Not in Kansas, a worm fanfic

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Taylor

Taylor had not expected to wake in a forest.

She wasn't entirely sure where she had expected to wake. For some reason, her memory of last night was foggy. She had gone out intending to do some heroing, she thought. She remembered putting together some temporary pieces for her costume. She remembered checking to make sure her pepper spray was functioning before sneaking out of the house.

She seemed to have changed into regular clothes before going to sleep, but she would have had to return to her house to get them, so it didn't make sense that . . .

Holy shit. Lung.

She fought Lung. And won.

Well, came off better, after some well-timed intervention. It was closer to a win than most of his opponents could claim, and considering her inexperience, Taylor was willing to be charitable in her interpretation.

That still didn't explain the forest, though. Taylor's memory still wasn't totally reliable, but she was pretty sure that she had fallen asleep in her bed. Did that mean that she had been kidnapped? Lung did seem like the type to hold a grudge, but she couldn't imagine that he had escaped custody that fast, and even if he had, he wouldn't have been able to figure out her identity, right? And even if he had done both, he wouldn't have let her out into the open.

That train of thought was interrupted by a moth. At least, it looked like a moth; its antennae didn't curl at the end, which was a pretty good indicator. But Taylor wasn't even sure it was even a bug. It was about four feet long, far larger than any bug she could remember reading about. She reached out with her power, and felt nothing. If it wasn't a bug, though, what could it be? A projection, maybe, or a monstrous parahuman.

And then the implication hit her.

She felt nothing. No bugs, anywhere. There were no worms or ants beneath the surface. There were no spiders. And if her power had taught her anything, it was that there are always spiders.

Taylor's estimation of her personal danger jumped considerably. To keep an area completely free of any bug life was no easy feat; a specialized Tinker might manage it, or a strong forcefield user like Narwhal, but she couldn't see why anybody would commission a fake forest like this. The whole area, for quite a distance, seemed specifically created to take her down. The moth lazily flying toward her couldn't be good news either.

Everything happened very suddenly. The moth screeched and shot a cloud of purple powder out of somewhere, faster than Taylor could possibly react; before the powder reached her, she heard a woman's voice shout, and a pink blob appeared in front of her. The powder settled on its surface and was absorbed into its skin.

"Use Refresh!," shouted the same voice. A green circle appeared around the pink blob and started to shrink.

The blob had feet.

The blob stepped forward.

The blob was alive.

What the fuck.

Taylor scrambled to her feet, reaching frantically for her pepper spray before remembering that she didn't have it. She didn't recognize her clothes, come to think of it, but that issue settled somewhere near the bottom of the list she was mentally compiling.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you safe! My name's Cheryl," said the woman. The pink blob was throwing little white . . . eggs? . . . at the moth, which seemed to be working; the thing was flapping its wings violently, but was quickly knocked out of the air. It didn't move for a few seconds after hitting the ground, and Taylor thought it was dead, but after a few seconds it woke up and flew away.

"What is this place?," asked Taylor, determined to get to the bottom of this.

"Oh, not from around here, are you? That's all right. This is the Eterna Forest, just west of Eterna City. What were you doing in the forest?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out. It's not a real forest, is it?"

Cheryl gave Taylor a puzzled look. "Of course it's a real forest, silly. What makes you say that?"

"There are no bugs. No real bugs, I mean." Taylor wasn't sure how she would respond if pressed on that statement - she didn't want to give up too much about herself - but the woman just shrugged.

"So, we should get you back home. Where are you from?"

"Brockton Bay."

"Huh, never heard of it. Is that in Canalave City?"

"I'm not even sure what that is." Taylor frowned, bewildered. "You've never heard of Brockton Bay?"

"No. Should I have?"

The discussion carried on like this for quite some time, until it became clear that Taylor and Cheryl couldn't agree on even the most basic facts about the world. Cheryl suspected that the girl had gone mad, and Taylor was inclined to agree. Then Taylor asked about the blob.

"Oh, that? That was my Chancey. She's the only Pokémon I carry with me into the field."

"Um, Cheryl?" The woman nodded. "What's a Pokémon?"

"Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

Taylor sighed. She knew that she didn't have the most feminine figure, but with her hair grown out, she had thought that she didn't look too androgynous.

"I'm a girl. Could you back up a bit? I'm still not sure I - "

"All right, so you're a girl?" Taylor nodded.

"Tell me, what is your name?"

"I'm Taylor, Professor . . . Rowan, was it?"

"Your name is Taylor, is it?" Taylor nodded.

