The next morning found Minerva in her office, nibbling at one of the house elves' superb toffee scones and awaiting the arrival of her guests. Two hours remained before Hermione was due to report the investigation's progress to all and sundry in the Great Hall. Minvera was quite looking forward to Hermione's presentation in light of what she herself planned to reveal.

Unsurprisingly, Hermione and Severus were first to arrive, still putting on a show of bickering. Hannah Longbottom entered warily, taking a seat as far away from them as possible, followed finally by Minister Finch-Fletchley, who seemed happy enough to take the seat between them, opposite Minerva.

"Thank you all for coming," she said, offering them each a cup of tea, which Hannah and Justin accepted but Hermione and Severus declined. "I particularly appreciate you coming early at the last minute," she said to the Minister.

"I might be relatively new to my post," said Justin, smiling, "but I know better than to ignore any summons from you. You aren't the sort to abuse the privilege."

"Thank you, Minister," said Minerva, inclining her head. "Now I know we're all quite exhausted, so I'll come straight to the point. As of last night, I had not arrived at a single solution to the matter at hand—"

Hermione frowned. "Severus and I had planned to fill you in on what we discovered last night—"

Minerva held up her hand. "I'm not finished, Ms. Granger. I was about to say that I had not arrived at a single solution, but three."

This rather extraordinary pronouncement was met with expressions ranging from shock on Justin's face and surprise on Hannah's, to grudging interest from Hermione and utter blankness from Severus.

"I gathered the four of you together so that I might present all three solutions, and we may then discuss which solution best suits the evidence."

"Gracious," said Justin. "I suppose you had better get on with it, then."

"Thank you," said Minerva. "Now, the facts we can all agree on: the Hogwarts Express was sabotaged using flying springs that had once been part of the school's carriages. Just before, during, or slightly after the crash, Edlira Zagreda, now known to be Dolores Umbridge in disguise, received a fatal blow to the back of the head, and her lungs were filled with fresh water. Additionally, a Dark Mark was cast into the sky."

"You make it sound as if the events were unrelated," remarked Severus.

"Nonsense," said Justin. "Of course they were. They had to have been!"

"I think it likely, Minister, but let us be methodical. A wand presumed to be Umbridge's was found near her body, and iPrior Incanto/i revealed that it had been used to cast the Dark Mark. Umbridge's suitcase was found to contain a stolen copy of Orlagh Gaunt's book about Salazar Slytherin, which contained instructions for casting the Dark Mark, which suggests that Umbridge retained her hatred of Muggles, and the Hogwarts Express, which has long been a symbol of wizardkind's attempts to bridge the divide between our worlds, was a natural target."

"Motive, means, and opportunity," muttered Hannah.

Minerva cleared her throat and continued. "An unregistered Portkey was found in her compartment, timed to the crash and tied to the general area where Umbridge was in hiding. As Madam Longbottom succinctly said, she had motive, means, and opportunity to sabotage the train and escape, having framed one of several known or suspected associates of Voldemort's for the crime.

"However, Umbridge was far more adept at intimidation than she was at thinking on her feet. Immediately after casting the Dark Mark from the vacant number two compartment, where she had also activated the series of flying springs used to levitate the train, was unable to reach the Portkey in her number twelve compartment at the back of the train when the passengers moved their luggage into the corridor on my order. As she tried to escape, she was struck in the head by an unsecured piece of luggage and knocked unconscious. She drowned when the carriage became submerged in the lake."

"But that doesn't explain how the fresh water got into her lungs," said Hannah.

"And it ignores numerous other clues," said Hermione. "What about the monogrammed handkerchief in her handbag or the beater's bat in her compartment? And it doesn't explain what happened to the stolen Gillyweed."

"Not to mention the letters that lured her to Hogwarts," said Severus.

"Yes, yes," said Minerva impatiently. "That was only my first solution. I have two others that you may find to be more compelling. My second solution is somewhat more complicated, I'm afraid. Now, in a hidden compartment of Umbridge's suitcase, we discovered a stack of letters from an unknown correspondent inviting Umbridge to come to Hogwarts for the twentieth anniversary celebrations, which suggests that she had an accomplice in the sabotage who was politically connected enough to discover where Umbridge was hiding and shared her mania for blood purity. The unknown accomplice may still be lurking about Hogwarts attempting to mislead the investigation by stealing Gillyweed in order to plant clues, like the beater's bat, which has been thoroughly tested and shown not to be the murder weapon."

