January

Karma was eleven years old, and he was terrified of his mother.

Well, maybe terrified of his mother was the wrong way to put it. Perhaps terrified of what she'll do when I ask this was more accurate. And maybe terrified wasn't the correct word choice either. Perhaps anxious, apprehensive, or even nervous would be a better fit. However, altering words didn't change the core problem, and the core problem was that Karma felt terrified.

He glanced around the corner of the hallway, attempting to spot his mother in the kitchen. Her back was turned to him, and he could hear her humming as she diced vegetables for dinner. Maybe I shouldn't do this when she has a knife in hand, Karma thought nervously.

Decision made, he hurried away from his hiding spot towards his room. He was so incredibly relieved to be able to put that conversation off for a little while longer that he didn't even mind the voice chanting coward! coward! inside his head.

Well, mostly.

Karma poked at the food on his plate with his chopsticks, the knots in his stomach making it impossible to even consider eating. He could feel his stepfather's worried gaze on him, but he refused to look up and meet his eyes. He required all his strength just to summon the courage to broach the subject with his mother.

"Karma?"

Ah, Karma thought. It seemed his stepfather was not content with being ignored.

"Hm?" He sighed, still poking his food with the chopsticks.

"Are you all right? You seem... quiet."

Should I mention that okaa-san hasn't spoken a word to me since we sat down? Karma wondered.

Best not.

"I'm fine," he replied instead. "I guess I was just lost in thought."

"Oh?" This seemed to perk his stepfather's interest. "Are you thinking about where you'll go for junior high? With your grades, I'm sure you could go anywhere you wanted. Do you have anyplace in mind?"

Karma felt his anxiety multiply tenfold. Come on, come on! he told himself. It's no big deal. It's just a junior high. Surely she won't care that much. It'll be fine. Just tell them! What's she going to do? Disown you?

She just might for this, he thought miserably.

Karma swallowed nervously, his eyes flicking over towards his mother. She still hadn't looked up from her plate. "Actually, I do know where I want to go."

"Really?" Mr. Akabane sounded excited. "Junior high is an important time in a young man's life. So? Where are you thinking?"

Come on, come on! You can do this!

"Kunugigaoka Junior High School."

Silence.

Karma's gaze was locked on his mother, who had frozen in her seat. Her chopsticks were halfway to her mouth, and her eyes seemed to be bulging out of her head. If Karma wasn't currently struggling to remember how to breathe, he might have thought she looked comical. However, since he was, he just thought she looked stunned.

Will you look at me now, okaa-san? Karma thought hysterically.

"What did you say?" Mrs. Akabane seemed to be struggling to breathe, her face slowly turning an ominous shade of red.

Karma gulped, but determinedly pressed onward. "K-Kunugigaoka Junior High School."

Karma's mother was looking at him with eyes so horrified Karma couldn't help but wonder if maybe things were better when she didn't look at him at all. "Have you lost you mind?" She inquired, still with a desperate and shocked tone of voice.

"No," Karma answered. He set down his chopsticks, and lifted his chin in a false show of confidence. "I want to go to Kunugigaoka Junior High."

"There is no way in hell that I will allow you to go there!" Karma's mother burst out frantically, seeming to be at the end of her patience. "What are you thinking? Why would you want to go there of all places?!"

Karma felt his heart plummet inside his chest, but he wasn't ready to lose hope yet. The battle had only just begun, after all. "It's one of the best junior highs in Tokyo, okaa-san. If I want to get into a good senior high school, I'll ne-"

"Don't try to sell me that crap!" Mrs. Akabane interrupted. Her eyes were wide and manic, her mouth pulled into a sharp frown. "We both know that's not why."

Karma's shoulders hunched protectively as he tried to keep his chin up. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said flatly. "I want to go there so I can get into a good senior high school. That's all."

His mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then began to stand up from her chair. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, Karma, but I've had enough. You're not going to Kunugigaoka. End of story." She stormed away from the table, and Karma heard her bedroom door slam a few moments later.

"Well," Mr. Akabane said awkwardly. "I suppose that could have gone better."

Karma glared at his plate silently.

Mr. Akabane sighed and collected both his and Mrs. Akabane's plates. "I'll try and talk to her, Karma." He turned to look at Karma, his eyes both serious and compassionate. "If you're sure this is what you want."

Karma nodded. "It is."

Mr. Akabane nodded curtly in return before taking his leave of the dining room table as well. Karma was left, alone, still glaring at his full dinner plate. His mother had looked him in the eye for one hundred forty-eight seconds, but he still felt miserable.

Pathetic, the voice in his head hissed.

For once in his life, Karma agreed with it.