"OK, so you're Taylor? A fine name that is! Now, this boy here, I believe he's your friend?" The old man lifted a photograph of a young boy, about fourteen, with wild blonde hair and an aggressive posture. "What might - "

"I'm sorry, I've never seen him before," Taylor interrupted. The professor continued, undeterred.

" - his name be?"

"I don't - "

"I don't, is it? That's your friend's name?" Taylor would have taken it as sarcasm, but the man before her seemed anything but humorous.

"Cheryl, are you sure that I'm supposed to be here? This guy seems a bit . . . well, crazy? I'm not sure he knows how to help me."

"Oh, don't worry, he knows what he's doing. Kids like you turn up all the time; they all come right through the Professor here, he gives them a Pokémon and sends them on their way."

"Cheryl is correct; this sort of thing happens often. For some reason, whenever I meet one of you amnesiacs I feel compelled to launch into the same series of prepared explanations and questions. Now that that's out of the way, though, it's time for you to choose a Pokémon to accompany you in your journey. Will you choose Piplup, Turtwig, or Chimchar?" As he spoke, the Professor produced three orbs, apparently called Pokéballs, and opened them, revealing what Taylor assumed to be Piplup, Turtwig, or Chimchar. Cheryl left discreetly.

"Oh my god, the monkey's on fire!," shouted Taylor. She glanced around; surely a laboratory would have a fire extinguisher somewhere. The professor laughed.

"Taylor, you can relax. Chimchar's flame is completely safe, I can assure you. Chimchar is a fire-type Pokémon; it has a natural affinity for flame, and possesses incredible control over the flames it gives off."

A pyrokinetic. Taylor considered the implications. She wouldn't take the little monkey's odds against, say, Lung, but if all Pokémon were this powerful, and they were as common as regular animals back on Earth Bet, then a Pokémon master could probably outclass your average Parahuman. Six of these little guys would be an army. And something else the Professor had said was bothering her . . .

"Professor, you said that people who collect teams of Pokémon for battle are called 'trainers.' What does that mean?"

"Oh, did I say that? No matter. I'd think the term is pretty self explanatory; Pokémon, like people, get stronger with training."

"How much stronger? If somebody were to train this little guy" - here she gestured at Chimchar - "how strong could he get?"

"Much stronger, Taylor, much, much stronger. You see, as Pokémon train, they can evolve into different, stronger forms. For example, that Chimchar would evolve into a Monferno, and then into an Infernape. I actually carry an Infernape with me, in case of confrontation, so you can compare." The professor pulled a Pokéball out of . . . somewhere, and out popped a large primate, about three times the size of Chimchar. It was all covered in golden spurs, and a billowing stream of fire trailed from the top of its head like a torch.

It was badass. Taylor still wouldn't take its odds against Lung. Would she? Probably not, but it looked as strong as most Brutes, and if the sheer volume of thermal energy it was emitting was any indication, it was as dangerous as most pyrokinetics.

After seeing the monkey, Taylor made up her mind.

"Professor, I want to be a Pokémon trainer." Her face narrowed in determination, but the professor just laughed.

"Of course you do, Taylor! All you kids become trainers eventually; I expected nothing less. Now, which Pokémon will you choose to begin your journey?"

"I, uh." I sort of expected you to say no, but this is better. "I guess I'll choose the penguin-looking one? That one's cute."

"Taylor, what the hell is a penguin?" The professor looked puzzled. Of course, thought Taylor. They don't actually have penguins here.

Wait.

"Professor, how are Pokémon named?" Namely, how can the monkey's name be a pun on "chimp" if there are no chimps here?

"Huh? Well, when a new Pokémon is discovered, we just check its name in the Pokédex!" The professor produced a bulky red device. "The Pokédex contains a name for every Pokémon ever discovered! To be honest, we're not sure where the technology comes from, but it hasn't failed yet. In fact, here, take this one." The professor held out the Pokédex, and Taylor grabbed it, bewildered. She had so many questions that none of them had time to form fully in her head, and by the time she had collected her thoughts enough to speak, she decided to shelve her concerns for now. She couldn't explain why; something about the Pokédex just made her want to suspend her disbelief. Permanently.

"That seems totally legitimate and not worth looking into further, Professor." He nodded his agreement. "In any case, I meant Pippin. Pippup? I don't remember - "

"Piplup it is, then!" The professor pressed a button on one of the Pokéballs and the Piplup was recalled. He threw the ball to her, underhand, and she caught it awkwardly.