"You think it was planted there to incriminate someone else?" asked Justin.

"I think it probable," said Minerva. "Furthermore, it took us a suspiciously long time to locate Umbridge's suitcase, which suggests that the items in it, both of which have direct ties to Voldemort himself, may have been planted as well to incriminate his former associates."

"That would be myself and Lucius," said Severus blandly.

"But why would he incriminate himself by planting the letters?" asked Justin. "Or she," he added belatedly.

"The accomplice might not have known the letters were there," said Minerva. "The planted clues were inside the suitcase, but the letters were more cleverly hidden in the suitcase's wall. I suspect the accomplice swam to the bottom of the lake, stole Umbridge's suitcase before the Aurors got there, filled it with evidence to support the more obvious first theory, and returned later to plant it near the train to be found."

"But there were Merfolk and Aurors at the wreck the entire time," said Hermione sceptically. "Unless you mean to suggest that Umbridge's accomplice was one of them."

"Severus, would it be possible for a Wizard to use Polyjuice Potion to appear as one of the Aurors and then take Gillyweed while transformed?"

"An interesting question," said Severus, narrowing his eyes in thought. "I'd have to check the literature to see if it's ever been attempted," he said, after a moment's pause, "but it might not necessarily produce catastrophic results, since it would not directly involve an interspecies transformation."

It took every ounce of Minerva's self-control not to smile at Severus's subtle dig at Hermione's failed experiment with Polyjuice when she had been a student, especially when Hermione shot him a poisonous glare.

"So it's possible that Umbridge's ally could have stolen the suitcase undetected," said Minerva. "Now, presumably this ally would have been close at hand to assist Umbridge with crashing the train. It would explain why she was in Carriage A to begin with, having nothing but house affiliation in common with the others present."

"How many people were in that carriage?" asked Hannah.

"Twelve, including Cresswell, the conductor," said Severus.

"And, apart from Cresswell, all Slytherins," said Minerva. "All with some known connection to Tom Riddle or demonstrated sympathy for his beliefs. Each of the passengers vouched for one another's whereabouts. However, each of the clues seems to be pointing at a different suspect, albeit clumsily. The lady's handkerchief, with its M monogram, would seem to implicate Narcissa Malfoy, who claimed that it wasn't hers, and Lucius confirmed her claim in a separate interview. Warrington, Pucey, and Montague each denied owning the beater's bat that was found in Umbridge's compartment, despite having all been on the Slytherin Quidditch team. Given that they all played chaser, their claims are easy to believe, but why would Umbridge's ally plant such an obviously false clue? And what about Lydia Ollivander, who was reluctant to claim that the wand that had cast the Dark Mark belonged to Umbridge? Would she fail to recognise the handiwork of her own son or grandchildren? And why would the Malfoys, the chasers, and Lydia Ollivander lie? To protect Umbridge's accomplice, or to protect themselves?"

"If you believe that the clues were planted, then it's unlikely that any of them are pointing to the actual accomplice," said Hannah.

"That would leave us with Severus, Millicent Bulstrode, who was on Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad if memory serves, Delphine Zabini, Charles Greengrass, and Horace Slughorn," said Minerva.

"And Richie Cresswell," added Hannah. "Unless you don't think it was him because he wasn't in Slytherin?"

"Now, now," said Justin. "We have no room for house prejudices in this investigation. That's why I wanted Professor Snape involved."

"Even though Professor Snape is one of the suspects?" asked Hannah. "I don't think you thought that through very well."

Minerva turned a snicker into a cough.

"This entire theory is ridiculous," said Hermione, crossing her arms. "Millicent Bulstrode was only on the Inquisitorial Squad because Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson would have shunned her if she hadn't. And Professor Slughorn doesn't leave his house without eight different motives. I can't imagine him luring Umbridge to Hogwarts to crash the Express with the both of them still on it. And while Blaise may be a prejudiced twat, his mother has had at least three mixed marriages to date. Delphine Zabini certainly doesn't hate Muggles."

