YOU FILL ME UP

Caleb had been home exactly four minutes, and the kitchen counter was already cluttered with food. Tonight, he was going to cook the twenty-first dinner that he and Hanna would share as husband and wife.

They had recently decided that, now that things with A.D. and Mona had finally calmed down, and they were finally able to live a normal life again, they would hide themselves away from the world for as often as they could in order to enjoy the first weeks as newlyweds. Their wedding had come so surprising, neither one of them had barely had any time to prepare for what was to come afterwards.

After A.D. had been arrested and after Mona had been admitted to Welby for stationary treatment, Caleb had immediately given up his suite at the Radley Hotel and had moved all of his stuff into Hanna's loft.

On those first couple of days into their marriage, Hanna had been like live wire, always on her heels, always trying to piece her life back together. But after a while, she had realized that not everything could be fixed within short notice, and she had eventually agreed to dial it down a notch.

Caleb had played along with everything, enjoying the simple idea of finally being married to his first real love, hopefully his last.

He still had a good time coming up with new meals to impress her. Although, now that he thought about it, she was impressed by pretty much any meal cooked by him that required turning on the stove. Especially when his way of cooking included wearing next to nothing underneath an old apron, which he had snatched from the kitchen at the Radley… those were the days he didn't need to try very hard with the choice of ingredients.

He did it anyway, though, because it was for her.

On this evening, pork fillet, peaches, almonds and rice had been laid out ready in order for him to show his abilities in the cooking department to her again.

It occurred to Caleb that the loft, although dark, wasn't silent. He could hear the low music of what sounded suspiciously like relax melodies with quills, coming from their darkened bedroom, when he paused collecting pots and pans which were required for preparing their meal. She was home after all.

The quills seemed to play louder and louder in his head, and he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed the music when he had come in just a few minutes before. Was she napping? No, no way. There was no way she would be able to fall asleep with that audacity of so-called relax melodies reaching every nerve fiber…

Caleb put all of the perishable groceries in the fridge and stood musing. It wasn't in Hanna's nature to lay quietly in a darkened room unless she was held hostage by someone. She often beat him home in the evenings, but usually he found her watching Project Runway, giving Heidi Klum a piece of her mind, or dancing around the living room with a measuring tape wrapped around her neck, her Banks CD turned up so loud that passersby on the street below were able to sing along.

Having eased the door open, he tiptoed into the bedroom. He was feeling skittish; Hanna's unnatural silence made him nervous in a way few things ever could. He found her laying upside down on their bed, her arm thrown over her eyes and her naked feet propped up on her pillows, crossed at the ankles.

"Hanna?" He knelt down next to her and touched the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

Her other hand felt for the blaring cell phone lying next to her on the covers, and then she blindly lowered the volume of the unusual music – not a minute too soon, Caleb thought. She made a small sound of acknowledgment. He waited a few seconds, but that was apparently all she had to say. Now what? He knew how to handle Angry Hanna, Sarcastic Hanna, Annoyed Hanna, Frustrated Hanna, Sad Hanna and Scared Hanna. But Silent Hanna - Depressed Hanna? – wasn't that familiar to him.

"Ok... is there anything I can do for you?" Caleb waited for her to lift her arm from her eyes so that he could try and read her face, which was always so much more telling than her spoken words.

She shrugged.

He thought that was wife code for 'If I have to tell you what to do, then don't bother.' Apparently, he had to navigate that particular minefield all on his own.

Quietly, he got up and walked to her night table in order to switch on her night light. At long last, Hanna brought her arm down and turned her head around to watch him with a deadpan look on her face.

Caleb sat back down on the edge of the bed. He had never seen her so empty and still. A knot formed in his stomach and he ran his fingers through her silky hair as if his touch could push the life back into her. She made a noise that was a cross between a murmur and moan, and he hoped it didn't mean 'get away from me.'

Gently, he slid his arms underneath her back. Having lifted her up, he settled into his own pillows and arranged her body across his own. She turned and buried her face in his neck and he sighed softly in relief. He caressed her arm, enjoying the feel of smooth sturdy fabric under his fingers. She was wearing a new black pantsuit, and before her business meeting that morning, she had come down the stairs and twirled in front of him, inviting his admiration.

Hanna leaned up a bit and whispered in his ear. "Let's just stay like this for a while, okay?"

"Sure," he whispered back, and the tension began to leak out of his body. That was one of his favorite parts of that new thing called marriage; he came home to Hanna, his friend, his wife, and he held her, and the stress of the day escaped out of his body. He had no idea how he had survived day after day in those three years without her, seemingly a million years ago now.

"I got into a fight with Lucas," she said after several minutes.