"You'll also need a map - " the professor retrieved a folded piece of canvas, which she accepted " - a journal - " Taylor received a small blue book " - and this weird spelunking kit. It's a little weird, but everybody has one, and you need it if you want to recreate Jurassic Park, which you definitely do." Again, Taylor felt a strong urge to not question the strange device; in this case, though, it was because she couldn't think of an answer that would assuage any of her fears.

"Oh! And you'll need some Pokéballs." The professor gave her five of the contraptions. "These are all empty; you can use them to capture wild Pokémon. If you weaken a Pokémon and throw one of these at it, the Pokémon may be captured, and you can use it in battle." Taylor nodded.

"Well, that's everything, I think. Taylor, your journey begins today! Off you go into the wide, wide world of Pokémon!"

"Um, alrighty. Is there somewhere in particular I should be going? Some sort of trainer school or something?"

"There is a trainer school, but it sucks. If you want to learn something about battling, you should seek out the Lily of the Valley conference! It's the biggest Pokémon tournament of the year; the strongest trainers from all around the Sinnoh region will be competing. If you want to meet powerful trainers, that's definitely the place to be."

"Thanks. Where is that happening?"

"They compete at Lily of the Valley Island - you can find it on your map." Taylor unfolded the map and scanned it. Sure enough, Lily of the Valley Island was there; it wasn't close, but she was sure that the professor could arrange some sort of transportation. "The next competition is in two months. Now, off you go! Not a moment to waste!" The professor shooed her away. Surely he didn't mean that. Surely not.

"Professor, I can't go out into the world alone. I'm only fifteen. I'm a minor."

"Nonsense! All children over the age of twelve are old enough to traverse the country on foot. Everybody knows this."

Taylor slowly began walking toward the door. He seemed serious. If it were all a joke, he'd stop her, right? He wouldn't let her become homeless and starve to death. Right?

"Um, professor, what about food? I don't have any money. How will I eat?"

"Taylor, in the Sinnoh region, food is plentiful and freely given! All of the basic needs of the populace are taken care of! We live in a communist utopia! Our mixed economy would bring Deng Xiaoping to tears!" Taylor started to run; insane people armed with living weapons are dangerous. "Žižek was right! Žižek was right!" Taylor reached the door and turned right.

"Damn kids aren't reading their Kropotkin. This generation . . . " The professor continued muttering as he sat down.

Taylor kept running until she reached Sandgem Town. Thankfully, the residents of Sandgem Town were not quite as eccentric as the professor, and were able to explain this world's mechanics a little more lucidly. Even more thankfully, they weren't bothered by her ignorance; apparently, this sort of thing had happened before.

Pokémon, it seemed, knew certain "moves" which could be used in battle, up to four at a time. These moves were learned spontaneously as the Pokémon trained, and you could check the moves of any Pokémon you owned with your Pokédex. Around the region, there were several "gyms;" each had a leader, and defeating a leader would earn a trainer a badge. A trainer with at least eight badges could compete at the Lily of the Valley Conference.

Taylor was surprised to learn that the professor was right about the mechanics of this world. Children were frequently sent hitchhiking across the country, food was freely given, and the Trainer School did suck. Taylor's rationalization came in handy; if the world were really all that dangerous, kids wouldn't be sent out at such a young age. She was used to Brockton Bay, but this world was different. This world wouldn't have any shady criminal gangs bent on taking over.

Her fears sufficiently repressed, Taylor took her first step onto Route 202, and her journey began.

Two Months Later

"I'd like to register for the competition."

The dark-haired girl's voice was at a low monotone; those trainers more than ten feet away couldn't hear her at all, but the two standing behind her in line both stepped back in apprehension.

Besides her hair, almost none of the girl's body was visible. Her pants were black, as was her hoodie, which was at least two sizes too big. In a word, she was intimidating; this, she supposed, was the point of the getup.

"Certainly, ma'am. Do you have your Pokédex with you?" Behind the counter, Nurse Joy was unperturbed. She had seen some shit.

Wordlessly, the girl slid her Pokédex across the counter, the bright red contrasting with the rest of her appearance. She had considered painting it black, but that was a little too tacky; besides, the people who personalized their Pokédexes comprised a very specific subculture, and association with that group would not contribute to the image she was trying to project.

Nurse Joy took the girl's Pokédex and checked it. The girl took the time to glance around the room, sizing up the competition.

Her heart sank.

A young man had just entered the building. His hair was long and gray, and he wore a matte red cape. On the whole, he stood out in the crowd, but he wasn't particularly intimidating.

Floating behind him, though, was a Darkrai.

Which is bullshit.

