Part One

Arcann had thought, had hoped (although perhaps foolishly) that these... thoughts would have left him by now. He was becoming a new person, or perhaps a better way to look at it was to say that he was trying to become the person he should have been all along. He had forsaken his dark past in search of a much more promising future; one with the Alliance and taking the steps to become a better person.

And yet... and yet thoughts of her continued to plague him. Thoughts of warm, brown eyes—eyes so dark they could be mistaken for black at times, and rich, tawny skin; skin he had imagined touching so often that he was certain he knew exactly how it would feel —like the smoothest and finest silks available on Zakuul. The dark, heavy mane of curls that framed a soft, kind face complete with full lips, and the barest hint of a smile could set his blood aflame. Even when they weren't directed at him, he couldn't escape Raelyn Mosoli's charms.

He liked to believe that now, maybe sometimes they were.

Not that he deserved her smiles, or her kindness. Nor did he deserve her forgiveness - not after everything he had put her through. Hell, he had tried to kill the Jedi on more than one occasion during his fits of rage. And while he had never seen it for himself, he knew of the large, jagged scar nestled between her breasts. He knew of said scar because he'd been the one to inflict it upon her during one of their more heated battles on Asylum. He'd never wanted her dead, not really. It had always been vengeance towards his father that had spurred his bloodlust. Raelyn had always just been the unfortunate vessel in which his father's spectre had found safe harbor. But now that his father was gone, and he was healed, the knowledge that he had nearly taken her from this galaxy made him ill. Throughout his entire life, he'd been so blinded by his obsession for his father's acceptance, for his approval, and even for his end, that it had consumed him. He would never be able to forgive himself for what he'd done to her.

If only he could turn back time. If he could go back, he would have fought with her instead of against her. He would have gladly stood by her side during the fight against his father, as an ally and a friend.

Even if he wanted so much more than friendship.

He'd found her attractive, of course, from the moment they'd met. She was all honeyed skin, dark hair and eyes, and soft strength. But it had been her outright defiance of his father that had intrigued him and made her beautiful. He was so used to men and women bowing down before him due to his status, that Raelyn's stubbornness had excited him more than he was willing to admit at the time.

It also frightened him. He could sense her power through the Force. She was an unknown threat to his throne, so he'd used her to get rid of his father, and then locked her away.

However, even stuck in carbonite, he hadn't been able to stay away from her. How often had he found himself down in his "trophy" room, pacing in front of her frozen form? He'd been unable to stop himself from brushing his fingers across the edges of her stone prison, but kept himself from directly touching her.

Even back then, there were some boundaries that Arcann himself would not cross.

Things were different now, but he would never forgive himself for the person he used to be. But he would do whatever it would take to make amends… to make up for the things he had done to her and to the rest of galaxy.

A soft chuckle alerted him to the presence of someone sitting next to him, dragging him from his dark thoughts.

He glanced over to find his mother, smiling fondly at him, a knowing glint in her pale blue eyes. "You were watching her again."

Embarrassment rushed through him. If Senya was aware of his gawking, surely everyone else gathered would have been, too. However, when he glanced around, all eyes were focused on the pair sparring in the center of the enclave, not on him. Today was one of the rare days where they were in between supply runs that had the majority of the commander's inner circle on Odessen and it gave them all a chance to relax, even if for a short a moment, and most had come to watch their leader work out with Lana Beniko. Clearing his throat, Arcann tried for nonchalance. "I was admiring her fighting stance. Nothing more."

Senya breathed a laugh through her nose and shot him a dubious look, her expression irritatingly knowing. She knew. Izax take him, if she could read him, was it simply because of their maternal bond, or was he doing a poor job at shielding his feelings altogether? Could others read him so clearly? Arcann had never been very good at controlling his emotions. That had always been Thexan's specialty.

His brother had always been better at most things.

They watched the sparring continue in silence for a time, admiring the obvious difference and similarities in the Jedi's and Sith's techniques. There was a calm, graceful elegance in the way Raelyn fought, although her moves were mostly of the defensive nature, whereas there was a wild beauty in Lana's assault.

