," Azriel said. "She went through something terrible, and she didn't know where to turn or how to process that. I've watched Rhysand bring many back from that same darkness. I've felt it firsthand… So I showed Elain the way as best I could."

My heart ached, "I know," I whispered, "I won't stand in the way of- of what she wants."

"Good. But I'm just- I was only saying that I showed her the same kindness Rhys gave all of us. Elain is a kind and honest friend. That is all. As my High Lady's sister, I will defend her with my life. As a friend, I will do everything in my power to protect her, but I do not love her beyond that."

"I don't- why would I think-" I was sputtering, babbling, but that feeling in my chest- it was like I was in a free fall. Or maybe I was rising up into the sky- I couldn't tell.

Azriel just offered a rare, wry smile, "Mor had a feeling, something about how you looked when you left us on the battlefield. She wouldn't let me have a moment's peace until I swore to tell you that the moment I saw you." He held up his scarred hand. I barely registered the whirling black tattoo before it flashed and vanished. Bargain fulfilled.

"About time!" Mor's voice just barely penetrated the wood of the door.

He- he didn't love her.

He was a friend, nothing more.

Elain might feel otherwise, but if Azriel did not- maybe eventually she would be willing to at least know me, even if she decided not to love me.

I registered when he repeated Cassian's direction that Elain was in the garden. I think I remembered to tell him thank you and return that smile.

Honestly though, I'm not sure how I got outside.

Maybe I had one more winnow in me after all.

My pack was still on my back, I was sweaty, starving, and so exhausted I felt like I would fall over- but when I saw her nothing mattered.

She was kneeling over the back corner of her garden, carefully selecting burning yellow carnations. Her linen dress was a soft pink, simple yet somehow lovelier than anything I had ever seen before. Her sun-kissed hair was no longer loose behind her, but braided back and coiled into a simple knot. A dirt-smeared apron and speck of mud on her cheek only made her look more… complete.

Beautiful, radiant as the sun itself, and speckled with that earth she loved so much.

I felt ill all of the sudden, as though my stomach had turned to lead. There wasn't enough air in that garden. Not for both of us. She was everything good and pure in the world, and I- what was I to that?

I was the male who watched her sister fall in love with someone I knew loved her as a possession, not as a woman. I was the male who nearly let that innocent human die at the hands of the naga because I didn't think she was worth the trouble. I watched Amarantha torture and torment her without offering more than basic aid. I watched Feyre die in every way it was possible for a human or fae to die for months on end and did nothing.

Or rather, I helped drag her back into it as soon as she was free.

I was the male who did nothing to save Elain from the cauldron. I was the male who thought nothing of her fear and terror when she came back out again. All I did was claim her as my mate before she even knew what the words meant or what she had become.

"I wanted these to be already in your room when you arrived." That voice, cauldron, how it undid me. It was the most beautiful music my ears had ever heard. It was the beginning and end of my entire world- the sound that guided my every step for four hundred years, that would guide it until long after my heart stopped beating.

I didn't know what to say. "They're beautiful," I whispered without a glance to the carnations.

Elain finished clipping another from the bush and carefully picked up the long stemmed flowers, "At home, I would insist on fresh flowers whenever they could be found. It didn't matter if they were weeds, they make the world a brighter place."

When she looked up at me-

-I understood why Feyre came back from the dead for Rhysand, and why he held on to come back to her. If what I felt only looking at Elain was even half of what they felt together, I could understand crawling through the fires of hell itself just for one last glance.

There was a faint blush to her cheeks I hadn't seen before, her skin was sun-kissed and full of life. Her eyes were still veiled, but clearer and more alert than I could ever remember seeing. She had a long way to go to recover from what was done to her by Hybern, what he took from her was something she would never get back, but she was recovering.

There was hope in those eyes. So much hope.

"I'm sorry," I heard myself blurt out. "I'm sorry I didn't stop it."

Which part? I didn't stop Ianthe from selling them out, I didn't stop Hybern from sending them into that Cauldron, I didn't stop Tamlin from claiming Feyre like an errant prize, I didn't stop the war from coming, I didn't stop her from being taken by the Cauldron, I didn't stop her father's death… My list of sins was the length and breadth of Prythian itself, all those things I should have done for my mate.

Elain swallowed hard and bit her lip. She held the flowers closer to her chest, breathing in their smell or hiding behind them, I couldn't tell. After a moment she spoke again, "Nesta and I- we were not the sisters Feyre deserved. She cared for us and kept us alive. We took every precious coin she earned to spend on ourselves, on trivial things that only meant she would have to fight harder, risk more to survive… She put us before all else, even as that beast came to kill her."

