"Why are you still here?" Cosima quickly runs downstairs, looking at her kitchen table. "Do you want me to walk with you?"

"Cosima…" Charlotte rolls her eyes, "I'm fine."

"Where's Delphine… isn't she usually like making you breakfast?" Cosima wonders aloud, she'd been hoping to scam some hot breakfast herself before running out to get groceries. Always something she had to be doing these days. Or it was all procrastination on finishing her dissertation.

"Delphine is crying again. " Charlotte informs her matter-of-factly. "So no porridge today."

"What? Seriously? " Cosima sighs leaning back on her heels.

"I've got to get to school." Charlotte picks up her bag. And moves towards the door. For such a sheltered child, she'd made great progress in independence. And, just kept adjusting to whatever was thrown at her.

"You'll be alright getting there on your own?" Cosima looks between her little sister, and up the stairs where she's aware Delphine is crying. Again.

"I'm used to taking public transit." Charlotte reminds her, "And if anyone kicks my leg, I'll hit them with my bag."

"OK kiddo… just new school, so be careful."

"I'll be fine," Charlotte rolls her eyes. At 12, she was developing more classic Leda attitude and Cosima… well she really didn't like it. But she couldn't exactly criticize either.

Cosima looked around her new kitchen, hard to believe it'd been two years since she and Delphine set out to cure all the Ledas… they'd married, bought a condo, took on guardianship of Charlotte, and finally gotten this house.

The semi in the Junction had set them back. But ultimately it was the right location. More space, central, and a backyard. They'd needed more room, she'd argued with Delphine. And she'd won, despite the fact her Parisian wife had been raised in luxurious European apartments. Turns out larger condos were typically not laid out as well in Toronto. Not made for families. Or clones starting to feel cramped. As much as Delphine had argued it was too big, more house than they needed, she'd yielded to Cosima's American desires for larger living quarters.

It was really more space than they needed, the previous owners had added two extensions including, for some insane reason a fourth bedroom. She'd already reserved that space as her own office. Had to finish that PhD dissertation somewhere after all. The small mini-office near their master bedroom, would of course, be Delphine's.

Although Cosima found herself missing the two bedroom condo as she leapt upstairs to deal with her wife. Stairs. Too many damn stairs.

"Delphine?" She calls quietly, gently tapping on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Non." Delphine manages to get out between audible sobs.

Cosima opens the door anyway, spying Delphine leaning against the tub, wiping at her runny nose with toilet paper. She sits, cross legged near the door and opens her arms in invitation.

"What is it? Is it work?" Delphine had accepted a new position teaching at U of T a few months ago that had raised her stress levels. Department politics more than the work itself.

"No."

"Is it Charlotte's burgeoning attitude problem?" Cosima wonders aloud, one Leda was probably plenty to live with. Two… well, Delphine was probably half-crazy to agree to it long term.

Delphine shakes her head wordlessly. "Just let me deal with this. I just need a few more minutes. "

"I guess I'll go work on the guest bedroom then?" Cosima offers kindly, "I'll get the storage out of there… I can start priming the walls too. I'll even paint it that light grey you want."

At this, Delphine sobs harder clutching the mess of snotty toilet paper to her reddened tearstained face.

"Oh god…" Cosima exclaims, moving to immediately embrace Delphine, who doesn't resist and lets herself be pulled into comforting strong arms. "I got you. We're ok." Cosima whispers softly, kissing her love's forehead.

"Cosima… " Delphine pleads. Though whether she wants Cosima to hug her tighter, or leave her to cry remains a mystery.

"Now, tell me what's really going on?" Cosima urges. She doubts Delphine is cheating on her, but her mind plays with the idea for a split second before deciding it's ludicrous.

"I started my period." Delphine attempts a final brush off. "This...this is hormonal."

"Yes, and?" Cosima prompts. Delphine's periods were so regular, and so easy compared to her own this means nothing. Her wife doesn't even do more than pop advil for a day in response.

Delphine lifts her head for a moment. Just enough to look into her eyes. "I still want a baby."

Cosima blinks, unsure of how to respond. They'd been through this. Two years ago after Delphine had seen her struggle to hold one of Helena's sons. She'd told Delphine no, that she never wanted kids. Delphine had accepted it instantly. This was a done deal.

