Buffy's POV

I stop my movements and pull away. I can't read her expression, and now I'm freaking out. She's had six weeks to think about us, six weeks to figure out that maybe this isn't going to work. Whatever the hell this even is. My fear is likely apparent, but she looks at me calmly. Placing her hand gently on my cheek, lighting stroking with her thumb.

"There's nothing wrong. We were just going to wait. Remember?" I relax, waiting. We're just waiting, getting to know each other better.

I lay back down, she wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. My head is resting on her heart, I focus on that, listening to its rapid beating. She sighs and relaxes her arms. I can sense that there is still something she's nervous about.

"What do you want to do now?" That wasn't what I was expecting her to ask.

I hadn't thought about what we would do after this. But I've only been awake for a few minutes. She's had a lot more time to think about things, a lot more time to worry about the future. "I don't know, maybe start taking classes. Like we talked about before."

"Do you want to go back home?"

I sit up to look at her, she looks nervous, unable to hold eye contact. I can guess that she wants to stay here with the rest of the slayers. She would have been with them all this time if it wasn't for me. I'm no longer as worried about being here, around the slayers and my friends. "Home is wherever you are."

"Are you sure? You could... stay here?"

"I don't know about here exactly. It'd be better if we had our own place. I don't think Kennedy will be too happy if I were staying here."

"I'm not worried about her, we'll set her straight."

"Do you want to take over for her?"

"No, definitely not. I just want us to be a part of the slaying again."

"Us?"

"Once you're ready. If you want to."

"I do want to, I'm just not sure about working with all these slayers who seem to hate me."

"I don't think they hate you anymore. They all saw what you did, you were kind of amazing."

I sigh, I don't remember what happened, and I find it hard to believe that they would change their minds about me. But I do want to be part of this, I think I need to be. "I'm willing to try."

She visibly relaxes, but still seems worried about something. "What else are you worried about?"

"Spike."

"What about him?"

"He needs help. Drusilla must have done something to him. He's kinda crazed."

"What do you think we can do?"

She sighs and looks away again. "He keeps calling for you."

"You've seen him?"

"No, I haven't left this room." She says it like it has no significance like it's no big deal that she trapped herself in here with me for 6 weeks. I take a moment to see how tired she looks, she almost looks frail She must not have been eating or sleeping much for the past 6 weeks. I want to be upset with her for not taking care of herself, but I know I would have done the same thing.

"I guess I can try talking to him."

"Ok." She seems to have relaxed a little. I can guess that these past few weeks have been very hard on her.

"I'm sorry I went with Shannon. I never meant to put you through that."

"I almost lost you."

"I'm so sorry. I should have waited. We should have come up with a plan."

She squeezes me tighter, "no more shoulds. It's ok. Everything is ok now."

She releases me from the embrace and I go to move away and realize that I'm still wearing the backwards hospital gown. I try to wrap the material around myself, but she stops me. Holding my hands, so the gown falls open. "It was your idea to slow down."

"Yeah… but…" She licks her lips as her eyes roam over my mostly naked body. "I'm not all that bright." She smiles and pulls me close, kissing me deeply, her hands sliding across my back. I completely melt into the sensations, losing all ability to reason.

I break the kiss, my head resting on her forehead as I try to catch my breath. "As much as I really don't want to be saying this. I think you're right. We should get to know each other better." She closes her eyes and groans.

"Yeah."

I move away from her, wrapping the gown around myself and lying beside her. Her eyes are still closed, and her face is scrunched up. "When do you want to go?"

She looks over at me confused.

"On our date? Can it be a breakfast date? Like right now?"

She laughs and rolls towards me, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around me. This is the first time we've laid like this, I am usually the one wrapped around her. It feels incredible, just laying here, holding her. Her head resting on my heart. "I've never been on a breakfast date before. Though I guess I've never been on an any time of day date."

"I'm pretty sure breakfast dates are a thing."

"I want to take you on a real date. With dinner and maybe dancing."

"That sounds amazing." I trace my fingers lightly over her back, and I can feel her responding to my touch. Pulling herself closer and nuzzling against my neck. "I guess we better get up and see what Willow has to say." My voice is raspy with desire. I make no effort to move from this position, hoping that she'll give in. We can still go on dates, we can still get to know each other. That doesn't mean we shouldn't also get to feel each other. I'm pretty sure that makes sense, though, with the way she's moving against my body, I'm… Done thinking.

"Mmm…" Her fingers are roaming sliding apart the hospital gown.

"Faith." I moan softly, trying to be the voice of reason.

"Don't worry. I'll go slow." And she does, trailing her fingers lightly over my leg, my skin bursts at every touch. Ever so slowly teasing me until I think I might explode. If she stops now, I may lose my mind. She doesn't stop, but I may have lost my mind anyway.

