Desire is a State of Mind

Author's Note: This is a female Sasuke x Naruto story. In this story, Sasuke was born female and is named Suki. I received request a for a story where Suki wields Genjutsu against Naruto in a rather unorthodox fashion. If any of that bothers you, you might want to turn back now. For those of you still here, I hope you enjoy this story and reviews are always appreciated.

Kyubbi talking to Naruto or anyone else in bold italics.

Naruto talking to Kyubbi in bold font.

Chapter Notation: This will involve a lot of flashbacks and next chapter will feature more Genjutsu Training for Suki.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit off of any of my fanfics.

Chapter 1

Three years. For three years, Naruto Uzumaki had poured everything he had into his training and into trying to bring Suki Uchiha back to the Leaf Village. Without success. Until today.

"Suki!" It was like trying to capture the Moon in a way.

One could see the Moon, but one couldn't actually touch it. She was always just out of reach and in that damn snake's clutches. Naruto had never really known what hatred was like before Orochimaru, but now he did.

It burned. Hatred burned and it spread through your veins like a poison. It was scorching in intensity and made your body feel like lead, but he wouldn't allow it to control him.

"Naruto, be careful!" Sakura's voice rang in his ears.

He heard her, but the blonde couldn't listen. Naruto had made Sakura a promise that he was going to bring Suki back and that was exactly what he was going to do. He wouldn't go back on his word!

"Isn't that sweet?" Orochimaru gazes at Suki. "It seems your former teammates missed you."

He wanted nothing more than to tear the other man apart, but he stood frozen. Frozen just by the sight of her. No Jutsus were required.

Time was a funny thing. In some ways, she was exactly as he remembered and in others, she couldn't be more different. Three years could utterly transform a person, both on the outside and on the inside.

Starving. He was starving. Naruto had broken the rules of Kakashi's Test and now, he was strapped to a pole with an empty stomach.

"Here." Suki shocked him by shoving a bowl of food by his face.

The raven haired girl had also stunned their other teammate it seemed. "Suki! What are you doing?!" She had just broken the rules. "If you get caught, you'll get sent back to the Academy!"

Suki glanced at the pink haired Genin in a way that made it clear she wasn't going to change her mind, but why? The last female Uchiha hated him. She'd made that much obvious every single day at the Academy. So why was she risking her career as a ninja over his growling stomach? It didn't make any sense!

"If he's hungry, he's going to be useless during the test." Suki rolled her eyes as if that was obvious. "So just feed him."

Sakura grumbled, but started to do exactly that. "You'll have to hand feed me. I can't use my hands." Neither girl looked particularly thrilled at THAT, but Suki ordered Sakura to do it anyway.

Things were finally looking up, when Kakashi Sensei showed up and scared the Hell out of them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His voice bellowed throughout the training ground, scaring even the birds away. "Why are you feeding him?!"

Again, Suki shocked him. "Because the three of us are one." It sounded so profound and she practically glared at Kakashi, almost daring him to argue with her. "If he was too weak to perform during the test, we all would have lost anyway." In other words, she was completely insane!

He had always known she was insane, but now the Uchiha Girl was arguing with a Jonin! She was way out of her league and Kakashi looked really, really angry!

"The three of you are one?!" And he was only getting angrier!

Suki nodded her head determinedly. "Yes, we are!" What surprised him even more was when Sakura joined in.

Sakura had always followed the rules. Sure, she idolized Suki, but still. Naruto had never thought she'd actually argue with a Sensei!

"That's right!" Sakura nodded her head in agreement! "We're one!"

Suddenly, Kakashi's entire demeanor shifted. His anger disappeared. Replaced by a cheerful smile under that mask.

"You pass!" He smiled!

All three of them were equally flabbergasted by that, especially Sakura. Naruto had to know why though.

"How?" They had broken the rules.

Kakashi smiled at him. "It's true that those who break the rules in our world are viewed as scum, but to me…those who would abandon a comrade are worse than scum." His smile never wavered. "From this day forward, you will be known as Team Seven."

That was the first day, that he saw an emotion from her other than sadness, angry, annoyance, or disgust now that he thought about it. Maybe, that was the day he started viewing her as a friend.

She looked different on the outside. Time would do that to almost anyone, but was she still the same Suki on the inside? He wanted to believe that girl who had commanded he be fed when he was hungry was still somewhere inside her more than anything, but he just needed some little sign that was the case.

"It doesn't matter." He sees Suki's lips move, but Naruto couldn't make out what she said to Orochimaru before she flits down to him. "Come to think of it, didn't you want to be Hokage? Wasn't that your dream?" Her one hand was on the back of his waist. "It seems that all this time you spent chasing after me, would have been better spent training." Her lips brush against his ear. "Wouldn't you agree, Na-ru-to?"