"Still?" Cosima repeats in a small voice. She tries in vain to remember details of that short awkward conversation, huddled close together on the GO train back into the city. But it seems so insignificant. Nothing was said that would have led her to believe Delphine would be crying over it two years later. She remembered the lovemaking that followed returning to their bed far more. How passionate Delphine was, how they'd lost themselves in each other yet again. Somehow that night stuck out against the frequent sex haze of that first year.

"It… it's never really stopped completely. " Delphine explains apologetically. "When we took in Charlotte, became her guardians, I thought that might be enough. And we have been a family. With all of your sisters here. It's been wonderful. And I just… I love you so much." Delphine tears up again, the sobs resuming.

"Oh." Cosima responds bluntly, her hands loosening of their own accord, even as Delphine buries her face in her neck.

"I never want you to feel that you are not enough for me." Delphine lays a kiss on her neck. Voice levelling out and tears slowing. "Our relationship, our marriage, is the best thing in my life."

"I'm happy I win over work?" Cosima tries a small joke, to no effect.

Delphine takes several deep breaths trying to calm herself. "I know you want to get the guestroom done for your parents. I know Sally and Gene want to visit you here… I know this is important to you. "

"It is...my mom and dad are like impossible to get a hold of like 80% of the time." Cosima sighs. "But you don't want a guest bedroom, do you? You want… a nursery."

"I keep thinking about it." Delphine admits, "being pregnant, putting a bassinet in our room, painting the spare room yellow. You grinning as you feel our baby kick. Stupid mostly."

"I mean… it's a fantasy." Cosima acknowledges, accepting it. "Of having a baby, with me."

"Yes," Delphine nods. "And I know you can't get me pregnant. And we cannot science a child into existence without… causing effects in the gene pool. And I know...you don't want one. You don't even want to hold one." Delphine sniffs again, her nose dripping. "I don't want to make you miserable."

"That about sums it up…" Cosima whispers softly, kissing Delphine's temple. "We just have this really great life….and you make me so so happy. "

"Good." Delphine manages a teary smile, but it's genuine.

"But, you can't hide your feelings or bottle shit up just to try to protect me." Cosima says finally, rubbing Delphine's back. "You don't need to protect me from this. Especially not from this. You need to tell me."

"I did." Delphine chokes up. "Two years ago."

"But...it hasn't changed… I really thought you'd changed your mind. " Cosima looks intently at her. "I thought you were happy."

"I am…" Delphine responds nearly panicked, grabbing her and pulling their mouths together firmly. She's kissed deeply, intently as Delphine tries to prove it.

"Oh…" Cosima gulps. Pushing herself at Delphine again, her tongue plays with Delphine's, but she can still taste her tears. And warm hands caressing her body, pulling at her pyjamas have her naked in minutes.

"Je t'aime." Delphine emphasizes. Pulling her up to stand, to move from the bathroom floor before things became any more heated.

All Cosima can think to do is grab the two dark pink towels from the bathroom door.

"Viens…" Delphine gives her hand a tug. "I need you now. I need to remind myself."

Cosima glances towards the master bedroom, but instead pulls Delphine into the guest room to be. Several boxes sit in one corner while a tray, ready to be filled with primer lays under the window on the far wall. The ugly brown walls aside, it was a good room, once they got it painted and ready.

"Cosima… I am trying to take you to bed." Delphine explains, her voice still thick.

"I know," Cosima smiles. "But I want to take you in here. Besides the sheets on the bed are the light ones, remember? "

Delphine shakes her head, "this isn't about me, Cosima… I need to show you… "

"This is exactly about you." Cosima retorts, untying the silk robe and tossing it behind her. "I love you so damn much. Delphine. More now than I did two years ago. We're so tied together." Cosima continues as she lays the towels out on the floor before sinking back and opening her arms.

"I'm sorry." Delphine apologizes as she sinks down on her lap, straddling her.

"I'm not running. I'm not leaving." Cosima murmurs. "You need to tell me what you're feeling."

"I have you." Delphine responds, leaning in for another deep kiss. "I need you to be happy with me. I chose this."

This conservation, Cosima realizes, as things become more and more heated, will have to wait until later.

"Diva cup or tampon?" Cosima asks even as she's reaching gently between them. They've had sex on Delphine's period before, though never on day 1.

