This is such a waste of time.

Who needs school? I guess all the morons in this class do, but I sure as hell don't. I've already graduated University, so why am I stuck having to come to this stupid place? And even worse, why do I have to clean it?!

Because the Japanese are too damn cheap to contract some cleaning services, that's why. And they even try to pretend that doing this stuff is educational, the cheapskates. This is bordering on child labour, is what it is.

I could be doing something far more useful with my time, like shopping with Hikari, watching TV...

...

...Or putting Invincible Shinji back in his place.

...

That useless jerk! Just thinking about him and his entourage of adoring nitwits pisses me off! It's clear in my head that he's nothing when compared to me!

So why?! Why does nobody else see it?! I'm Asuka Langley-Sohryu, I'm the pilot of Unit-02, and I'm the best damn EVA Pilot around!

Why does Invincible Shinji get all the praise!? He's just a killstealing rookie on a lucky streak, while I've been stuck doing all the crappy jobs! I'm the trained pilot, I'm the skilled combatant, and I'm the one with the highest Sync-

A loud bang that takes me out of my thoughts suddenly rings throughout the room, and I notice with little surprise that I've just punched the blackboard. Hard.

I've been doing that a lot, lately.

Because I'm actually not the one with the highest Sync-rate anymore. Shinji is.

Stupid, talentless, grovelling, underhanded, cowardly, infuriatingly dense SHINJI IKARI!

The thought of such a person surpassing me even for a moment is so unbearable that it hurts. Far worse than the pain running through my knuckles at this moment, as a matter of fact.

...

But you know what's even worse?

"A-Asuka?" a boyish voice sounds from somewhere behind me, right on cue. "Are you okay?"

Having to clean a stupid classroom in a school nobody gives a shit about while being stuck with said cheating bastard as your partner, and knowing that the moron will come asking about the loud sound he heard if he's in the vicinity, always trying to please, always playing the doormat for any scraps of pity he may get.

As if he gave an actual damn. It makes me sick.

...

Well, maybe his act is enough to fool Misato and everyone else, but it's not going to work on me.

"Of course I'm okay, you idiot!" I shout back at him, knowing full well that's all it takes for Shinji to give up in his attempts at fake sympathy. Not that I'd want it even if it wasn't. "Go away!"

And just as I expected, Shinji makes a perfect show of his lack of spine by looking at me weirdly for a moment, and then obediently walking away to collect water with his bucket, eyes glued to the floor and without gambling on an attempt to talk back. The knowledge that this spineless excuse for a boy is the Third Child that everyone's so crazy about only serves to make me even madder.

Then again, the last time he did stand up to me he ended up stuck inside an Angel, so he probably learned his lesson. Besides, I don't feel like watching Misato weep and wail again at having her precious almost snatched from her.

I bet she didn't sound like that when I almost died a gruesome death inside that volcano. The whore.

I feel my hand clench once more but I manage to catch myself before I punch the blackboard a second time, which is obviously for the best. I don't want to hear Shinji again and I'd be damned if I let him finish his work before me because I was lost in thought.

I still need to finish cleaning the blackboard, after all, and then I'll have to bang the chalk off the erasers and do the windows. Hopefully that will be enough time for Invincible Shinji to get his act together and finish scrubbing the floor, so that we can finally go back to the apartment and I can shut the curtains on yet another horrible day.

I'd go on my own after I'm done and leave the Idiot to his own work, but Misato should be home early this evening. There's no way I could dare to get back without dragging her poor, dear, little Shinji with me. The floozy's tirade would go on for ages if I did.

Fuck Misato and her favouritism. I bet she got drunk on champagne the day Shinji beat my Sync-rate, and that she's already making plans to get rid of me now that I'm not NERV's top Pilot. It's obvious that she only took me in due to the tactical needs of the seventh Angel, after all, and because she wanted to get me away from Kaji so that she could have free reign to sink her fangs into him again.

The slut.

...

And Kaji... He doesn't care anymore either, right? He never answers my calls, he barely visits if it's not for Misato, and the few times he does it's clear as day that he'd rather speak to Shinji than me. It's taken him longer than most, but he's finally noticed how worthless I really am, hasn't he?

...

Useless, Asuka, you're really useless. Deep down, you've known all along, but I guess you stubbornly refused to look at yourself for what you really are until the Third came prancing around and erased all of your years of hard work in barely a few weeks, didn't you?

Not that it would have been hard for anyone to do the same. A zero always remains a zero, no matter how many times it's powered. It won't be long now until you're eating Wondergirl's dust, too.

...

Mama and Papa were right in leaving such a hopeless burden behind.

I blink myself out of that train of thought and shake my head roughly. I can feel the beginning of tears well up inside me, but I manage to somehow come up with enough willpower to hold them back before they overflow. After all, it would follow on my luck for Idiot Shinji to finally show up just as I'm cracking up, just so that I can be further humiliated that little bit more.

I'll be damned if I give him the satisfaction, though. Not that he showed up in the first place.

It is then that I notice I'm not standing in front of the blackboard anymore, but that I've moved on to the third window pane of our class. I must have been working on auto-pilot all this time, to rather predictable results on how clean I've left things. I can't be bothered to go back and do the job properly, though, even if Hikari will more than likely notice my bad cleaning tomorrow and be mad about it.

