Hello again, everybody! Welcome to my second published fic here on Fanfiction. (If you haven't read "Charade" yet, I recommend doing so.)

(Of course I do, because I wrote it.)

Don't take this one too seriously. While there are certain styles or types of story lines I tend to enjoy reading and writing more than others (Three cheers for bonding and reveal fics!), I also like to dabble in an assortment of other genres and challenge myself by writing about certain characters (and with different narration styles) which I normally wouldn't care about or spend my time on. Hence, this story.

I recently started wondering what happens to Lance Thunder after he shouts "I QUIT!" during 'Torrent of Terror.' And while Lance Thunder isn't my favorite character or one that I like to typically include in stories, his brutal honesty, utter vanity, and unfortunate luck on the show never ceases to amuse me.

This story is also unbeta'd because I'm still figuring out how things and life in general on this site works, so if you find any mistakes or continuity errors while reading, please don't hesitate to PM me and I'll go back through the story and fix it. General feedback is also always welcome!

On with the story! And of course, I don't own Danny Phantom.

Originally published: November 15, 2017

TAKING THE WORLD BY THUNDER

"Gooooood morning, handsome, and how many hearts are you going to break today?"

Lance Thunder shot his reflection a confident, winning smile in the corporately-funded hotel room's bathroom mirror. He wouldn't admit to it, but Narcissus had nothing on Lance when it came to vanity. Lance would say you need to dress for the job you want, not for the job you have, make good first impressions, put your best foot forward, carry yourself with pride, et cetera, et cetera. Which, of course, is all true.

And yet, no. The rumor around Amity Park was that Carly Simon wrote "You're So Vain" about Lance Thunder. Of course, he was only a baby at the time the song was released, but still people thought it was true because it was just so believable when it came to Amity Park's resident drama queen.

'But that doesn't matter anymore!' Lance told himself as he finished dressing and applying small amounts of makeup to disguise his scars. After the better part of a mind-numbingly boring decade and a horrifying year and a half, THE Lance Thunder had quit his job at Amity Park Action News after being blown halfway across town in a sudden hurricane.

He didn't get a new position immediately. The recovery from his reconstructive and plastic surgeries after the injuries, and subsequent lawsuit against Mayor Masters for damages, took a couple months. However, once his visage was bandage-free and his bank account balance was up to seven digits, Lance used the opportunity to rub elbows with some execs to finally get that job in Chicago as a reporter concentrating on international politics and current events. He had finally escaped the life-threatening insanity of Amity Park, Ohio! No more ghost royalty invasions, no more killer weather storms, no more exploding condiment vats, and best of all, no more polarizing maybe-evil-but-sort-of-helps-out-sometimes-so-I'll-just-steer-clear-for-now ghost kid!

Dear Mr. Thunder couldn't find any words to describe his joy when he found out his life wouldn't be threatened every time he stepped outside, on-screen or off. And today was day one on the job!

"Ah, Mr. Thunder! welcome to Chicago Channel 7!" greeted the receptionist. The way the twenty-something girl smiled at Lance was admittedly reassuring after months of being unable to look in the mirror.

"Thank you, uh…" Lance glanced at the nameplate on the desk. "Jenny."

"Our assistant producer Mr. Bonrapport is waiting for you on the 32nd floor to walk you through the studios and offices," Jenny informed. "I'm sure you remember most of the spaces from your visit two weeks ago, but he would like you to meet everyone officially before you go on the air."

"Excellent, I'll head straight there!" One more flash of his winning smile which he had practiced to death over the years and Lance was on his way up the skyscraper.

After meeting what seemed to him like an endlessly flow of 'little people' whose names weren't worth remembering, Lance finally made it to the conference room where the rest of the on-screen team was waiting for him. A few were standing by the refreshment table with steaming coffee in hand while the rest sat at the table busy on their smartphones.

"Hello, Channel 7!" Mr. Bonrapport proclaimed with what appeared to be a perpetual positive attitude as he and Lance entered. "Everyone, please welcome our newest team member, Lance Thunder from… Where was it again, Lance?"

"Oh, some obscure little town a couple states away. You wouldn't know it," Lance said nervously. He'd done everything in his power to minimize the importance of where he'd spent his career when making his application to the channel. The rest of the people in the room greeted him with a general lack of enthusiasm.

"Lance here has spent the majority of his career as a weatherman-"

"Meteorologist," Thunder interrupted.

"-meteorologist," Mr. Bonrapport continued with a momentarily apologetic tone, "but he's ready to expand his career into other areas of broadcast journalism."

"Oh, do you have experience outside the studio, Mr. Thunder?" inquired one of the men at the table, suddenly looking up from his phone. For a moment, Lance was flattered that someone was interested in his riveting life story. But, after the man had set his iPhone down on the surface, Lance could see that the screen was flashing the 'low battery' icon.

"More than anyone could ever possibly hope for," he replied with a mixture of conceit and another emotion that hinted at deep psychological scarring.

"Which is why his first assignment will be centered around the alleged reemergence of Pandora's Box!" Mr. Bonrapport continued excitedly. Lance couldn't help but be annoyed by how much energy this lowly assistant producer exuded. "We just got a tip about an hour ago."

Lance tried not to narrow his eyes in suspicion. Pandora's Box…. That would be a suspiciously supernatural event.

"Pandora's Box?" one of the women in the room asked after almost choking on her coffee. "Isn't that supposed to be a myth?"

"Well, it's supposed to be, but our sources claim this particular town has had many supposedly confirmed sightings of mythical beings and other supernatural occurrences."

Lance gulped, trying to hide his rising anxiety. 'They canNOT be talking about…*that* place,' he thought to himself.

"I know this is the sort of event that would be offered to you, Patty," he said to the woman who had spoken up just before. "But my superiors insisted that this lead be assigned to Mr. Thunder as a sort of 'Welcome to the Channel 7 Family' present! So congratulations, Lance! You get to investigate something of mythical proportions! So go on home to your temporary hotel suite and pack a bag, because you're headed to—" he checked his clipboard "—Amity Park, Ohio!"

Lance looked at Mr. Bonrapport incredulously. His mind flooded with thoughts of all the schmoozing he'd done over the past few weeks and that sense of relief when he left behind that ironic 'A Safe Place to Live!' sign two days before.

"Uh, Lance?" 'Patty' asked after a long silence. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," she finished with a small laugh.

"...You've GOT to be kidding me."

END

I hope you enjoyed this little fic! Don't worry, Lance. You'll get your Happily Ever After eventually. I know this story could be continued and have a fully developed plot and whatnot if I really tried, but if I'm being completely honest...all I can manage is a disinterested "meh." The more diplomatic way of putting that would be something along the lines of "I don't currently have any aspirations to continue developing this storyline at this time." So that's why this story is listed as "Complete." If in the future I ever feel led to continue this, I will change the status to In-Progress.

PEACE OUT. I'm off to do homework, sleep, and work on other fics as inspired.

-hiimian

P.S. How do I get a beta? PM me if you are one of the enlightened ones! You don't have to offer to beta yourself, I just want information. I still need to develop some of my other fics a bit more first I think. Thanks!

One final note as of December 15, 2017: PLEASE HELP I NEED A BETA. I HAVE STORIES WAITING FOR PUBLISHING WHICH I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SHARE UNLESS THEY'VE BEEN BETA'D BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THEM.