"Charles Greengrass and his wife resisted strong pressure to join the Death Eaters," said Severus. "Though given the purity of his bloodline, most of us thought that it was because the Dark Lord lacked a pedigree he could respect. Given that Umbridge herself was a half-blood, I can't imagine he would throw in his lot with her. I'm afraid that just leaves me."

Minerva ignored the knife-like throb her heart gave hearing Severus state the case so baldly. "It would seem to," said Minerva. "Unless the clues were meant simply to muddy the water so we wouldn't see the obvious answer staring us in the face."

"What do you mean?" asked Justin.

"Lucius Malfoy suggested that Slytherins set themselves apart for their own safety. The reputation of their house has suffered since Salazar Slytherin left the school centuries ago, and periodically, someone that shares his mania for pure blood comes along to further tarnish the house's reputation. It's been twenty years since the Battle of Hogwarts, and the children of those who were children at the time are an entirely new generation, with inter-house unity that wasn't possible in Voldemort's shadow. Slytherins and Gryffindors have a rivalry but aren't an existential threat to one another the way they once were. But the wounds of the past were reopened five years ago when Dolores Umbridge was released from Azkaban for good behaviour. That was just before you became head of Magical Law Enforcement, wasn't it, Ms. Granger?"

"It was."

"And not long before you became Minister, Mr. Finch-Fletchley?"

"True."

"I'm certain you all recall the public outrage. There was an entire edition of the Evening Prophet filled with the text of Howlers. I seem to recall one written by Lydia Ollivander that complained that Umbridge had besmirched the honour of Slytherin House by fomenting anti-Muggleborn sentiment of a more virulent stripe than Voldemort ever had."

Hannah frowned. "What does that have to do with the accomplice?"

"It suggests that perhaps there was not one accomplice, but many of them."

"Oh!" gasped Hannah. "You mean they weren't actually 'accomplices' at all! They lured her out of hiding and then killed her for trying to stir up old resentments!"

"A Slytherin conspiracy?" asked Justin dubiously.

"But that doesn't explain Richie Cresswell," exclaimed Hannah. "Surely he would have seen something noteworthy before getting knocked out, especially if all of them had cursed Umbridge hard enough to kill her."

"And you think that Severus Snape, who spied for Dumbledore at great personal risk, decided to join his old school mates for a spot of murder for old times' sake?" asked Hermione, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "I can't believe you're even suggesting this rubbish."

"I don't know," said Severus. "It's certainly a plot convoluted enough to have been cooked up by Slytherins after consuming a great deal of Firewhisky."

"Shut up," said Hermione fiercely. "You are not going to incriminate yourself in such a transparently ridiculous conjecture."

"If the alternative means continuing to participate in this investigation, a nice, quiet cell in Azkaban begins to sound more attractive."

Hannah seemed torn between amusement and concern. "I don't like this theory either. I can't believe that the Malfoys and the former Inquisitorial Squad would be so hypocritical as to kill Umbridge for embodying believes that they themselves once espoused. You said you had one more option, didn't you, Minerva?"

"Are you quite certain you don't like my first two?" asked Minerva. "Because I'm quite certain you will find the last to be the most far-fetched of the lot."

"I haven't time to read much these days," said Justin. "Perhaps far-fetched is precisely what I need."

Hermione let out a loud huff, but she gestured for Minerva to continue.

"As you all can see, this investigation is anything but straightforward," said Minerva. "I have had reason to doubt a number of the interviewees, to disregard a great deal of potentially tainted evidence, and I've had to think more about Dolores Umbridge than I ever wished to do. However, I kept coming back to one question: how on earth did the witch who sells sweets on the Hogwarts Express end up walking along the tracks with no memory of how she got there? Or of most of her adult life?"

"Our working theory was that Umbridge turned her treats trolley into a Portkey and embedded a Memory Charm into it," said Hermione.

"Why would she have done that?" asked Minerva.

"Presumably because she saw Umbridge installing the flying springs," said Hermione. "If Umbridge had cast a Memory Charm on her then and there, her absence would have delayed the train's departure, which would have rendered Umbridge's escape Portkey unusable."

