The boring day was coming to an end. Finally, I can evict myself from the chains of society for the next 18 hours before I have to drag myself back in here for my government sanctioned education. I packed my defenses - a nice thick book I pretended to be absorbed in to avoid the people around me, when a certain idiot screamed from across the classroom, "Ehhhh! This is sooo cool, I'm no longer Hikitani-level!"

I can hear you, you annoying loudmouth. And who the hell is Hikitani?!

"Hayama, what should I do? Say hi? Maybe something smooth, like a pick up line?" Tobe continued.

"Just be yourself, no harm trying." Hayama replied smoothly, the perfect response to a hopeless romantic.

"You're no help at all!" Tobe wailed in response as he furiously typed into his phone. "Hello - how - are - you - today?"

No need to hear any more, he's not getting a reply. Not from that opening. Picking up my bag, I left the classroom and made my way towards the clubroom. The sun felt a little colder than usual today, even though it was nearing summer already. Truth be told, however, I already knew why.

First contact is always the easiest. It's hard to say no, after all. It's the wait that was excruciating. The slim hope for a reply that may or may not come, with every second passing by as slowly and as unlikely as a sloth contemplating reaching for another branch. Hope is paralyzing. It's why I've taken the logical path and abandoned it.

Chatting with girls isn't about being yourself, it's an art form. Like how a chef knows the exact amount of salt with a single glance, or how a painter can mix the perfect color to finish a portrait, talking to girls require an innate understanding of the universe before one can effectively communicate with them. Beings like Hayato Hayama simply do not comprehend our suffering at all.

I shuddered - I just equated myself with Tobe. Shaking away the nauseating feeling, I entered the clubroom of the Service Club, whose founding member was quietly reading a room in her usual spot, the sun enveloping her with an angelic glow. Yukinoshita Yukino turned her head, and in the most un-angelic voice imaginable, uttered, "Oh, it's you."

"Hello to you too." I replied, and took my place on the opposite end of the table. Of course, the usual rules of talking to girls don't apply here. All traces of the angelic glow has vanished, revealing the icicles that previously reflected the lights underneath. This would be the beautiful frozen queen herself, in her true form. I pulled out my book and continued reading as she returned to hers, our usual routine. Ten minutes passed without incident when…

"Yahallo~!" Yuigahama hollered as she came barging in, her silly greeting rousing me from my book. To my surprise, she wasn't alone. Following right behind her was one of our previous customers, the wannabe casanova himself, Tobe.

Tobe and Yuigahama began speaking excitedly, and although my brain registered their words and gestures, I was unable to process it. Tobe received a reply. Nothing made sense anymore.

As it turns out, my understanding of Tinder was wrong after all. It seems you don't just randomly match with people, the other party has to "swipe right" on your profile as well before you began messaging each other, according to Yuigahama as she explained Tinder to me and Yukinoshita.

In short, some fool decided Tobe was a good match after a look at his profile.

"So… you came to us to help you formulate a reply to this person?" Yukino summarised as she distributed the tea, my Pan-san cup finally arriving at its destination.

"Yup! Hayato is no help, and Yumiko isn't even looking my way! You guys are all I've got!" Tobe replied, his voice optimistically cheerful.

The last time we helped... well you're still single…. Nevermind that, Yukinoshita, for whatever reason, looked interested.

"Tinder? It's… a dating app?" Yukino asked in amazement. She has obviously never heard of it until about five minutes ago. "So you just put yourself out in the internet and hope someone ends up liking you?"

Yuigahama nodded and held out the phone, where there was only one match on display, someone called Chika. It was oddly familiar, for some reason, but before I could look into it, Yukinoshita began shedding tears.

"Hikigaya-kun, someone really is looking out for you." Yukino replied in a joyous tone as she looked over at me, her crocodile tears starting to get on my nerves. I chose to ignore her as I took a sip of tea. It was bitter, just like my memories.

"Show them the conversation!" Yuigahama said excitedly, obviously very eager to take on the case. Yukinoshita took over Tobe's phone as I walked over and read the conversation:

"Hello, how are you today"

"Great! =D"

"Amazing… Hikigaya-kun, I-" Yukinoshita started, but I quickly cut her off. "Can we not focus on me here? Tobe's friend is expecting a reply, and it's not nice to keep a lady waiting."

I didn't want to hear whatever she was about to throw at me. Instead, I looked through Chika's profile. She looked vaguely familiar for some reason, and then it hit me when a picture of her in her uniform came up.

"Yeah! This is going to be great!" Yuigahama chimed in, her eyes positively glowing. "I bet we can help Tobechi secure a date!"

"A date? You really think so? Heh…" Tobe laughed nervously, running his hand through his hair.

"So you just want us to help you with a reply, right?" I injected, setting my tea aside.

