Notes: I literally wrote this over Sunday night and Monday in the biggest spurt of inspiration I've ever had in my life, which was a shock to me lol. But I wanted to really edit it before I posted it and I'm glad I did to flesh out some parts of the story that I only mentioned at first. Thanks for reading!
"And Glinda in her gowns, waiting to be good enough to deserve what she gets."
The gravestone is beautiful and well kept, but barren. There are no flowers or little trinkets left there, no evidence that anyone has been here besides the elderly and frail gravekeeper. Elphaba supposes it's because no one knew Glinda well enough for that, even the people who were close to her knew that Glinda kept everyone at a polite distance. No one knew Glinda, the bubbly schoolgirl that was Elphaba's roommate and best friend and saw beyond the green far before anyone else did. No one knows Glinda like I do, Elphaba thinks, before sinking to her knees in front of the gravestone, placing the small bouquet of flowers beside her.
Or did, she amends.
As certain as she had been over the past days that Glinda was somehow still alive throughout all of this, as soon as Elphaba stepped up to the grave she knew. She just knew that her best friend and love is truly gone.
"Glinda," Elphaba breathes. The cold wind sucks air out of her lungs in a long puff of white. Her entire body is numb, not from cold but from the unassuming gravestone in front of her. "I never wanted to leave you. I shouldn't have even considered it."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
Elphaba settles herself closer to the stone and studies the new sprouts of grass under her knees. Her best friend, the only friend she had ever had, was just below her knees. The person she loved more than anything in the world was just below her knees, cold in the earth where, for once, Elphaba couldn't reach her. Even during their years of separation Elphaba had always known Glinda was there, somewhere. Maybe not physically, but Glinda was always with Elphaba, never far from her thoughts. Elphaba knew that wherever she went, how ever far she travelled, she knew that Glinda would be there, waiting to welcome her home.
Now Elphaba realizes that all of that time she spent on the run searching for a safety she never found didn't matter. No where she went was safe, not really, because she was missing the one person who made every place feel like home.
She thinks of Glinda, aging and growing without her. Of those blue eyes that lost their innocence but never their brightness. Of all the years Elphaba could have spent, of the years she should have spent, with Glinda.
Elphaba traces a finger along the gravestone. "I'm sorry I left. I thought you would be safer here, and happier. But I was only being selfish, I left so that I would be safe."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
"Lady Glinda Upland," Elphaba murmurs aloud, running her hand along the swirling engraving, "May Her Goodness continue to protect Oz in her death as she did in her life." Elphaba swallows around a lump in her throat. "Oh, my sweet, how lonely you must have been."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
"I know it's my fault, that you got left with the mess of Oz alone. But look at all you've done." Elphaba wipes at her eyes and manages a smile at the stone. "You did it. You did everything I couldn't do. You did everything I knew you could, and so much more."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
Elphaba sighs and sits back onto the damp grass, pulling her knees to her chest and leaving one hand resting against the stone. The cold wind nips at her fingers, numbing the tips. Elphaba welcomes the numbness, because she's feeling too much of everything else. "I can't imagine what you went through, but you were so strong. And so brave. Braver than I ever was." Elphaba drops her forehead to her knees and sucks in a trembling breath. "And all by yourself too. Everything that Oz is now is thanks to you." She looks up at the gravestone again, eyes caught on Glinda's engraved name. "Everything that I am now is thanks to you."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
"I miss you," Elphaba tries, "I thought it was impossible to miss you more than I did these past thirty years, but I do now."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
"It's like something inside me is missing," Elphaba murmurs, clutching her free hand to the clasp of the cloak Glinda had wrapped around her what feels like eons ago. "It's you. You're the missing piece."
The gravestone doesn't answer.
"I miss you," Elphaba starts, and then her voice is lost to the pain swirling inside, to the tears pouring down her face.
Elphaba sits there until the sun starts its descent. And as she finally stands, bones aching and creaking and face itchy with dried tears, she looks at the three small unnamed gravestones behind Glinda's, the ones she had ignored when she first arrived. All four gravestones are in a small clearing in the woods, just on the outskirts of the cemetery, far away from the main graves. Elphaba had thought it odd, that these graves were so far from the main plots of the cemetery, but the gravekeeper had assured the green woman that one of Glinda's last wishes was to be buried with the other graves in this small clearing. Most Ozian rulers got a tomb in the private cemetery at the palace, but Glinda had been adamant that she be buried away from the palace, in the quiet groove just off the main graveyard of the West Quarter of the Emerald City, just north of Saint Aelphaba's Orphanage.
The gravestone on the right reads To the man with no heart, you deserved better than me. Elphaba frowns at the engraving, wondering why the phrasing strikes a chord deep inside her. The middle gravestone is carved with what looks like Vinkan script, the English translation below it reads To the man who stopped dancing, I wanted you to be happy too.
Beside that gravestone is the one directly behind Glinda's. Elphaba moves closer to it and sees a bouquet of wilting sunflowers in front of it, the grass had long since grown over the mound of earth. In the dying sunlight Elphaba squints at the gravestone, struggling to read the engraving. A twister of fate took you away, Elphaba reads and her heart thuds heavily somewhere that feels like her throat, May you walk among the stars with the Unnamed God forever. Elphaba swallows around the lump and shakes her head violently. It couldn't be… Could it?
Elphaba spins back around to Glinda's grave, catching sight of a fourth gravestone. This one is right beside Glinda's grave and Elphaba wonders how she could have missed it before. Even though it's the first time she's laid eyes on it, she knows whose it is even before she walks around to the front side, scarcely believing her thoughts but somehow knowing that it's true.
This gravestone had obviously been well-kept over the years, but had fallen into disrepair recently. There's a bouquet of lilies sitting in a small vase in front of the smooth white stone. The lilies hadn't been touched in so long and they were starting wilt, but Elphaba can sense the magic humming in a bubble around them that had kept them alive for this long. The gravestone remains almost pristine, with only are a few spots of rust forming on the top. The golden leaves of fall cover a grave plot Elphaba knows is empty.
Elphaba knows whose grave is even before she crouches to finger the pink and green lily petals, before she sees how the stone glows faintly emerald in the setting sun, before she runs her fingers over the writing.
For the only friend who mattered.
The tears come unbidden, and Elphaba's sobbing before she takes her next breath. It's through this haze of tears that she reads the last line on the gravestone.
I'm so sorry, my love.
Elphaba manages to stumble back over to Glinda's grave before she collapses in a pile of dark fabric, fingers digging into the top of the rough gravestone as she sobs into her elbow.
The moon is rising by the time Elphaba stops crying enough to look at Glinda's gravestone. Both of their gravestones glow almost white in the moonlight, beside each other in death the way they couldn't be in life, and Elphaba wishes that she was in the empty ground under the unmarked grave.
Then it wouldn't hurt as much.
Then she could be with Glinda again.
"Oh Glinda, my sweet," Elphaba murmurs to the gravestone, taking a trembling breath. "I love you."
The gravestone doesn't answer.