Title: Super Unfortunate Events

Pairing: Russia x Amrica from Hetalia! Superhero!AU (Villain!Ivan and Hero!Alfred)

Summary: Ivan Braginsky, part-time villain, headmaster of Heta-College finds himself falling for one of the charming American physics professors in his school. Unfortunately for him, his villain life seems to be getting in the way of a normal relationship, especially when his arch-nemesis superhero becomes more involved than he's supposed to. (Villain!Ivan and Hero!Alfred)

(A/N): So this is a little story I felt an intense need to write. Enjoy!

Ivan wasn't one to regret too many things in his life.

He didn't regret his decision to play along with his family's crime-filled legacy. He didn't regret donning blood-red and jet-black spandex, cementing himself into the alternate persona of Doctor Viktor, criminal mastermind extraordinaire. He didn't regret the riches he stole, the mayors he'd assassinated, not the enemies- nay, heroes- he'd had to face and kill.

Ivan didn't regret his decision to live a double-life either. Not once did he regret his job as Heta-College's head master. True, his sister had always been berating him for keeping such a high-exposure profession. She would swoop in through the wide-open windows of his oak-floor office, dragging her blood-stained heels over the wood. She'd sneer and complain about how if he didn't have so much paper work and ceremonies to attend to, they'd have finished another operation by then. But Ivan didn't mind. It was his life, he enjoyed it. He'd simply smile apologetically and ask her to quietly ditch her super-suit. Then, he'd have to check the surveillance systems for any suspicious footage of Natalia breaking into the school and quickly get rid of it—because he loved his sister that way.

He didn't regret befriending the teachers nor the staff, despite Natalia constantly expressing her worry for the risk of someone finding out.

He also didn't regret allowing a fresh-out-of-college physics professor to gain an immediate job at his school. The young American boy had an impressive record, with marks higher than his own former teachers, so despite the obvious protests from the British English professor, and the boy's overly childish demeanor, he'd allowed him onto the teaching staff.

Alfred F. Jones was his name—golden boy since he'd turned up at high school. He was carefree, happy-go-lucky, charismatic, and was generally a huge hit with the students. Ivan was skeptical of him, at first.

Then, eventually, he grew a small fondness for the young man.

It was that one morning, when Ivan had stumbled into the school, bags under his eyes, looking tired as hell after several nights of an unsuccessful operation which he and his sister still couldn't manage to crack. Viktor and Silver Knife had been at it for days, constantly kept at bay by The Captain—an obnoxious little "hero" splattered with red, white and blue, with the powers of super-strength that far surpassed Ivan's own, incredible agility, and the ability of showing up and ruining any chance Ivan got at completing his task.

The headmaster was sleep-deprived, pissed off, and generally scarier than usual that morning—he had been for days now. So, upon getting to his office and finding a warm mug of hot chocolate on his desk with a bright yellow post-it saying, in a neat little script, "Thought you might need a reason to smile , -A. Jones," he couldn't help but feel better immediately.

The next day, he'd been to school way before the gates had opened. Last night's assassination attempt proved futile after he'd been kept up all night by The Captain, up until four a.m. . So Ivan had told his sister to get some well-needed rest while he slipped into his office to finish the paperwork he'd ditched the previous night.

Later that morning, Alfred the physics professor had bounced into his office, a warm cup of coffee in hand, smiling brightly through his loud greeting. He'd offered Ivan a little help and company, since "My first period won't be starting until an hour later, anyway," and generally made the Russian's day brighter.

Later that night, it was fair to say that he'd given The Captain some painful blows with a little more vigor.

Since that first morning, Alfred had shown up at his office with a bright smile every day, but not always with a warm drink. Sometimes he'd bring in a cake or two, or even some finished paperwork that Ivan had neglected the previous night. Honestly, the headmaster was thankful.

Ivan grew to enjoy each morning, the warm fondness he had for the man growing exponentially.

So one night, he asked his sister to leave the operation be for just that one night. Natalia, being Natalia, had adamantly refused and insisted that she could take on the operation herself. In the end, she'd given in, knowing that The Captain would beat her to a crunch if she had to face him alone.

And that night, he'd asked Alfred out for the first time. "Oh, you know—eat dinner, watch a movie. The usual."

The professor's reply had been a playful, "Are you asking me out, Braginsky?" with a coyly raised eyebrow. Ivan had stuttered out unintelligibly at that, until Alfred laughed and agreed quite mirthfully.

