I.

Going to work sucks.

But yanno, since Naruto wants to like, eat in the near future, and have warm water to wash his ass every morning, he's going to go. That doesn't mean he has to like it. No sir. He's going to complain the entire time to himself, or maybe his cat, but in the end he's going to do it because he's not rich and famous and waving his hand limply and saying "I don't want to" isn't the end of it. It doesn't work like that for people like him, who have to resort to eating cheap ass ramen noodles two days before payday because they balled out the rest of the week like a dumbass.

A shame, really.

So he pulls himself out of bed with an overly dramatic groan, wincing at how his bones crack—seriously, he's only 26, is there someone he can talk to about his geriatric joints? This can't be normal—washes, combs his hair, stares in the mirror—disassociating a little, naturally—pours food and water in the bowl for his cat and gets ready to leave for the day.

Someone alert the presses, Uzumaki Naruto is out of bed.

He passes by the coffee shop on the way to the metro station. He's going to stop in again, because he's not good with telling himself (or anyone else for that matter) no. Even though the coffee's burnt and more money than coffee should ever be, he's going to go get some because he'll pass out without it. He's weak to it.

He's weak to a lot of things, ok? His mother's round-doe eyes when she wants something from him, chocolate chip cookies, late-night Netflix binges, the color orange, and drama to name a few. Coffee's probably on the top of his list.

No, that's not right. His number one weakness texted him last night and he fucking missed it because he just had to go to bed at 11pm like a boring old man.

There he is, captured in 16:9, perfect IPhone quality, holding up his shiny new prize won from one of the most-watched award shows in the country.

Uchiha Sasuke, Rock Star, millionaire heartthrob playboy, People's Sexiest Man Alive 2016—on the cover of magazines all throughout the year, stylin', profilin' and…..not Naruto's boyfriend.

He looks so happy, with his tongue ring on display—eyes crinkled up and signing the horns to whoever's behind the camera. He should be; he worked so hard for that Album of the Year win. He was probably bursting with pride when that shot was taken, maybe on the verge of tears (even though it isn't his style), and drunk as shit.

He's also not Naruto's boyfriend, by the way.

Not that that's important or anything, but it needs to be said.

Hey, it's not like Naruto minds or anything. What they're doing? It works, it has worked, and hopefully it will continue to work. They do this super-duper mega hush-hush ultra-casual thing where Sasuke comes back off tour or impromptu visits to Italy or whatever and he blows out Naruto's back for three days straight and there's a whole lot of Thai food in between, then he dips out in the cover of night without so much as a duty calls, baby and he rides like the wind (bullseye!) onto the next show.

Sasuke's one of the most famous stars in the world, so it's to be expected, right? He's in a cool band—sang hundreds of songs in front of millions of screaming fans. He's been on TV shows, had cameos galore in all kinds of movies, He's That Guy, the "It" guy. And what he and Naruto are doing? It's just fucking. Don't get him wrong, it's really good fucking, ok? Definitely something to write home about to mom. 10/10 would recommend. But that's all it is. See, just because you hook up with the It Guy, doesn't mean anything is going to be different. And that's what he's learned to live with.

Yeah, it works.

And Naruto doesn't mind.

So, he opens up his camera when he gets to the metro station and copies his pose—holding up his coffee cup near his face like it's a medal, and sticks out his tongue and snaps it before even thinking about it.

Adorable.

He gets back almost immediately, with the little saucy smirk emoji and everything. It doesn't make a tiny smile grace his face or his chest flutter with excitement.

It really, really doesn't.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong.

It's not like that between them—it really, really isn't.

See, it started like this:

Some would say Naruto's the "Friend to the Stars". Actually, a lot of people say that, because it's kind of true. His best friend since birth, Sakura—just SAKURA now, no last name, she's that fucking cool—is a singer with more number one records than England's had kings. His best friend since middle school, Ino, is a world renowned actress and performer. Hell, even Kiba's a stuntman so he might as well be considered a movie star since he's always doubling for them.

And Naruto? He plans events. An….event planner, if you will.

Awesome, right?

Shut up, leave him alone, it's a good job, alright? It pays the bills and allows his cat the medium grade kibble, so it's good in his book. Besides, it allows him to always be around a lot of famous people, who recommend him to more famous people, who let him come to even more star-studded events (not planned by him) as the cool plus one because he does such a good job. Too bad that's never made him like, rich, but whatever.

