1

Time.

You could never take it back. Not even with a time-turner, no. What you lived was there, forever; not erasable nor changeable.

What you loved remained with you.

Sirius tried not to think of himself as a waste. But what else a man that was wasted could be? Trashed, forgotten, left to rot, fallen.

You are much more than that, a voice whispered. He'd say it was her voice. But she was dead, so it couldn't be her.

He can hear us again, Lily, maybe it's best if you-

He closed his eyes, trying not to hear the voices ringing in his ear. Why James? Why would his mind torment him like this?

Good! If he can hear me maybe he can pull himself together, too! Sirius please, listen…

The voices faded. They always faded eventually.

Ever since he came back from the veil he heard them. At first, he didn't understand why he was hearing Remus too until Harry told him he had died. Antonin Dolohov had killed him, and Remus left a baby boy behind. Just like James did.

Why did they remain dead while he came back?

He had nothing to live for, not anymore. There was no war to fight, no godson to raise. Harry had raised himself well enough without adult supervision. Sure, he had a thing about pleasing people that cared about him, enough to live his life according to their expectations, but he was a grown man now, the victor of a war, even.

A war Sirius had missed.

What a useless fucking life.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Sirius, my friend. Sirius… Remember we were friends. I'm sorry Sirius.

"Fuck! Shut up Wormtail, you rat!" Sirius shouted into the empty room, anger filling him. Of course, he heard Pettigrew too. He heard everyone that he once loved. He was losing his mind, and not so slowly either.

What was the point of coming back from the dead if he lost his wits as a payment?

It wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it.

"Sirius, you there?"

Feet came and stopped by the door. Sirius looked towards the newcomer. Harry; taller, older, even with a two-day old stubble; was standing before him.

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked.

The boy, the man, leaned on the wall.

"I heard your voice, you okay?" Harry asked. Sirius could see that he was worried. He tried to hide it, of course, but Harry was never so good at that.

Sirius nodded. He, at least, was a better actor and could grin like he meant it.

"You know I'm a little off the bat," he said with cheer. Harry, thankfully, laughed.

"Right. Well, get ready. We have a guest."

Sirius hoped it wasn't the Weasleys. The worst part of coming back was trying to make nice with Molly Weasley. The woman offended him just by existing.

"Yeah? Who?" he asked, combing his hair with his hand. At least he had showered that day.

"Hermione," Harry said and entered the room, closing the door. "She is going to stay here for a while if that's okay with you."

Sirius lifted a single eyebrow at Harry.

"Why?" he asked, genuinely curious.

Harry looked down at his feet, checked to make sure he closed the door. Sirius smiled at his godson's awkwardness.

"They broke up, apparently," he said keeping his voice down.

Sirius snorted. "It was going to happen eventually."

Harry looked at him with furrowed brows. "Why do you say that?"

"Sometimes it works, being friends with someone before you have a relationship, Harry," he explained. "But sometimes, there is just too much past. Especially those two, they've been through a lot."

Harry hummed, considering his words. "Maybe," he said avoiding to make a comment. "I'm just… They are my friends, both of them. It's not… I don't like seeing them unhappy."

Sirius sighed and took out the t-shirt he was wearing. It was wrinkled, and he was sure Hermione would have enough chances to see him in his household attire the following days, just maybe not on the first day. He opened his wardrobe, that didn't have many options to begin with, and picked out a black shirt. He pulled it over himself.

"They wouldn't break up if they were happy," he reasoned.

That's surprisingly insightful, Pads, Moony's voice filled his head, making Sirius' hands shake as he fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He shut his eyes, stopping all movement. When did you get so wise?

"You are right," Harry said, unaware of his distress. "Anyway, she is downstairs and I've picked some Lo Mein. Come down when you are ready?"

"Sure thing," Sirius nodded and waited for Harry to shut the door behind him to allow himself to sit down on his bed. His childhood bed. Why did Harry kept this wretched house?

It reminded him of you, Lily's voice told him.

Sirius cried.

When he finally went down the stairs to the kitchen, Sirius was smiling. He had put it on, control, he told his mind. Control your expressions, and eventually control your feelings.

