My heart yearned for a sort of fix fic after watching Season 12 Episode 9, First Blood, and I've kept myself from binge watching further till I finished this story. I know it won't happen the way I want it to. I've been a busy little bee getting this done for readers who have asked for more! I'm totally taking right from the script at the start! I don't own anything to do with Supernatural, it's plot or beautiful character development.

Just then an angel blade came out from the center of her chest and Billy's body fell down lifeless onto the wooden bridge.

"Cas…" Dean swallowed thickly. "What have you done?" All the Winchesters stared blankly at Castiel.

"What had to be done." Cas still held his blade in his hand. He grimaced through his explanation. "You know, this world, this sad, doomed little world...it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get and I will not let you die. I won't let ANY of you die." Cas' emotions became more mixed with his words and they came out passionately now. "And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me...to everything." The brothers and Mary all glared at this, Castiel's sudden confession, but didn't know what to say. Cas continued slightly more calm now. "Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it." Dean had to look away now. Cas now slightly perturbed, ended. "You're welcome."

The four walked slowly back to the car, Cas taking one last look at Billy to shake away any possible regret of his actions. Sam offered to his mom that he drive since she almost just shot herself in her head. Besides, it was going to be a seven hour drive back to the bunker and they could take turns driving. No one said anything to one another. Until Sam pulled off the freeway just outside of Denver and exclaimed a pit stop. He said something about missing coffee and all but leapt out of the car. Cas got out but stayed behind leaning up against the back bumper. He looked up at the stars with his arms crossed. He began a conversation with himself in his head.

'I know that was the right thing to do. I'm certain of it. But… what if they all hate me now. It's okay. Is it? They can hate me. I won't be surprised if they're all talking about it now, 'let's ditch this angel dick.' I believe that's something Dean would say but I probably said it wrong. But… I don't think I could go on being estranged from my brothers and sisters AND the Winchesters. They're my friends. Dean said I was a brother. I'm family to him. But who could keep on loving me. I can't do anything right. I can't even hunt. I'm not even a strong angel anymore.'

Castiel thought back to the image of them emerging from the woods in damp gray prison jumpsuits only an hour or two ago.

"Sam." he said quickly but on making out Dean's figure Cas couldn't house his relief from his tone. "Dean!"

"Cas." Dean's mouth fell open.

"Cas." Sam breathed his name and fell into a tight hug with him. Sam was just happy to see someone he cared about. If Cas was okay that meant he was going to be okay then he looked up and saw her. "Mom." And he went to embrace her as well.

Cas and Dean thumped into a fond hug. Dean smiled above his shoulder "Hey, buddy." Cas was just so relieved to see them alive and in one piece. His brothers were back.

Castiel's thoughts came back to his current surroundings leaning against Mary's car.

'I'm nothing without them. I can't even ask the right questions to find a single monster. My social skills are lacking greatly but with them I can be at ease. If I can just keep them safe they can keep saving people. Those three girls didn't have to die. They would have saved them. I failed them. I failed their families. What's an angel without its wings anyway? Nothing. I'm just in the way. Maybe I should just walk away now. I should be gone by the time they get back to the car.'

"Earth to Cas!" Dean was all but waving his hand in his face trying to get his attention. "You still with us buddy?"

"Dean, I….you must hate me." Cas silently prepared to look into Dean's soul to be certain he wasn't lying when he answered. He couldn't take it if Dean truly hated him but he needed to know.

"No, no Cas. It's not that. It's just…well, here." He took a moment to compose himself and he handed Cas his own cup of coffee. Dean leaned against the car next to him sipping his own. Cas only stood there, not moving the cup of warm darkness to his mouth. He planted his feet for the truth. "Cas, I should have said it back then. You mean a lot to us too." Cas was sure he was telling the truth and he knit his eyebrows together out of relief. "I'm sorry we just didn't know what to say. It's just that Sammy and I are so used to sacrificing ourselves for each other, that's what family does. And mom stepping up and saving us, well it was just so brave and she's our mom. But you." Dean stood up straight and placed a firm hand on Cas' shoulder. "You know I see you as a brother already, well now, after you saved our mom. You can officially join the family!" Dean smiled from ear to ear and slapped Cas' shoulder.

"Dean, I.. I'm not good enough to be a Winchester. Charley, she was worthy. Even my vessel's daughter is worthy of such a title. But I have nothing to bring to the table. Besides, I don't think Mary wants to be a mother to me, all I do is cause her trouble and make her clean up after my messes."

"That's not true." Mary said calmly. She and Sam were near the car and had been listening to the end of the conversation.

"You would be a great little brother, Cas." Sam added with a smile.

"You care for us and you look after my boys. You are this family's guardian angel."

"I'm sorry but I can't accept."

"You don't get a choice. Sometimes you don't choose your family, family chooses you." Dean added happily.