Anyway, he makes a good living and his stats get boosted every time he throws a big-buck, super important soiree for friends of friends so he's really not complaining. It's how he met Sasuke.

Two years ago—Jesus, has it really been that long?—he'd thrown Sakura the engagement party to end all others. There was music and dancing and laughter and Naruto couldn't enjoy any second of it because he had to make sure everything was just as Sakura wanted it. She's his best friend after all, his longest running, and this was the precursor to her getting married, for fuck's sake! He couldn't mess this up or she'd never forgive him. So of course, the entertainment was late. Typical musicians, can't ever do anything right.

And that sucked, because he had a near-acre of scenic botanical garden that was full of artists' right at his disposal. But they were the guests, so he couldn't very well ask one of them to hop of stage and start singing a ballad, now could he? No, of course not, so he just had to grit his teeth and hope for the best.

The "show" wasn't supposed to start for another 45 minutes anyway, but he was slowly losing it because everything else was in its right order and accounted for. This was the centerpiece for the party anyway, and he might've actually wept if his phone hadn't buzzed with the call from the lead singer of the band.

They were called The Spells (yeah, don't ask him, he didn't make it up) and when Sakura was first starting out she used to open for them. They were some weird indie mystic mumbo jumbo band but that didn't matter because that's how Sakura and Lee met and Sakura wanted to start off her marriage by having them belt out her favorite songs for like, 10 minutes, and then leave again. Not that Naruto cared because he didn't care for their weird indie mystic mumbo jumbo shit either way, he only cared that they Fucking. Got. Here!

So anyway, he's on the phone with Styxx (the leader singer)'s personal assistant—the fucking douche of the century, this guy—trying his hardest not to start screaming at the top of his lungs because he can basically hear the guy shrug over the phone, when he runs straight into Sasuke. Literally. Almost bowled the guy clean over.

They'd never met before this. Sasuke was very much so on the friend of a friend of a stranger's status to him before. Sakura invited him last minute because she said he was a "cool enough guy" which meant she either had a crush on him at some point but it didn't work out, and/or that there'd be even more paparazzi clamoring to get in than there were already once they learned Sasuke was in attendance. He's not stupid, ok? He knows these things, and he knows her.

That's not to say that Sakura wasn't ecstatic that Sasuke showed up even though she said he was just "cool". He'd been capital H huge for a long time with a massive following and Tumblr blogs named "Sasuke Sightings" and other nonsense dedicated to finding out where he went to get his groceries. And Naruto just fucking….bumped into him on accident and felt like dying because oh my god he was going to get sued. He was going to get sued so hard and have to live on the street because he probably just scuffed the shoes of one of the biggest stars in the world and he couldn't afford to replace those even with this rich person event, not by a long shot, and he just embarrassed Sakura and she wasn't going to speak to him anymore because he touched one of her more important friends without his permission and gave him middle-class melanoma or something (is what Sasuke would probably say) and and and—

But Sasuke just catches Naruto's arm to keep him from stumbling—seriously, Sasuke's built like a brick wall, what's up with that?—and raises a perfectly arched, delicate eyebrow at him.

"Whoa." He says, and holy shit his voice is hot. Naruto's heard it on TV and in recordings and all, but it's nothing like the real thing. "Where's the fire?"

"Sorry!" Naruto rushes out, covering the mouthpiece on the phone. "I wasn't looking where I was going and—"

"You're Naruto, aren't you?" Sasuke says before he can get another word out. And the sky opens up and buck-naked babies descend with ribbon-wrapped trumpets because hey-yo, a rock star knows his name. Even though he's not a groupie or even really a fan, that's a big deal.

(That's a bit of a lie; he's totally a fan, but we'll get to that later)

All Naruto can do is blink at him dumbly, maybe with his mouth hanging open a bit, which makes Sasuke's brow furrow in confusion. He tilts his head to the side like a puppy and Naruto dies inside a little more, but for a different reason.

"Sakura's friend, right?" He questions, unsure. "She told me about you and that you were running this thing, and I thought I had the right person."

Naruto shakes himself and nods enthusiastically, maybe a bit too much because he sees Sasuke's lips tip in a bit of a smirk.

"Yeah, I mean yes, you do. You do have the right person. I am Naruto, yes." He says stupidly, like a dumbass, holding his free hand out for the other man to shake.

Sasuke full-on smiles then, taking Naruto's hand in surprisingly delicate fingers. He must Aveeno the hell out of those things.