Arcann watched the Jedi's moves closely. Raelyn was still recovering from her close encounter on Iokath when she shut down the superweapon. How many more times could this incredible woman survive near-fatal attacks on her body and live to tell about it? He didn't want to risk finding out the answer. He'd never felt such worry for another person as he had when Theron and Lana had half carried her from the ship. The anger he'd felt when he'd learned of the traitor within the Alliance, and the reason for her current state, was a familiar feeling. She'd been pale, eyes dull and body limp. The fear he'd felt for her and her safety was new, but not unwelcome.

She'd mostly recovered over the weeks since they'd returned to Odessen. Everyone tried to convince her to lay low for a while, to let herself heal, but again her stubbornness and determination wouldn't allow her to sit idle for long. So here she was now, forcing herself back into the swing of things before she was ready. It was one of the many things he admired about her, of course. But her moves were still a bit sluggish, and even from where he sat, he could see the sweat trickling down her neck to vanish below the low neckline of her shirt.

He did his best not to imagine what it would be like to chase that path with his tongue. It didn't work.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of such traitorous thoughts. She was his friend now, and harboring such inappropriate fantasies would only lead to trouble.

Snorting, Senya shook her head. "Obviously."

Arcann ignored her, instead focusing his attention on the Jedi and Sith as they circled each other, trading blows and snarky quips back and forth. He grinned as Raelyn landed a particularly hard blow against Lana's knee and forced her to the ground.

"Hypothetically speaking," Senya finally continued, though her tone suggested there was nothing hypothetical in her words in the slightest. She kept her eyes on the pair circling each other, a hint of a smile still playing at her lips. "If you were interested in her for something other than her fighting style, I would approve."

Arcann eyed his mother warily, but refused to take the bait.

"She's done so much for us. Me, you... she even tried to help Vaylin. After everything..." Senya's voice cracked with emotion at the mention of her recently deceased daughter.

Arcann himself felt a stab of pain through his chest. Reaching over, he hesitantly rubbed his mother's back for comfort. It was a bit awkward; their relationship was still new and a bit turbulent at times, but it had come a long way in the short time since she'd risked her own life to save him.

"All I ever wanted for my children was for you to be happy." She glanced at him then, her smile returning to her face. "She watches you too, you know."

He scoffed. Sure, he had caught her watching him a few times, when their eyes would meet across the cantina or across the war table, but the impression he got from the attention was the way prey might watch a predator—with wariness, caution, and maybe even a little hint of fear. Well, that's how it had been at first, anyway. Lately, however, she would flash him that devilishly shy smile, even seemingly to seek out his company on occasion, and had even opted to take him along on several recruiting missions and supply runs, and he found himself always looking forward to the next one. But given recent events, and the discovery of a traitor within their midst, he'd simply chalked it up to surveillance and nothing more at the time.

That was another issue of its own. Even after months of pledging himself to the Alliance, most of Raelyn's inner circle and the majority of her followers still didn't trust him, and he had been the first person Theron and Lana had interrogated after returning from Iokath. Endless days turned into weeks of questions and what little privacy he'd been allotted had all but become nonexistent. It had sent Senya into a rage, but Arcann took it all in stride. He wasn't the only one being monitored (though he seemed to be their prime suspect), and to be perfectly honest, he couldn't blame them. Had he been in their position, he would have been the first one he would suspect as well.

It had been Raelyn who had put a stop to it in the end. He had never seen her so angry; apparently her top advisors had kept a great deal of their investigation details from the commander. How she found out, Arcann wasn't certain (though he had suspicions that his mother had brought it to her attention), but when she discovered that he had been the focus, she put a stop to it immediately. The shameful expressions on both the former SIS Agent and Sith Lord had been almost comical.

Raelyn really was too good for him. She was everything he was not; she was too good to a fault, almost naive in some cases, and far too trusting. She'd accepted him without question when he'd pledged his loyalty to her. It both endeared her to him and terrified him. "I've taken too much from her that I can never give back." He sighed, shifting his gaze down to his feet. "She deserves better than a monster."

Scowling, Senya turned to face him. "You give yourself too little credit. You've done some terrible things, Arcann, but you are not that tyrant any longer." The angry tone of her voice left little room for debate, and her expression cut off whatever protests he had been about to give. "You've gone above and beyond for this Alliance since you joined us, and the commander sees that. And you of all people deserve happiness. The only one holding yourself back from it now is you."