"Tamlin…"

"I know its name." Elain winced from her own snapping reply. "I'm sorry, that was cruel…" she took a deep breath, "Nesta and I should have taken care of our baby sister- that is the proper order of the world. We failed at our duty more completely than you can imagine. This life is Feyre's reward for her courage and kindness. Perhaps like this," she angled her head so that the sun caught the delicate tips of her ears, "I finally have the time to repay her for what she's done for us. I would not have chosen it but- but maybe it isn't such a bad fate."

"No, it- it really isn't."

She smiled ever so slightly and motioned to the little patio table. I thought my heart was going to burst. Sitting with her, breathing in her scent from so near- I could get drunk off that smell alone.

There was a soft flash of light and a delicate crystal vase appeared on the table, already full of water. Elain started a little, but she recovered quickly and set the flowers inside. When she flashed me a shy smile, I realized she thought I conjured the vase. As soon as she looked away I turned and shot a glare at the second floor windows.

Rhysand and Feyre wore twin grins, Mor was exchanging coin with Azriel as if he'd won some sort of wager, Amren looked bored and only vaguely interested. The entire Inner Circle of the Night Court was peeking from the edges of those glass windows, subtly monitoring Elain and I in the garden.

Except for Cassian- that stupid prick was just standing there watching us outright. At least, he was until Nesta's foot collided with his hip. His cursing was audible as he fell out of sight.

I don't know when the terrifying Archeron stopped hating me so much as breathing the same air as her sister.

"Please, sit." Elain didn't seem to notice the argument breaking out upstairs between Nesta and Cassian. Though, she'd been living with them for long enough I wouldn't have been surprised if she could just tune it out entirely.

I shrugged out of my travel pack and took the offered seat. A tray of tea and scones appeared between us. I wondered which busybody upstairs was responsible for that. Judging by the strawberry jam and thick cream, I was willing to bet Feyre. It was her favorite delicacy in the Spring Court, and perhaps the only thing about that horrible place she'd cared for.

Elain offered me a cup before taking one of her own. She sat straight-backed in her chair, a proper lady having tea with an acquaintance, nothing more. "How was your journey to the continent?"

I wasn't sure which trip she meant, but I smiled softly all the same, "It isn't as beautiful as it is here, but I'd never stepped foot outside of Prythian before, so it was interesting. I think I prefer this land though. Even in the other Courts, there's a- a feeling to the air and water. A life that makes it home." I jumped slightly in my seat, "Not to say that the human lands aren't beautiful, they are, they're just different. It isn't a shortcoming, it's just-" I was rambling and we both knew it. I silenced myself with a long drink of tea.

Rhysand or Feyre, one of the two upstairs must have seen me floundering. I was halfway through the cup before I realized they'd switched the liquid with some strong whiskey. I made a mental note to hunt the perpetrator down later and kiss them- so long as it wasn't Rhysand.

"Flowers are more beautiful in Prythian," Elain agreed softly. "The mortal lands are… different, as you said. I always wanted to see the flowers of the continent, but… but then everything happened…" Elain seemed to dim under the weight of it all- what the cauldron and war both took from her. They'd told me about most of it, and my heart ached for what she'd endured while I was away.

Elain straightened again, determined to cast off the shadows, "I don't mind, I've decided. If I never see the flowers of the continent, that is. I've seen a thousand carnations in my life. But here- in Prythian I mean- they're wholly foreign to me." She traced a finger along one soft petal, "As you said, there is a life to them I've never noticed before."

The flowers.

Right… Right!

"I almost forgot- I brought something for you, if that's okay?" Elain's interest was piqued immediately.

I was determined to stay away, I was so sure I would stay away- and yet somehow I'd ended up with them all the same.

I picked up my traveling pack and slid away my rolled up blanket. At the top of the pack was my empty wineskin and some carefully wrapped bread. Beneath those were two satchels- neither an easy fit. I managed to work the smaller out and set it aside, then yanked out the other. It took up nearly my entire pack- and was largely responsible for my sorry looking travel clothes. I'd sold the others- and skipped more meals than I'd admit- just to have enough room.

It was worth it though. For the look on Elain's face when I handed her that satchel- it was worth it all a thousand times over.