"Sasuke. But I'm sure you already knew that." Sasuke says easily, giving Naruto a subtle once-over.

"It's kind of hard not to." Naruto quips back, and he doesn't almost giggle when he says that.

He could stay there forever and just stare into Sasuke's really expressive dark eyes, but he hears a muffled "hello?" from the phone and he curses his luck. Damn his responsibilities! Let him be a fan for a moment, goddammit!

"Shit! Sorry, it was really nice to meet you, Sasuke, and I'm sorry to cut this short, but I—"he starts, but Sasuke raises that eyebrow again and cuts him off.

"Who's that?" Sasuke asks, tilting his head again. Shit, Naruto probably offended him, right? He probably can't believe that whoever's on the phone is more important than meeting Sasuke. Honestly, Naruto can't believe it either.

"Well," Naruto starts, swallowing hard. He puts the phone as far away from his mouth as he can. "You know the band "The Spells"? So they're supposed serenade Sakura and Lee today as like, one of the main sources of entertainment but they still aren't here and I haven't even been able to actually talk to them—I've gone through each one of their assistants now and I'm sort of freaking out as of right now so—"And he doesn't even get to finish his sentence before Sasuke's plucking the phone out of his hand and putting it to his own ear.

Naruto makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds vaguely like a protest but Sasuke's got this determined look on his face so he can't get the words out.

"Hey Aaron, it's Sasuke." Sasuke says and wow, of course he knows them. Of course. "Can you put Jeff on? I know he's there. Thanks."

Naruto hears a muffled and vaguely alarmed cry "Mr. Uchiha!" and cranes his neck to listen further.

Sasuke smiles, but it doesn't look all that friendly. Naruto wonders how much experience he has with these guys and why they know each other. First name basis? With even the assistant? Nice. He combs his brain to see if he can recall any collabs with Sasuke's group, White Snake and The Spells. Currently, he's drawing a blank. Huh. Questions for another day.

"Hey." Sasuke says after a beat. "Bring your ass, Jeffery, we don't have all night. You're getting paid for this and for once in your life be a decent human being and do what you're told. You know what happens when you piss me off." Sasuke snaps curtly. He turns away and Naruto can't hear what "Jeffery" says back. What, hold on, is that—?

"The weirdo pseudo-Satanist lead singer of The Spells is named Jeffrey?" Naruto whispers, half to himself. He flinches, momentarily forgetting where he was, but Sasuke snorts and throws a grin over his shoulder at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Ok." Sasuke says. "Bye." He hangs up the phone and hands it back. "They'll be here in 10 minutes."

Naruto could kiss him. In fact, he almost does. But he controls himself and does a little dance instead. Sasuke's grin smiles wider and Naruto could die right now and be the happiest man alive. Or dead. Or…whatever.

"Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much, you have no idea how long I was on the phone with them and you just, like, did it in five minutes, I cannot believe—"He cuts himself off, mid-praising hand swoosh, a little embarrassed because he's rambling and Sasuke's giving him that look like when you see a cute kid in a onesie at the grocery store.

"Don't worry about it. Musicians are assholes. All of them. Yes, even me. Especially me." He says with a chuckle and a flippant hand wave. "And Sakura sent me over here anyway because she saw that you were worried about something and she wanted me to find out what it was so I could report back to her."

Of course she did, that traitor. How dare she not believe in him even though he was maybe on the verge of failing!

"Still, thank you. I really appreciate it." He almost slips and adds what can I do to show my appreciation? Set with a stupid eyebrow wiggle and everything, but refrains. Sakura would actually kill him if he boinked one of her guests under the buffet table, or anywhere on the grounds for that matter. Not that he'd actually do that, or anything, at least not in broad daylight.

Speaking of Sakura, she decides now's the time to flounce over, long maxi dress swaying in the wind. She's a little tipsy and smiley like she always gets, and uses her whole hand to palm Naruto's face so he'll look at her.

"Naruto!" She exclaims, like he's not right beside her and like she didn't just accost him five seconds ago. "I see you've met Sasuke!"

Naruto's a tad bit annoyed at her cutting off his conversation with Hottie McHugeDick over here (at least that's what the magazines say and he wishes he could find out), but she's so cute and a little drunk and he loves her dearly, so he sets one of the flowers right that are woven into her cotton candy hair and smiles softly at her.

"I sure have." He says. "And he's a terrible secret agent by the way, gave up his mission in two seconds flat." He sends a wink over to Sasuke and feels like singing when Sasuke winks back.

