Chapter 1

It was five o' clock in the morning and Amber was lazily shoving clothes into a duffel bag. The zipper was of an unreliable nature; every time she attempted to zip the bag, the little piece of metal got stuck within the fabric. It was the last thing Amber needed on that day. The night before, she had gone to bed hoping for a good morning. She told herself she would listen to music as she packed up the room, and then go get a lemonade from her favorite café on campus. But when she woke up, the only thoughts she owned were bleak. She tore the last of her posters off the walls and gave an awkward hug goodbye to her roommate. Then she left the room for the last time and turned in her key. It was officially summer, or more fervently known to Amber as the worst three months of her life.

Salt Lake City was a poetic place. Driving in was similar to entering a lengthy, hazy dream, but it was a pleasant dream nonetheless. Amber remembered when she used to experience that phenomenon herself. Now the forlorn place welcomed her time and time again with ridicule. Every time she came home from college for the summer, she was met with the eternal backlash of those pictures and texts. Amber knew she was gay and wouldn't have been ashamed of it if it hadn't been for the way it was cruelly brought into the light. She still didn't know who leaked everything, and it had been four years. She didn't leave the house much when she was home, and conditioned herself to be content with a miniscule dose of human contact. But she was still hopeful for one thing.

Her.

Amber restrained herself from saying her name, as it had the power to destroy her completely. She knew she could never have her; Amber was sure she wasn't gay and she was in a relationship. With Jonah Beck. With these thoughts clouding her mind, she drove into her driveway, and already felt eyes on her. It was something she could never escape so long as she lived in Salt Lake, and she was beginning to make preparations to move out permanently.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I love you."

"I love you too."

Andi accepted the kiss from Jonah as she left his house and walked towards her car. Once behind the wheel, she felt her phone buzz; Jonah had tagged her in a picture. She opened it and saw the familiar photo of the pair kissing in front of the big window overlooking the lush backyard in Jonah's living room. Andi immediately locked her phone, leaving Jonah's post void of a like from her. She decided to take the long way home through the park. She needed to think about the thing that had been plaguing her for four years now. She knew she should be overjoyed with the past few years of her life, she was dating the guy that everyone wanted, and he was completely in love with her. Jonah's social media accounts were full of pictures of Andi, and in the past year he shared several talks with her concerning their future together. Andi knew she should be thrilled, but she wasn't.

Ever since those texts of Amber's got out, things were different. Andi stored Amber's onscreen words away into a deep corner of her mind. It was her favorite activity to think about them, and to feel herself forget about Jonah in the process. Just picturing the blonde girl in her head sent shivers down her spine, but also filled her with a foreign yet extreme yearning. Andi knew deep down that Amber did something to her, and that that thing was love. And it terrified her.