There's a gentle knocking at the door, Faith is wrapped around me again, we're basking in the afterglow of the thing we had agreed we weren't going to do. She quickly moves to cover us with the sheet, before the door inevitably is opened.

"Buffy?"

"Dawn?"

"I'm so glad you're ok!" She says running into the room before realizing what she's walking in on. Her eyes widen, and she covers her face and runs out of the room giggling.

"I guess we better get dressed." Faith sighs but doesn't move to leave the bed.

"I guess so."

Dawn's POV

"OK, so someone could have warned me about that!"

Willow is standing in the hallway laughing at me.

"It's not funny! I'm traumatized now!"

"You said you always knew they were going to get together," Willow tells me, and it's true. I had always known they'd eventually figure out they were stupid for each other. Took them long enough.

"That doesn't mean I wanted to see it. I need to wash my eyeballs."

"Chill out squirt. You didn't see anything." Faith grins at me as she exits the infirmary with Buffy behind her.

"I saw enough! And I'm taller than you!"

"Such a little drama queen," Buffy laughs at me and wraps me in a hug.

"Am not!"

"And still a brat."

"Am not!" I finally get a chance to look at her. There's a pretty good scar across her cheek. I didn't get to see how badly she was hurt. They kept her covered whenever I went in there. It must have been awful to leave that much of a scar.

"I'm so glad to see you, I'm sorry it's been so long." She releases me from the hug and smiles.

She seems so happy, so different than when I last saw her. I don't even remember the last time I saw her smile, now she can't seem to stop. I know almost all of that is because of Faith. Without thinking about it, I attack Faith with a hug. "Thank you," I whisper, she's frozen in my arms, I quickly back away knowing that I probably just freaked her out.

"Is Xander here?" Buffy asks, looking around expectantly.

"Right here, Buff." His voice is quiet, I know how nervous he is about seeing Buffy again, but she lights up as soon as she sees him, running up and hugging him.

"Easy, not a slayer!" He squeals, and she giggles but releases him from the hug.

"Sorry!"

We spend the next few hours reminiscing, I tell her all about school, and she tells me about the craziness of the past few months. She's almost completely like the Buffy I remember before Glory. There is a faint hint of sadness when someone mentions Spike.

"Yeah, I should go check on him," Buffy says frowning.

"Can I come?" They won't let me go see him, they won't even tell me what's happened to him.

"No!" Willow and Faith both shout at once.

"But maybe I can help, he did a lot for me before. I want to help him." Even though I'm an adult now and in college, they still treat me like a little kid.

"Dawn, I know you were close, but Drusilla did something to him. He's not the same, he won't even recognize you." Willow explains.

"Then why do you think Buffy can help him?" I can tell from their looks that not one of them thinks that she can.

Spike's POV

Here come the rats again, rats again. Tra la la. They'll come to chew on my soul, eat it all away. Maybe it will be fire this time. The fire burns so wonderfully, the smells delight. Oh. It's not the rats or the fire. It's the girl, she. The one who will set me free.

Buffy's POV

I can't put this off any longer, I have to see him. I have to try and help him if I can. I head to the basement where he's being kept. Faith had begged me to let her come with me, but I refused. I need to do this alone.

"Spike?" I call softly into the darkness of his cell. He's broken all the lights, the only illumination comes from the small glass window in the door as it closes silently behind me. I wish I'd thought to prop it open.

I can barely stand to look at him. He's naked, huddled in the corner, mumbling to himself about rats. His body is covered in wounds, they don't look random. Someone carved magic symbols into his flesh. I see his torn clothes in the corner, Faith had told me they tried to keep him dressed, but he would just rip anything they put on him off. The stench in the room was unbearable. His flesh was rotting off of him, his wounds leaking multi-colored fluids as they refused to heal.

"What did she do to you?" I gasp, startled at the sound of my voice in this nightmare of a room.

"She? Who she? You she? There is only one she, only Buffy." He begins giggling, curling himself into a tight ball against the wall. The chains on his wrists rattling cruelly.

"What can I do?"

"Set me free. Free free."

What kind of free does he mean? I obviously can't unchain him and let him out of here. Or does he mean I should kill him? Can I do that? Hasn't he suffered enough? Is there anything left in this world for him? It's just as much of a kindness as what I did for Drusilla.

I can't be in here, I turn to leave. "Buffy? Pet? Is that you? Are you real?"

He sounds somewhat lucid, I turn to find him standing fully before me. His naked body is terrifying. It's then that I realize all the markings on his body are only in places he can reach himself. He carved those runes into his own flesh. "I'm so sorry Spike. I didn't know this was going to happen to you."