He wasn't sure why, but he shivers at the feeling. The feeling of the warmth of her breath on his ear and her closeness. Though the blonde heard her question loud and clear.

His resolve strengthens as Sakura and Captain Yamato gaze upon them with anxious eyes. "What kind of Hokage would I be, if I couldn't even save friend?" That didn't stop him though.

Somehow, he had to reach her. He had to make sure that Suki knew he wasn't afraid of her. He didn't even flinch as she began to withdraw her blade in an agonizingly slow fashion. She was testing him.

He never got a chance to pass it though because Sai darts between them, stopping Suki. The artist soon got a taste of the Uchiha's Chidori which she was now radiating along her body!

For a moment, she looks at him before rejoining Orochimaru. Just like that Suki Uchiha disappeared in a swirl of flames. They had failed again!

A few hours later, the Sound Ninjas had all arrived at another hideout. Suki was now sitting by the shore of a lagoon. A blue lagoon which seemed to be taunting her. It reminded her all too much of Naruto's eyes.

"I should have killed him." Why had she hesitated?

Naruto was standing in her way. He always died. The blonde was a liability and if she killed him, she'd get stronger. She had to kill her best friend to obtain greater power. That was what Itachi had said.

She had tried countless times to sever their bond. The last Uchiha had even gone so far as to nearly kill Naruto before and yet, he still chased her. Relentlessly. Clearly, he qualified as her best friend and his death would mean she was one step closer to her ultimate goal. Killing Itachi.

That's when she sensed a sudden shift in the air. "In your weakened state, you shouldn't try to sneak up on me." And threw a kunai behind her, that Orochimaru barely manages to dodge.

The shift had been his chakra. Suki was far from a Sensory Type of ninja, but when someone was right next to her…well it was difficult not to notice, if you were paying attention.

"That's accurate enough." The sickening, simpering laugh made her want to Chidori him. "Though I was just thinking about your current predicament." It was strange really.

She was surrounded by such beauty, when her thoughts couldn't be more ugly. Orochimaru knew. He knew that she couldn't bring herself to kill Naruto for whatever reason and that didn't bode well for the Leaf Ninja.

She turns around, noting the soft green grass that was underneath the man's feet. It was a miracle that it didn't wither and die, just from being touched by him really. "I don't need your help with anything, other than killing Itachi." Suki had surrendered herself to her goals and to the darkness that came with that surrender, but Orochimaru barely qualified as human in her mind.

He laughs and Suki feels her fingers twitch. Practically burning with the urge to form a Chidori. "I think that we both know that isn't true. It's one thing to spare those that I have face you in training." He walks over to her and caresses her cheek. "They aren't obstacles to your goal, but Naruto is."

It was difficult to resist biting his hand. To anyone else, it would have been a gesture of comfort, but she knew what it was. A brand. This son of a bitch actually thought that he owned her in a way and that thought made her sick!

Though she would allow him his delusions. Just as long as he gave her the power to kill Itachi. In the end, Suki would be the one to kill him. She had two goals and the second one required her to live far longer than Orochimaru had in mind.

"He wasn't in my way." That was a lie. "I'll kill him, if he is next time." Next time, it was always next time.

Why couldn't she do it? She had to figure out a way around this. A way to make Naruto either give up on her and stop chasing her or to kill him. This couldn't continue!

The sound of the waterfall mirror the thumping of her own heart and the blood rushing through her ears at Orochimaru's words. "Perhaps, you merely need to utilize a different approach." The Sannin was going to target Naruto. Either directly or by using her as a proxy.

"A different approach?" With the sounds of the birds chirping, the beautiful lagoon, and the warm weather, it would have been so easy just to hide away here forever. "What do you mean?" Unfortunately, she couldn't. She still had to kill Itachi.

"The two of you have fought against each other many times and it ends in a stalemate in terms of sheer might." That was true. "Though you're only relying on Taijutsu and Ninjutsu against him. There is another option."

Genjutsu. He was suggesting that she should use Genjutsu on her former teammate. It made sense in a twisted way.

Naruto was weak against it. Suki had always thought that was because the young ninja lacked any hint of subtly and the attention span for the intricate Ninja Art. That and he couldn't lie to save his life and at its core, that's what Genjutsu was. Convincing your opponent to believe a lie.

There was just one problem. "My Genjutsu is basic at best." There was a chance that even Naruto would be able to dispel it.

Orochimaru licks his lower lip with his disturbingly long tongue as if he were a cat eyeing a bird. "That can be remedied. When you first learned how to throw a kunai, I doubt you had perfect accuracy." The man's very existence seemed to defy some fundamental law of nature in her mind. "You improved with time. Why should this be any different?"

Her unease aside, the Sannin was right. Her Genjutsu was basic, but Suki had never really practiced it much. She had learned enough to pass the exams at the Academy in that art and that had been that.