But it's not like it matters, anyway. I'm not the ace of the team anymore, so it's only a matter of time until she forgets about me and moves on to lick that useless idiot's boots, just like everybody-

...My train of thought is interrupted when I fail horribly at suppressing a yawn. I notice with some annoyance that my eyelids feel heavier too, and a killer headache has started to form in the back of my head.

Great. Just when I thought that this day couldn't get any worse, life finds a way.

...It does make me wonder, though: when was the last time I had a good night's sleep?

...

Funny, that, I honestly don't remember. I know that I haven't caught a wink of sleep ever since that moron effortlessly surpassed me, but it's probably been far longer since I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed.

...

Way longer than the time I made the stupid mistake of listening to my heart, or my hormones, or whatever, that's for sure. As if the Great and Invincible Shinji-sama, Slayer of Angels and Divine gift unto Mankind, would have wanted anything to do with you. Stupid girl.

...

Goddamn you, Ikari. I hate you so much.

Have fun with your stupid doll, you-

...And I don't get to finish that thought, either, although this time it's for a far more annoying reason than a yawn: the pain in my head has suddenly flared up hard enough that I end up pinching my forehead with a wince. I hold my hand to my head for a little while longer, expecting the pain to go back down to its previous hurtful but manageable levels, but it doesn't. It holds its position with perseverance, hell-bent on making my shitty day even shittier, and closing my eyes seems to be about the only thing that has any effect whatsoever on its intensity.

Clearly this is my body telling me that it's tired of my bullshit and needs something barely resembling rest. Something that I'd normally try to put off at least until I was back at the apartment, but I don't think I'm going to be getting a choice in the matter today.

...First you fail at EVA, and now you can't even control your own body. You're really pathetic, Asuka.

I resign myself to the inevitable, but there's just a little problem with the whole sleeping-in-class idea: the infernal heat of Tokyo-3's eternal hot and humid summer doesn't lend itself well to a mid-afternoon nap, and it's even worse when the sun's rays are being amplified by all this glass.

It's a little problem with a simple solution, though, because while I may be an useless excuse for a human being, even I can do something about that: I open the window closest to the back door of the classroom and do the same with said door and, soon enough, my simple actions bear fruit.

...Yes, this breeze feels nice. I guess I'll plop my head down on a desk and try to rest my eyelids a little bit, for all the good it will do me. I don't even care about what the pervert will think or do to me whenever he finally comes to scrub the floor, at this point, so long as the goddamn throbbing in the back of my mind will go away.

Yeah...

For just... a few... minutes...

-]O[-

I wake up with a jolt, the odious scenes and words that plague my every visit into Morpheus' realm quickly fading away and leaving room for reality. I try to blink the drowsiness away as I sit upright once more, a bit of annoying pain in my neck letting me know that it didn't like my makeshift sleeping arrangements one bit.

The foul mood that I'm sure is clearly showing in my face has nothing to do with said displeasure, however.

Another nightmare, same as always. Every little bit as I expected, but at least this little experience has allowed me to glean that they're not tied to me sleeping in my bedroom or anything like that, not that I'd ever put much hope into such a theory to begin with.

Which makes this whole nap idea sound useless and stupid in equal measures, in hindsight. What's the damn point in my body screaming at me to sleep if it's not going to rest when it has the chance to, seriously?

Because, to make matters worse, the pounding in the back of my head is still there. Very slightly better, but still there.

"Oh, Asuka," a boyish voice says from somewhere to my left. "You're awake."

And speaking of pains, look who finally decided to show up.

It doesn't take me long to spot Invincible Shinji next to the windows, with a rag in hand. A part of my brain reasons that he's probably still doing the floors, but the better part of my attention is focused elsewhere:

After all, the classroom is quite a bit less blazing than I last remember. The rays of the sun aren't directly striking the windows anymore, in fact. What time is it?

...

18:30?! I've been asleep for how long?!

"S-Sorry," my expression must be telling if it's triggering Ikari's usual doormat response. Not that it ever takes much for that to happen, really. "Should I have woken you? I didn't want to disturb you..."

I ignore the Idiot's usual bullshit in favour of focusing on trying to find out just how long he has left until we can leave this Japanese excuse for a place of 'learning' and, quickly enough, I realise that something's not adding up: Ikari's supposedly cleaning the floor, but there's no bucket anywhere close, or a mop, or whatever he'd need to do so.

Would you even use a rag to clean the floor, now that I think about it?

No, the far more logical conclusion is that he's...

"...What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm cleaning the windows." The moron confirms my suspicions, suddenly taking to smiling in what can only be smug self-satisfaction. "They still looked a bit dirty..."

And I feel my teeth clench in response and my anger start to rise. At the pain in my head, at my lack of proper sleep, at all the blind retards in this city...

...And at the moron that's systematically taking everything that should have been mine.

So you don't have enough with taking EVA and having everyone in Tokyo-3 kiss your ass? Are you going to be showing me up even in cleaning the fucking classroom? Is that it, Ikari?

Screw this, I've had enough. I can't stand being in the same room, breathing the same air as this bastard a second longer.

You want to impress Hikari that goddamn much? Then be my guest, Third. I'm outta here.

...

...Or would want to be, anyway, because the moment I stand up and my chair loudly clatters to the ground is also the moment that the pain in my head suddenly turns into something akin to having a white-hot rod forced into my skull; my legs almost giving out from under me doesn't help matters, either, and it's only by hanging on to the surface of the desk that I manage to keep myself standing.