"But why remove her from the train at all?" asked Minerva. "Assuming she survived the crash, which was by no means certain given her advanced age, she would have identified Umbridge as Edlira Zagreda, of whom no-one knew anything, and Umbridge herself would have been long gone."

"Because Umbridge wanted to create a phantom Death Eater to sow fear and suspicion," said Hermione. "If the treats trolley witch had seen her in the act of sabotaging the train, her grand act of mayhem would have been the work of an obscure witch from Albania—a far less terrifying suspect."

"Have you ever embedded a Memory Charm into an object?" asked Minerva. "Because if you have, I believe you're crediting Umbridge with far more skill than she actually possessed. And not just any Memory Charm—one powerful enough to erase over a hundred years of memories."

"Perhaps the charms were cast by her accomplice," said Hannah.

"That's one possibility," said Minerva.

"Can we cast iPrior Incanto/i on all of the wands owned by those who were in Carriage A?" asked Hannah.

"It only shows the most recent spell," said Hermione impatiently. "Everyone will have used their wands in the past two days."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," said Minerva. "You see, I don't think the person that wrote Umbridge those letters was in Carriage A."

"How do you reckon that?" asked Hannah.

"Because the conductors would have seen a single person going from carriage to carriage with a large supply of flying springs."

Hermione tutted. "Obviously, the springs had been Shrunk. And the train had been sitting at the platform for two hours before anyone boarded. There was ample opportunity for a single person to have installed them all."

"Without anyone seeing them? That would be quite a feat."

"No-one, of the hundreds of people we interviewed, reported seeing anybody suspicious under the train, least of all any Albanian academics," said Hermione, crossing her arms.

"Then perhaps they were installed by someone who had business being under the train," said Minerva.

"You're accusing poor Nick Bartleby of being in league with Umbridge?" asked Severus.

"Not at all," said Minerva. "I'm merely accusing him of installing the springs that crashed the train."

"What possible motive could he have for destroying his own livelihood?" asked Hermione.

"I'm glad you asked that. How do you think next year's students will get to Hogwarts?"

"I assumed the train would be replaced," said Hannah. "It will, won't it?"

"Where on earth would they find an identical steam engine?" scoffed Severus.

"If I had any say in the matter, which I do as Headmistress, I would request something a bit more modern," said Minerva. "The Express was a charming institution, but it hardly represents Muggle ingenuity these days. I'd say it rather confirms prejudices about Muggles as a backwards race."

"All right, so perhaps we'll have the Hogwarts Magic-Lev starting next term," said Hermione impatiently. "And perhaps Nick Bartleby thought he might have a nicer train to drive, but that seems like a rather extreme action, and it doesn't explain how or why he would have been involved with Umbridge."

"I don't think he was, directly," said Minerva.

"But you said he installed the flying springs," said Hannah. "That means he's Umbridge's accomplice."

"No, it means that he helped to crash the train. I don't believe Umbridge did."

Severus, Hermione, Justin, and Hannah all began speaking at once, and Minerva raised her hand for silence.

"Tell me," asked Minerva, "what concrete evidence do we have that Umbridge sabotaged the Hogwarts Express?"

"I rather think the wand used to cast the Dark Mark is fairly concrete," said Hermione acidly.

"The wand was used to do the spell and was found near Umbridge, yes, but we do not have confirmation that the wand belonged to her, nor can we confirm that she cast the spell that activated the flying springs."

"What about the Portkey back to Albania?" asked Hermione.

"Or Macedonia or Bulgaria," said Minerva. "That might have been planted as well. We already know the crime scene has been tampered with. That casts doubt on all the evidence, not just the evidence that doesn't support our pet theories."

"But the letters!" exclaimed Hannah. "Those prove that Umbridge was up to no good!"

"We don't have any of the letters that Umbridge wrote," said Minerva. "And there is nothing about sabotage in the ones that we do have. The self-proclaimed Like-Minded Individual may express horrid sentiments, but there's nothing specific about taking action. They might just as easily be read as particularly revolting love letters."

