CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD

SPIDERWEBS, DUST, AND COBWEBS

CHAPTER 1

It felt like they had been driving for weeks. Sam wasn't sure why he was feeling so agitated, he was used to the long drives. He was used to sitting in the front, passenger seat, his brother at his side behind the wheel. His brother's choice of music playing, nonstop, changing in volume depending on what mood struck at different moments.

The same black leather seats he spent his entire life in, the same black, leather dash he spent years staring at. The same windshield he's seen hundreds of miles through. The same door he spent hours leaning his body against, sleeping against the window that was attached to the door. It wasn't any different than any other day.

They had stopped sometime during the night, pulled into a safe spot on the side of an old dirt road, grabbing a couple hours of sleep, giving his brother a chance to rest his eyes before continuing on. The sun had graced the sky with its presence. Turning the once darkness into blinding, bright light, causing Sam to squint his eyes.

Dean had put on his sunglasses, not letting the sun stop his comfort behind the wheel. The road they were on, had minimal traffic. Somehow, Dean managed to find his way around the states with minimal contact to the main roads as possible. He had a problem with patience, especially when it came to traffic. Sam wasn't sure how, but his brother was like a living GPS.

Even if he hadn't been somewhere before, he seemed to always know his way. The road was lined with bright green trees. The grass growing up around the trees, like it was trying to compete, trying to grow as tall as everything else around it. The small purple flowers that filled the empty spaces between the grass blades, didn't seem to mind their size. They were happy, blooming, living their lives small, almost unrecognizable except for their color that varied from all the other browns and greens that surrounded them.

It was a rather warm day, the windows were up, air conditioner set to a comfortable temperature. Sam was sure if he rolled his window down he would hear the birds chirping and the springtime come alive right outside of his car. The day was almost perfect. He was sure if he wasn't in the car, maybe if he was taking a slow stroll through a park or something than the day would be even more perfect.

Maybe, he thought, if Jess was still around, this would be a perfect day to enjoy a romantic walk, followed by a picnic, maybe stopping at a pond to feed some ducks. He started to remember how much Jess loved the springtime. How much she loved watching the new growth, watching the world come alive from the darkness of winter.

It had been awhile since he allowed Jess to grace his memories. He wasn't sure why he was thinking so hard about her this particular morning. Perhaps, it was because he was longing for something more, something more than this long road that seemed to be endless. Or, perhaps because, for some unknown reason, he was aggravated.

He wasn't sure what was putting him in an ill mood, maybe it was knowing that no matter how perfect the day seemed, their lives would never match the world's beauty. He just needed some fresh air, he had decided. He had spent too much time cooped up in the car. As much as their car was home to him, he needed a break, needed to breath something besides the smell of freshly polished leather and exhaust fumes.

He rolled his window down, trying to let a fresh breeze in through the window, maybe the perfectness of the day would rub off on their lives, maybe, just for once, they would be able to have a perfect day, but judging by the mood he was currently sporting, he was sure it was only a wish and would never become reality. When did the Winchester luck ever give them good luck?

Dean began to notice his brother's unsettling behavior. He was shifting in his seat, constant changing positions, like he wasn't able to become comfortable. Dean was fine, he always felt the most comfortable behind the wheel of his baby. The temperature inside was perfect, until Sam rolled his window down, letting both the warmth of the day and the cool breeze combined with the temperature Dean had been enjoying.

He wasn't too thrilled about it, but could sense something felt off about his brother. He had tried to call his name, without any response. It was obvious he was lost in thought, lost in some memory, or mesmerized by the scenery outside. Either way, his brother hadn't heard Dean attempt to pull him back to the present.

He decided, they still had awhile before hitting the next town, he would let his brother remain in his state of weirdness, in whatever had his mind occupied so heavily. Didn't matter, Dean decided, it wasn't like they had anything particular to talk about anyhow. Dean knew things hadn't been easy for Sam lately, hell, it hadn't been easy for Dean either.

The difference, Dean shoves everything into a secret box, locked with double locks, with a big sign that reads 'do not open', Sam on the other hand, he was more of the 'sharing and caring' type. He couldn't just push the hardship away, not like Dean did. He had to release his emotions, let his thoughts and feelings be known. He wouldn't be able to get over whatever was bothering him if he didn't let everything out. And for Sam to hold things inside, it wasn't always the best.