"Asuka!"

And, predictably, Ikari literally jumps at the chance to show off just how superior he is to me, covering the handful of steps between us in record time.

But I'm done having any of that today.

"Don't touch me!"

My roar freezes the idiot in his spot and he recoils back, as if he had been bitten. His face goes through a few different expressions, before finally settling on the one I'm used to seeing, the coward that I know he truly is but that everyone else refuses to see him for.

"...O-Okay."

Yeah, that's a good expression on you, Third. And let it be a lesson to you, while you're at it:

I don't need you. I don't need anyone.

And I'll fucking prove it.

I force myself to gulp down the wave of nausea and leave the classroom as quickly as I can without another word, hoping against hope that Ikari will get the message and leave me the hell alone.

But of course, clueless moron that he is, he doesn't. It takes a small while and making my way out of the school grounds, brain pounding painfully all the way, but soon enough I can hear Shinji's footsteps following behind, albeit a respectable distance away.

I don't even need to turn around to know who it is. I could recognize the tip-tap of his lugubrious walking anywhere.

As if the world owed him anything. As if he was the one that Fate was toying with, pushing out of reach everything he's worked towards his entire life.

The bastard.

Even through the agonizing pulsing in my head and the pit in my stomach, I can feel the anger rise up within me once more, reaching ever higher heights than before.

"Stop following me!"

"I- I'm not-" For a second, Ikari doubles back like he did before at watching me turn on him, but this time he tries to put up something resembling a stand and a protest. "But this is the way back to the apartment!"

"Then go find yourself another route, you idiot!" I shout back at him even harder than when we were in class, because I'm going to have none of that. "I don't want you anywhere-!"

But further words die in my mouth as, suddenly, the ache in my head intensifies even more and the wave of nausea comes back in full force, making me lose my balance and start retching, of all things. I double over in pain despite my best efforts, just managing to stay on my feet...

...And I've barely got enough time to put a hand on the nearby wall before the tips of my shoes are covered in vomit.

"Asuka!"

...Well, there goes my lunch. Or what little I'd eaten of it, anyway. I thought that my lack of appetite during lunch break was because it was the Idiot's turn to cook today, but it appears that there is actually a far more mundane explanation to it all. It's probably where the damn headache and all this dizziness is coming from, too.

I can't believe I actually managed to come down with something, though. It's eternal freaking summer here! How could I possibly catch the flu or anything like that?!

Besides, how old was I when I last fell sick? Seven? I thought the NERV medical ward had done something to keep its Pilots from falling ill, but I guess I was wrong about that.

...It figures that I'd be the one of the three to prove the weakest, too.

"Asuka, you're burning up!" the moron exclaims, having rushed over and put a hand to my forehead. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

And he almost sounds worried, even! Maybe he's scared that this lapse in perfection will lose him some brownie points with Katsuragi?

As if that would happen. Invincible Shinji could join the next Angel in destroying our EVAs and he'd get a standing ovation for it.

"-ck off..."

I'm pretty sure that he heard me but Ikari doesn't react to my words, no doubt thinking himself too damn good to respond in kind. And who can blame him, really? I must be such a sorry sight at the moment that there's hardly any need to kick the proverbial dog, after all.

That doesn't stop Ikari from grabbing hold of my left arm and waist and separating me from the wall, forcing me to rely on him for support if I don't want to end up sprawled on the street. Not that such a development would have been much worse than having to endure his opportunistic embrace, and all the connotations attached to it.

I mean, he was too much of a chicken to do it when there was even the slightest chance that I would bite back for it, but he jumps at the chance to grope me however he likes when the danger is nil?

He's such a damn coward. A Coward with a capital C.

...

...And it speaks volumes of how undesirable I am that this is the closest anyone has ever held me for as long as I can remember.

My pathetic attempts at breaking free end as soon as that latest thought crosses my mind (not that they would have amounted to much, anyway) and, before long, I'm being helped/dragged back to the apartment, watching helplessly as every freaking passerby smiles slyly at the scene, no doubt counting themselves lucky for the front-row seat to the downfall of Asuka Langley-Sohryu.

...

Invincible Shinji saves the day yet again. This is so goddamn humiliating.

-]O[-

The Idiot hurriedly dumps me on the couch almost as soon as we enter the apartment, and forces me to lay on my back before disappearing somewhere else. Probably the kitchen, judging by the angle, or maybe the bathroom, but it's not as if I can be sure of what I'm seeing anyway since the whole damn room just keeps on spinning.

At least I've managed to keep myself from puking again on the way back, although that's probably more due to not having anything more to throw out than to anything else. The nausea's still there, stronger than ever and not going anywhere, after all; the pains that ail me since the start of today don't appear interested in leaving me alone, either.

Neither of them.

"You probably have a heatstroke." Pain number two calls out from somewhere in the distance, and I manage to make out ruffling and noise as small items clang against each other, as if the moron was looking for something. "The sun's been especially hard these last few days."

A heatstroke? Yeah, I suppose that makes more sense than the flu or any other variants considering the circumstances. Good to know that not even I could challenge the odds that hard.

"The thermometer isn't in the box." Invincible Shinji returns, sporting a frown as he looks down on me. "Misato-san probably took it and forgot to put it back in. Not that I need it to tell that you have a fever."