"Teach me." Did Orochimaru know Genjutsu? "Or find someone who will." It didn't matter, she supposed.

There were hundreds of Sound Ninjas. Surely, at least one of them was skilled at Genjutsu. This could be the solution. Maybe, Naruto would finally stop chasing her, if she tricked him.

He smirks at her enthusiasm. "That's the spirit. I shall have you thoroughly educated in this matter and any other that you desire." He pauses. "Well within the time constraints we have."

The Sannin didn't need to specify what he meant by that. Orochimaru was running out of time and fast. Suki didn't doubt for a moment that soon he wouldn't be able to leave his bed.

Which was good. After he had taught her everything she needed to know, she would gladly slit his throat and then do the same to Itachi. And after that, well she'd figure something out.

Meanwhile Naruto sighs as Team Seven makes camp. He couldn't believe it. It had happened again! They had found her and lost her again!

"We'll get her back." Sakura places her hand on Naruto's shoulder comfortingly. "At least now, we know that she's still alive."

That was true, but for how long? Orochimaru was going to perform the body swap soon.

"Which would be a shame." Great. Now, Kurama was going to weigh in on the matter. "Her eyes may remind me of Madara, but her body most certainly does not." Naruto really didn't need to hear that!

His demon was a pervert! Naruto blamed Jiraiya for making him read those damn books. He doubted that the Nine Tails had ever give much thought to such things before the blonde had been forced to read Pervy Sage's books!

"Shut up! Don't talk about Suki like that!" His teammate would find a way to slaughter Kurama for even thinking such things.

Yeah. Naruto wasn't an idiot. He had always known that the other boys in the Academy liked Suki, but he hadn't really cared about that. She was pretty, but she had always been so glacial.

He'd always remember that day when he saw her by the peer. She had looked so lonely, just like him. Naruto had wanted to be friends, but she constantly pushed him and everyone else aside. It had utterly infuriated him at first.

"Pathetic. You wouldn't even know what to do with her, if you caught her!" What the Hell was that supposed to mean?!

The blonde was about to ask what the fox meant by that, when he feels a smack to the back of his head. That certainly jarred him out of his thoughts rather quickly!

"Sai!" It had been the artist! "Why did you hit me?!" Unbelievable! As if the guy's creepy smile wasn't enough!

The other ninja smiles at him in that unnerving way before answering. "It seems you spaced out." Could he read minds?! "So striking you lightly appeared to be the easiest way to get your attention. Which watch did you want to take?"

Oh right. The watches. When you were on a mission, someone always had to stand watch. That was just a standard protocol. Usually, they'd be divided into shifts.

"I guess I'll take the first watch." He was way too wired to go sleep right now, anyway.

Sai nods and heads into his tent for the night. Leaving, Naruto to his thoughts. Some of which were rather disturbing.

He sighs, ignoring his ire at Kurama for a moment in favor of getting information. "Can you track her by her scent?" Akamaru could do that.

"It's unlikely. Orochimaru would have taken her as far away as possible." Which obviously meant out of the Nine Tail's range. "We will find her. Though I still say you wouldn't know what to do with her." And so began Naruto's very long night.

The next day, Suki trained until she was utterly exhausted. Her body wasn't tired, but her mind was almost ready to shut down. Orochimaru had followed through with his promise to say the least.

"Well all your vitals are normal." Kabuto smiles at her as he finishes taking her pulse. "You're just not used to that kind of attack." The mental kind.

She says nothing though. Suki had long ago learned that the less she said in the Sound, the better off she would be. Anything she said was going to be reported to Orochimaru and she would rather not give him any ammunition to use against her later because apparently, he already had plenty.

That entire morning she had been subjected to a barrage of images. Not all of them were unpleasant. No her tormentor was far too clever for that. She intermingled happy memories with horrifying ones in an exquisite symphony of chaos.

The silver haired medic shakes his head. "Well it's understandable that you're not feeling very talkative at the moment." Right. Because those images just wouldn't leave her head.

She was a child again, riding her brother's back to the Academy. Learning how to wield kunais. Capturing a cat with her brother. Baking with her mother.

It had all started out so normally, until she came home and found their bodies. The bodies of her parents laying on their bedroom floor. The floor stained a permanent shade of red. Blood red.

"I'm certain my instructor will tell Orochimaru what happened during our sessions." There was no need for her to do so. "So why should I repeat her words?"

The memories were happy again. Mastering the Fireball Jutsu. Performing well on exams. Eating a fine meal prepared by Itachi. Again, all so normal.

Until they shifted once more. Nearly dying at the hands of Haku. The Forest of Death and bite. The curse mark. The agonizing torture of receiving that damn mark!

"You might have a different perspective than she did." He shrugs simply.

Nothing was ever simple here though. Suki knew better than to think it was. He was fishing for information.

