I apologize for the long time you had to wait for me to update but I am super busy at University at the moment. This will probably the last update of this year because I have to many other things to do before christmas. But I hope you do enjoy the chapter anyway.

5. Safe and sound

We went to bed alone even if I longed for him to keep holding me but it wouldn't be fair to give him hope where there was none. I would have to learn to continue my day to day life without depending on him, another thing I would have to figure out once we were back in New York.

When I came down the stairs the smell of breakfast already filled the floor level of the house and I found Rick dancing to a happy song on the radio. In that moment my mind slipped out of the present and I imagined a little child running through the kitchen and starting to dance with him. This was cruel and wonderful at the same time. It was like everything you longed for and couldn't have, thinking about it could bring a smile to your face and once you got back to reality it just hurt you.

"Good morning." He said and paused his dance: "Pancakes?"

"Yes, thank you. Nice dance moves." I said laughing and walked towards the table.

Before I could sit down he grabbed both of my hands and pulled me in for a dance: "How did you sleep?"

"Actually really good for the first time, it's so quiet out here…" I mumbled and almost naturally put my head on his chest. I felt his heart beating in his chest and to me that was the most wonderful thing in the world.

We fell into a wonderful silence and just danced for a little while, the world around us didn't matter at that moment. This was definitely not trying to live without him but I just needed to hold him for now so I wouldn't go completely mental.

"So, what would you like to do today?" He asked me while pushing me away a little, so he could look in my face.

"Hm… We could go for a walk on the beach, it's beautiful weather." I suggested.

He nodded: "Yeah… or we could hop into the hot tub?!"

At first I wanted to agree but then I remembered that I probably couldn't. I wasn't absolutely sure anymore but I thought I had heard something about it being bad while you're pregnant.

I tilted my head slightly: "I'd stick with the walk on the beach."

"Whatever you want." Rick said and smiled.

Once we had finished breakfast we both got into our coats and made our way down to the beach.

"Rick?" I asked as we made it to the shore.

He turned to face me: "Yes?"

"I… I need to be back in the city the day after tomorrow." I knew that I didn't remember making the appointment with the doctor but I should go anyway because the me with memories thought it was important enough to go. Anyway I wanted to be sure that I truly was in the dilemma I thought I was in right now.

He wrinkled his forehead and looked at me a little clueless: "Sure. Is it okay if I may ask why?"

"I need to go to the doctors." I said, it was the truth, I just didn't need to say to what kind of doctor.

"Are you feeling worse again?" He got immediately worried.

I smiled and shook it off: "No, just a routine check after the accident."

"Oh, okay. Sure we can drive back." He said at last and walked over to me closing the gap between us.

I see how good she was doing now that she was out of the city and I wished I could just stay here with her forever far away from her nagging friends and prying eyes. Our little special place that was what it was meant to be anyway before.

"I remember walking down the beach with Alexis when she had just starting walking, she kept falling over again and again because she tripped in the sand…" I remembered and looked at Kate.

Before the accident I had dreamed that I would do everything that I had experienced with Alexis once all over again. Only this time I wouldn't be on my own and my children would have a mother that actually and truly cared about them. I knew Meredith was trying her best and Alexis hadn't been planned but to me she was the best thing I had ever created, I adored my little redhead.

"Poor girl." Kate said and smiled: "I think I should meet her once we are back in the city, you just keep on talking about her and I don't even remember what she looks like."

"She would surely love that."

Now she turned to me with a confused expression.

I quickly explained: "The two of you got along pretty good before the accident, she looks up to you. Her mother isn't around much anymore and although she acts like she doesn't care she lacks a female role model in her life. I mean my mother is great but she is not exactly like Alexis wants to be when she grows up."

A smile crept on her lips but she stayed silent. Kate was the first girlfriend of mine that Alexis truly adored and not just played to be nice until she disappeared again. Technically she didn't know that Kate was my girlfriend then but I was sure that she would be most happy about my choice. I was happy the two most important women in my life were getting along and I was almost sure that it would stay like that even if I had to introduce them again.

We were just walking along the beach and picking up seashells here and there and although it wasn't much it was more than perfect in that moment. I could spent all my weekends walking along the white sand beach with her and who knew maybe once her memory came back I would be able to.

We got back in the late afternoon, I could feel the exhaustion of the long walks in my limbs but looking at Kate I knew that I was the only one that felt exhausted. She was so well trained that a long walk at the beach was almost nothing to her, I didn't know how she could do it, I loved to spent my Sunday mornings in the bed and she would get up and run a few rounds in central park before crawling back into bed with me.

"Would you like me to make a fire in the library? We could read for a little bit." I suggested as she hung up her coat.

She nodded: "Sounds perfect."