Sakura gasps in fake outrage and slaps Sasuke's arm playfully. "Geez! You were supposed to be getting info out of him not the other way around!"

Sasuke shrugs and smiles good-naturedly. "What can I say? Those blue eyes got ahold of me and I just started spilling state secrets." And good god, it wasn't even that funny but Naruto's laughing like a dainty school girl and Sasuke's just smiling wider and wider and he sees the gears turning in Sakura's head like she's missing something before she wizens up and starts tugging on Naruto's arm.

"Well, I'm glad you two are getting along!" She says cheerily. "But, c'mon Naruto, I want to introduce you to someone else!" and before he can say anything else she's dragging him away instantly.

"It was nice to meet you, Sasuke!" He calls back over his shoulder with a wave and sees Sasuke mouth another time and oh, there's that damn smirk again. His stomach does not tighten at that. Not at all.

"Don't go there, Naruto." Sakura whispers in his ear warningly. He tries not to jump. "That is the absolute last thing you want, okay? You know how he is. Everyone does."

Well shit, Sakura, he doesn't know how he is (in bed) and that's exactly what he wants to find out. But she's doing her patented pout and he can't argue with it so he lets it go and lets her believe that he firmly won't go there.

Which he doesn't.

Because they don't see each other again for months and then Sasuke's invited to another event that Naruto does, this time for Ino's baby shower.

Kiba's stuffing his face with dainty Hors d'oeuvres while Hinata tuts close by and Naruto's getting a little sick watching him eat, so he's looking out of one of the windows in her mansion—fuck everybody he knows for being so goddamn wealthy, ok?—while the party's in full swing around him. Everybody's belly rubbing and showing off the cute outfits they bought for the baby, even though he'll grow out of them two days after he's born but whatever, and Naruto's honestly bored out of his mind. The hardest drink they have is champagne since Ino's classy and can't drink anyway, and everyone here is such a different crowd than he's used to (read: pompous) but he can't really leave the event he planned, now can he? Not to mention Ino's like a sister to him and he loves her a whole lot and she'd eviscerate him if he even looked like he was going for the coat rack.

Hmm. He's sensing a pattern here.

He clearly has a thing for assertive women.

But yeah, so he's bored, and a bit lonely since Ino's with all her posh friends talking about baby names and trust funds and a whole lot of things he doesn't have, when he spots Sasuke make his way in. He's laden with gifts and Ino squeals and hugs him. They talk a little bit and Naruto tries not to stare but he can't help it.

He wants to get all up on that. He wants to get all up on that right good.

Naturally, as the party progresses, Ino makes her rounds and makes sure that Naruto has been introduced to people. One of which is Sasuke, who smirks at him and mutters in that deep voice of his:

"We've met." And Naruto does not swoon no he does not.

Eventually he ducks off into the bathroom and checks his phone. No new messages of course, because he's boring and lonely. He plays a quick game of mahjong on his phone and sighs before going back to the party, only to find Sasuke in the hallway waiting for him with his arms crossed.

Naruto startles and kind of…stares, because he doesn't know what to make of this.

"How many rooms do you think she has in this house?" Sasuke asks casually.

"Um…ten, I think, last I counted." Naruto says with a confused shrug.

Sasuke nods and jerks his head towards the hallway that goes deeper into the house.

"Pick one." He says with a smirk.

Next thing he knows, he's getting the life fucked out of him on Egyptian cotton sheets.

Sasuke really knows what he's going, alright? Let the record state that.

He's got Naruto on his back with his legs hooked over shoulders (Let's have some fun and leave it up to interpretation about who's) and one dainty, yet firm hand is sealed over Naruto's mouth so he won't scream and alert the whole house as to what they are doing.

Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

Naruto's just hanging on for dear life and gasps when Sasuke's move particularly hard. He hears a chuckle above him and it takes him a second to see that Sasuke's raised Naruto's phone up to his face so he can read Ino's no-doubt-annoyed where the hell did you go? As it flashes across the screen. He does so without even the slightest hitch in his thrusts and Naruto's eyes roll back and he swears he sees God.

And he figured that'd be the end of it.

He was blown away, got his rocks off, shot to the moon or whatever you want to call it, but he wasn't stupid. He got fucked and now he's gonna get ducked. It's the circle of life, baby.