Darkrai, of course, is the most intimidating Pokémon in existence, bar none. By possessing a Darkrai, the man immediately became the most intimidating person in the room.

Taylor, the former holder of that title, looked like a poser.

Irritated, she turned back to Nurse Joy, who produced a few sheets of paper.

"Everything seems to be in order. Fill out these forms to register your team, and turn them in to that desk over there." She pointed across the room. "They'll give you your room key, and you'll receive your schedule for the preliminary rounds."

"Nurse Joy, do you think I'm intimidating?" Taylor took the forms and placed them neatly in her bag.

"Yes, honey, absolutely terrifying." Nurse Joy laughed. Taylor growled and walked away, sitting down on a bench to fill out her forms. A boy about her age sat down next to her.

"Hi, I'm Ash! What's your - "

Taylor growled. The boy left. Nobody bothered her after that, and she finished her paperwork relatively quickly. She retired to her room in Trainer's Village in order to drop off her things, then went out to find somewhere to train, preferably abandoned.

She returned three hours later to find a note on her bed.

Congratulations, Taylor Hebert! You have successfully qualified for the Lily of the Valley conference, and may be invited to participate in the Sinnoh League Championship! We applaud your skill and dedication; this is no easy feat.

Due to limited availability, only sixty-four of the 200+ qualified trainers will be allowed to participate in the Conference. A preliminary round will be held tomorrow in order to select those sixty-four trainers. Due to time constraints, the Preliminary Round will be held in the 1v1 format: each trainer will bring 3 Pokémon to each battle, and after seeing the opponent's Pokémon, will choose one of their Pokémon to do battle. Your three Pokémon need not be previously registered; if you wish to use Pokémon that you did not register in your original team of six, please fill out the enclosed form for extra Pokémon registrations.

Your schedule is as follows:

vs. Nando, at 10:30 a.m., on Battlefield 12

vs. Provo, at 12:15 p.m., on Battlefield 31

vs. I don't, at 1:30 p.m., on Battlefield 6

Please arrive at each battlefield at least 15 minutes before the match time. We thank you for your cooperation, and wish you the best of luck in your battles!

Taylor fished around for the extra registration forms, then squinted back at her battle schedule.

I don't? What the hell kind of name is that?

Taylor arrived at Battlefield 12 at 10:15 exactly, and at the instruction of the referee present, took her place on one side of the battlefield. The area was set up like a large soccer field; about one hundred yards by eighty, with a line crosswise splitting it directly in two. Right in the center of the field, a white circle, about ten yards in diameter, was painted on the dirt. Taylor stood on one end of the circle.

Within thirty seconds of her arrival, a Legolas cosplayer found his way onto the other end. Taylor could have sworn that he had wandered charismatically out of a forest, but there were no trees anywhere near here.

Taylor assumed that he was Nando. He had a very dedicated aesthetic that she appreciated; the green cloak, the green hat and the lute were thematically appropriate.

Upon seeing Nando, the referee made her way to the center of the circle.

"Would you both please confirm your identities, for the sake of our bookkeeping?"

"I'm Taylor Hebert," said Taylor. Nando said nothing. Instead, he strummed gently on his lute and took a deep breath.

"My name is Naaaandooooo," he crooned, elongating his vowels (unnecessarily, in Taylor's opinion.) He was a good singer, at least.

The referee cut him off. He looked disappointed; perhaps he had prepared an entire song. Still, he complied with her direction and waited for her to speak.

"As you know, the format for today's competition is one-on-one battle. Would you both present the three Pokémon you'll be competing with today?"

Nando plucked a chord, but refrained from bursting into song. He released a cloud, a big bunny, and an armadillo, or, as they were known in this world, Altaria, Lopunny, and Armaldo. Taylor, in turn, revealed her team of Pokémon; Golem, Togekiss, and Garchomp. She'd had to register her Golem specifically for this competition; he didn't mesh well with her team, but in this format he represented a credible threat.

Strategy, she had learned, was not something that people payed much attention to. Trainers generally relied on raw strength and passion; good things, to be sure, but not things for which she had a natural affinity. She was much more of a tactician, and as it happened, this world rewarded that.

Of course, trainers like her were often viewed as untrustworthy, which was why she had cultivated her image so precisely. Tradeoffs.

In any case, her choice was obvious; Garchomp was only weak to Ice and Dragon types; Altaria, a Dragon type, would almost certainly lose to Garchomp's higher speed and attack stats, and Lopunny's horrible special attack stat meant that it didn't pose a great threat to Garchomp.