He stopped by the kitchen door and watched Hermione pour the takeaway food to plates while Harry screwed a cork to the wine bottle. They didn't notice him.

"So at the end, we didn't even have anything left to argue over," Hermione was saying. "It was pointless, you know."

"Important thing," Harry said as the wine bottle opened with a plop, "is that you are okay, Hermione. You and Ron both."

Hermione sighed and seeing that there were things she wanted to say Sirius took a step back instead of entering the kitchen. He leaned on the wall and waited as an involuntary listener.

"I'm okay, I think," he heard her say. "I love him, you know. But not like… Not like love love. We'll need to re-learn how to be friends."

Harry laughed, and Sirius thought it must be encouraging for Hermione to hear it.

"Like you've got another choice," Harry said cheerfully. Sirius thought this was as good a time as any to enter the kitchen.

"Hullo," he announced himself and was pleased to see the little witch smiling, ghost of a silent laughter etched on her face.

"Sirius!"

She ran and hugged him, and Sirius wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off the ground.

"Good to see you, too, Hermione."

Hermione laughed when he allowed her to free herself from him and sat on one of the chairs.

Sirius followed along, pulling one of the plates towards himself. It was as if life was normal.

It is normal, Pads. If you allow it.

It didn't feel like it. It felt as if everything was a dream and he a watcher, a listener. Someone that can observe but never touch anything, someone temporary. Maybe it was better that way.

It didn't even make him sad anymore. He took the chopsticks and started to eat his food.

"How's work?" he asked the witch.

"It's great. Percy and I are working on making sure werewolf children can have access to Wolfbane for free, and that they can't be denied education because of their condition." She took a sip of her wine, without eating a bite first. Sirius frowned. Had she eaten anything, he wondered. "It's challenging because they do create a certain amount of danger, and unfortunately they are not that low in numbers since the war."

Sirius nodded his understanding. He looked at Harry.

"You are helping her, right?" he asked.

"She doesn't need my help," Harry said. "She is taking the Ministry by storm."

Sirius' frown deepened and he checked Hermione. She was playing with her food. Not eating. She took another sip of her wine. Sirius turned back to Harry.

"You are kidding right, kiddo?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused.

"You are Harry fucking Potter. The-Boy-Who-Killed-the-Snakeman and the Hero of the Wizarding World. Your word means everything."

"No, no. He works for the Ministry," Hermione interrupted. "He can't use his influence for politics. It's not ethical."

Harry shrugged, his cheeks pink. At least the boy was ashamed to admit it.

"Fuck it," Sirius said. He hated that Harry got himself a job that made him work for the system that used him and tossed him aside. Sure, Kingsley was a friend, but Ministers changed.

"What can I do?" Harry said. "Everyone knows I support the bill, I just can't get up and make a statement about it, that's all."

"Well, I'm sure it's worth it then," Sirius said bitterly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Harry frowning. He wondered who had put being an Auror into Harry's mind at the first place.

"Don't be unfair, Sirius," Hermione said, her tone clipped. Sirius exhaled and leaned back, balancing his chair on two legs.

"Look, I'm not saying Harry has done anything wrong," he said. "I just think some things matter more than others, you can't deny that. And those children? I think they matter more than regulations, and rules, or whatever ethical dilemma the situation creates."

"I could lose my job," Harry said.

Sirius looked at Harry. "So what?"

That made Harry stop. He looked at Sirius for several seconds, unblinking. That boy had a mean stare. He didn't seem angry though, or so Sirius hoped.

"You don't like that I'm an Auror." The statement was there, and Sirius couldn't deny it. He just shrugged. Maybe it was selfish of him to dislike his godson's choice of a career. He couldn't help it. He had liked Aurors good enough. There was a time he considered it himself. Until… Well, until.

"It's not about that," he amended, turning his focus back on his plate and letting his chair fall back on four legs.

"What is it about then?" Harry asked.

"Exactly what I said, some things matter more."

Sirius looked at Hermione who was still playing with her food. She raised her head and looked at him, her mouth in a thin line. She wasn't approving. Why?

"You don't agree?" he asked her.