He stared at his mother, stunned by the vehemence of her conviction. He wanted to thank her for her trust just as much as he wanted to deny her claim that he was standing in his own way when it came to making himself happy, and if he were honest with himself, the last time he had truly felt happiness was when he was a child, before his mother left, and he'd had the freedom to enjoy being young with his siblings. But after Senya had left, Valkorion had gone out of his way to make sure their life had been filled with anger, fear, and jealousy, and he'd allowed those emotions to dominate him, and it had led him to kill his own brother.

It had been what his father wanted all along—to push him so close to that edge that he went tumbling over. Thexan had been another innocent victim that his father had used against him. Arcann found himself wondering what his twin would think of him now. Would he find him weak? Would he be proud of the strides he had made?

It had been a long time since he'd felt anything other than anger and rage. But Raelyn and his mother had given the opportunity to feel again. And for that, he was eternally grateful. Life was so much more enjoyable now that he had people to care about… and who cared about him. He didn't know what to say. "I… thank you, mother."

"Give yourself the chance to be happy, Arcann," she continued softly, giving his hand a slight pat. "There's always a chance at rejection—"

"And let's not forget a murderous older brother," he added dryly, his blue eyes immediately scanning the open area for any signs of the adopted Mandalorian before remembering that he was currently off planet on some hunt with the rest of Shae Vizla's clan.

Gavyn Mosoli was not one of Arcann's biggest fans. In fact, he had greeted the former emperor with a blaster in the face before Raelyn had, once again, come to his rescue. Their relationship was new and nearly as strained as his and Senya's had been at the beginning. The Jedi had been completely unaware of any relatives, given that she had been a part of the Order since the age of three. Gavyn, on the other hand, had become instantly protective of his little sister, something Arcann could greatly respect.

Perhaps if he had been more protective of Vaylin during their childhood, things would have turned out differently. Maybe he could have saved her in the end. But Arcann couldn't allow himself to dwell on those dark thoughts for too long. He could wish things had turned out differently all he wanted, but it would never change reality, and it certainly wouldn't bring his sister, or his brother, back. His only solace was that his father was now gone and no longer had control over any of them.

Senya chuckled. "There is that," she agreed, amusement evident in her voice, and completely unaware of the direction his dark thoughts had taken him. "But I think in time you'll win him over. And who knows," her grin widened coyly, "if things go the way I think they will, I'll finally get those beautiful grandchildren I've always wanted."

Sputtering, Arcann glared daggers at his mother, but a commotion in the center of the sparring circle cut off any response he might have given. Snapping his attention back to the fight, his heart lurched when his eyes settled on the unmoving figure sprawled on the mat.

He was on his feet and racing towards the clearing before he had a chance to stop himself. He pushed through the crowd to see Lana and Theron leaning over the small Jedi, trying to coax a reaction from her.

"What the hell happened, Lana?" Koth asked from behind her, his expression worried as he quickly sent out an alert for a medic.

"I… I don't know. It all happened so quickly, she turned and the hilt of my training saber caught the side of her head." The sith's voice wavered slightly as she tried to catch her breath, the worry for the commander obvious. "I honestly didn't think it had been that hard."

Kneeling down, Arcann carefully maneuvered her head into his lap. Tenderly, he ran his thumb across her temple where he could see a rather large bruise already forming beneath her hairline. He could feel eyes on him, but his focus was completely on the woman before him. His worry increased when her eyes remained closed and she gave no response to voice or touch.

"Over here!" He heard Theron call out a few moments later, spotting Elara Dorne rushing into the room and quickly motioned her over, ushering the gathering crowd away to give her room to work.

The former Imperial checked Raelyn over meticulously, blonde brows pinched in concentration. "I think she'll be fine," she assured everyone, and there was a collective sigh of relief from the patrons gathered. "She's a bit dehydrated, and she'll probably wake up with a headache. We'll have to watch for any signs of a concussion, but she'll be fine." Reaching into her pouch, Elara pulled out a small vial and held it underneath her patient's nose.

Arcann released a breath that he wasn't aware he was holding when the bridge of Raelyn's nose scrunched up in distaste from whatever was in the medic's vial. If he weren't so concerned for her, he might have found it cute. Her brown eyes slowly fluttered open, and he watched a range of emotions play over her face: pain, confusion, shock, and something he couldn't quite identify before it came full circle.

With a slight groan, the Jedi reached up and gingerly touched the wound at her temple, wincing at the pain. "What happened?"