"Trainers, retrieve your Pokémon!" Taylor recalled all three Pokémon and set down the Pokéballs; Nando did the same. "Now, make your selections." Taylor picked up Garchomp's Pokéball, while Nando made his selection. "Please stow your other Pokémon."

"Release your Pokémon on my signal! Ready! Set! BATTLE!"

Taylor released her Garchomp, which squared up against Nando's Lopunny.

"Garchomp, use Outrage!," she yelled. Yelling moves was customary, she had learned. She didn't know why, but it was largely harmless, and she would hate to break tradition.

"Lopunny, use Blizzard!" Nando didn't yell his moves; he yodeled them, because of course he did.

Both Pokémon began their attacks, but Garchomp started sooner. It wasn't actually the faster Pokémon; Lopunny, being a rabbit, was fast. But Garchomp was holding a Choice Scarf, which increased its speed dramatically in exchange for limiting the holder to only one move for the duration of the battle. The opponent's Lopunny didn't seem to be holding an item; apparently, it had been cursed with the Klutz ability, which prevented held items from having an effect. A pragmatist like Taylor would have considered a Pokémon with such an ability unuseable, unless she could exploit it somehow; Nando apparently disagreed.

Garchomp took on a red aura and jumped straight at Lopunny, hitting it with unimaginable speed. Lopunny tumbled backward, catching itself in a crouch, then opened its mouth to release a steady stream of snowballs. Garchomp launched itself straight toward Lopunny, making no effort to avoid the blizzard. Before Lopunny could respond, Garchomp made contact, and Lopunny fainted. The referee declared Taylor the winner, and she recalled her Pokémon. After shaking hands with Nando, she made her way to the Pokémon Center on site to heal her Pokémon.

Her battle against Provo was even easier; his only Pokémon was a Dragonite, which Garchomp defeated easily with a single hit from Outrage. For some reason, he didn't understand why it was a bad idea to bring only one Pokémon in this format; Taylor couldn't imagine that he would qualify for the conference.

"Hey, Ash! I don't has a match in a few minutes! We should go watch!"

The time was 1:20, and Ash had just completed the second of his three preliminary rounds, winning without too much difficulty. His next match wouldn't start for another hour-and-a-half; if Dawn wanted to watch a match, he had no reason to decline.

"Sure. Where's he playing?"

"Battlefield 6. If we hurry we should make it before they start!"

Dawn began walking briskly in the direction of Battlefield 6, Ash trailing close behind. Brock was not in attendance; he had taken the day off to stare at Nurse Joy.

"There! We're almost there, Ash!" Dawn beckoned Ash, encouraging him to hurry up. "Come on, they might have started by now!" Ash nominally increased his pace, but was unworried. If they missed the first few seconds of the match, that would be fine.

Dawn and Ash were about a hundred feet away from the battlefield when they heard the match begin.

"Empoleon, use Hydro Cannon!" I don't's Empoleon opened it's beak, and blue-tinted light started to pool in front of its mouth. Across the battlefield floated a Togekiss, a scarf flung stylishly around its body.

"Togekiss, use Endeavor, then use Extremespeed!" A girl's voice shouted just as Empoleon's attack was about to fire. A torrent of water launched from its beak, but Togekiss continued floating lazily, making no effort to avoid the attack. The water enveloped it completely; surely, thought Ash, no Pokémon could endure such an attack for long.

But when the water cleared, Togekiss was still floating; its scarf had been carried away by the stream of water, but it seemed to have handled the attack just fine. A moment later, Togekiss seemed to vanish; a blur of white appeared near Empoleon, and the massive Pokémon fell with a thud.

"Wha - What?" shouted Ash. "Empoleon is tough. How did it do so much damage!"

I don't withdrew his Pokémon, shocked. He shook hands with his opponent, then turned to see Ash and Dawn, who still hadn't reached the battlefield.

"Wait! That's the girl!" Ash pointed at I don't's retreating foe, even more shocked than before.

"How do you know her, exactly?" I don't sounded genuinely curious. Who was this girl, whose Pokémon's attack had been so powerful?

"I tried to talk to her yesterday, but she growled at me! She's insane, I'm telling you."

"Man, Ash, Tobias was really tough."

"Yeah, definitely. Still, good job on making the semifinals. You're even stronger than ever."

"Thanks, guys." Ash was disappointed that he had lost his semifinals match, but he couldn't have expected much else; Tobias really was tough. "So, who is Tobias fighting in the finals?"

Brock checked his schedule.

"Taylor Herbert? Do either of you two know her?"

