by Rose Thorne
~Standard Disclaimers Apply~
There he is, in his damned infant form, mocking me openly. He has the teenage form that he can use--he's proven it so willingly to me. Not that the others know, of course. Not even Kurama knows, sneaky fox that he is.
I glare at our boss for all I'm worth, then scowl as I feel the gaze of another. Kurama is watching me again. That damned nosy youko knows. He knows what Koenma tricked me into, but he probably thinks it was my fault. Whenever I'm forced into human areas, he watches me like a hawk, especially when we're around children. He probably thinks I'm a pedophile.
I'm not the pedophile--Koenma is. You see, I'm underage according to Reikai standards. I didn't know that before, but I do now. Koenma tricked me; he told me it was the only way for me to avoid prison when, in reality, I couldn't have been sent there anyway because of my age. I didn't know that at the time, but I knew what happened in prisons. It even happens in the Ningenkai, and I am nobody's bitch.
At least, I wasn't until he made me into one. I thought that it was better than the alternative, but that's proved to be untrue. It was worse than what would have happened, and I am currently serving the sentence I would have received anyway. He tricked me, and he used me. And I can't even forget what happened because he's there, ordering us around on a regular basis, a constant reminder of my helplessness.
He told me . . . right before he took me. I was already warded and restrained. I couldn't stop him. He told me the truth--that I would never have been sent to prison--and then let me chew on that while he did whatever he wanted to me. I could only struggle feebly while he laughed. I couldn't stop him.
I hate him.
And I'm afraid of him.
Yes, afraid! Hiei, wielder of the Jagan, afraid. Go ahead and laugh.
When he called me to get the tape to give to Yuusuke, I lied to Kurama. I told him that Koenma wanted him to come, too. Koenma was mad when he saw Kurama with me, but that was my safety. He wouldn't dare touch me with Kurama there. He still spoke to us separately, taunting me by changing to his teenage form during the meeting with me. He told me what was on the tape. Everything. He expected me to go and kill the bastards that were holding my sister captive. He expected me to put myself back in his clutches.
But my fear overcame my rage, and I waited for Yuusuke and Kuwabara. I still nearly lost. I was nearly within his reach again, and Yukina saved me. She stopped me, and unknowingly saved me. That makes it even harder for me to look at her.
He was disappointed, and he keeps trying. The Gate of Betrayal. He knew it was there. He's not as disorganized as he pretends to be, not that anyone else sees that. For Hell's sake, he's a god. Why is everyone so blind? No god is that disorganized in his own territory. Not even one that normally looks like a barely potty-trained toddler.
The Gate of Betrayal almost caught me. I wasn't going to break Yuusuke's trust, but that damned Gatekeeper . . . That was a creature that had been born with the powers of the Jagan. He didn't have to acquire or learn them. And he was much more adept than I was. He was taking control, and I nearly lost. I managed to trick him and save the others, in turn saving myself, but it proved something to me.
Koenma doesn't care about them.
He was perfectly willing to sacrifice them in order to get me.
So I am responsible for their safety. I can't be friends with them. I have to be cold and aloof. Otherwise, who knows what he'll do to them . . .? If he thinks it could hurt me--make me turn to him--he might hurt them.
That's why I'm relieved that Yukina stays with Genkai. That old woman knows something--I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. Yukina is safe with her while I'm on missions, and safe closer to me while I'm stuck in this hellhole known as Ningenkai, where I can watch her and protect her.
It's the reason I don't tell her. If she knows that I am her brother, it will be impossible not to grow close to her. It would put her in danger.
I have to protect them all--Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Yukina.
At some point, I will fail to protect them. My failure will mean the death of at least one of the people I'm protecting, as well as myself--I will not be his bitch again. Perfection is unattainable, no matter how hard I strive for it.
I will fail.
It's frightening.
It makes my adrenaline flow, giving me more energy to use in protecting them. Energy that will eventually run out.
I will fail.
I'm walking on thin ice, and every step I take . . . could kill me . . .
Be happy. I avoided homework to write this for you guys.
A conversation with Hikari made me wonder about serious Koenma/Hiei fics (which, by the way, I would love to see), so I wrote this. Eeeevil Koenma. I'd like to see a loving relationship between the two, but I wanted something nice and dark to write.
The idea of Hiei being underage has been used by Morgan D in her fics. I think it makes sense, so . . .
Ahem . . . Back to homework for me. ;.;
Thanks go to Jenna for beta-reading, and to Tora for massive editting!