He frowns at me and begins giggling again. The sound of giggling mixed with the terrible visual of him breaks my heart. I run from the room, tears streaming down my face. Faith is waiting for me at the end of the hall. I let her wrap me in her arms, and I cry, burying my face in her shoulder. "Sssh.. it'll be ok." She tries to comfort me, but there's no point. Nothing about Spike will be ok.

"I have to set him free."

"Let me do it."

"No, it has to be me. It's my fault this happened to him."

"B? No, there's no way this is your fault." She holds my face, looking into my eyes. Wiping away my tears with her thumbs. "Not every horrible thing that happens is your fault."

I want to believe her, but I just can't. If I hadn't closed myself off, maybe Angel wouldn't have lost his soul again, maybe Connor wouldn't have become a vampire, and maybe Spike wouldn't be completely insane. I shake my head sadly. "I have to do this." I see that she had expected this outcome, the Scythe is leaning against the wall.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll be ok. Just please be here when it's done."

"Always." I kiss her gently and release from her warmth. Moving slowly to pick up the Scythe. My Scythe, the weapon that symbolizes everything about the slayer. It feels both heavier and lighter than it should.

This weapon which changed the world. Not just the lives of all the slayers that were called, but everyone their lives touched. Parents, siblings, and friends. An incompressible cascade of consequences, from a decision that I made. Who actually knows what would have happened if we hadn't done it. Did it actually make a difference in our battle with the first? I'm not sure it did. We might have been able to hold them off long enough for Spike's sacrifice even without the extra slayers. We'll never know now.

Spike, he is truly the hero. He sacrificed everything to save the world, and this is his reward? To be tortured, chained up and locked in a cell? To have his end come at the hands of... Of what? His greatest love? His worst enemy? I don't even know what I am to him. We drove each other crazy. He became infatuated with me, and I used him. He propped me up when no one else could be bothered to. I could never give him what he needed.

Now I can though. Now I will set him free.

I re-enter the chamber. He's bowed before me, neck exposed. Forehead almost touching the floor. I want to tell him what a hero he is, how he saved the world, but I won't. He can't hear me anyway. I move to his side and raise the Scythe up, bringing it down as hard as I can. It slices cleanly through him to embed fully in the cold cement. His ashes settle to the ground, and I let the Scythe go, backing away.

I stare at it for a few moments, sticking out of the ground, much like when I first found it. Just like when I killed Connor and almost myself. I hope we can leave it here forever. I hope there is never a reason to take another slayer's power. It might be hard to explain, but I hope I don't have to. I hope they can accept that I'm right about this. That I was always right.

Faith is standing outside as I exit. I fall into her arms, my legs giving out. She crushes me to her and scoops me up in her arms. She carries me through the hallway and up to my room. She places me on the bed and crawls in beside me, holding my head against her chest. Whispering to me, running her fingers through my hair. I continue to sob, not just for Spike, but for everything. For all of the mistakes I made, and anger I held on to.

When I can cry no longer, I finally feel free. I'm ready to be myself again. I fall asleep listening to the sound of her heart beating, knowing that when I wake up, my life is going to begin again. For the first time, I am excited about what the future holds.

Faith's POV

Fuck. What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry that she's upset about killing Spike? Is it because she seems more upset about this than she did about killing Angel? I just don't get it. She's completely mine, I'm sure of it, so why do I care about this vampire who is nothing but ashes now?

"Faith?"

Shit, did I say something out loud? She hadn't been sleeping for very long. I didn't mean to wake her up.

"Why are you so angry?"

"Not angry."

"Not a good liar."

I only moan in response. She sits up and moves to straddle me. Her arms crossed over her chest.

I want to protest, tell her that I'm not upset. It seems pointless now, "I just don't understand your deal with Spike."

"How could you understand it? I never told anyone what happened with him. I was so ashamed of what I did with him, I kept it a secret from everyone. I only told Tara because I thought maybe something was wrong with me, that maybe my soul was broken when I came back."

"I never knew about that." I frown, I wish I had been by her side when she came back. I wish I had been by her side when Glory came so she wouldn't have had to die in the first place.

"I used him, I knew how he felt about me, and I used him." She is staring out the window now. I can see how much this hurts her to talk about. I don't want her to hurt anymore, but I think this is important for both of us. "Did you know he made a sex robot of me?"

"What?"

"He was so desperate to be with me that he had a robot made. It came in handy a few times."

"What!?"

"Not for sex! It helped with Glory and then again when I was dead. Willow taught her to pretend to be me so they wouldn't take Dawn away."

I can't help but laugh at the idea of it, but I see her point. Spike was beyond obsessed with her. She knew it and she took advantage of him.

Her face gets somber, "when I finally came to my senses and pushed him away, he tried to... "

"Tried to what?"