The next day, Ivan was surprised to hear from his sister that she'd gone to the Manor—the sight of their operation—to do a simple stake-out around the outer white walls and shrubbery. She wasn't planning on engaging at all, she simply wanted to check-up on The Captain. To both their surprise, she found the Manor being guarded by another hero—old Emerald-Eyes as they called him. He was perched up on the rooftop with his signature cat-like crouch, the exact place The Captain usually stood guard.

According to Natalia, he'd spotted her and offered a sarcastic smirk-and-wave. She flipped him off and left. They knew he worked in tangent with The Captain on occasion, but they'd never seen him with said hero on that specific operation.

This gave them both a feeling of careful dread. If The Captain had asked his British friend to assist, more heroes around the country might be aware of the assassination, therefore rendering their task futile.

"No," Ivan insisted. "We keep at it. We can't end it now—we're so close."

Natalia had been thoughtful, and for a long while, she was silent. "Your friends," she said. "And your job. You need to pay attention to these things. As much as I dislike you having distractions, brother, I know how happy they make you. Let's take a break, only for two months, maybe three—if only to throw the heroes off our scent. The minister might be leaving for a meeting, or perhaps a vacation by then. If we catch him outside of the manor, his death might be easier for us, no? What do you say?"

Natalia had an excellent point, which Ivan found to steer greatly in his favor. How could he have not thought of that sooner? Of course, he'd been too preoccupied with trying to finish the operation as quickly as possible, but then again, all good things come to those who wait, right?

And thus, Ivan had taken the opportunity to focus a great deal of his attention to the physics professor. They went on a whole lot more nights out, and genuinely grew closer. By the end of the first month of his 'villaining-break', he'd know Alfred for a total of four months—and he was head-over-heels.

He loved the man's smile. He loved his hair, the way his hand felt when he held it, and the warm feeling he had when he was around. He loved his loud, ridiculous laugh, which also put him off for some reason the first few times he'd heard it.

The oh-so-American way his voice sounded when he laughed felt eerily similar to the way The Captain laughed—but it was also different. Alfred's was more… warm, genuine. The Captain's always seemed to be radiating smugness, which annoyed Doctor Viktor to a great extent.

And thus, Ivan fell in love.

Even then, he regretted nothing. True, he was afraid. He was scared that Alfred might not love him back, but his affectionate mannerisms gave him hope. More than that though, he was scared that Alfred might realize who he was, or Ivan might get clumsy and accidentally expose himself. Alfred would fear him and he'd lose his chance.

Another thing was, as much as he wanted it, if he and Alfred ever got together, Alfred might find out then and it would be a greater pain. To learn that you were dating murderous supervillain? Potentially traumatizing—especially with Alfred's extreme hero complex and goody-two-shoes nature.

He didn't want to risk it.

But then another significant night occurred; Alfred had taken him out to the rooftop of the college's highest building, blatantly stating that it would be a date.

Ivan's heart had burst out of his ribcage when he saw what Alfred had prepared. Fairy lights, a pastry-filled picnic, roses and plush cushions, all with a romantic sunset backdrop of the school's courtyard.

His feelings were requited—and he had a boyfriend!

Of course, he couldn't keep it from Natalia for long. She'd initially turned red with jealousy and seemed ready to shoot Ivan's new boyfriend in the head with her gun, but she'd softened—almost immediately, actually. This was why Ivan loved her—she could see when he was truly happy, and she'd relent.

Although she had made Alfred promise never to hurt him, and the man had turned it into a full-on speech—all of which greatly embarrassed Ivan—things turned out to be okay in the end.

They shared an apartment, had occasional fights which they quickly resolved with much-appreciated affection, had dinner together, went out a lot, and had such wonderful times in bed.

Ivan never doubted Alfred—and since he never had to suit up for an operation, he felt quite content that Alfred would never find him out. He'd keep his super suit in Natalia's place, and be sure to only suit up there when he went back to going out villain-ing.

He had his plan laid out and was content. Nights in bed were wonderful, his job was wonderful, and his boyfriend was absolutely wonderful.

Until, of course, one faithful night had him suddenly fearing everything.

Alfred was asleep under the sheets, Ivan had gone up to use the bathroom. When he walked back into the bedroom, the sheets were tangled with no Alfred to be found.

Then, he heard voices—low whispers coming from the balcony. He carefully snuck around the corner, watching from the shadows, and was surprised to see Emerald-Eyes, perched on his balcony with cat-like grace. His green eyes shone brightly in contrast with his dark mask and suit.

Ivan was almost worried he'd been found out and had to fight, until he craned his neck further around and saw that the cat-hero was scowling intently at his boyfriend.

He couldn't believe it. Alfred was there, on their balcony in the middle of the night, having a heated conversation with the British superhero. His mind had briefly brought up his sneaking discomfort with his boyfriend's laugh, resulting in the formation of another dreadful suspicion.