Of course that you don't need something as mundane as a thermometer to tell my temperature, you're Invincible Shinji, after all! You're so loved by everyone, so innately talented, so damn good at piloting EVA that such menial things like sensing heat or bursting out of physics-defying monsters are nothing to you! Hell, you could probably just make these stupid symptoms instantly go away, if you so much as put your mind to it!

But of course that he won't, even if he seriously could. That would require him to momentarily step down from his position at the top to give a shit about useless ol' me, which we all know isn't going to happen. Nobody needs a second best, after all.

Nothing is impossible for Shinji Ikari! All shall bow to our Lord and Saviour! Everything will be all right in the world so long as we have Invincible Shinji with us!

Who needs other EVAs? Who needs other Pilots? Who needs a useless little brat that not even her parents could love?

While I'm lost basking in his excellence, Ikari takes off my shoes and leaves them somewhere in the kitchen area, deigns himself to put me into a moderately comfortable position before slapping a cold water bag on my forehead and even tries to get some small amount of food into my system, to the indignant protest of my stomach.

In essence, he's playing the dutiful caretaker for the moment. But not out of any real concern, mind you, but because he's still hell-bent on making his perceived mistake look as good as possible and reducing the impact of a criticism that will never come. Because, you know, this is Katsuragi and her preferred we're talking about, and we can't have the status-quo shaken in any way, shape or form. Typical Shinji.

And I let him do as he wants, partly because I feel like shit and can't really do otherwise and partly because I honestly don't give a damn anymore. Let the Idiot have his fill of praise scrounging, and just let this horrible day be over already.

...

But still, even as Ikari runs around doing task after task like a headless chicken, I can't help but notice that there's something different about him right now. He's more focused, more determined than usual.

I mean, he hasn't stuttered once in the last hour, for crying out loud! Not even when the most vocal passerby ran their mouth with some bullshit, or when I startled him when I thought that I needed to make a sudden run for the bathroom.

...

It's almost like those times when he's in the EVA. Like when we faced off together against the Sixth and the Seventh, the fights against the Ninth and Tenth...

...Or when he saved my life during the Eighth.

I notice the faint glimmer of a familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach push slightly against the nausea at the memory, but quickly quash it down before it gets worse. Not the time for any of that useless and ridiculous sentimentalism.

...

...But I get it now. It's just another case of 'I'm being superior to Asuka right now', like that time during the last Angel. He didn't stutter back then, either.

Yeah, that makes sense. It stands to reason that this situation in which I have no choice but to be submissive to him would bring out that elusive spine of his. He must be feeling even more cocky than I assumed, the bastard.

"...Is something wrong, Asuka?" Ikari asks, and we see the return of his I'm-so-concerned act. "You've been acting weird for more than a week now. Even Horaki-san is getting worried, you know?"

So you two are close enough already that she'd confide in you, are you? Wow, you work fast, Invincible Shinji! I'm impressed!

...not. It's the foregone conclusion, after all. Nothing special to see here, other than an overrated moron trying really hard to make me fall for an obvious trap.

"...Fuck off."

"...W-What?"

Ikari stammers, and I feel a bit of satisfaction at throwing him off his game. He's still holding his ground, though, annoyingly enough.

"I told you to leave me alone. What's so hard to understand about that?" I elaborate, as if he needed me to. "Katsuragi isn't going to give a damn about this, so stop it with the pretending and go do whatever it is that you always do. Your spot as everyone's favourite is perfectly safe as always."

"Pretend...? Spot...?" Ikari repeats, doing a wonderful job out of looking surprised. "Asuka, what are you talking about?"

"Are you stupid? Or are you trying to oh so graciously spare my feelings? Because you can shove it. I don't want your goddamn pity, you idiot." I turn away from him and motion as firmly as I can manage in the direction of the hallway. "Why don't you stop with the act and go claim your room back? It's not like I'll be tolerated around here for much longer, anyway. And you can have Unit-02 too while you're at it. I mean, if you can pull off that sort of numbers and kills with the Test-Type, I can only imagine what you'll manage to do with a proper EVA! Far be it for me to keep you from achieving greatness, oh Amazing and Invincible Shinji!"

I imagined that the oozing sarcasm would have helped Ikari figure out that I'm onto him and that he would have buggered off by now, but no, he remains frozen to the spot, his expression stuck in that same damn look of bewilderment. I don't get why, but the moron appears determined to keep up the act until the very end, for some reason. He must be getting some sort of sadistic satisfaction out of it, or something.

I always knew he was a pervert.

"Seriously, what does it take to get you to piss off, Third?" I can feel anger start to bubble up for the third time through the pain and malaise. "Is watching me humiliated in every sense of the word just not good enough for you? Do you want me to grovel at your feet, and admit that even after all my years of training I'll never be half the pilot that you are?" I throw away the cold water bag without a care for its landing and prop myself onto my shoulders, slowly rising on unsteady feet. "Because I can do that at the very least if it will just get you out of my sight."

Ikari tries to stop my ascent, but I just snarl and swipe at him and keep him from getting too close, managing to fully rise to my feet like I intended. The pain and nausea hit me full-force as soon as I do, but I grit my teeth and gulp them down before I start the movements that will get me on my knees.