"Feyre mentioned you loved flowers, she told me you enjoy planting them yourself?" I babbled nervously as she pulled out dozens of pouches of seeds- each neatly labeled, "I know this garden is small, but perhaps you could start a larger one somewhere- maybe in the House of Wind? I could- I know how to winnow, I could help you get there whenever you need to… Or I could teach you how? Oh- wait, that's right, it's warded against- I'm sure we could think of… something…" I looked down to see the tea cup full again and drained it in one go, sending a silent but fervent prayer of thanks up to Feyre and Rhysand for the alcohol and swore to never call him a prick again.

A tear slid down her cheeks, and my heart broke- until I saw her smile. Then it stopped entirely. The wonder, happiness, and pure, unbridled joy in that smile would have knocked me over if I were standing. Hell, it threw me halfway across Velaris even sitting down.

I'd felt like an idiot winnowing to the outskirts of cities, wrapping a scrap of linen around my golden eye, and glamouring the rest of me to look human just so I could go to market and ask about seeds. Over a fortnight I'd gathered a few hundred different types of flowers, vegetables, and fruits- not sure how far Elain's penchant for gardening went, "We can preserve any you don't want to try growing yet, they will keep until you choose to plant them."

She jumped out of her chair and gave me a tight, breathless hug. Every single fiber of my being went to the cheek that pressed to mine, "Thank you." She whispered in my ear, "Thank you so much." That rose and apple scent ripped through me.

Then and there I swore an oath- if we truly had the chance to be mates- if Elain ever accepted that bond between us- I would do everything in my power to find a way to change my scent to hers. No matter what it was supposed to symbolize between us, I didn't want them to combine. I couldn't stomach the thought of losing even a fraction of the smell that danced off of her in the garden.

She was perfection incarnate, glorious as the sun shining above, and all I could hope for was to be worthy of her light.

When Elain stepped back, shy and happy, I remembered the other bag I'd set aside. "These I found in the Day Court this morning. I stopped for a rest and saw them."

The Day Court was one of my favorites. It made me feel awake- alive. My magic sang loudly within the borders of that endless, sunny land. Part of me hoped Elain would never see Day's endless green hills- she'd never want to leave. And yet- and yet I was tempted to take her there that second just to see how wide her eyes could go. It would be paradise.

A Court filled with growth and life- that was what Day was. That was the gift I brought to my mate- the mate I was so determined not to see, unsure if I would ever be able to leave her again.

"What are they?" Elain accepted the bag from me and pulled out one of a few dozen polished white stones the size of an acorn.

"I'm not sure what conditions each of those plants needs to thrive- if they can grow in the climate here. These stones are from the Day Court. One in each flower bed will help control the climate. They will all grow- even if you plant a winter flower beside a jungle orchid. There aren't nearly enough for all the seeds, but I can get more easily enough." She could plant a rose garden on an icy mountain top with those stones.

There was that smile again. I made another note to corner Feyre and interrogate her- I wanted to know every last thing I could do to earn that smile again and again for eternity.

"Would you plant them with me?" Elain asked shyly.

"Absolutely," I said. I wasn't even sure what she asked me- I was lost in those blue eyes- but I said it without reservation, "I would be honored."

"I think I would like that very much, Lucien."

Lucien. It might have been the first time I'd ever heard my name.

I love you. I had the sense to not say it out loud, not until she was ready to hear it. It wasn't just the mating bond- it was something real and tangible. I loved her so much my heart threatened to either stop or race with every breath. I loved her so much I was hardly blinking, afraid to lose sight of her for even one second. I loved her with every last fiber of my entire being and would do anything to keep her safe, to keep her happy.

As Elain and I sat in that small garden, even the occasional stream of curses between Cassian and Nesta couldn't distract me from the blessing that sat before me. We talked about everything and nothing as the sun shone just a bit brighter over our heads.

Even if the world ended at that very moment I would die a happy male with the scent of apple and rose all around me, the music of Elain's voice filling my ears, and the radiant glow of her smile the only thing my eyes could see. The only thing they would ever want to see.

I could spend eternity with you. I whispered to the mating bond.

I thought she'd forgotten about it. I didn't think she would have- could have- heard me. I thought I'd gotten away with that little admission, gently called down an invisible connection which was foreign to her-

But then a brief image flashed into my mind of her sitting across from me in a vast garden beside a white marble palace, that smile shining as brightly as the midday sun. No more shadows, no more darkness haunting those blue eyes- she was happy and at peace surrounded by a cacophony of life and color. Every flower that ever existed was in that garden, but the mate who rested her pale hand atop mine was more lovely than all of them.

That vision of a paradise yet to come cleared and Elain smiled shyly at me, "I think, perhaps, I could too."