Suki gets up and shakes her head. "I doubt it. I'm going to go work on my swordsmanship." At least that would be more useful than listening to Kabuto flap his jaws unnecessarily.

"An excellent idea." He nods at her approvingly as Suki slinks out of the medical exam room and back to her own room.

It had been a long day and it had only just begun. Learning Genjutsu wasn't easy. To begin with, her instructor had decided she needed to become skilled at recognizing and dispelling it.

That had sounded easy enough. Truthfully, it wasn't. Suki was more naturally inclined towards Ninjutsu or Taijutsu. Trying to use Genjutsu was like trying to write with her feet.

"I can do it." But it was difficult and it felt awkward. "Though Orochimaru is right. A different approach is necessary."

One way or another, she was going to severe her bond with Naruto. Whether she had to make him hate her, kill him, beat some sense into him, or use another method…Suki Uchiha would find a way to do it.

"And there's a chance that Genjutsu might be the key to solving all my problems." Naruto would be especially vulnerable to this type of attack after all. "There's also the chance that I could use it against Itachi."

That was what she should be focusing on. Killing Itachi. Not Naruto's sad, impossibly blue eyes and Genjutsu would help her do it.

It would help her severe her connection with him and find a way to make her goal a reality. Just as she had vowed to Kakashi that she would!

"Alright. Introduce yourselves." The silver haired ninja smiled pleasantly at them.

They all looked at him in confusion. Though it was Sakura who spoke first. "What do you mean?" Which was frankly a relief because Suki had been about to embarrass herself by asking the same thing.

Introduce themselves? What were they possibly supposed to say? They had all gone to the Academy together. They knew everything that they really needed to know about each other. It wasn't as if they were strangers.

"Your name, your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, you're dreams. That sort of thing." Oh that! "It's easy." Pft. How could a Jonin be that naïve?

Sakura nodded at that answer. "Alright! You should go first though!" Naruto and Suki nodded in agreement. "I mean, it'd be easier to do it, if we had an example to follow!"

Kakashi shook his head. Obviously, he thought it was rather silly that he had to humor a bunch of kids, but whatever. Suki didn't care what he thought. Just as long as he helped her to get stronger!

"My name is Kakashi." He paused. "Well I like a lot of things. I also dislike a lot of things." Another pause. "As for my hobbies, I don't really feel like telling you that either. The same for my dreams." He smiled at them serenely and they all face faulted.

"Right! I'll go next!" Naruto grinned and Suki wondered why he was smiling so much. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" Obviously. "I really like ramen! I dislike waiting for it to cook! My hobbies are training and eating a lot of Ramen!" Did he ever eat anything else?! "My dream is to become Hokage! Believe it!"

He wanted to be Hokage? Naruto had barely managed to graduate. Not that it was any of her business, but he had a long way to go, if he ever wanted to sit behind that desk.

Still, she had to give him credit. He did aim high. There was something to be said for ambition. No matter how unrealistic, he was being. Not that she'd ever tell him that.

"My name is Sakura." Of course. Suki had known the girl since she was like five. "My hobbies are training and collecting flowers." Uh huh. "I like Suki and my dream is to become a powerful ninja and to marry the boy I love!" Suki really didn't see how she factored into that equation, but alright.

Damn it. Wait. Kakashi had gone, Naruto had gone, and so had Sakura. That could only mean one thing!

"Suki, it's your turn." Kakashi prodded her.

She placed her hands under her chin as she crouched. "My name is Suki Uchiha." Not particularly pleased that she had to participate in this exercise, but having decided it was best to be honest. "I dislike many things and I don't really like anything." The young girl paused briefly. "I don't really have any hobbies other than training and I don't have a dream because I will make it a reality!" Itachi's image flashed through her mind. "I'm going to avenge and restore my Clan!"

She had meant what she said on that day with every fiber of her being and she still meant it. Suki Uchiha would kill her older brother and she would have a family again and she wasn't going to let anyone stand in the way of her goals.

Not Itachi, Orochimaru, and certainly not Naruto Uzumaki. She would do whatever it took to ensure that her family could finally rest and peace and that monster couldn't hurt anyone else ever again. After that, she could focus on her happier goal.

"I need to act quickly." Time was running out.

Orochimaru would need a new body soon and he would try to take hers. Of course, she wouldn't let that happen, but Suki Uchiha still needed to obtain the skills that would kill Itachi.

First things first, she had to learn Genjutsu and get Naruto leave her alone. Then she could focus more on her training and kill Itachi. After that, well maybe she could still go back to the Leaf.

"After all, I'm doing them a favor by killing such a high profile mark in the Bingo Book." Two actually. Orochimaru and Itachi. "They might be willing to let me back into the village for that." And if not, she'd just restore her Clan somewhere else.

Well at least that was the plan. Years later, she would look back on this moment and laugh. If there was one thing that Suki Uchiha would learn, it was that life didn't always go according to plan.