"THE GIRL!," screamed Ash and I don't in unison.

"Oh, man, do you think she can beat Tobias?," asked Ash.

"No way. She's strong, but Tobias is on another level," answered Dawn.

"I still don't know how she beat Empoleon so fast," said I don't.

"I'm afraid I don't follow," said Brock. "Who is she?"

"She's mean!" shouted Ash. "I think she might have rabies."

"Apparently Ash tried to talk to her at registration and she blew him off. She beat Empoleon like it was nothing; blink and you'd've missed it," explained Dawn.

"And now, I present your competitors in the Lily of the Valley Conference Finals! Tobias! And Taylor!"

Tobias smiled out at the audience; meanwhile, Taylor nodded.

"Competitors, please reveal your first Pokémon!" Tobias, of course, led with his Darkrai. If it weren't for Ash, he wouldn't have used another Pokémon for the entire tournament. As far as the audience was concerned, the outcome wasn't in doubt. They had seen Darkrai take out entire teams, and while Taylor was undoubtedly strong, they couldn't imagine that Tobias would be beaten.

Taylor's first Pokémon was a Togekiss; in the crowd, Ash and I don't cringed momentarily.

"The battle will begin in three! Two! One! BEGIN!"

"Darkrai, use Ice Beam!"

"Togekiss, use Endeavor, then use Extremespeed!"

A thin white beam flew across the battlefield; again, Togekiss took the hit, losing only its scarf, then vanished into thin air. A moment later, the same blur of white appeared near Darkrai, and the terrifying Pokémon descended slowly to the ground.

It had fainted.

The crowd reacted violently; half of them were convinced that Taylor had cheated, and the other half thought that Darkrai was faking it. Ash's friends were just as puzzled as before.

Down on the battlefield, Tobias recalled his Darkrai, apparently deep in thought.

"Endeavor, then Extremespeed," he muttered. "That scarf; I wonder . . . "

He pulled out a Pokédex and pointed it at his opponent's Togekiss.

Togekiss, level 2

Moves:

Endeavor

Extremespeed

"Really? That's so dumb! WHY is that a thing!," Tobias shouted to nobody in particular. Taylor nodded.

"Well, I'll be ready for it this time. Go, Latios! Use Psychic!"

"Togekiss, use Extremespeed!" Togekiss again vanished and appeared as a blur next to Latios; this time, though, after making contact it was caught in a pink field of distorted space and eliminated from the battle. Taylor calmly withdrew the Pokemon and pulled out another Pokéball.

"Go, Weavile!" The Pokémon stared each other down, waiting for the command to attack.

"Latios, use Giga Impact!"

"Weavile, use Icicle Crash!"

Latios shot toward Weavile, but before it could reach its opponent, a legion of icicles crashed into it from above. Weavile smirked as its opponent crashed to the ground, sliding to a halt about a foot from its opponent.

A few members of the audience erupted again, but most did not. Instead, they watched with intensity. This was shaping up to be a far closer match than they had anticipated. Down on the battlefield, Tobias's posture straightened. He recalled his Latios, thought for a moment, and then chose his next Pokémon.

"Go, Heatran!"

"Wow, another legendary Pokémon! Tobias is the real deal, no doubt about it!," exclaimed Ash.

"Yeah, but Taylor's no slouch. She's taken out two of Tobias's Pokémon, and only lost one of her own," said I don't.

"Heatran, use Magma Storm!," shouted Tobias. A swirling tornado of lava flew toward Weavile.

"Weavile, come back! Go, Gliscor!"

Some gasps came up from the audience. Technically, tournament rules allowed running switches, but they were hardly ever used. The Pokémon switching in couldn't attack before its opponent used a move, which meant that it would almost certainly be hit by an opponent's attack.

Gliscor was enveloped by the attack, but due to its typing, it resisted the attack fairly well. Still, after the twister dissipated, some small flames remained, refusing to be extinguished.

"Magma Storm is a trapping move," explained Brock. "The attack has ended, but those small flames will continue to damage Gliscor."

On the battlefield, the two trainers readied their attacks.

"Heatran, use Magma Storm!"

"Gliscor, Substitute!"

A copy of Gliscor appeared in front of the original, stopping Heatran's attack before fading away.

"Hey, Brock. What's that thing that Gliscor's holding?," asked Ash

"That's a Toxic Orb. It's a held item that badly poisons the holder."

"Why would she want to use it, then? Isn't that a bad thing?"

"I can answer that one," said I don't. "Gliscor must have the ability Poison Heal. Instead of taking damage when poisoned, it heals itself."