"I say," said Justin in a small voice. "When you put it that way, there's not much of a case against Umbridge, is there?"

"There didn't need to be," said Minerva. "With her past record, it's all too easy to think her capable of destroying the Express. What's more difficult is imagining why others might wish to."

"I don't think Nick Bartleby did it to get a new train, even if he had the means and opportunity," said Hannah. "That motive is even more ridiculous than the Slyltherins killing Umbridge for house honour."

"I quite agree," said Minerva. "So we must look beyond that. Who would stand to gain from Umbridge being sent back to Azkaban for a wanton act of destruction?"

"You mean besides the entire world?" asked Hermione with a bitter laugh.

"I thought so too, at first," said Minerva. "I mean, I quite agree that the world would be a fairer place without Umbridge walking around freely. But I'm pleased to report that there are very few young people nowadays who care two Knutsworth about her, or, I daresay, the war itself."

"I don't think there's anything to be gained," said Hannah. "Revenge seems a much more likely motive for killing Umbridge."

"We have not yet begun to discuss Umbridge's death," said Minerva. "But I do believe you're right

that the motive was revenge."

"We received hundreds of Howlers when she was released from Azkaban," said Justin. "That hardly narrows things down."

"I rather think it does," said Minerva. "You may recall that I delivered your Hogwarts letter to you many years ago, Minister?"

"Of course," said Justin. "As if I'd forget a thing like that."

"I delivered hundreds of Hogwarts letters to Muggle-born students during my tenure as Deputy Headmistress," said Minerva. "I couldn't help but notice that there were a number of them and their offspring on the train. Rather a higher proportion of them than I'd expected."

"I can't speak for the others, of course," said Hermione, "but I chose to ride the train that day because it was the first Magical thing I ever saw that made me feel at home."

"Did you know that Lydia Ollivander was Muggle-born?" asked Minerva. "I didn't until I started looking into family records for all of the passengers in Carriage A."

"A Muggle-born Slytherin?" asked Hannah, eyes wide. "She must be quite a witch."

"That she is," said Minerva. "Between Lydia Ollivander and Richie Cresswell, whose father Dirk was killed when he fled Umbridge, I'd say Carriage A contained a critical mass of people who hated her."

"Wait a moment," said Justin. "Are you accusing Lydia Ollivander and Richie Cresswell of killing Umbridge or of helping Nick Bartleby destroy the Express?"

"The latter, though I promise we will also discuss Umbridge's death. I presume Lydia, who likely provided the wand we found, was the one who cast the spell activating the flying spring, seeing as it was beneath the vacant compartment next to hers."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Hermione. "Why would Lydia activate a flying spring, if, as you allege, Nick Bartleby installed them and would have been able to calculate the speed and trajectory necessary for the train to end up in the lake? Doesn't having two people activating the springs contradict Severus's description of a line of magic connecting the flying springs?"

"It does, I'm afraid, but I don't blame Severus for wishing to shield one of the conspirators from suspicion."

"Who, Lydia Ollivander?" asked Hannah, sounding utterly bewildered.

"No, I mean one of the other conspirators. You see, I believe there was one in each carriage."

"I thought you said today's students didn't know anything about Umbridge," said Justin, sounding horrified.

"They don't," said Minerva. "However, a number of adults chose to ride in the student compartments. Isn't that correct, Ms. Granger?"

"I was in the first student carriage when the train took off," said Hermione stiffly, "as you well know."

"Isn't that also the beginning of the sweet-seller's route?" asked Minerva.

"I didn't notice," said Hermione. "I had my children's luggage to settle."

"A pair of student trunks would have been excellent for blocking an onlooker's line of sight if one wished to cast complicated magic on the witch and her trolley," said Minerva.

Hermione's face grew grim. "What are you saying, Minerva?"