Dean had learned that when they were younger. He had endured endless hours of listening to his brother ramble on about pointless things, or about emotions Dean tried to block out, sometimes he would listen with interest, sometimes he tried to ignore his brother's babbling as much as possible, but either way, he always let him talk, always let him do what needed to be done to keep his little brother happy.

Sam wasn't so opened to Dean's coping abilities. He couldn't understand how his brother could cope with life without sharing everything he felt. He didn't understand how anyone could push away the feelings, the memories, the way Dean did, and still manage to be as strong as his brother was. Dean knew Sam idolized him, but honestly, Dean couldn't understand why because he secretly idolized Sam.

Sam was able to stand up to anyone, including their dad. He was able to step out on his own, attempt to become his own person, make a life for himself, a life without hunting. But, once you got involved in the life, it wasn't that easy to escape it. Once you knew there were real monsters out there, it wasn't an easy thing to forget. Dean began to wonder about all the people they had saved, all the people who didn't have a choice but to believe in monsters, the ones who have seen them personally.

He wondered how many of them choose to forget. How many of them told themselves it wasn't real, how many tried to go back to normal life but couldn't, and how many became hunters. Entering the world of monsters would change you forever, one way or another, you would be changed. Not everyone's lives would be changed as much as the Winchester's, but would be changed none the less.

All it took was just a quick moment. A normal day, a normal night, and one quick moment while everyone slept, to change their lives forever. Dean could still remember the smell. He could remember the smell of the fire, the burning of drywall and wood, the smell of burnt flesh. He remembered the cries of his little brother, and he remembered the smell of his baby brother.

The soft, gentle baby smell that filled Sammy's blanket and clothes as he gripped him tight, standing outside the house, watching his brother's room burn, with his mom trapped inside. He wasn't sure where his dad was at, not until he seemed to come out of nowhere, grabbing Dean in his arms and rushing the 3 of them away from the house.

Just a moment, one quick moment of panic and sheer fear, and their lives were changed forever. Jess. Dean wasn't sure why he suddenly thought about Jess. She was his brother's love, the love of his life. He remembers how much his heart sunk when he found out Sam had planned to propose to her. He loved her enough he was wanting to spend all of eternity with her, never wanting to leave her, for the rest of his life.

He was ready to spend the rest of his life with one woman. Dean would never admit it to his brother, but he blamed himself for Jess's death. He wondered, if he didn't come to Sam, request his help, then maybe he would have been there, maybe he would have been able to save the love of his life.

But, he knew his dad had been there when his mom was killed the same way, and he wasn't able to save the love of his life, why would Sam and Jess be any different? But, he still couldn't help but wonder, what if. That was one thing Sam had chosen not to talk about, the one thing that he kept hidden, kept locked away. Dean still didn't know much about Sam's years at college, didn't know details about his and Jess's relationship. He knew he loved her, but also knew what had happened, hurt Sam, and he wasn't going to push it.

There was no way he was going to push his little brother into talking about something that would cause him so much pain. Sure, there had been countless times Sam had pushed Dean into painful conversations, but that was different. Dean was more than willing to cause himself a little pain, a little discomfort, as long as his brother was happy, he would do anything for Sammy.

He knew his brother knew that, he knew his brother used that knowledge against him, but secretly, in a non-chick flick way, he didn't mind his brother pushing him into talking. He knew it was the only way he would ever open up and talk about his feelings anyhow. But, right now, he was needing to figure out how to get his little brother to talk to him.

It was obvious, something was aggravating him, and he needed to get to the bottom of it. They were on their way to a hunt, sure it would be awhile before they arrived at their destination, but he needed his brother's head in the game. He needed him to be clear headed.

They have had a lot of distractions over the past year or so, distractions that weren't easy to forget about, but once again, Dean just locked it all away, and listened to his brother vent and babble on about everything they had faced, everything they had talked about, everything they had learned about each other and their lives.

Dean was tired of all the girly moments. He was ready to feel like a real man again. Ready to get his hands dirty, visit a bar, get drunk, find some decent looking woman to have a one-night stand with, and kill some fuggly monsters. Yeah, that's what Dean needed. He needed to get his boots dirty again, needed to get back into the game, go back to their normal hunts. Not any of this crap they had been faced with lately.