"You and Lana were sparring," he said, keeping his voice low so as not to agitate her headache. He absentmindedly stroked her hair, brushing it away from her forehead. "The hilt caught you on the side of the head."

"Accidentally," Lana insisted, shooting him a glare. "Commander, I am so sorry."

Before anything else could be said, Elara interjected and began to ask Raelyn a series of questions, testing her for any signs of a concussion. Once she was satisfied, she began to put her instruments away. "No signs of a concussion, but I want you to take it easy for the remainder of the day, and rest."

"Yes, doc," she replied, voice still strained. Gazing up at him, Raelyn's eyes searched his, a sheepish smile on her face. "Think you could help me up?"

"Of course." Slipping his arms underneath her, Arcann slowly and carefully helped her to her unsteady feet. When she wavered the slightest bit, he kept his arm securely around the small of her back so she could lean against him. He supported her slight weight easily, and he scolded himself for the way his body responded to her warmth. Now was definitely not the time for his body to betray him.

"Arcann," Elara's voice dragged him from his treacherous thoughts, for which he was grateful. "If you could please help the commander to her quarters, I will be in shortly to check on her."

He glanced at his charge for permission, relieved when she nodded and leaned into him further, and he slowly began to lead her out of the training room and toward her quarters.

"Guess I overdid it," she mumbled softly, breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them. She wouldn't look at him, but he could see the blush coloring her cheeks. "I'm sorry you're having to play babysitter."

That was another trait of hers that he found endearing and admirable. She hated to appear weak in front of her allies or her enemies, but she wasn't above admitting when she'd reached her limits. Smirking, Arcann gave her arm a squeeze, and he wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not, but he thought he felt a shiver pass over her. "It's no trouble at all, Commander. I am always here to help."

There was that smile again. The one that did funny, unfamiliar things to his heart. It was warm, with dimples on full display, the blush deepening ever so slightly. He found himself having a hard time forcing his gaze away from her.

Get ahold of yourself, he scolded internally. She's not well and the last thing she needs is for you to scare her half to death with your gawking.

Arcann helped her inside and settle onto the bed, every nerve in his body alive and on high alert. The man could feel her eyes on him as he arranged her pillows and pulled back the blanket for her. He was inside the bedroom of the woman he desired, and he had to remind himself, yet again, that he was there to make sure she was okay and then to be on his way.

He was ashamed of himself. She was not his to lust after, and he cared for her well-being far more than any physical attraction he felt towards her. It wasn't just her beauty that attracted him to her, it was her intelligence, her kindness. Her strength and her willpower, her determination and her stubbornness. She was everything he never knew that he'd always wanted. His respect for her was greater than anything else.

Pushing those thoughts aside, he made sure she was completely comfortable before stepping back and creating distance between them. "Do you need anything before I leave you to rest?"

Raelyn shook her head, smiling fondly at him. "No, I'll be fine. Thank you for everything."

The man froze, mesmerized as she stepped into his personal space, reaching up on the tips of her toes to press a small kiss to his scarred cheek. He kept himself completely still, breath held and fists clenched tightly at his side until she pulled back.

Her brown eyes widened ever so slightly, as if she were just as shocked as he was by her own actions. The Jedi sank down onto the edge of the bed, averting her gaze and small hands tucked between her knees. "Thank you again for the escort."

Arcann cleared his throat again, walking backwards towards the door. "Anytime," he rasped, his voice low and unrecognizable even to himself. "I'll… see you at dinner?"

Raelyn turned towards him, brushing her hair out of her face, and forced a smile. "Of course."

Nodding, he bid her farewell and quickly exited her quarters, not breathing again until the door was closed firmly behind him. He hadn't been imagining that, had he? Raelyn had always been friendly with him since he'd joined, but something had definitely changed between them, that was obvious. He could feel the connection between them growing, but he just needed to make sure they were on the same page.

It was quite possible that he was over-analyzing everything; that she was just thankful for his help and had no romantic feelings towards him whatsoever. But there was something in the back of his mind telling him that he had to pursue this. Even if she rejected him, he needed to get it out in the open and tell her the truth.

With his mind made up, Arcann made his way back to the training room. He needed to distract himself for the remainder of the day, and the training dummies were going to be his outlet for his pent-up energy. He needed a clear mind and to get his thoughts in order before dinner.

He was going to tell her tonight.