I know a handful of people already beat me to this idea on Archive of Our Own, but I really wanted to write my own short version of Attempt #218. Enjoy my bois.
"Eleanor, come on in."
Michael just knew that he had the variables of this attempt perfect this time around. He started off with the good ol' 'You're in the Good Place' talk before walking with Eleanor around the neighborhood that was going for a shrimp theme, something he knew that Eleanor would love. Hopefully it'd keep her thinking that she's in the Good Place while he and his demons plan out the different torture scenarios.
By the time Michael was talking to Eleanor in her new house, Janet was leading Tahani across the field in her white dress. She was told by Michael to get Tahani really excited to see her soulmate, and Tahani was so excited that she dolled herself up for this special moment in the afterlife.
"I just can't wait to meet her! I bet she's smart, attractive, and kind..." Tahani sighed dreamily. Janet had told her that it was a very generous lawyer that donated to charities named Eleanor Shellstrop. Janet expected Tahani to be baffled that another female is her soulmate, since she never dated another woman during her time on Earth, but Tahani stayed excited and unfazed.
They stood in front of a tacky yellow house with a red door slightly opened.
"Your soulmate is in there." Janet smiled. Tahani took a deep breath and started walking, her heart racing with every step. She reassured herself that she didn't need to worry about anything, for her soulmate would love and admire her for her looks and her accomplishments.
She placed her hand gracefully on the side of the wall and her other hand on her hip as she smirked at the blonde woman staring at her in amazement.
"Sweet mama, this is the Good Place." Eleanor gasped, causing Tahani to giggle in amusement. Michael was surprised since Eleanor always said 'Bring it in, man!' to every soulmate that she's encountered. This was a first. But he couldn't let his surprise show.
"Eleanor, meet Tahani Ah-Jamil, a wonderful philanthropist that has donated to causes all around the world. Tahani, meet Eleanor Shellstrop, a lawyer that saved dozens of people off death row, and donated to many causes as well." Michael wrapped up the introduction as quick as he could. "I'm going to leave you two to get to know each other, I must go and see how all the other residents are doing."
Eleanor barely heard Michael speak. Did he take an angel and make her Eleanor's soulmate?
"Darling, it is an absolute pleasure to meet you." Tahani made her way to her 'soulmate' in several steps and kissed her hand. "Shall we head off to eat somewhere and get to know each other better there?"
"Y-Yeah." Eleanor stammered, both of them blissfully unaware of all the demons that would be listening in on their conversation.
Unlike the last 217 times, Eleanor didn't try to admit that she didn't belong in the Good Place. And now especially wasn't a good time to tell Tahani. The dinner date consisting of shrimp, salad, and lots of wine had gone so well that the drunk lovebirds were making out outside of the house. Tahani was pressing Eleanor up against the house door, and the blonde woman had no complaints to being pinned against the door by this gorgeous goddess in human skin.
Before Eleanor got drunk, a few red flags were raised about the genuineness of her soulmate when she said a few things that came off as condescending to her. When Tahani was comparing her accomplishments to Eleanor's 'accomplishments,' it almost felt like a contest. But one she downed her first bottle of wine, all was forgotten.
Unbeknownst to them, Michael and several of his demon subordinates were watching with curiosity, deciding on what to do about this turn of events. They were immediately supposed to hate each other, but this was different.
"Maybe this attempt was a failure as well, and we should try again?" Glenn asked Michael. Vicky looked at Glenn in irritation.
"Are we seriously going to give up on an impulse again?! Why can't we wait and see what happens?" Vicky snapped. "Think of all the possibilities! Michael can switch Eleanor with me as her soulmate! That'll piss her off!"
"You just want to get into Tahani's pants." Glenn scoffed.
"So?!" Vicky growled. If Eleanor and Tahani weren't drunk and lost in each other, they probably would've noticed the two arguing demons. Vicky started marching towards them when Michael grabbed her by the shirt collar.
"Vicky, calm your horniness for fork's sake!" Michael scolded the woman. "I've came up with many possible torture situations for this attempt. If I need you for any of them, I will let you know."
Michael let go of Vicky's shirt and she stuck her tongue out at him.
Two years later
Yes! Michael thought triumphantly to himself. Two years down, only 998 to go!
Michael had been able to make this attempt last so long by keeping Tahani and Eleanor together during all of the torture. Jason had been able to 'hide' his real identity because oddly enough in this attempt, Janet was giving him Good Place lessons whenever they weren't trying to have sex. Chidi was torn between two soulmates still and got a stomachache everyday.
And today was the wedding of Eleanor and Tahani. No, soulmates didn't really need a wedding ceremony, but Tahani was running out of party ideas that revolved around her, and a wedding was the best idea yet.
Michael thought that they'd certainly break up when Eleanor told her that she wasn't really a lawyer the morning after their drunken lovemaking, but Tahani was already wrapped around Eleanor's finger. She was certain that Eleanor 'accidentally' ending up in the 'Good Place' was meant to happen, and that she was more than willing to keep her identity a secret.
The wedding was very extravagant; one of Tahani's best efforts yet. Of course, the demons did many things to irritate the two during preparations. Pevita even 'accidentally' ripped Tahani's wedding dress on the morning of her wedding day.
Michael was certain that Tahani wouldn't even show up, for the perfectionist was looking forward to wearing her now tattered dress. But Tahani walked down the aisle, looking no less happy. Michael wanted to wait until hundreds of years later to 'expose' Eleanor to everyone and send Eleanor and Tahani in a messed up clusterfork, but maybe he could reveal it during the wedding...
"Does anyone have any objections to this wedding?" Janet asked as Eleanor and Tahani looked lovingly into each other's eyes. Michael was about to stand up when Vicky slammed the door open.
"I object!" Vicky protested.
"Denise? What the fork are you doing?" Eleanor snapped.
"I am in love with Tahani Ah-Jamil!" Vicky declared. "My soulmate isn't my real soulmate! Tahani is! Michael chose not to split you two apart to keep you two happy!"
"Michael, is that true?" Tahani raised her eyebrow at him.
"Why would this be happening...oh my God, we're in the Bad Place." Eleanor gasped. Michael groaned and threw his hands in the air.
"Looks like we're going to have to start over. Thanks a lot Vicky!" Michael yelled. "You couldn't keep your horniness to yourself could you-"
"Start over?! NO!" Eleanor ran towards Michael in her wedding dress like an angry bull seeing red, and when Michael was moments away from snapping his fingers, Eleanor lunged at him and knocked him out of his chair, clawing and strangling him.
Several of Michael's subordinates tried to pull her off of him while some of them laughed, including Vicky.
"Eleanor! We'll find each other again! I love you!" Tahani promised. Even in her rage, Eleanor knew that there was no stopping Michael from erasing their memories.
"I...I love you too." Eleanor wanted to kiss Tahani one last time, she wanted to roll in the grass with her one last time, she wanted to play with Tahani's hair one last time. Hell, she wanted to fight with her one last time.
She knew Michael wouldn't give her the satisfaction of kissing Tahani, so she brutally jabbed her knee into Michael's chest before running to Tahani's arms. When Michael finally regained his senses and snapped his fingers, the two were embraced in a passionate kiss until they meet again.
In those precious moments before everything was reset, they only focused on each other and their love before everything was gone.
But one day, they would find each other again.