February

Three weeks. Mrs. Akabane had been gone for three weeks, and Karma was beginning to worry he had pushed his mother too far this time.

After the Great Junior High Dinner Fiasco, Karma had woken the next morning to discover his mother and stepfather gone, and in their place a short note:

Left for business trip. Money in the drawer. Back soon!

-Mr. A

(P.S. your mom is still angry, so I wouldn't call for a while.)

That was three weeks ago, and so far Karma had only received two phone calls, both from his stepfather. They had gone something like this:

Karma: How's your trip?
Mr. Akabane: Good, good! How's school?
Karma: Good. The school year's almost over, though. Entrance exams are coming up.
Mr. Akabane: ...
Karma: ...
Mr. Akabane: Well, looks like I have to go now! I'll send you some more money soon. Have fun, and don't work too hard!
Karma: Wa-
Mr. Akabane: Bye!

Click.

Karma was beginning to feel frustrated with his mother, his stepfather, but mostly with himself. Stupid, stupid! he would hiss inside his head. What were you thinking? That you would tell her and she would be perfectly fine with it? You idiot! Why do you want to go there so badly, anyway? Do you really want to have to see his face again?

He couldn't run away from the real reason he wanted to go to Kunugigaoka, though. It was always there, in the corner of his mind, ready to be taken out and examined when Karma was feeling particularly low. Don't you want them to see? Don't you want him to see? How smart you are? How far you've come? That you're not worthless? Don't you want to show nii-chan that you can be just as good as him? Don't you want to show otou-san what he abandoned?

Don't you want her to see you?

And so Karma would strengthen his resolve, and tell himself that he would just wait a little longer. Okaa-san will come around, right? It's just a junior high, after all. It's not like I'm asking to go live with otou-san...

No, the voice in his head said snidely, you just want to delve into that monster's kingdom for three years.

Shut up.

Karma's reprieve came a few days later.

He was retrieving the mail after school one day, absently flicking through bills and advertisements when he came to it. His breath stopped, his feet halted, and the world around him disappeared. Karma read the return address again and again, trying to convince himself it was real and not a hallucination.

Kunugigaoka Junior High School
Tokyo, Japan

Karma's fingers shakily fumbled with the letter, desperately trying to rip it open as fast as humanly possible. Is this it? Is this it? How is this here? Why would she...?

There it was. Black ink, proclaiming his future to the world:

Your testing date has been scheduled for...

Karma couldn't breathe. There it was, the answer to his prayers, and he couldn't breathe. He had been struck dumb, standing like an idiot in his driveway. How is this here? he asked himself. I don't understand. How did this happen?

Karma was eventually able to reboot his brain and resume his walk into his house. His legs felt robotic; his brain felt like mush. He didn't even realize he was dialing his stepfather's cell phone until he heard the ringing in his ear.

"Karma?" He heard his stepfather's voice. "Is everything okay? You don't usually call me..."

"No, everything's fine," Karma answered. He attempted to push his way past the fog in his head. "I just..."

"Ah." His stepfather sounded amused. "I think I can guess what this is about. Did you get the letter?"

Karma blinked in shock. "How did you...?"

"What, you think your mom signed those forms for you?" Mr. Akabane scoffed.

Karma felt his world freeze again. "You signed them? Why would you do that?"

Mr. Akabane was quiet for a moment. "Karma... I know we don't talk much, and I know I don't usually say anything when your mom gets into one of her... moods. But I want you to know that, no matter what, I'll always be there for your and your mom, all right? And that means that, sometimes, I'll have to take sides." Karma's stepfather sighed, "I really hate taking sides. But you told me this was what you wanted, so I tried to convince your mom." He chuckled, "I tried bringing it up that night, but I got a lamp thrown at my head for my efforts."

Was that what that noise was? Huh...

"Anyway, the point is if you really want this, I'm on your side. So, I called the school and got them to send the papers to me. Long story short, you take Kunugigaoka's entrance exam in two weeks. Congratulations! Now I just have to figure out a way to tell your mom..." Mr. Akabane trailed off nervously.

"Thanks," Karma said, his opinion of his stepfather steadily climbing in his mind. "I mean it."

"You're welcome, Karma. I'll try to get your mom home soon, but I can't make any promises."

"That's fine. I'm just... glad it all worked out."

Mr. Akabane laughed quietly. "Don't get too comfortable. I still don't know whether I'll make it home alive or in a body bag. But I'm happy if you're happy." Karma heard a murmur of voices in the background. "I have to go now, Karma. I'll send money soon, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye!"

Karma stared at the telephone in his hand, and tried to make sense of what had just happened. Did he really just... do that for me? Karma felt a warm feeling spread throughout his gut.

Yes, he did.