A/N: Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I don't even know why I feel sad. So here's a story with no plot and missing punctuation just because I needed to get out of my own head for a minute.

It had been any number of years since the war ended. It didn't matter, the peace years all blended together.

Shikamaru lit an incense and placed it on the altar. He did this everyday. The growing collection of burned down sticks told him time had passed. He was sure it was only yesterday he put the altar up. Now the collection was too numerous to be easily counted.

He had lost track on day ten. That's when Temari left. She needed to be with family, she'd said. He made her too sad, she'd said. So she left.

Chouji would come by soon. When he wasn't away on a mission, he would bring Shikamaru lunch. He left bentos in the fridge for the days he would be gone too. Mostly Shikamaru didn't eat these. He lost a lot of weight.

Shikamaru, you're scaring me, Chouji would cry.

So Shikamaru would smile and eat. He could work through basic life functions with someone nudging him forward. He did as told as long as he didn't have to think.

Don't think. Don't think.

Of course, that became increasingly difficult. Ino would come visit after Chouji. Thinking was the Yamanaka clan's specialty. She begged and begged and begged Shikamaru to talk about what happened.

What happened.

As though the situation was a random act of the universe. As though none of them had bore any agency.

Either way, Shikamaru did not want to talk. He figured out early on that Ino did not want to either. She could threaten mind possession jutsus all she desired. The fact that she hadn't gone through with it meant she didn't want to think about it either. She had a son of her own so she understood the pain. Well of course, she could not truly understand, but she could understand that the pain would be too much to bear. So she would leave feeling no much better herself.

Sometimes, if both Ino and Chouji were away, Sai would come over. Ino asked me too, he explained, though Shikamaru didn't ask.

Shikamaru enjoyed these visits most, if it could be said he enjoyed anything. Mostly Sai would sit quietly on the floor drawing in his sketchbook. Occasionally, he would say strange things that sounded like they were cut straight out of a self-help book.

Time heals all wounds

You're not alone

It's not your fault

We can't change the past

But mostly the pair sat in comfortable silence. Sai was the only person who didn't pressure Shikamaru into getting better. Probably because Sai understood trauma.

Sure, they all had trauma. They'd been child soldiers. Shikamaru himself had held his teacher and friend in his lap as he'd passed away.

Watching the older generations give their lives in battle was practically a rite of passage in ninja villages. But it was almost unheard of for a child to go before his parents. This was a type of trauma even survivors of war couldn't understand.

Sai understood what he couldn't understand, and so he let Shikamaru be.

One day, before leaving, he asked Shikamaru if he would like to see what he'd drawn that day. He'd never done this before, and the unexpected question startled Shikamaru.

Sai showed him the portrait he'd drawn.

It was Shikamaru.

He suddenly understood why Temari had left. The portrait terrified Shikamaru. His face had become thin and hollow. His eyes distant and glossy.

But more than that, he saw his son. His son whom he hadn't seen in too many days, whose face he was trying desperately to remember and to forget. Of course Temari left. Who could stand to see the ghost of their dead son every day?

Shikamaru cried for the first time that day.

Sai asked if he wanted a hug.

Shikamaru asked if he could keep the portrait. Sai tore it from the sketchbook and handed it over.

It would be awhile before Shikamaru could cry again.

When Ino returned from her mission she immediately came to see Shikamaru. Sai had told her what happened. She wanted to know if Shikamaru was getting better.

Of course not, Shikamaru yelled.

Don't yell at me, Ino yelled back.

What do you want from me? The yelling continued.

I want to you get better. I want to help you get better.

You're so stupid sometimes! Don't you see? Don't you get it? Shikamaru shook Ino by the shoulders.

Ino had tears in her eyes. No, I don't, she cried. I don't know why you won't let anyone help you. Why you're pushing everyone away.

Because I'm not going to get better! I'm never going to get better! Sure, eventually I'll go back to work. I'll go back to getting yakiniku with you and Chouji. Maybe Temari will even come home. We'll laugh and make jokes and have a great time. Everything will go back to normal, and we can all pretend that everything is better.

But I'll still feel bad. I'm still going to feel bad every day for the rest of my life, and there's nothing anyone can do to change that!

...Shikamaru… Ino interjected softly.

I know what you're going to tell me, Ino. That's not true. Time heals wounds. You won't feel this way forever. But I know that's wrong. And I don't want to pretend it isn't. I'm going to feel bad and I don't want anyone telling me I can't or that I shouldn't.

Shikamaru slowly calmed down. His voice slowly transitioning away from a yell.

After a moment of silence, when Ino was sure Shikamaru had finished she dared to ask what Shikamaru did want.

I want… I want…

Shikamaru knew what he wanted, but he found it difficult to put into words.

I want to feel sad. I want to feel okay feeling sad.

Ino didn't know what to say. She wrapped her arms around her teammate and pulled him in close. She held him until she felt him return the hug.

I don't know what to say, Ino stuttered

You don't have to say anything, Shikamaru explained.

They stood in silence.

Ino was struggling with the urge to try to fix everything. She wanted to find that exact right combination of words that Shikamaru needed, but it didn't exist.

A knock at the door saved Ino. She did her best to dry her eyes and hid the fact that she'd been crying only moments earlier while Shikamaru answered the door.

It was all of Boruto's classmates including Ino's own son, Inojin, who she'd been unintentionally neglecting recently.

Oddly enough it was the first time Shikamaru had seen any of them since his son passed.

Boruto led the group in politely requesting an item from Shikamaru. They wanted a photo, they explained, they were holding a special ceremony for their departed friend.

You can join us. Inojin offered.

Shikamaru agreed and fetched a photo from the altar. It was quite a sacrifice since there were so few photos to begin with. But these were his son's friends and they deserved a share.

The group, including Shikamaru and Ino, made their way to the outskirts of the village onto a hill in the forest to a small stone memorial the children had made.

It was surprisingly late. The sun had begun to set.

You're not going to set those off, are you? Shikamaru asked referring to the pile of crudely made fireworks stacked beside the memorial.

Don't worry, I've done this before. Boruto explained. Somehow this did not comfort Shikamaru But he figured they probably wouldn't all die so he'd wait to see what would happen.

Inojin attached the photo to one of the fireworks, and, after waiting a little while longer for the sun to fully set, Mitsuki started lighting them off.

Amazingly, the homemade fireworks worked well enough and while not the most objectively beautiful, the group found beauty in the situation.

Shikamaru looked around to see tears running down the faces of each child. They'd lost a friend and were doing what they could to remember him.

It was like something out of a novel, Shikamaru thought. The kind where in the end the characters find peace and can live happy, fulfilling lives. This was their defining moment where they find clarity.

But Shikamaru didn't feel that. So he watched everyone else have their moment. He saw on each face the exact second when they made peace. When each one could finally move on with their life.

When the last firework went off (there weren't that many to begin with), they stood in silence for a few moments. Boruto spoke first by saying a short prayer and then thanked everyone for coming.

Finally, they all left. Shikamaru was alone.

And the days continued.