So I went to get some wood for the fire from the outside and Kate moved to the kitchen to prep some tea for us. This was how I always imagined living with the love of my life, walks on the beach and reading, not the most eventful future for me but I felt that after being married two times I just needed some rest for a while. I just wished for a happy and simple life in my future and Kate was the woman I wanted to spent the rest of my life with, she was the part that made my life as happy as it could possibly be. Her laugh was heartwarming and she made me feel loved even now, even if she didn't know I was her boyfriend.

When she entered the room with two steaming mugs I started smiling again and prayed that this would truly be how we would spend the rest of our days together.

"So do you have brought any good reading material?!" I asked and went over to my bookshelf, she followed me and looked at the things I had to offer.

She let her fingers wander over the back of the books that I had written: "I heard Richard Castle is supposed to be a very good writer…"

"Okay, we have established you are my number one fangirl when I told you about our first case." I said smiling and pulled out the first Nikki Heat novel: "What I haven't told you is that I started writing these after I met you."

"Nikki Heat?! Who is she?" Kate asked and took the book out of my hands.

"She is a cop, smart and beautiful." I told her and smiled: "You were the inspiration."

"Oh. Wow." She was stunned and flipped open the first page.

I could tell she was reading the dedication at that moment and her lips curled up into a smile. "I feel honored." She said and closed the book again. "Although 'Nikki Heat' that is kind of a stripper name."

She had told me this before only at that time she was basically pissed off with me, today she just laughed about it. Lanie told me she wasn't the same and that was true but even though I wanted for her to have her memories back I really liked her like this, she wasn't carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and tried to be dead serious all the time. She could just let herself fall and actually enjoy everything around her.

With the book in her hand she walked over to the one armchair in front of the fireplace and started diving into the world I had created. I pulled out the newest novel of my dear friend Stephen King and started reading it while sitting on the other armchair next to the extraordinary Katherine Beckett.

As I devoured page after page I realized that this book he had written was basically a story about him and me. The journalist was clearly based off of him and as he told me Nikki Heat was based off of me. It felt a little weird but very incredible to have a book written about you even if it was pure fiction. I felt only flattered and interested until I got to page 105. Then I got the sense of what this book really was and that maybe just maybe this feeling that I had towards him since I woke up in the hospital were more mutual than I thought. This book was not simply a piece of writing it was more like a secret love letter. The only question I was asking myself was how I used to feel about this? I had seen on the shelf were more of those Nikki Heat novels so he clearly continued to write them but how did I react when I had read the first book. Did I just ignore the fact that he practically fantasized about me through his writing? According to everyone we were just friends so I clearly never acted on the tension that clearly developed on the pages of this book. The scene in this book didn't really help me with trying to untangle myself from him and sort my life out. After all there was someone else running around in the city that had knocked me up.

I put my finger between the page I was just reading and put it down to look at Rick. He was just sitting there in his sweater reading Stephen King and drinking tea but even simply being him made me feel drawn to him in a way that I had never experienced before. I wanted him to be in my mind and just for that moment I imagined what it would be like if I acted on these feelings that I had for him. The chances of finding a mystery man in a city like New York seemed pretty slim and eventually I would have to face that I may never found him. If I didn't would Rick still care for me? It would be too much to ask of him to have him raise a child with me that he wasn't the father of but in my mind I still could imagine how it would be like. We would all go to the beach together and collect seashells and after we put him or her to bed we would just be sitting here in front of the fire enjoying each other's company. Was this what the perfect life looked like?

"Kate?!" His voice pulled me from the imaginary world inside my head.

I blinked and then looked at him: "Yes?"

"You were staring." He said with a smile: "Everything okay?"

"Yes, I just… I was just reading this…" My eyes fell back onto the book cover, the woman holding the gun in front of a line of buildings.

Then he suddenly flushed and got out of his chair: "Maybe you shouldn't have read that…"

"Too late for that." I said still smiling and looked at him: "Did we ever…?"

She had just asked me if we had ever slept together. Very difficult question to answer, not difficult in the way that I didn't know because we clearly had, we had been together for months before the accident but for the sake of my head, that I didn't want to have chopped of by Lanie, I smiled and answered: "No, we didn't. I mean those are characters in a book."

Suddenly she also got up and closed the remaining distance between the two of us. She quickly wrapped her arms around my neck and before I could even process what was happening right now her lips were on mine and my hands were on her back, holding her firmly. I had missed the feeling of being close to her in this way, I had longed to kiss her wonderful lips and all of a sudden I didn't have to linger anymore. It was just like we were back in my apartment back to the people we were before. I loved this woman so much.

Thank you for reading, merry christmas and a happy new year :)

P.S. Reviews would be a very nice christmas present for me :D