So, he listened, his heart pounding.

"—long is it going to take?" The brit was saying.

"I… I don't know. Please, just give me some more time-"

"I don't know how much time I can give you, Alfred!" Emerald-Eyes said, barely keeping his voice above a whisper. It was clear that he was furious with the other man. "Listen, Al, Viktor hasn't shown up once since that time you took the night off. You haven't seen him either, right?"

"No," Alfred said quietly.

"Silver Knife's visits have lessened significantly as well. But she's been popping in, and I'm afraid she'd managed to raid the minister's office."

"What?! You let her—"

"That was your watch, bloody git! She got information on your watch, Jones! Even your inferior brain should process the fact that they're planning something. They're waiting for the minister to leave his household, I suppose, and kill him at some point after that. I won't be able to tell when, and I need your help, Alfred!" Emerald-Eyes looked almost desperate. Angry and desperate. His eyes were pleading.

"Please," Alfred's voice seemed equally desperate as well. "Please, Arthur, I need more time. I can't help you as much, Ivan might find out."

Arthur? As in Arthur Kirkland?

Ivan blinked. The cat-like hero and the English professor did have eerily similar voices, hair and eyes. Oh, Jesus, how could he have not seen this before?

Still… what did he want with Alfred? His mind raced a million miles a minute, desperately wishing his suspicions weren't true.

"Al, I know Ivan is important to you—and I fully support that. But this case is your responsibility, even more so than mine. After all, Viktor is your nemesis."

Oh. Lord.

No way, no way. Ivan couldn't believe it.

"I'm afraid that if I go on stake-outs too many nights, Ivan will find me out." Alfred gulped. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I don't see why that's a problem," The brit said. "You love him, he loves you. He'll accept you for who you are, and who wouldn't want to date the city's loudest superhero, huh?" He offered a small smile, although Alfred didn't seem convinced.

"Listen, Al," he tried again. "You're a hero. He'll love you even more so when he finds out. And if you're worried about Ivan being used against you by, say, Viktor, all you have to worry about it not letting them find out. Besides, no one would have the balls to go up against that Russian of yours."

"I… guess you're right," Alfred sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and Arthur smiled.

"Good. Welcome back," From behind himself, Arthur pulled out a blaringly familiar red, white and blue spandex bundle and tossed it to the American.

Ivan gulped. Now, he was no damsel-in-distress, but at the moment, he truly felt faint.

"You don't need to come every night, alright? Just as often as you can—three times a week at least. Please. We can't let go of this case, people's lives are at stake."

"Thanks for understanding, Art."

Arthur sighed and leant back, looking ready to do a backflip out of there. "Sure, sure. Your brother's pretty pissed off as well, and so is the damned Frog. Hey, did you know he's been snogging your brother since last month?"

"W-what!?"

"Hush, your boyfriend might hear. Anyway, I expect to see you on Sunday evening, alright?" And with that, Arthur stood and jumped off the balcony with agile grace.

Ivan, in turn, hurried back into the bed and brought the blankets up to his head, because he could not possibly pull-off a peaceful half-asleep with the information he'd just gained.

Alfred was The Captain. His boyfriend was his mortal enemy. Jesus Christ, he was stuck in a YA Marvel slash fanfiction, wasn't he?

Fear had truly gripped his heart—he didn't know how to handle the situation. He couldn't let Alfred find him out—especially not now! And how was he supposed to look non-suspicious? What if he got too cautious and then Alfred might find out? Or what if Alfred thought he was pushing him away? No! He couldn't afford to lose Alfred, not by any means. He loved him too much.

God, and what about Arthur Kirkland? Two professor heroes at his school? That man surely paid more attention to things than Alfred did. If Ivan acted too cautious around him, then he might find out.

"Hey, babe,"

Ivan's breath hitched at the contact on his skin. Strong arms wrapped around his torso and a comforting warmth pressed against his back. He felt a small kiss placed on his shoulder, before the lips spread into a small smile.

No, no, this was okay. It would be okay.

"Where did you go?"

"Balcony. Wanted some fresh air. Are you okay, babe?"

Alfred loved him. It was okay.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just… missed you."

"Hehe, I missed you too big guy. C'mere, let's get some sleep."

Surely, Alfred was worried about keeping his own identity a secret. He'd be too distracted to notice anything suspicious with Ivan. Besides, the minister's assassination would be roughly two months away from now. He had time to figure this out.

"I love you, Fredka."

He would figure this out. It's not too late.

"I love you too, big guy."

Well, that went well. Thanks for reading! Leave a review and tell me what you think!

~Nish