"That against a Muggle-born who was one of the most determined, formidable students I have ever taught, Umbridge didn't stand a chance," said Minerva with quiet certainty. "As a Muggle-born, you knew that Umbridge's release was breeding resentment among her many victims and their families. As head of Magical Law Enforcement, you would have been privy to the details of her release and resettlement. As someone who understood Umbridge well enough to lure her into the Forbidden Forest when you were a mere slip of a teenager, you knew exactly how to entice her to Hogwarts and goad her into action. As someone who required Madam Pince to purchase a second copy of Hogwarts: A History, you knew that Hogwarts once had flying carriages. And as someone well-connected at the Ministry, you were ideally placed to put the talents of an obscure group of wizards and witches to the task of planning and executing an airtight plan to crash the Hogwarts Express, unmask and frame Hogwarts for it, thus sending her back to Azkaban for life."

Hannah Abbot's mouth was hanging open. Justin looked as though he were about to faint. Hermione and Severus wore identical blank expressions.

Justin recovered first. "I say. Who else was involved?"

Minerva glanced at the passenger manifest. "Richie Cresswell, Teddy Tonks, and the Cattermole sisters all lost parents to the Snatchers after fleeing Umbridge's vile Muggle-Born Registration Commission. Lydia Ollivander, Nick Bartleby, and Kevin Entwhistle endured Umbridge's prison camps. The more well-connected fled abroad, like former Minister Nobby Leach and Donaghan Tremlett, the latter of whom was forbidden to perform in England due to his Muggle-born status. And both Hermione and Dennis Creevey opposed Umbridge as part of Dumbledore's Army, refused to return to Hogwarts, and returned to fight in the final battle. That accounts for one in each coach, plus the locomotive. It also explains why all the compartments, save those in Carriage A where things weren't going according to plan, bore the vestiges of exactly the same Cushioning Charm. It had all been planned ahead of time to minimise injuries."

"Good lord," said Justin weakly.

"There was, of course, one more member of this Muggle-born conspiracy to destroy the train," said Minerva. "Ms. Granger is a formidable opponent of prejudice, but she became the head of Magical Law Enforcement because she believes deeply in institutional justice. I couldn't reconcile her actions until I realised that permission to do so must have come from the highest levels of the Ministry. Someone who had been deeply affected by Umbridge's actions. Someone capable of creating an illegal Portkey using the Ministry's own resources."

Justin swallowed. "Ah," he said.

Hannah's eyes were the size of dinner plates as she looked back and forth between Justin and Hermione. "I don't understand!" she exclaimed at last. "If they all crashed the train to frame Umbridge, who actually killed her and why?"

"Judging by the hastily-scrubbed hex marks in the Malfoys' compartment, I'd say it was Lucius, Narcissa, and Severus," said Minerva. "As to why, I believe Severus was engaging in a wrong-headed attempt to save Hermione from herself."

Hermione let out a truly alarming sound that seemed to be a combination of a snort and a guffaw, though the overall effect was of someone with a chronic sinus problem laughing water out of her nose.

Severus's eyes narrowed but he remained silent, wordlessly daring Minerva to explain herself. She met his eye.

Well, in for a Knut. "You were hardly discreet," she said. "And in the Restricted Section, too."

This time, the unexpected laughter came from Justin. Hannah's face completely drained of colour.

"They didn't," she said.

"All right," said Hermione. "I happily confess to the crime of being in love with Severus Snape. However, I have school-aged children and a very loud ex-husband. Surely you can understand my desire to keep my relationships quiet."

Minerva cleared her throat. They had been anything but quiet.

Severus had gone a deep shade of cranberry, and Minerva felt a twinge of sympathy for having his private affairs aired in mixed company, but it didn't last long.

"Did you wish to say anything before I continue with my conjecture?" she asked him.

"When you're doing so well? I daren't interrupt," said Severus drily.

"Severus discovered some aspect of the Muggle-born conspiracy and pressed the truth, or part of it, anyway, out of Hermione. Of the two of them, Hermione was far more in the public eye and had far more to lose professionally, so Severus had Narcissa make friendly overtures towards Umbridge, which is how she came to possess Narcissa's handkerchief. She then invited Umbridge to her and Lucius's compartment, where Severus met them after failing to talk Hermione out of her plan, a conversation I myself overheard. The plan, I suspect, was to encourage Umbridge to leave the train before it left the platform, thus forcing the Muggle-borns to abandon their plan. Unfortunately, Umbridge had no intention of letting her interlocutors get the better of her, and she hexed Lucius."