"Really? You mean a real fight? Because I can't imagine Lucas arguing with anybody, least of all, you."

"He tried to badger me into striking up a business partnership with another up-and-coming designer from Philly," she told his neck. "But I told him, no. I want to keep this a one-man company only. And now I have a headache. Even my hair hurts."

"I'm sorry. What can I do?" Caleb kept stroking soothingly over her hair.

She was quiet for several seconds before looking up at him. His heart almost stopped when he saw a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Oh, baby." He pressed his palm against the warm skin of her jaw and wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Is something else wrong? Please tell me."

But Hanna just shook her head. "I'm just in pain and I had a bad day."

"Are you sure? Because I've never seen you act like this..."

She gave him a half smile. "After we broke up, I spent night after night like this, eating giant tubs of ice cream and watching the news on CNN so that I would find out if there was anything important going on in any of the countries in Europe that we had been planning to visit. Only so that I would feel some kind of connection to you despite the fact that you had basically broken my heart… That realization had hit me later. I'd just made sure nobody was around to see the big breakdown that had come with it."

"Really? I'm..." He was at a loss for words. Hanna had watched the news on CNN? He never would have bet money on that one.

"But that was then. And I'm feeling nowhere near as desperate as I did back in the days. Tonight, I think I want a bath."

That seemed odd to him, but he figured it was probably a girl thing, so he simply inquired, "A bath?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "With candles and really hot water and bubbles. Can you fill up the bathtub for me?"

"Sure," he replied. Definitely a girl thing. He was torn between amazement at that side of Hanna's personality – international news other than those of the Milan Fashion Week and bubbles baths! - and pride that he was the only person who got to see it.

Five minutes later, Caleb was in their bathroom, watching the water in the bathtub rise, inch by inch. It usually took a long time to fill a bathtub, and there wasn't a single thing he could do to speed it up. He decided to pick up a computer magazine from his night table in order to bide his time reading, and found Hanna had recaptured her position from before. He felt bad for her, and he definitely didn't like seeing her like that. Whatever had thrown her off that day, now felt like a stab in his own heart.

When he had returned to their bathroom, he tossed the magazine on the bathmat and looked around in order to finish his important task in hand. He found the cabinet with an assortment of bubble baths and lined up the bottles on the edge of the sink - green, purple, pink. After some exploratory sniffing, he poured a generous amount of the green stuff into the tub. Then he lit four candles that he had previously deposited in the room for moments just like this and placed them on the windowsill.

Finally, the water in the bathtub seemed deep enough and he turned it off. He took one last look around the room.

Candles? Burning.

Water? Steaming.

Bubbles? Um, bubbling.

Then, Caleb went next door into the bedroom and turned off the night light.

"Babe, it's ready," he mumbled, and Hanna silently held out her hand. But he ignored it and picked her up, cradling her against his chest like he had never done it before. They were in the bathroom in seconds, and Hanna gasped and covered her eyes with her hands.

"Ouch, Caleb. The light hurts, turn it off, please!"

"Sorry!" He hit the switch, and then the only light was from the flickering flames that were dancing against the walls. He set Hanna down.

She didn't move.

"Would you like me to undress you?" He huffed into her ear.

She looked up at him, her blue eyes big and wet, and nodded.

And so he did. He unbuttoned her top and slid it off her shoulders, pulled her camisole over her head, unbuttoned her pants and watched as they fell down into a puddle on the tile floor. Hanna leaned her forehead against his chest and he put his arms around her to unclasp her bra. The red fabric was soft in his hand, and he held it for a few seconds before opening his fingers, allowing it to drift down and join the black fabric of her pantsuit on the floor. He tightened his arms around her and laid his cheek on her smooth hair for just a few seconds, inhaling her familiar scent, before stepping back.

That was the first time Caleb had ever undressed her when it wasn't a prelude to having sex. He wondered if she was thinking about that, too, and if she had seen his reaction to her beautiful exposed body.

Taking a steadying breath, he looped his thumbs around the thin fabric on her hips and pulled her panties down. He knelt at her feet to untangle them from her ankles. Hanna placed her hand on his shoulder as she stepped out of the pool of red and black fabric and for a heady moment, he was worshipping her. For a few seconds, he was suspended in a haze of adoration and desire.

"Ohhhhh," she moaned. He snapped back to the present and realized that she had left his side and had lowered herself into the water. The blissful look on her face made him smile.

"That good, huh?"

"You have no idea." She stretched out full length and everything below her neck was hidden by clouds of bubbles. He watched her for a moment before picking up his magazine from the floor and turning to the door.

"Please stay."