Hermione bit her lip. "Being an Auror is Harry's dream. You can't ask him to sac-"

"I arrested a woman for using the Killing Curse on a rat," Harry cut her sentence. Sirius turned to him and knew Hermione had done the same.

"What?" she asked.

"She thought it was humane," Harry said, his chopsticks playing with his food. "She cried. She is seventy years old and currently in Azkaban. For killing a rat that was eating the homemade cheese she makes."

Sirius shivered and closed his eyes. That didn't sound fair. When he opened his eyes Harry was looking at him, almost pleading.

"Do you really think… Do you think it'd be okay if I quit?"

He looked just like a little boy, then. The boy that came to him for advice. It was a reminder of how much he had missed. He would have to change that, wouldn't he?

"I think, Harry, this is your life," he said carefully, realising that Harry depended on him in that moment. Sirius clung to that, that small window of a moment that he was needed. He needed to mind what he was saying. Control. "I don't think you should do this job because other people expect you to, or because you wanted to be an Auror when you were fifteen. But you shouldn't quit it because of what I think either."

There. That was honest and fair.

Harry nodded and drank his wine, seeming thoughtful. Hermione started to laugh bitterly.

"What a mess," she said. Sirius looked at her wondering what she meant. "Look at us," Hermione clarified for him. "We can win a war against impossible odds, apparently, but when it comes to managing a life…"

She still didn't eat, Lily's voice reminded him. Make her eat, Sirius.

Sirius nodded at the voice.

"A breakup doesn't mean you can't manage your life," Harry said. It was almost as if James spoke, in one of his rare moments of wisdom that came out when his friends needed him. Sirius had been on the receiving end of this tone countless times. All of them had.

"Well, I beg to differ," Hermione said. "I just… I can't seem to make any profound decision when it comes to my life. People don't like me, Harry. They tolerate me because I have an Order of Merlin, but…"

Her curls danced when she shook her head.

"That's because people are idiots," Sirius said, he grinned at her then, he thought she needed someone to cheer her up. Sirius could do that, or try at least. He wondered if he still had it in him to cheer people up. "And they suddenly notice it themselves when they are around you."

Harry laughed, and Hermione grinned back at him. That was a good look.

"Why, Sirius, I didn't know you thought so highly of me," she returned cheekily.

Sirius grin grew.

"Oh, I think you are an obnoxious little swot who thinks she knows everything. But hey, you probably do, and I like you just fine."

"She really does," Harry agreed with him.

Hermione blushed and took another sip of her wine.

"Eat up," Sirius said.

"I'm not really hungry," she confessed. Sirius made a disapproving sound.

"Do I seem like I care?" he asked. "Eat, or I'll ward the library for a week."

Nice one, Sirius, said James.

"Stakes has risen, Hermione," Harry said. "You better listen to him."

"What makes you think that your wards can keep me out, Black?"

Sirius raised a challenging eyebrow at her. "Your answer is hidden inside the question, kitten," he said. He recognised the tone he was using from somewhere. He just couldn't remember. Oh, I bet I do, Remus' voice told him. He ignored it. "Do you really wanna try the limits of my wards when in this house?"

"They are sort of keyed to him," Harry mock whispered, pretending to tip Hermione on what was going on. "Blood magic and all."

"Didn't you inherit the place?" She turned to Harry. Harry just shrugged.

"Pretty sure that's irrelevant."

"It is," Sirius said.

It was.

Hermione sighed and took a piece from her plate, making a show of eating.

"Happy?" she asked.

"Yes," Sirius smiled at her. "Very. Thank you, Hermione."

Her face softened and she smiled at him, taking another bite.

Well done!

Lily sounded cheerful, at least.

"So," Harry said. Sirius stopped staring at Hermione eating and turned to him. "Does Sirius still count as an adult, or is he technically a newborn since it's his second time living?"

Welcome to another Sirimione.

Many thanks to Kreeblimsabs who is alpha-reading this story.

I am not quite sure how long this story will be, although I do have a fairly good idea of what is going to happen, I don't plan to run to the finish line. I've already written several chapters for it.

So get comfy, play some good music, and enjoy the ride. Don't forget to leave a review while you hang around!

Love,

Synoir