Ash nodded in understanding.

"Heatran, use Magma Storm!"

"Gliscor, Protect!"

A translucent shield appeared in front of Gliscor, stopping the twister dead in its tracks.

"Heatran, use Magma Storm!"

"Gliscor, Substitute!"

"Magma Storm!"

"Protect!"

"GODDAMMIT! Magma Storm!"

The flames surrounding Gliscor had subsided, and Tobias was visibly irritated. Eventually, he knew, the opposing Gliscor would be unable to use either of its protective moves, at which point he could eliminate it. But at this rate, that would take forever, and he knew that his opponent had something up her sleeve.

The Magma Storm veered off to the right, missing Gliscor's Substitute entirely.

"YES! Gliscor, use Earthquake!"

The ground surrounding Heatran began to shake, and the tornado forming in front of it faded away. A few seconds later, the ground underneath it exploded, launching it ten feet into the air. It was knocked out before it even landed.

Another one of Tobias's Pokémon had been eliminated; the members of the audience scooted to the edges of their seats.

Tobias recalled his Pokémon and withdrew another Pokéball.

"Manaphy, go!"

At this point, the audience was barely surprised by the appearance of yet another legendary Pokémon. Still, the last pairing had left everybody a little confused. Gliscor could have beaten Heatran at any point, and waiting so long to get a spare Substitute didn't make much sense.

"Manaphy, use Tail Glow!"

"Gliscor, use Toxic!"

Manaphy glowed a brilliant white; Gliscor used its tail to launch a purple blob at its opponent, which was absorbed into the glowing figure.

"Manaphy, use Ice Beam!"

"Gliscor, use Protect!"

A blue-white laser streaked across the battlefield, colliding with an invisible barrier before reaching Gliscor's lingering substitute.

"Manaphy increased its power using Tail Glow, so now its attacks are even stronger. Gliscor can block it for a while, but there's no way it can keep this up for long," said Brock.

A purple lightning crackled around Manaphy, and it winced microscopically.

"That must be because of Toxic; Manaphy is poisoned, so it'll keep taking damage for a while."

"Manaphy, use Ice Beam!"

"Gliscor, use Substitute!"

This time, the beam of ice reached the false image of Gliscor, which exploded violently into prismatic snowflakes, but it was immediately replaced by yet another copy.

"Manaphy, use Ice Beam!"

"Gliscor, use Protect!"

"Ice Beam!"

"Substitute!"

"Ice Beam!"

"Protect!"

It was clear that this couldn't go on for long; eventually, Gliscor would run out of power points and be unable to use its protective moves, and it would be promptly beaten. But Taylor didn't seem to have any intention of letting up.

"Ice Beam!"

"Substitute!"

And then Manaphy fell over. Stunned, Tobias recalled his fourth Pokémon, trying to piece together what had happened. How had his Pokémon been defeated without taking a hit?

"Since Manaphy was badly poisoned, the damage to it increased each turn. Gliscor didn't even land a single attack, but the poison did so much damage that it doesn't matter," Brock explained to his bewildered friends. Down on the field, Tobias seemed to reach the same conclusion.

Taylor was also wondering. She was wondering how nobody had figured any of these strategies out before.

"Go, Metagross!"

"Metagross, use Meteor Mash!"

"Gliscor, use Earthquake!"

The ground near Metagross started to shake, and, just like Heatran, it was flung into the air by an explosion of earth. But instead of tumbling to the ground, Metagross pointed its body toward Gliscor's Substitute and started flying at it at a tremendous speed, its body glowing like a meteor burning up in the atmosphere. The attack ripped straight through the Substitute, leaving Gliscor wide open to attack.

"Metagross, use Meteor Mash!"

"Gliscor, use Earthquake!"

Another explosion, and Metagross fell out of the air, its eyes closed. Tobias withdrew yet another Pokémon and sighed.

"I guess it's down to my last Pokémon. Go, Lucario!"

"Compared to the rest of your team, Lucario is a bit tame, don't you think?," Taylor taunted.

"Shut up. Lucario, use Close Combat!"

"Gliscor, Protect!"

"Use Iron Tail!"

"Earthquake!"

Before Gliscor could begin its attack, Lucario had jumped into the air, flipping forward as its tail glowed white. It made contact with Gliscor, which crumpled on its tail, eventually slumping to the ground. Taylor withdrew her Pokémon.

"You've tricked me a few times, Taylor, but I'm not falling for any more tricks! Let's see you fight a real battle!" Tobias didn't quite sound angry. Quite.