But no, Sasuke takes his phone number down after they clean up and they go back separately as not to raise suspicion. Sasuke does just fine pretending like nothing happened, but Naruto's blushing and doing somersaults not to look or be around him so it takes maybe another hour of this before Ino's subtly pulling him to the side and hissing:

"Seriously, Naruto?"

Yeah, he sucks at this.

Not even a week later, Sasuke texts him and tells him to keep in touch, because he'll need him for some things he has planned.

Naruto asks, over text, what kind of events he's thinking of doing and is pleasantly surprised (and aroused) when Sasuke replies: Who said anything about parties?

And the rest, as they say, is history.

…

But anyway—jeez, he really got off track there, didn't he? But it's relevant to his story, okay? Background always is. Moving right along.

Sasuke's coming over at the end of the week. On Friday. At 8pm sharp.

He's very precise about these things, somehow, even though he has the world's most hectic schedule.

And Naruto's sorta kinda maybe freaking out about it, just a bit, running himself ragged trying to make his house seem nice and tidy and worrying himself about what kind of meals he's going to cook—like Sasuke hasn't been over a million and one times and seen all there is to see, but whatever. They haven't seen each other in two odd months. Or, well, Naruto's seen him on TV but not like, in the flesh and that's nowhere near the same. And Saturday is Sasuke's birthday.

Why is that important you ask? Because they don't fucking do birthdays. They don't do meet the parents or come hang with my friends and they honestly, truly don't do birthdays cause good god man what is wrong with you? That's kind of….outside the realm of "just fucking" but Sasuke casually mentioned to him a while ago that he wanted to spend time with him before he went out to his planned party on his actual birthday and Naruto couldn't say no, could he? Maybe, but it seemed kinda fucked up to do so. So naturally, like a dumbass, he didn't.

What reason did he have, really? They were just going to hang and fuck and then Sasuke was going to go be with people he could actually be seen in public with.

Shit, did that sound bitter? It wasn't. Scout's honor.

Sasuke never mentioned it again afterwards, and then they had this long period of not-seeing-each-other which may or may not have made Naruto absolutely miserable, but he's pretty sure Sasuke's still expecting to come over so they can hang and fuck. Makes sense right? Yeah, he's agonizing over it. Like….a lot. Because, if you didn't know, this isn't his boyfriend or anything and he's not sure what to do for his birthday. He's going to make a cake because he thinks Sasuke will appreciate something handmade (even if it's going to look so, so shitty good god) and he got him a gift but the buck stopped there.

He shouldn't be so pressed about this anyway, it's not like—

Then, naturally, during his oh-so-important train of thought, his phone buzzes and he's snapped back to the nearly empty outdoor metro station and feels his bubbling excitement (over the thought of another text from his…weakness) die an ugly death.

Because it's not a text from Sasuke, but it sure is about him.

Okay, so it's not weird that he gets text alerts about him and all things White Snake right? He is a fan after all, and likes to be in the know. Shut up, okay?!

But this alert, yes, it's not a good one. Naruto's been keeping an eye on this budding situation for the last few weeks since it's been in the tabloids and he's been dying to ask Sasuke about it but doesn't want to go there because it's not his business. Not really, anyway. Maybe. Yes? No.

Superstar Sasuke's New Beau? The headline reads, with an obnoxious flurry of reaction emojis following it.

Gag him with a spoon.

It's followed by pictures of Sasuke walking beside this white haired guy and they look comfortably close and familiar. No big deal; Sasuke knows plenty of people and can be fairly friendly when he wants to be. But the newest picture is from yesterday, before the award show, and they're out shopping, heads bent together and Sasuke's pointing things out to the mystery man.

Cool, cool.

Then there's one from last week—whoever wrote this article was very helpful by putting the dates on the pictures in an abhorrent font and even worse coloring (hot pink)—then one from two weeks before then, and a month ago and—

Yeah. Ok.

So Naruto just kind of….stares at it for a minute in silence, just looking. Absorbing, he should say. Cause obviously, this is news to him. He's doesn't want to make assumptions but, before he even thinks about it, he screenshots the article and starts to compose a text, rattling off a quick:

Damn, does this mean you aren't coming over Friday? :)

Smiley face and all!

It's not like he's upset. No, not at all. He just doesn't plan on being a shady side piece anytime soon, so they'll have to cut this thing off at the nub, just like that. At least for the time being. It's what he's always done anytime Sasuke's looked like he's getting close to anyone else.

Naruto hits him with the peace sign and a fade to black. That's not how he gets down. Nope. No sir.