Useless lout that I am, however, I predictably lose my balance and stumble forwards. But fear not! For the moron catches me as I tumble, messily throwing his arms under my armpits just in the nick of time and barely keeping us both from meeting the floor of the apartment face first, in his usual Invincible Shinji fashion.

The bastard... he just had to have one final show of excellence to hammer the point all the way home, didn't he? I can feel bile rise up my throat at the thought and, for once today, it's not at all due to the whims of my stomach.

"Let me go, moron! Let me go, goddammit!"

Ikari responds to my struggles to break free by tightening his hold further, leaving me even less room for manoeuvre.

"N-No! You'll hurt yourself if I do!"

"And what's it to you?!" I roar back, hitting his sides as firmly as I can, in the faint hope that I'll make his hold waver. My attempts fail horribly, obviously. "Let me go this goddamn instant or I swear I'll freaking bite you!"

"Asuka, s-stop that! You're not making any sense!" The moron continues, and I can hear a note of panic start to seep into his voice. "Everyone's worried abo-"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I cut his lie off and redouble my efforts, looking to push the advantage. "Stop it with the bullshit! I'm not the best, I'm a useless excuse for a Pilot, so what do you care?! What does Misato or Hikari care?! What does anyone care?!"

"STOP THAT!"

...

Shinji's voice rings all throughout the apartment and, just like that, I feel all strength leave my limbs in response. I can only slowly turn to meet his now furious expression, with eyes that I'd bet are probably wide as saucers right now.

...

Did... Did Stupid Shinji just do that? I mean, he's argued back against my attempts at bringing him out of his shell from time to time, sometimes even in a lower pitch than his usual girly and restrained voice but he's...

...he's never yelled at me before.

I'm so dumbstruck by what just happened that I offer no resistance at all to Shinji carefully putting me back on the couch. I just follow him with my eyes as he works me into my previous position, and then goes over to reclaim the water bag and put it on my forehead again.

After that, Shinji just sits on the floor, quietly shaking and looking down at it. And for once in my life, and as I watch him visibly upset, I don't really know either what to say or what to make of the Idiot's actions.

A tense silence that lingers for minutes invades the apartment, and as I ponder I make no effort whatsoever to break it. It is Shinji who eventually does break it, after he rallies and gets his act together once more.

Because this is what it must be: an act. A convoluted plan to get me to lower my defences, so that the coup de grâce may follow. One final strike for Shinji Ikari to firmly secure himself in first place.

...

Yeah, that's the only possible answer. The only thing that could be going through Ikari's head at the moment.

...

...Even if a minor part of me is steadily finding that idea harder and harder to believe.

"...What's this about not being the best, Asuka? W-Why are you saying that no one cares about you?" Angry Shinji has apparently left the premises, leaving only his everyday stammering self behind. "I-I don't understand, of course we care! Misato cares, Horaki-san cares and I care, too!"

That's...

...

That's bullshit! Of all the things this liar could claim to try and get me to lower my guard, he chooses that?!

This is just rich! He cares? Yeah, right!

If he did care, why didn't he show it earlier?! Why did he stay still as a freaking rock when it mattered?!

Why didn't he hold me then?!

I'm about to tell Invincible Shinji exactly what I think of his crap when I hear the door to the apartment quickly open and shut, before hurried footsteps start making their way in after a short pause.

"Hello? Is something wrong, Shin-chan?" Katsuragi's voice sounds from the entrance. "The door's not locked but there aren't any shoes out here?"

She's here?! Is it that late already?!

"It's A-Asuka, Misato-san," Ikari recovers faster than I do, speaking to the Major over his shoulder. "I think the heat got to her."

Katsuragi enters the living room area of the apartment and quickly spots the couch. She looks on for a second or two, but her expression quickly goes from worried to neutral and into her usual I-don't-care smile in record time.

"Oh. Okay."

Her piece said, Katsuragi walks past us and calmly makes her way into her room without any alarm, no doubt intending to drink herself into a stupor like she always does now that she's ascertained that there's nothing worthy of her attention going on.

And I, for my part, I'm left seething with fury at what I just saw:

Okay? OKAY?!

I know that you've already made it awfully clear that you don't give a hoot about me, but isn't it your damn job to at least pretend to care a little bit?! Or have I fallen so far down NERV's give-a-shit meter that I don't warrant even that, anymore?!

If I ever needed any proof to disprove Ikari's latest bullshit claims, that is it, right there! I mean, it's obvious to anyone that Katsuragi would have been tripping over herself to help if it had been Invincible Shinji laying on the couch and not me! I'm so sorry that nothing happened to your little boy-toy, you goddamn bi-!

"All right! Let's check with this baby and find out what kind of crisis we're dealing with!"

The sudden voice breaks through my thoughts, and I turn my head towards it so fast that the cold water bag dives to the floor a second time. I don't even care that the welcome respite from my headache is gone, because my thoughts and attention are far more focused in this situation.

Against all expectations, Misato has returned, and I quickly notice that she has the apartment thermometer with her. One of those high-tech infrared devices that NERV keeps in the medical ward.

...Ikari did mention that it was probably in her room, didn't he? Do you mean that... she just went to retrieve it?

That she...?

N-No way. That's-

...

Misato blinks at me, before her eyes shift to the water bag on the floor and she shrugs, picking it up and handing it off to the Idiot. She then aims the thermometer at my forehead and activates it, the device letting out a short beep a second later.