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, "he couldn't accept me pushing him away."

"He tried to rape you! Are you serious?" I'm furious now, trying to sit up, but she pushes me back down.

"It was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now."

"Like hell, it doesn't. How come no one ever told me?"

"I wasn't exactly proud of it, and we needed him to help fight the first. Would you have even cared then?"

"Of course I would have cared! How can you think I wouldn't have cared?" I'm losing control of my anger now. "You let him around all those girls and even Dawn. I don't understand how you could have done that."

"He'd gotten his soul back by then, it's why he got his soul back. He would never have hurt any of them."

"You don't know that." She smiles sadly at me, and I know we're getting off topic. I just can't comprehend how she let an attempted rapist back into her home, let him be around her sister and all those potentials. I'm agitated now and push her off of me, she doesn't fight. Only moves away from the bed facing away from me.

"I know it's impossible to understand, looking back, there's a lot I can't explain."

"I need a minute." I get up and brush past her to leave.

"You don't understand how broken I was then."

"I understand more than you might think. You think it was your fault that he attacked you, you think that somehow you deserved it, and that made it ok. He would never hurt anyone else because it was all about you."

"No.. I…"

"Don't even try it." I rush out of the room before she can say anything else, or maybe before I can. I run up to the roof, I need some air. Suddenly feeling completely closed in and trapped.

"Faith? What are you doing up here?" Red is up here, she still looks completely drained. It's been a long six weeks.

"Just needed some air. You?"

"Same." I move to sit beside her, I don't know why. Even though we've grown closer these past few years, it's hard to forget how things started.

"Why didn't anyone tell me what Spike did?"

"Which thing?"

"What he did.. Tried to do to Buffy."

"It was her story to tell I guess."

"How could you have let him stay in the house with all those girls after that?" She gives me a concerned look.

"He'd gotten his soul back." She shrugs. "You know all the awful things Angelus did, did you ever worry that Angel would hurt anyone?"

"It's not the same." Shit, maybe it is the same. I was in Angelus' mind, I know more about what he did than anyone. I never held any of what he did against Angel, so why am I upset about Spike?

She doesn't call me on it, just looks away. I should probably ask her why she's really up here, but I'm too wrapped up in my own problems right now. "I had no idea what she was doing with Spike. I was supposed to be her best friend, and I had no idea. I got completely lost in my guilt over bringing her back, I couldn't deal with how damaged she was." She sighs and closes her eyes. "When she died, Spike was there every day. He took care of Dawn, he fought demons and kept us all safe. He didn't even have his soul then. That was even before they..." I shudder at the thought of what they did together.

"I just don't get it."

"Maybe it's not for you to get. We've all done things that we can't imagine how we could have done them now." That's for sure, she and I both were almost part of killing everyone we've everyone known. Her method was a little more all inclusive than mine was, but I don't really know what would have happened if the mayor had succeeded.

We're silent for a while. I focus on B's energy, she's still in her room, unmoving. "I better go back. Thank you."

"Faith, she's happier than I've ever seen her. And I knew her when she was an annoyingly perky cheerleader."

I return the room feeling much lighter and sure of myself. She doesn't stir when I enter, curled up in a ball on the bed, facing the window. I slide in behind her and hold her tight.

"You came back."

"I'll always come back." She rolls over to face me.

"Can I tell you the rest?"

I nod, dreading what else there is to tell.

"That night, when I was voted out of slayer club… he found me." I really don't think I want to hear what happened when he found her. "I was ready to give up. I was sure it was over, that there was no chance we could win. He convinced me that I was stronger than I thought I was. He was the reason I found the strength to go get the Scythe, he was the reason I was able to come back home."

"I didn't know," I remember how different she was when returning with the Scythe. Her confidence and determination returned, I always thought it was the weapon that transformed her, turns out it was Spike. It should have been me.

"I never told anyone. I was ashamed that I needed anyone's help, never mind his. Sure he had a soul, but it was still Spike." She sighs deeply and looks at me. "None of this matters now. He's gone."

She's curled against me her head nestled into my neck. I think about all she's said, and I finally figure out what I'm worried about. The thing that had been in the back of my mind all this time, but I wouldn't acknowledge. I hadn't known all of what happened between her and Spike, but I had known she used him, that he loved her and she didn't love him.

"How do you know that you aren't doing the same thing with me that you were with Spike?" She pulls away slightly so she can look into my eyes.

"Because being with you doesn't make me feel dirty, it doesn't make me hate myself. Being with you brings light back into my soul. I'm not ashamed of anything about you or us. I never thought for a moment that I could love Spike, I always knew what I was doing with him was wrong. Everything I feel about you is right."

Ok, that was a good answer.

A/N I'm done with this story for now. I may come back to it eventually. Thanks for reading.