"Hikki…" Yuigahama started to speak, but was unable to continue. Sensing her hesitation, Yukinoshita continued for her, "Hikigaya-kun, I believe Tobe-kun here is hoping for a decent conversation, which requires both parties to communicate together."

"Wait, what is that supposed to mean?!" I protested.

"Hikki, maybe you want to sit this one out, you know? After all, this is girl talk." Yuigahama offered, obviously taking Yukinoshita's side on this.

"Alright, you two make it sound like talking to girls is so hard." I conceded, returning to my book.

"Oh?" Yukinoshita replied, an annoying smirk on her face growing larger by the minute. "Perhaps we've underestimated you, Hikigaya-kun."

From her bag, she withdrew a small notepad. Tobe, who was remaining uncharacteristically quiet the whole time, watched in fascination as Yukinoshita tore apart 4 identical sheets and handed one to each of us. She then placed the phone with the conversation in the middle of the table.

"We all have 3 minutes to come up with an adequate response. We can vote on it, but ultimately Tobe-kun will decide on the best response." Yukinoshita announced in a businesslike tone, although the look in her eyes as she stared me down betrayed her.

"3 minutes?!" Yuigahama and Tobe echoed in unison before frantically searching for a pen. Yukinoshita simply returned to her seat, and after a short moment of contemplation, began drafting her reply.

Me, well I just leaned over to the phone. The conversation sat there, its content as clear and as innocent as far as one can tell. The ideal response? Easy, I thought as I reached for my bag for a pen.

Beside me, Yuigahama stared at the screen as a million, probably idiotic, thoughts ran through her mind. At a loss, are we? Well, you're no better than Tobe, who was pulling at his hair in frustration, having crossed off several possibilities already. Yukinoshita, however, seemed at ease as she penned her reply, clearly at an advantage here.

"Time's up." Yukinoshita announced as Yuigahama barely managed to finish her reply. Smirking as she gathered the responses, Yukinoshita laid them out neatly in front of the phone. I nearly burst out laughing. The four responses couldn't have been more varied.

The most prominent would be Tobe's, which was covered in crosses and hastily scribbled responses. He settled for a simple "Me too!"

Way to kill the conversation there, man. You'll never recover from that awkwardness. With that, Tobe was out.

Next to his was Yuigahama's, which simply read, "Oh, aren't you tired?"

I couldn't help but marvel at Yuigahama's thinking. Apparently, neither could Yukinoshita, who was did not seem to realise the nature of the line. In fact, she looked perplexed as she constantly checked back to the phone's conversation log, trying to decipher the message.

"Yuigahama-san, what is this supposed to mean?" She finally inquired, gesturing towards the cryptic message. "Why would she be tired?"

"Eh, well…" Yuigahama nervously responded. As I started wondering about how Yuigahama was going to explain the concept of pick up lines to Yukinoshita, Tobe started cracking up. "Oh, that's a good one! I wish I thought of that!"

"Thought of what?" Yukinoshita asked again, still completely clueless. Yuigahama seemed to be backing away, desperately trying to avoid answering the question. Clearly she wasn't expecting to have to explain the concept of a pick up line. As she slowly tried to back away, she started glancing about the room, possibly looking for a quick escape. Watching her back away was getting annoying, so I decided to explain it to her to hurry up and close this case.

"Yukinoshita, aren't you tired?" I asked out loud, before my mind caught up to my mouth.

"No, why?" She replied, attention focused completely on me now that someone was willing to explain it to her. Only then did I realise my folly, cursing my chivalrous ego that I had failed to reign in.

I opened my mouth to take a deep breath as Tobe started sniggering. What's done is done, now to get it over with.

I gave the room a quick glance, making sure there wasn't an annoying Kouhai who would appear randomly and at the most inopportune time. I caught a glimpse of Yuigahama, who looked equal parts relieved and equal parts conflicted, although I could be mistaken. Then I can delay it no longer.

"Because you've been running through my mind all day." I replied to Yukinoshita in as flat a tone as I could possibly muster.

Time seemed to slow down as she processed the newly acquired information, breaking down the sentence into words, then the words into meaning, before adding in the context and finally decrypting it to form a coherent thought.

At the same time, several thoughts raced through my mind.

It's just an example...

Yukinoshita's stoic expression began to falter as her eyes widened in shock, finally grasping the meaning of my words.

Those words aren't mine - they were Yuigahama's!

Her eyes began darting around the room as her face started to flush.

The first time I've ever used a pick up line...

The Ice Queen began melting before our very eyes as her cheeks started glowing visibly.

And I had to use it on her...This is all wrong... Someone kill me...

She tried to speak, but her throat failed her as she bowed her head, starting to shake visibly.

My Youth Romantic Comedy is Wrong, as I Expected...