Before Castiel could argue they started getting into the car. After about an hour Sam and Mary were asleep in the backseat. Mary's head resting on Sam's arm and His head resting atop her head. Dean fixed the rearview mirror so he could look up and see what could be the most beautiful sight he's ever seen. Cas was sitting in the front passenger seat looking out the window at the stars taking gulps of the yummy coffee Dean bought for him. Looking out the car window was the closest feeling he could get to flying. How he missed his wings and the feeling of air passing between his feathers. But the feeling wasn't as breathtaking as the sights. He could flash over oceans in a second all while enjoying every last inch of the crystal waters with the light okay on the surface. He could fly from California to South Carolina taking in every emerald lake, every wild mountain, every flowered valley, every great work created by his Father without missing a single tree and still arrive at his destination in one small moment.

But then there's the stars…

Flying while the sun was on the other side of the planet was his favorite. Now, the stars did mostly make him feel homesick for heaven and he might not be welcome there anymore but no one can take the sky away.

"Hey man. You okay, buddy?" Dean asked taking a quick second to look over at the preoccupied angel.

"I'm fine." He responded dryly.

"Cas, c'mon. Snap out of it. You heard Sam and mom, they're not mad at you. Neither am I. I'm just worried is all."

"Worried about what?"

"You know the whole, 'cosmic catastrophes' and all that shit Billy was going on about." Dean checked the rear view mirror again.

"I'm not sure what she meant by that. There are thousands of misplaced souls. If anything, your soul being in purgatory should have been the cosmic catastrophe. I believe she was bluffing."

"And you too." Dean added.

"What?"

"You being in purgatory. I'm sure that was one for the record books."

"I don't have a soul."

"Well, your grace then, an angel. Whatever it was, it wasn't natural."

"I'm not enough to cause anything with 'cosmic consequences'." Castiel threw up the air quotes.

"What? You threw a freakin' molotov at an archangel! And you smashed Lucifer with a guitar! Not to mention you dragged me out of the pit! Dude, don't you remember? You're awesome! You eat cosmic stuff for breakfast!"

Cas chuckled a bit a looked down at his lap. "Thanks, Dean."

"I mean it." Dean said seriously.

"I know." Cas looked over to Dean who was able to spare him a grin and a glance before getting back to the road ahead. "Do you want me to drive? You look tired."

"Nah, man. I'm happy. I missed driving. Now this isn't my baby but I'm happy right here. I got enough sleep in that room."

"You said it was worse than hell?"

"It was in some ways. I mean they didn't torture us like in hell. But God, what I would have given for at least ten minutes of torture. Something, anything to think about." Dean paused then continued more quietly and checked to make sure the backseat passengers were still asleep. "I prayed to you." Dean confessed.

"I know. For six weeks, three days and seven hours." Then it just stopped. You sounded so desperate in your last prayer. Like you gave up hope. Dean, it tore me apart that I couldn't get to you and Sam. I'm so sorry. I want you to know that I did everything in my power to find out where you were being held. I asked Crowley for help and I even sought out Rowena. Though she wouldn't even speak to me. At least Crowley let me buy him a drink.

"Ha! What did you get him?"

"Something with a superfluous and brightly colored tiny umbrella in it." Cas informed.

"That's great!" Dean chuckled changing his grip on the wheel.

"But going back to what you were saying about a consequence for my actions." He waited for Dean to get serious with him. "If there are any, they are mine to bear. I broke the agreement and I'll deal with it."

"No… We'll deal with it together." He looked over again, "Got it?" He warned. Cas only sighed and didn't say anything else because he didn't want to argue. When it came down to it he would deal with it and try to keep it as far away from his Winchesters as possible.

The two didn't talk anymore and Cas went back to his star gazing. Before long and without Cas giving himself the permission to, he dozed off with his head leaning on the glass of the closed window.

"I need to make a stop really quick." Dean said as he got off at the exit hoping to find a gas station to fuel up and find a bathroom. He didn't think much of the absent reply. He pulled up to the pump stuck the hose in and pulled the lever to start depositing gas. He went inside, used the bathroom and grabbed a bunch of his favorite snacks and drinks before coming back to the car. While he was walking back he took a look at Cas who was still leaning against the window and Dean wasn't sure yet but he looked like he was asleep. Dean walked a little faster to find that his eyes were closed. What had happened? How long has he been out?

Dean opened the passenger door and quickly reached out to catch the falling angel.

"Woah! Cas!"

Sam and Mary woke up and as Dean shook Cas awake.

"Dean?" Cas was confused why he was waking up in the hunter's arms and he quickly sat up under his own power.

Sam jumped out of the car and came to squat next to Cas' open door. Mary leaned forward in her seat.

"What happened?" Sam begged.

"He was out cold." Dean answered quickly.

"No, worse. I think I was sleeping."

"What?" Sam was concerned and met Dean's worried eyes.

"I thought angels didn't need sleep." Mary leaned in more.

"They don't." Sam answered his mom.