I look on silently, again not really knowing what to do or say.

"39.4°... Wow, that's some fever, right there!" she whistles in admiration, before putting the device aside and turning her attention towards me. "What kind of symptoms does the patient have? Major headaches? Nausea and dizziness? Scattered thoughts? Lack of appetite?"

The pains that assail me flare up almost in succession as Misato describes them, reminding me of their presence. But I barely pay them any heed, still awestruck at what's going on.

Eventually, I just nod dumbly at Misato's question. It's about all I can manage.

"All right! Then I'd bet money on your diagnosis being correct, Dr. Ikari. We just need to take a look at this latest heat-wave we're having, really."

Misato smiles at Ikari like she always does when he does something right, and I feel a disgusting feeling creep all throughout me at the sight. A feeling that I know all too well already, because it's the one that invades me when I realise that no one will ever-

...

But then Misato smiles at me in exactly the same way, and the sickening sensation goes away as quickly as it came, for the most part. And what little remains of it is washed away when she reaches out with a hand and...- and ruffles my hair.

Fondly, with no room for argument.

"Don't worry, Asuka-chan, it's not a big deal. This happens to plenty of people in Japan nowadays, especially ones that are not used to it. Make sure to rest for a while, keep away from the heat and have plenty to drink, and you'll be feeling better in no time! A cool bath would be good for you too when you're feeling a bit better." Misato withdraws her hand and I find myself missing the contact almost immediately. She then takes out her cell phone and shows it to me. "I'll call to let the school know you won't be going tomorrow, and ask Ritz not to schedule any tests for a few days, all right?"

Through the maelstrom of emotions and thoughts coursing through me, I manage to stammer a single word.

"O-Okay..."

She- She cares...?

But I'm not-

"Maybe this is a sign that we're overworking you guys a bit, though. And it's not the first one, to be honest." Misato continues, her face contorting into a slight grimace. Her expression remains like that for a few moments but, suddenly, her eyes light up like the headlights of her old car. "Hey! Tell you what: I have a free day this weekend, so how does a trip to the onsen with everyone sound? The one that we stayed at that one time? I think we've all done good enough as of late to earn ourselves a bit of R&R, yeah?"

Misato scans our faces, looking to drive us into accepting her idea and, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Ikari's gaze flicker towards me before he smiles back at her.

"Yeah, that sounds like a wonderful idea, Misato-san."

"All right! That's one person up for some fun! What says you, Asuka?"

"S-Sure."

I accept automatically, feeling no less overwhelmed than I did before. I'm pretty sure that Misato could have asked me to walk all the way to Germany and back barefooted and I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to refuse her at this time.

If she notices, though, Misato makes no mention of it.

"Great! I'll get the planning going, then!" She cheers jubilantly, before a huge yawn overcomes her at the apex of her celebration. "...But later. Can you handle things here for a while, Shinji? I can watch over Asuka while you get dinner going, but I need a nice, long, bath right about now..."

"Long day?"

"You bet," Misato grumps, rubbing her eyes. "Whoever invented paperwork can go to hell, I tell you."

The both of them break into chuckles, making a feeling of envy spiral all throughout me. It is short-lived, though, quickly shoved aside in the face of more important matters.

"Take your time, Misato-san. We'll be all right."

"Will do~!"

Misato heartily waves over her shoulder and disappears into her bedroom for an instant, before exiting with her indoor clothes in hand and making the short trek to the bathroom. The sound of water filling the bathtub and slightly off-tone humming filter through the walls and into the living room, quickly becoming the only noise to intrude in the otherwise deathly silence.

Not that I notice it, for the most part. My thoughts are more preoccupied with the events that have just transpired here, developments that I'd believed completely impossible until just a moment ago.

And through my mental reruns of the scene, playing over and over as I desperately look for any inconsistencies that will keep my view of things accurate, two words repeat themselves time and time again, gaining strength and legitimacy for each of my failed attempts at toppling them:

'Misato cares?'

Slowly, carefully, I turn my head towards Ikari, as if the answer to my sudden question where to be found somewhere in his eyes...

But he turns away, sighing deeply as a flicker of obvious pain takes over his expression.

"'I'm not the best.', 'I'm a useless excuse for a Pilot.', 'No one cares about me...'" Ikari repeats my previous claims word for word, his voice caught somewhere between bitterness and sorrow, before he brings his eyes back up to look directly at me. His cobalt-tinged stare suddenly makes me feel very small, for some reason."Please don't ever say stuff like that again, Asuka."

...

'HE cares?'

The two words that had taken over my brain following Misato's actions are swiftly replaced by a brand new pair that strike far closer to home, and a whole new heap of scenes begin to replay themselves in my mind's eye: him asking me whether I'm all right, whether I've slept well as he finishes my half-assed job, running over to catch me or gingerly laying me on the apartment's couch, trying to make me as comfortable as he possibly can...

Those recent events join a myriad others from the not-so-distant past and, when looked at in a different light, all of those actions over the last days and weeks that I believed an attack against my person, an effort to humiliate me,...

They suddenly take on a whole new meaning.

...

And make me feel like a blind moron, in hindsight.

...