"That works for me. Go, Garchomp!"

"Lucario, use Close Combat!"

"Garchomp, Earthquake!"

Lucario landed a flurry of blows on Garchomp, but was interrupted by a spire of dirt that knocked it into the air. It landed on the ground, defeated.

"And the winner of the Lily of the Valley Conference is . . . Taylor Herbert!"

The crowd erupted in cheers. Chants of "Tay-lor! Tay-lor!" could be heard from various pockets of the crowd.

"Hebert," she muttered. "Not Herbert, Hebert. Goddammit."

One year later

"Hello. I have just returned from two years of meditation and training on Iron Island, and I would like to enter the Lily of the Valley Conference."

"Wonderful. What tier will you be competing in?"

"I don't think I follow."

"Tier, based on the power of your Pokémon."

"My Pokémon are of the highest caliber!"

"Ubers it is, then. Please fill out this team sheet and give it to the people at that desk over there."

"I'm sorry, sir, but your team is not Ubers-legal," said the man at the team registration desk.

"What about my team is not legal?"

"Your Scizor has Baton Pass, which is not a legal move."

"I've been away for two years, and apparently I've missed something. Since when can moves be illegal?"

"Oh, yeah. It turns out that certain Pokémon with certain movesets are far stronger than others. Honestly, the competitive battling scene has become a bit complicated. If you haven't battled competitively in a while, I'd recommend that you read these books." From behind the counter, the man pulled out a stack of about a dozen books: So You Think You Can Metagame, OU vs. Ubers: What's the Difference?, Top Sets by Tier, The Ethics of Pokégen, No FEAR! Navigating Gimmick Sets, and more.

"This is a lot more complicated than it used to be. What happened?"

"Last year, this girl named Taylor took down the Lily of the Valley Conference without breaking a sweat. We took a look at her technique, and people started realizing all sorts of new ways to make really strong teams."

"Taylor. Huh. So did she beat Cynthia? Is she the champion now?"

"Actually, Taylor never battled Cynthia."

"Why?"

"I heard she died," chimed in a man sitting a few feet away.

"No, Taylor is not dead. She just went home."

A/N: I couldn't find a lot of Worm fics with the characters in different settings, so I started writing a few one-shots with Undersiders in different worlds. It should be noted that Pokémon anime mechanics != Pokémon game mechanics, so this fic isn't soundly premised; it should also be noted that Taylor's strategies are not actually very good; they lose to entry hazards and other common elements in actual competitive Pokémon teams. I'm not sure if I'll be posting all the rest of these one-shots, but hopefully at least one more will make it up here.

For those unfamiliar with Pokémon, there are two tricks in Taylor's team; the rest is just based on type effectiveness, which nobody in the anime seems to care about.

Togekiss is level 2, so it's basically really weak. It has the two moves Endeavor and Extremespeed, and holds a Focus Sash. Normally, any move from a reasonably strong Pokémon would kill it; however, it survives at 1 hit point due to the Focus Sash. Then, after the opponent has moved, it uses Endeavor, which brings the opponent's HP down to the user's HP. Both Pokémon are now at 1 HP, and Togekiss uses Extremespeed. Extremespeed has +2 priority, so it goes before most moves, dealing 1 HP (the minimum damage from a successful attack) and killing the opponent.

Gliscor, as mentioned, holds a Toxic Orb and has Poison Heal. This heals 1/8 of its HP every turn. Substitute is a move that takes 1/4 of the user's HP and creates a substitute, with 1 more HP than the amount taken. If the opponent attacks, they hit the Substitute instead of the original Pokémon. Gliscor also uses Protect, which blocks moves with 100% accuracy when used on nonconsecutive turns (if you use it twice in a row, the success rate is only 50%.) So killing the substitute takes one turn, and getting through Protect takes one turn, and in two turns, Gliscor recovers 1/4 of its HP with Poison Heal, allowing it to functionally live forever. Then, if it ever gets an extra turn (if the opponent doesn't kill the substitute immediately,) it can use Toxic, which badly poisons the opponent; it deals 1/16 damage on the first turn after it's placed, then 2/16, then 3/16, etc; eventually, the opponent will die (it normally takes 6 turns, but against Manaphy it takes 7, because Manaphy is holding an item that heals it a little every turn.)

These aren't good strategies in competitive Pokémon (they're both playable, but far from dominant; the Togekiss is actually really bad, and there's only one version of its strategy that's actually decent.) However, they work against in-game NPCs, because NPCs are really, really dumb.

As always, criticism is appreciated.