He looked back over his shoulder. Her wet hair was clinging to her scalp. Caleb turned toward her and sat on the floor next to the tub, skimming the pages of the computer magazine for an article he hadn't read yet, but to no avail. He tossed the unappealing weekly onto the floor behind him and made himself comfortable, leaning sideways against the bathtub. "I'm not leaving." He reached into the hot water to grasp her hand.

She laced her fingers through his and raised their joined hands to rest on the edge of the tub. She tilted her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

Hanna obviously wasn't in a talking mood, so he closed his eyes, too, and tried not to mind his own back which was hurting like hell from the way he had been sitting at his laptop all day, writing dozens of script pages for a new software he had thought up.

Suddenly, she spoke quietly. "Hey. You seem a little tense yourself."

He opened his eyes and looked at her with concern. "It's nothing. Are you feeling any better?"

"My head doesn't hurt as much," she murmured and closed her eyes again.

For a moment, he considered kissing her wet lips, but instead, he just looked at her. Her breasts, visible now that the bubbles were slowly melting away, rose and fell in the water. There were shadows under her eyes, and again, he frowned at her, questioning her mental state.

"You seemed pretty fragile tonight." He suggested, hoping she would deny that… that she would protest and argue that 'fragile' was not a word one applied to Hanna Rivers.

She opened her eyes. Her face was pale gold in the candlelight. After a moment, she nodded. "Yeah. A little, I guess."

A surge of panic mixed with the worry in his chest and sat on his heart like a rock. He looked down at their hands and traced his thumb over the textured skin of her knuckles. He didn't know what to do with a fragile Hanna. Her strength was such a tangible presence in his life; what would he do if it never came back?

"Penny for your thoughts," Hanna said after a few moments.

He hesitated. "What I'm thinking makes me sound like a selfish jackass." He looked back up at her dark eyes that were watching him patiently. She raised an eyebrow in what was clearly a 'go on' gesture, so he did. "Sometimes, I don't know how to be the strong one in this relationship."

She let go of his hand and leaned forward. The water sloshed against the edges of the bathtub. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"You are the rock that I'm built on," he told her. "You always have been. I usually lay all my troubles at your feet, and you make them disappear."

"Good," she answered. "'Cause that's exactly how I feel about you."

He shook his head. "I've seen you go through many things. Fear for your life. Emotional devastation after everything that happened with A.D. and Mona and your business plans going down the drain."

Her eyebrows quirked and he quickly continued to elaborate, "But your pilot light, your Hanna Rivers-ness, was always lit, and all I had to do was be there while you made your way back to it. But tonight... it's like that flame has gone out, and since that's the light I live by, I can't see well enough to help you reignite it."

Hanna sighed and rubbed the heels of her hands against her eyes. And then, she gazed at him in a way that made him think he had said something very stupid. "There are so many things wrong with that statement," she said, "I don't even know where to begin."

She paused to gather her thoughts, and he was absolutely certain she was going to agree with him and tell him that he was being an idiot. The rock on his chest felt lighter already.

"Caleb, the simple fact is that sometimes my reserves of energy wear thin. That's it. That's all. I'm sure I'll be fine again tomorrow."

He watched her face, her expression a mixture of exasperation and reassurance. He released a breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding and nodded. "Ok," he replied, "I won't worry about it. We'll just sit here in Bubble Land until you're a prune, and then I'll make us a nice dinner."

She shook her head at me. "No," she answered. He must have looked surprised, because she shook her head again. "I mean, yes, don't worry, but there's more that I need to say." She pressed her palm against his cheek. Water drops slid down his neck and soaked into his t-shirt.

"You keep my pilot light burning, Caleb. Before you came back to me, I had been running on fear and anger and righteous indignation. You made the fear disappear. The anger and righteous indignation come back whenever I need them," Hanna said with a mischievous smile, "but, most of the time, it's you who keeps me going."

She picked his hand up again and pressed a kiss into his palm. "So, nights like this one, I come home empty and you..." She paused for a moment, and a loving smile spread across her face. "… you just… fill me up."

Her eyes were dancing, her skin glowing with water and reflected candlelight. His breath caught in his throat, and he shifted on his knees, leaning over the bathtub in order to kiss her.

"I take it that you're obviously very tired tonight," he said, rubbing her nose gently with his own. "I think you're going to need a good many kisses to get that light burning strong again."

Her arms looped around his neck and she bit him lightly into the tip of his nose before pulling his body toward her own. She had the advantage of surprise, and suddenly he was in the water with her, clothes and all.

"Oh, definitely," she agreed. "I'm going to need lots of fuel."

THE END

There you go... just a little plotless fluff that had been stuck in my head ever since we didn't get another shower scene in 7B... simply because... come on, who wouldn't have loved to see Caleb sharing a shower or a bath with Hanna? LOL

Review? Zip