...Yes. I've... I've failed horribly at seeing it, but the Third has made it abundantly clear that he cares. Not even the most cynical part of myself can claim otherwise in the face of a mountain of empirical evidence.

But such fresh knowledge leaves me with a big problem on my hands:

What he just said, what should I say to that? What can I say to that?

...

Of all the possible responses that come to mind, there's only one that sounds fit for the occasion, one that conveys all of the things that I'm feeling right now into words:

"I-" My voice feels shaky, weak; but I force myself to say what I must. What I want. "...I'm sorry."

I quickly brace myself for the many expected answers that I always envisioned for those two words, the words that I've always stubbornly refused to use in my quest for the Number One spot. Out of fear, out of pride, out of spite,... I don't remember why I stopped using them, but the fact remains that I've never expected anything good to come out of accepting a fault.

But, breaking through my assumptions once again, Ikari-

...

Shinji, just smiles in that stupid way of his. The same way that always manages to send butterflies down my stomach.

"It's okay."

I feel a warmth develop in my cheeks and my mind go blank for a second, in which I just stare at the cause of so many of my problems fidget nervously at my gawking.

"...And why is it okay?"

"Eh?" Shinji blinks, clearly not having expected my question. "Why?"

And I can't really blame him, I didn't expect it, either. My mouth decided to go rogue right there, completely ignoring the orders of my brain (or lack thereof, maybe that had something to do with it).

It's not like I can pull it back, though, so might as well just go ahead with it at this point. I am curious, after all.

"Yeah, why?" My eyes sharply fix themselves on Shinji's before I continue, trying to summon back a semblance of my usual self. Although a bit of the effect is probably lost due to me lying prostrate. "I was not exaggerating earlier, Shinji. EVA is my life, my purpose. The one thing that defines what Asuka Langley-Sohryu is..." I break eye contact for a moment, and correct myself. "...Or should have been, anyway; after all, it's hard to call yourself an Ace Pilot when a sub they picked up from out of nowhere outdoes you at every turn."

"I-... I'm sorry."

"...Yeah, I know." I respond, after taking a second to gauge that Shinji actually means this automatic response of his. Not that I expected otherwise. "I know that you're not trying to one-up me, but that just makes the damn pill even harder to swallow, you know? If you were an arrogant prick I could at least hate you for it and paint a target on your back... but you're not. You're kind, considerate and always looking to please those around you, even if you try way too hard at it, if you ask me."A sigh escapes me, and I can't keep a grimace from appearing on my face. "You just have to look at today, really. I probably wouldn't have given you the time of the day had our situations been reversed, but you still went through all the trouble of looking after me when I needed it. And it was a lot of trouble, I know."

Shinji opens his mouth to speak, no doubt to reassure me that it was 'no trouble at all' or that 'I would have done the same thing' (yeah, right), but I cut him off with a sharp look and another question before he has the chance to go ahead with it.

"So, tell me: exactly why is it okay?"

"Because-"

Shinji makes to answer almost immediately, but then stops himself and quickly clamps his mouth shut. He then starts to find the floor very interesting, for some reason, going quiet for the longest time.

Long enough for me to start losing my patience, as a matter of fact. I manage to keep myself from hurrying Shinji up, though, because it's an honest answer that I want, after all.

Thankfully, he doesn't make me wait for much longer.

"...B-Because you're my friend."

...

And I force myself to hold back a sigh of disappointment, because a sizable part of me was hoping for something different than that answer. Hoping against hope, probably, but still.

...

I get the feeling that he was going to say something else, though. Was he blushing, before?

...

Nah, that must have been the fever playing tricks on me and my expectations. It's becoming a pain to even keep my eyes open at this point, really. But back to the point at hand.

"Friend?" I repeat, still having a bit of trouble coming to terms with Shinji being on board with that idea. "Even after all the shit I've given you, you'd still consider me a friend? I don't know whether I should call you an idiot for that but... thanks, anyway."

Because, honestly? I'll still take it. It's not the best of results but, after how royally I almost managed to mess things up between us, it does beat the alternatives.

The only thing it needs is some more elaboration. Just so Shinji is fully aware of what he's getting into.

"I question the worth of having me as a friend, though. It's not like I bring anything noteworthy to the table, and chances are I won't be here for long, anyway, so-"

"Stop that."

Shinji surprises me by cutting me off with those two words again, paired with a more sober version of his angry expression from before. This time, however, I'm ready for them, and I don't let them cow me.

"And why exactly should I stop?" I shoot back every bit as forcefully. "It's all true, you know?"

"No, it's not. That's the heatstroke speaking. The Asuka I know wouldn't say that kind of thing."

I scoff at that. Really, of all the things he could say...

"...Maybe you just don't know her all that well, then."

"Or maybe you don't know yourself all that well, Asuka." Shinji's response, every bit as sharp as mine, gives me pause for a second. But what keeps the silence going until Shinji speaks again is not me feeling flat-footed, but my eyes happening on the rather prominent blush that's growing on his cheeks. And I know that I'm not imagining this one. "T-The person I look up to is better than that."

...

...W-Wait, what? Did I just hear that right?

The Invincible Shinji, Slayer of Angels and favourite Pilot of Tokyo-3, looks up to me?

"...The p-person I look up to is strong, stronger than I'll ever be." Shinji continues, not looking directly at me and stammering his way through in the third person. "She always charges forward without caring about the consequences and, e-even if it doesn't always work out, I-I think that's something admirable. It's better than always going with the flow like I do, anyway."