Sam couldn't believe they were still driving. How damn long was this road anyhow? Had Dean decided to bypass the nearest town? Had he decided he was going to just do whatever he wanted to do? Not give a damn about Sam's needs? He hadn't even stopped to ask him if he needed to use the bathroom. He didn't, but how did Dean know that?

Dean should be able to tell he was tired of being in the car. He should know he needed a break. Why the hell couldn't they have stopped for a room last night? Why did Dean insist on driving all night? Why did it have to be so damn warm outside? Why couldn't it be a cool, dark, gloomy day, to match his mood?

Maybe some rain would be nice. Maybe it would wash away the wariness out of him. Maybe it would make Dean stop driving, get out of the car for a while, stretch their legs, do something, anything, besides sit in this damn seat. He was beginning to feel like he couldn't breathe, like the fresh air was suffocating him.

He rolled his window back up, turned the air conditioning on full blast. He went from being too warm to being too cold. He seemed oblivious about his brother's needs. He didn't care. He didn't care if Dean was too cold. He wasn't sure why, he didn't have a reason not to care, but, he just didn't.

Maybe it was this damn hunt they were going on? Why was it taking so long? He knew they had to drive across several states to get there, but it never seemed like it took this long. He never felt so entrapped by the four doors of the car before.

The trees that lined the road seemed to be laughing at him now, they seemed to be bending over, mocking him. Making him feel claustrophobic, making the car seem to shrink in size. Causing his seat to feel like a hard piece of wood, like maybe one of the trees snuck into the car, placing its bark under his body, taking away the comfort of the seat he once sat in.

Couldn't Dean see the trees? Couldn't he feel them creeping into the impala? Filling every empty space there was? The long grass competing for foot space on the floorboard. Panic was beginning to rise, he wasn't sure how he was going to get out of this. He was alone, surrounded by the trees and branches and grass from outside, they must have entered when he had the window down, sneaking in, growing, making the interior equivalent to the outside.

Dean swung the car to an open shoulder on the side of the road, slamming his breaks. Sam hadn't even realized Dean had stopped. The sudden breaking never registered in his mind. It only took a moment for Dean to turn off the purring of the motor, remove himself from his seat, and appear at Sam's door. He flung it opened, reached over and unbuckled his seatbelt, and had hauled Sam out of his seat onto the unforgiving ground.

"SAM!" Dean shouted at him, giving him a hard shake. "Sam!" he repeated, until he saw a small sign of Sam acknowledging his brother's words. "Hey man, come back to me." Dean started pleading.

Once Sam looked into Dean's eyes, letting him know he was returning back to reality, Dean continued trying to get a response from his brother.

"What the hell, man? What's gotten into you?"

He gave Sam a moment to reply, but there was no verbal reply from his brother, he was trying to catch his breath, giving some long, hard blinks to clear his mind.

"You good?" Dean asked, not accepting anything but a response from his brother.

Sam nodded his head, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened, finally, with a voice that sounded like he had been screaming for hours he forced out the words Dean needed to hear.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Dean gave him a pat on the shoulder, thankful for the words, even if they were strained, he knew that meant his brother was back to himself enough to speak, to think straight enough to answer a question that he was able to understand.

"Dude," Dean began again, "What the hell man?"

Sam just shook his head slowly, giving a shrug of his shoulders. "Did you pass a town?" That was all Sam could think of to say.

"We have about five to ten minutes before we arrive at the next town." Dean informed him, receiving a nod from Sam, Dean continued. "I could tell something was wrong, you seemed uneasy for some reason, I planned on stopping in the next town we came to, get some fuel and food, give you a break from the trip or whatever you needed, but then, man, you just started having a panic attack or something. You sure you're alright?"

Dean was concerned, he wasn't sure what had set his brother off, and by judging things, it seemed his brother wasn't sure what caused it either.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You wanna talk about it?"

He didn't usually ask if Sam wanted to talk, he knew if his brother wanted to talk about something, nothing Dean could say or do would stop him, but this was different. Sam seemed closed off.

"I… I don't know… I'm not sure what's going on, what's wrong with me." Sam confessed. "Guess the road just got too long. There's nothing to talk about."

Sam looked up at his brother's concerned, uncertain eyes.