"Diva cup." Delphine answers. The wetness gathered on her sex confirms the answer. She drags her fingers through the delicate folds, finishing by cupping over Delphine's sex, now so familiar to her. The wiry light brown hair. The smell of her.

"So beautiful." Cosima breathes, dragging her love back in for another kiss.

"This is going to be messy." Delphine warns, her tearstained face looking down at her. Staring at her as she kissed along a soft shoulder, a collarbone, as she sucks a nipple into her mouth and Delphine's hips roll, coating her hand with her arousal.

"I want you inside." Delphine whines.

"You want to take it out, or should I?" Cosima asks, her voice a whisper. Either way, the cup would have to come out. She'd already learned orgasm would break the seal and causing unfortunate leaking, the hard way.

"You do it."

Her fingers find the silicone base of the cup easily squeezing to break the seal, before pulling it out onto the towel, they could clean it later.

Admittedly, Cosima adored how sensitive Delphine was on her cycles, how such gentle movements could yield pleasure for her.

"So good." Delphine tells her, "I want you… I need to be with you."

"You are with me." Cosima assures

Her fingers enter Delphine quickly after that, she'd always loved this position, Delphine on her lap, hips rolling, lips clinging.

"Perfect." Cosima mutters, increasing her pace steadily, remaining gentle but firm, intent on bringing Delphine to her peak quickly.

"Ohhh." Delphine sighs, a low wordless sound following as she gets closer, clings tighter.

Finally her wife slumps onto her, kissing and crying as she clings. Crying, Cosima notes, was not Delphine's usual during sex, unless she was fisting her. But she holds her anyway, letting Delphine sob.

"I love our life, Delphine." Cosima tells her again. "It is so good."

"Yes." Delphine responds in a sob. "It is."

"What now?" Delphine looks over at her from the mess they've made on the floor, arms still closed tightly around her.

"Now…?" Cosima sighs. "Now… we talk about it seriously. You having a baby… but… I am like terrified of babies. I am not good with them, Delphine. I'm not maternal. It's not my thing."

"But you are good with older kids." Delphine reminds her gently. "Charlotte, Kira, … even Gemma and Maya. You get along with them well."

"I know… but… like little A and D, they're… terrifying." Cosima whispers. "Last time we saw Helena, they ran around like screaming." She grimaces, that is nothing she wants. Not the tantrums, or the crying or the screaming. Not sharing Delphine, Delphine's body, with the little brat for a year...or even two.

"They are two years old. And they were shrieking, they were playing, Cosima. Not crying." Delphine finishes shortly. "That phase doesn't last forever."

"I know… but I am really not a baby person."

"What if...it were our baby?" Delphine probes again. "Are you really willing to talk about it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we can talk it out." Cosima nods, wondering if she could let Delphine do that. She knows it'd involve a sperm bank and a fertility clinic, that doesn't really bother her. But at the same time the idea fills her with dread.

"OK." Delphine agrees, leaning into her body, kissing her mouth, softly this time. The little moan that emerges from her lover's lips briefly causing arousal to bubble up again.

"I am not, you know, totally against discussing it." Cosima offers, stroking Delphine's hair. "Hypothetically, of course.

"You're not?" Delphine lifts her head up hopefully.

She wonders briefly if they'll end up in marital therapy over this. Surely marriages end over this kind of thing occasionally. But, not theirs. Cosima cannot imagine Delphine leaving her.

"Let's… just shower and have breakfast. We can…talk more then." Cosima offers.

"OK." Delphine nods, "what about your turn?"

"In the shower." Cosima lets herself smile at that, "come on b-" Cosima stops herself, that pet name seeming entirely inappropriate all of a sudden. "Come on, my love, let's shower."

She stands up, noting how her hand and thighs are stained red with Delphine's blood, how both of their bodies are now smeared with it, and cannot bring herself to care. She simply picks up the cup and swishes her hips on the way to the bathroom.

"I… I really love you." Delphine calls after her.

"I know." Cosima says without turning back, turning on the water and setting the temperature. "Come here."

Delphine quickly follows her, but instead of bathing, instead of washing the blood from her inner thighs, she collapses into her arms under the spray. "Mon amour." Delphine asserts, giving her another needy kiss.

Cosima's last thought as Delphine sinks quickly to her knees before her, is wondering if Delphine is trying to compensate her. Or...prevent rage? Or assuage fear?