I watch in stunned silence as the boy beside me keeps doing something I always thought him incapable of, not daring to interrupt him. Not that I'd know what to say even if I found my voice, anyway.

"The person I look up to s-shines like the sun, and faces Angels with a smile and no fear. Sh-She challenges me to keep up with her. She... m-makes me believe. T-That I can do it too. Her fire and confidence, and the way she looks so alive... t-those are things I can only wish I had, t-things that make me g-glad I can spend time around-" Shinji stops himself, somehow managing to look even more flustered. "I mean, as a f-f-friend! Not that s-she's not beautiful and amazing and... I-I'm going to shut up now."

Shinji's cheeks turn a bright red, his silence speaking volumes. And I get the distinct feeling that my own face isn't that far behind.

Finally, he turns to look at me, and the intensity behind his blue eyes makes my breath hitch and my heart beat so strongly that I can barely hear him. To make matters worse, Shinji suddenly grabs hold of a few of my fingers, gently squeezing them.

"B-Bottom line is that I-I don't understand how c-caring about such a great person could be wrong. S-So don't say such t-terrible things about yourself, Asuka."

And now my breath is hitching again, but it's for a completely different reason this time, one that I'm not exactly proud of. Truly, my only consolation at this point is that Shinji's feeling the pressure every bit as badly, if his broken sentences just now are any indication.

"...Honestly, h-how corny can you get?" I turn away from Shinji as much as my trapped fingers will allow me, hoping that I can hide my face. "'She shines like the sun!', that's so bad it's almost stupid."

"A-Asuka?" Shinji ventures, because he's not stupid and can guess what's going on. "Are you-?"

"I'm not c-crying." I cut him off, because this is already embarrassing enough as it is. "M-My eyes are just watery for some reason. I bet it's the heat. Idiot."

"...Yeah," Shinji responds after a while, pretending to eat up my excuse and chuckling a bit at it. "Condensation can do weird things."

No, it can't in this context, but I'm not about to correct him. I have more than enough work with trying to bring myself back to a semblance of normalcy, anyway, because that's probably the best thing to try and do right now.

...

Or try and fail to do, rather. For the longest time.

Still, I do manage to get myself back under control (eventually), and silence returns to the Katsuragi household. It's an awkward lull, and my brain's insistence on using its full capabilities to analyze Shinji's latest words from every possible angle doesn't help. At all.

It's bad enough to bring the echoes of my headache back to their former glory, in fact, which in turn reminds me that I still feel like shit and should probably leave analyzing the finer points of a certain clueless idiot's words for a later time.

The monumental yawn that escapes me shortly after pretty much seals the deal.

"You should... You should go to sleep, Asuka." Shinji recommends, his advice interrupted by a yawn of is own. He sounds pretty exhausted, himself. "We'll wake you up when dinner is ready."

Yeah... Sleep sounds like a great idea right about now. And even if it didn't, my eyelids are pretty much closing on their own, anyway, so that decision is out of my hands.

...

I just... Have to make sure of something in the few seconds I have left. I roll onto my side and...

"...Don't move."

I give out an order and await a response. My eyes are already closed, so I can't directly spot a reaction, but the shuffling that follows Shinji's attempts to make his seat as comfortable as possible tells me everything I need to know.

"O-Okay."

My mouth curls upwards on its own at his answer and, as I feel myself drifting, I clasp the thin fingers that still haven't let go of my hand just a little bit tighter.

-]O[-

"Sorry, Shin-chan!" I call out as sweetly as I can, knowing from experience that that's all it takes to earn forgiveness from my roommate. "The bath felt so good and the day was so exhausting that I kiiinda fell as-"

I step into the living room and blink. And stop. And feel myself gape in shock.

Needless to say this is not something I was expecting to see today:

Both of my roommates have fallen asleep on the couch (well, one more than the other). But it's not so much their nap that catches my attention, but rather the position in which they're laying, right now.

All cuddled up, with Asuka hugging Shinji's head as if it was a teddy bear? Well, you betcha!

A part of me feels that I should at least rouse Shinji, since he's going to feel hell on his neck when he wakes up, but... this is just way too cute to break up. So adorable that it almost makes me want to snap a few pics for posterity, actually!

...And not at all for any nefarious plots or blackmail material should the need arise... Nope, not at all...

"Oh, well!" I smile once my preparations are finished, zeroing in on the instant ramen. "Guess I'm making dinner tonight~!"

A/N: Well, there it is. I have to admit that the only reason this story even exists is that the opening part of this story came to me from literally out of nowhere and wouldn't leave me alone until I put it to paper. Everything else sort of came as I wrote it except for some general guidelines, so it's not like I can say that a huge amount of thought has gone into this story, overall. Still, I do think it came out relatively all right for an on-the-spot effort.

By the way, and as a way of thanks, there's a paragraph in the latter part of the story courtesy of Strypgia (Panther2G around these parts), author of Advice and Trust. I suppose that avid readers of that story will have no trouble spotting his contribution in spite of my modifications to the original but, if you somehow haven't, consider it a small challenge on my part to go back and do so.

As always, special thanks go to the Betas for their more than essential job and to the readers that take a minute of their time to share their thoughts on my stories. Such helpful contributions are always appreciated.