Now. I'm pretty sure those of you reading this already have read "A Promise". And I can assure you that it's not very good, it's beginner's work but it came from the heart. Some of you already know that this short story is based on my own experience that, at the time, I didn't reveal what part of. But now, the wound's been healing out and I felt that you guys who are curious might want to indulge me a bit in my rambling. This is definitely isn't the most coherent piece of writing I've done but I just thought I wanted to let this flow out. Because for me, it's something I wanna do to also convince myself that it is well and truly an unregrettable experience for myself.

So as you know, I do not own Zootopia or anything (Disclaimers everywhere) and I am definitely no Judy but I tried to incorporate my own desires and funnel it through her and Nick in this story. A Promise is a story I wrote that was derived of my broken hopes upon meeting a slightly older guy online, who I shan't name. (Pretty sure I wrote the story half asleep if you notice all the flaws in it, btw.) He was one of the very first who kick-started my romantic life again. I am chubby and ugly in my own opinion of my real life self, even as I'm being called cute in all directions, I had given up on love for myself long ago. And there's suddenly this one silly guy who conversed with me for two days tops before virtually french kissing me. I kid you not, and that's not the worse part. If you're on Discord you know what servers are and if you put two and two together, you know what I'm getting at.

That's right, he did it publicly, suddenly, and in the general chat of a server. In front of maybe more than twenty, thirty, forty people. I don't know, some people do lurk and not speak often so I'm not sure.

Now I don't hold a grudge for it, in fact I'm kinda thankful for him doing that as that was what got my love life of troubles started. And again, I kid you not when I say that it was the very first time someone got me to blush that hard. To all you girls who haven't even gotten their first kiss yet, you get where I'm coming from don't you? That feeling of suddenness and affection and intimacy that just pounced you, is what I'm talking about. This was probably what made him fall for him so much. Or part of the reason. Another part of the reason I fell for him really badly was because he was the first one in my entire life to say that he was attracted to me romantically. We did move to a private chat a bit later and discussed the matter and believe it or not, on that day, I agreed in the heat of the moment to date him. I was flushed by then, I was feeling hot, I was dizzy, I was dazed and unbelieving. This was the very first person who had ever shown any interest in me beyond friends.

Now, I know what you're thinking now. "Did she really love him for so long?"

The answer is simple really. No I did not. We only did this for only two and a half days before, as what happened in the story, I decided to, in plain words…. Dump him. I know, it sounds shitty of me but I have a reason. As I wrote in the story, Judy felt a weight on her even as she was happy as she could be. I felt that. And it was strange, and I felt that my vision was being fogged and there was something that didn't… Feel quite right. I was happy but what was this weight? I kept thinking about it and finally, in all my childish glory, I decided that we weren't meant to be in a relationship quite so intimate. We turned into sort of sibling relationship, again, as I wrote in the story. I cried like hell that day. My eyes were redder than they ever were and I was hiccupping and I was basically a mess. I felt broken and torn but yet the weight had lifted off my shoulders somehow. And again, I know it sounds really shitty, but as a kid, I couldn't take such a weight. It was tormenting in it's own way and I couldn't handle it. And I knew that I couldn't.

Now, after we broke up… I felt broken still. It hurt to think about him and about the feeling of losing him that I had. My affection had cut that deep that I couldn't pick myself up for a while. I struggled with my own pain but I managed to cope in the end, if only barely I suppose. And, after a few months of being sob and mopping, around the middle of the year, I fell incredibly ill. I'm not dramatizing it. Seriously. I got an infection slightly above my chest area because I had a sinus there that had been accumulating dirt and basically turned really bad. I had a high fever whilst being rushed to one hospital to another to get accepted in to do treatment on me and skipping the trip in between the first and second hospital, I somehow, after an hour or so, managed to get myself stuck in the children's ward for four nights. (Side note here is that cuz I'm chubby the nurse stabbed me with a needle for a drip three times but, that's a story for next time.)

The time in the wards weren't so bad, exempting the screaming and crying children around me as well as the smell of, oddly, chicken in the ward. I… spent the days thinking about the guy I broke up with. Just reminiscing what I had hoped and dreamed of doing and what happened in the short time we spent together, and honestly, now that I look back. I don't regret a thing. He was sweet and kind and he was special, but he wasn't the one. Linking back to the story….. A Promise is in a way one of my more prominent promises to him. I promised I'd write a story based of us. I had promised him and it'd had been a while since I had promised him that but one of the late nights I had at the hospital and writing the story till 2am saw me fulfilling it. It was admitted what I had desired to happen. I wanted to meet this sweet guy who just, treated me like his everything. Texting me every night to check up on me and talking to me into the night sometimes.

….. I'm telling all of you readers this now. Publicly. Because I want to announce right here and right now, I have finally let him go after 2 years of him dwelling there in my heart. It's not say, "oh I finally let go of him recently", no. I have let go of him long ago but only now have I come to fully accept that I have done so. I have a lover now, I got through a lot to get here, promise. (hah, no references intended…) And this is me saying that I will let the past rest where they may lie now and I'm moving on with my love life.

***And… to the guy I shan't name and was quite a big part in the reason why I wrote this. If you're reading this. I'm sorry. And… Thank you. Still love ya, but as a sibling, yeah?

… Thank you all for reading if you have read my words thus far without criticizing me for my decisions or well, if you've only done the first part, well done for indulging in my ramblings? I may not write a lot, or often upload, or am not often here but I am here and I'm glad you've read this for whatever the reason. This is a point in my life where things are changing rapid fast and I just want to put this out there to remind myself of what I learnt, did and have done thus far and to also maybe entertain you guys a little bit with my somewhat silly and sob love and break up story. No matter what, I love you guys and you should love yourself too. Never doubt that you need to love yourself and give yourself equal amounts of love that you give to others.

(Unless.. You know… You become a biiiiit too absorbed in yourself and snobby then that's a problem… But well.. That discussion is for another time.)

Thank you readers for your weirdly, slowly, increasing support. I guess it's because some people who, I have no idea who, found me for some reason and my stories and liked it for some reason… But thanks for reading. And…. Oh, if you'd like to talk to me about anything, feel free to PM me. And if you want me to maybe continue this story and change it into a sort of really long story for your enjoyment uh…. PM me or comment about it too. Can't say I'll respond fast with school and all that but feel free to drop any comments or PMs anytime and I'll check them…. When I get to them. Heh. With that, nightos amigos. It's way too far past midnight after I finish writing this and there's school tomorrow… Fun.

Ciao.