I mean, it sucks, but he'll be ok. Maybe lonely as fuck for a few weeks, until whatever's going on inevitably fizzles out. but he'll make it just fine. This thing they do? It works.

His phone rings almost immediately.

Haha. Chump.

"Yo." He says. He doesn't have to look. He knows who it is.

But serious enough for a call? Hmm. Interesting.

"Naruto." He says in that odd tone of voice he uses whenever Naruto getting…like he does. But he's not even doing anything right now! It was just a simple question! Out of curiosity!

Naruto can tell exactly what face goes with that right now: his eyebrows are pushed low enough to almost touch his eyelashes and his mouth is in a firm flat line. It's kind of hot. But that's not really saying anything because his face is general is just hot and expressions don't change that.

Naruto, he'll say in that wonderful deep voice of his, and then a I'm not—/ it isn't—/that's not— and Naruto will nod and pretend like he believes him but his brain is secretly side-eyeing him and going mhmm, sure.

"Naruto, it isn't—"See? Told you. "—like that. He's my personal assistant."

Wait, what? That's a new one.

He bites down a scoff and replies: "I thought you said you didn't need a personal assistant?"

He can almost hear Sasuke roll his eyes. "I don't, but Itachi thinks I'm disorganized and "encouraged" me to reconsider."

Ah.

That makes more sense.

When your brother is also your manager you tend to listen to him. Naruto's never met the guy, but he seems kinda…no nonsense and intimidating. He's also maybe kinda the only person Naruto would consider hotter than Sasuke at the moment, though he'll never tell him that. Not that it matters, since the guy's fairly straight as far as he can tell and that's what he's heard, but if he so much looked at Naruto like that he's throw himself on the nearest bed and go to spread his—

Not important.

What Itachi says, goes, especially for Sasuke since he has him wrapped around his finger like a midi ring. It's endearing. Kind of. So the story adds up. It's not something he'd need to lie about, anyway, and honestly he doesn't have to explain himself to Naruto at all for any reason but it's cute that he thinks he does.

"Oh. Ok." He replies casually. What a fucking relief, seriously.

"His name is Suigetsu and he's been dating some girl for the last four years and he's not at all my type." Sasuke says like it's necessary. Naruto chuckles.

"Why not? He's attractive. Those teeth aren't, but he is."

Sasuke laughs loudly and it makes Naruto grin. He feels the need to hide it even though the other man can't see him.

"Don't be an ass." Sasuke chides playfully. "He's cool, you'd like him. But there's nothing going on. You know that. You know anyone I'm seen with is automatically my boyfriend."

"Yeah I know." Naruto replies.

"I would have told you." Sasuke says lowly. The "I wouldn't do that to you" is also sort of implied. But he won't say that. Neither of them will. What he does say is said seriously and kind angrily, like Sasuke's a little peeved Naruto would believe he'd be dating someone and still be setting up regular Ass Appointments with him.

He rolls his eyes, forgetting again he's on the phone. "It was a joke, Sasuke." It wasn't. "I know you aren't with him and I know you wouldn't do that." He didn't. He fell for it; hook, line, and sinker.

"Cool. I'm still coming over, if that's cool?" Sasuke asks like he thinks he's mad or something. He's…not? He's not.

He scoffs. "Of course it is." Whoa, calm down there a bit, buddy. "I'm going to make you a cake and everything." He says, feeling a little shy now that's he's told Sasuke part of his plan.

"Can't wait." Sasuke says affectionately, and Naruto feels the warm tingles returning and he warns them off. Back off, you little bastards.

There's a pause, and Naruto feels dread rise in his throat because he knows what's coming and he can't stop it.

Don't you fucking do it—!

"I miss you."

Oh my god!

Sasuke chuckles warmly and he knows the smug asshole is smiling. "I miss you too, Naruto. If you don't open the door in just an apron I'll be sorely disappointed."

"Noted." Naruto says, biting his lip. Good god, let him die. Fucking throw him off a cliff and burn the remains.

"I gotta go, okay?" Sasuke says begrudgingly. He's not the only one that feels that way. "I'll call you after you get off today. Cool?"

"Yeah. See ya…soon."

He gets laughed at again. "Bye."

Naruto stares at the phone in his hand, barely registering that his train pulled up and he can board now. He just…looks at it long after it's disconnected and wonders how this is his life. He gets on the train and stares out the window and thinks:

Yeah, he sucks at this.