Minerva glanced at each of the others in turn. "This was Umbridge's final poor decision. The Slytherins' collective counterattack sent her flying across the compartment, where she hit her head on the back of the door, killing her instantly."

Hannah was rapt. "Then what happened?"

"Severus recognised Richie Cresswell as a likely member of the Muggle-born conspiracy, who summoned Lydia Ollivander upon Severus's revelation of Umbridge's body. In the final moments before the train's departure, they decided to continue with the Muggle-borns' plan and make it appear as though she had drowned in the crash by casting iAguamenti/i up her nose. Lydia planted the false wand on Umbridge, while Richie Cresswell planted the Portkey in her compartment as originally planned, and the beater's bat was later planted in Umbridge's compartment to draw suspicion away from the Malfoys and Severus. Because of this flurry of activity, neither Richie Cresswell nor Lydia Ollivander had the opportunity to ensure that all of the passengers had cast Cushioning Charms on their compartments."

"What about Neville's stolen Gillyweed?" asked Hannah.

"That was Severus," said Minerva. "A combination of Polyjuice potion and Gillyweed, if I'm not much mistaken, gave him the access to the crash site needed to plant the clues and steal Umbridge's suitcase. I was nearly taken in by Severus pretending to be a poor swimmer, at least until last night, when I had the opportunity to observe his physique, which is, shall we say, not consistent with a sedentary lifestyle. Now, I don't suppose any of you have any questions about this particular hypothesis?"

"You're not going to accuse me of complicity in all this, are you?" asked Hannah.

"Merely of forensic ingenuity," said Minerva. She smiled and turned to face Justin. "Well, Minister. I've presented three solutions to this convoluted affair. I leave it up to you to decide which one to present to the press later today."

Justin cleared his throat. "I confess, I quite like the first solution. What do you think, Hermione?"

"I think Hannah should decide," said Hermione after a moment's pause. "She discovered the evidence most suggestive of foul play, namely, the fresh water in Umbridge's lungs."

Hannah frowned for a moment, and then reached down the front of her robes to withdraw a necklace with a small brass tube hanging from it. She unscrewed the top and withdrew a yellowed, worn piece of parchment that Minerva recognised with a smile. On it was a list of names, which included her own, her husband's, Hermione's and the Minister's, above which was written "Dumbledore's Army" in faded ink. Minerva handed it to Hermione, who passed it to Justin and at last to Severus.

"The first solution must be correct," said Hannah, accepting the parchment back from Severus. "I reckon my imagination ran away with me during the forensics investigation. Perhaps Neville and I should take a break from Muggle television."

"That's settled then," said Minerva, sitting back. "Now, Hermione, Justin, do hurry along to the Great Hall. I'm certain people will be arriving soon for the press conference. Severus, I believe you owe me a game of chess."

An expression of naked, reluctant hope flashed across Severus's features, and he seized Hermione's hand, drew her to him, and kissed her soundly.

She was smiling when they parted, and she squeezed his hand before departing Minerva's office with the Minister. Hannah followed them, shaking her head incredulously.

"Can I offer you tea?" she asked him. "Something a bit stronger?"

"Whisky," he said brusquely, summoning Minerva's chess set from where it sat in the corner. The knights protested until they saw who was sitting opposite Minerva.

Minerva poured a tot for Severus and one for herself.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish," said Minerva, rising her glass to Severus.

"Hem hem!" he said.

Minerva nearly choked on her whisky and settled for sputtering noisily.

"Apologies," said Severus, not looking sorry at all. "What I meant, of course, was 'Hear hear.'"

The End

Notes: Enormous thanks to JS for beta-reading so beautifully under extraordinarily awful circumstances. Smooches to Dickgloucester for advice on train terminology, adoration to Shiv5468 for Brit-picking, and love to the glorious mods for making this fest happen! I would also like to thank my recipient for this prompt, the reading of which caused this story to spring forth from my head all but fully formed. I owe an enormous debt to Agatha Christie's "Murder on the Calais Coach," also known as "Murder on the Orient Express," and the numerous adaptations thereof, which I've loved since my teens. It was teens. It was an unadulterated pleasure to adapt it.