"Honest." He added, giving Dean a small grin.

"Okay. You good now?"

Sam nodded his head.

"You think you're good to continue down the road? I know it's early, but we're almost to the next town, and if we need to, we can get a room, stay there till tomorrow, give you a break, give you time for whatever's going on."

Dean was really concerned to be offering to stop on the way to a hunt, but Sam was thankful. He knew he needed to clear his head.

"Yeah, if… if you don't mind." He almost sounded childlike with that last part.

Dean stood, putting his hand out to help his brother off the ground and back into the car.

"Dude." Dean started as he was helping Sam return to his seat. "I need your head in the game, man. I need you on this hunt, and if that means we take an extra day to let you clear whatever's going on in your head, then that's what we'll do."

Dean closed his door and went back to his seat behind the wheel. He started the engine, listening to her purr like a kitten before continuing to talk.

"Besides, we've been through a lot lately, I think we're entitled to a crappy, head in the clouds, day every now and again."

He gave Sam a smile that reassured him that Dean was in no way upset about stopping for the day, in fact, it was welcomed, before pulling back onto the road, making his way to the town ahead. After a moment of silence Dean spoke again.

"Hey, Sam."

"Yeah?"

"You gotta warn me next time, okay? You gotta let me know if you start feeling like this again, so I can help you. So, we can stop it before it becomes bad, okay?"

Sam nodded with a slight grin. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

"Good, you do that. You don't have to talk about anything, I'm not going to push you, honestly, if you wanna keep it all to yourself that's fine with me, it's not like I don't do the same, but I gotta take care of my pain in the ass little brother, you know? I gotta make sure you're okay."

Sam didn't reply back, he laid his head against the window, giving Dean a smile of understanding and acceptance. He has accepted the fact that no matter how old they get he will always be Dean's 'little brother' he will always have the need to take care of him, and, Sam would always have a pride that filled him, one that says 'that's my big brother' and he, also, would have a need to protect Dean, no matter what life threw at them, they both knew they had each other.

They knew their bond was closer than just brothers, they were each other's saviors, each other's guardians. And, neither of them would want it any other way.

Time seemed to slip by faster once Sam had calmed down. They had arrived at the town before he realized. Dean had, first, gone to the local motel, getting them a room with 2 double beds. Then returned to the car with the keys, driving to the door of their room.

"I figured we'd take a break, shower, nap, punch some walls, whatever, then decide what we want to do for food." Dean said, with complete understanding.

The punch some walls part gave Sam a chuckle. He couldn't remember how many motel rooms they had left with at least one hole in the wall. But, if that's what it took, for either of them to release whatever they were holding onto, then the other brother would be fine with it, allowing whatever each other needed in order to face another day.

Sam felt like he was dragging his body into the motel room. Whatever crazy fucked up emotional trip he had been on left him feeling drained. He didn't waste any time collapsing onto his bed. The bed furthest from the door, that was his bed. Dean insisted that years ago. Dean always took the bed closest to the door, he said he wanted first shot at whatever came in to attack them.

Sam thought it was dumb, he was a grown man, not a little kid, and didn't like being treated like one all the time, but when it came to Dean's protective instincts, there was no point in arguing. And, right now, Sam didn't care anyhow. He just wanted to sleep off whatever adrenaline rush had been pushed through his body.

Dean had helped, actually Dean did most of the work, Sam felt like a sluggish zombie, remove Sam's boots and slipped his jeans off along with his outer shirt, leaving him in nothing but his boxers and t-shirt. Sam was laying on top his covers, so Dean grabbed the ones off his bed and covered his brother, placing a pillow under his head.

After he made sure Sam was comfortable and resting soundly he made his way to the shower. He would always worry about his little brother, it was his job. It was the only job that really mattered. They always considered hunting as their job, but honestly, that job wasn't as important as his job of watching out for his little brother.

Taking care of Sammy, like he had been ordered so many years ago, was all that really mattered. Without him, Dean wouldn't be able to go on, he wouldn't be able to face another day, he needed his brother. He knew he needed Sam more than Sam needed him, that was no secret to anyone. Yeah, their lives weren't simple, some days their lives were down right hard, impossible even, but together, they managed to make it through, they managed to see the sun rise, and set on a new day. Every day.