JAY POV.

Once again I have to smile thinking about Erin and the texts we've traded earlier tonight. After she assured me that she still cares about me and wants to be friends. And once again I get interrupted, this time she's calling instead of sending five texts in a row. I sigh loudly, obviously annoyed, which causes Will and Nina to look at me.

Will told me to crash at his place, since it's close to the Ruzek's and I was actually glad to have some company after today, especially from people that know about my past with Erin. Will and Nina have been married for a little longer than a year now and I've never seen my brother this happy. And I'm glad he gave Nina our moms ring, Nina is an incredible woman. It was hard for me to give it back to Will, because it was the last piece that resembled hope for me and Erin. But she deserves it, they both do.

"Melissa?" Will pulls me out of my thoughts.

"uh, yeah." I breathe out and keep staring at the screen. That is, until Will snatches my phone out of my hands. "Hey!"

"What don't pretend like you were about to take it," he mutters. "so, give me a reason not to take it for you," he smirks.

"Will, I swear if-"

"What? Give me a reason, Jay. One reason why you shouldn't talk to this wonderful girl anymore and I won't pick up the phone." he teases, little does he know that I'm about to punch in his face if he doesn't stop. "I'm waiting, tell-"

"Erin!" I scream out, unable to hold it in for another second. "It's Erin! Is that reason enough for you?!" Will smile drops; he didn't know. I didn't tell them him we saw each other again after the anniversary because I knew that Will would've stopped me when I went to bring her her card.

Nina looks at me, partly shocked and partly empathic. She's been in my shoes, with the difference that my brother and she found their way back to each other and got married, with the ring that I planned to give to the person I love the most in this world.

I'm still breathing heavy, looking down at my hands when I feel Wills soft touch on my shoulder.

"Geez, Jay I had no idea, I'm sorry." he almost whispers, and I can hear in his voice how sorry he is.

"... All good, how were you supposed to know when I don't tell you anything?" I say honest and look up at him. He gives me a sad smile.

"What happened?" he asks and I see Nina getting up to give us some privacy. I appreciate it, I really do.

"Life I guess?" I tell him, "She was at Kim's for dinner today. She's getting married." I shrug, eyes on my hands again.

"Wow, I'm really sorry Jay." he says and pats my back, "That sucks, but what actually happened with you and Melissa? I mean she's a great girl, isn't she?"
I scoff at that and he frowns, "she's fucking annoying Will, she has this weird personality where I can't even go ten minutes without her stalking my ass, asking who I'm with and what I'm doing, she's crazy, dude." I put my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes because I can't believe that I went out with her more than once.

"I heard crazy chicks are the best ones?" he laughs, his face turning red out of laughter. I have to laugh, too. My brother knows how to crack me up.

"Well they actually are, but she's not Erin crazy. And I don't want anything else." I shrug. He has that look on his face, he gets it. He knows exactly what I mean. I guess that's something the Halstead brothers have in common. We drive people we care about away. And then we regret it.

Erin's POV: 4 Weeks later.

"See you later!" I yell into the breakroom at the shelter when Emily catches up and starts walking next to me, telling me she has to get something out of her car.

Of course, I know that's not true. She just knows who's waiting outside for me for lunch. Jay and I have been spending more time together lately and it felt good. We're cracking jokes, having lunch and doing stuff that friends do together. It's been about a month since we had that one moment at Kim's dinner party. He's been picking me up from work a few times and Emily noticed that. The thing is, she has no idea who he is.

I never told anyone except David. So to Emily he's just this incredibly handsome old co-worker of mine. And she uses every opportunity she gets to see or talk about him. I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't bother me, but there isn't really anything that I can do about it. I have no right to claim Jay, not anymore. So I smiled and tried to ignore how obviously she flirted with him every time since they 'coincidentally' met. I could see that it confused Jay, he didn't know how to react. He doesn't know what and how much Emily knows about us but I could sense that it makes him uncomfortable to have a woman flirt with him in front of me. It always has.

"what's the problem, Nick?" The suspect sends Jay obvious signals. "I thought you want the whole package with your girl here? A. Real. Kick?" He smirks staying in his role. But his body tenses a little and I hope she won't notice. She leans over and licks his bottom lip. And I'm trying my best to look relaxed, even though I'd love to kick her off of him right this second. But we are undercover which means that I have to keep my cool.

I see him swallow hard and know immediately how uncomfortable he is. But we have to play along until we find out where the drugs are, the ones that are killing hundreds of kids.

"You have to get more information out of her, ask more questions, Lindsay. And please do me a favor and save your boyfriend's ass there would you?" Hank's grumpy and impatient voice rings through our earplugs. Gladly, I think to myself because she is about to come dangerously close to my man.

"My turn." I wink at her and climb onto Jay's lap, grab his face and crash my lips on his. We don't even have to try to look convincing. She buys it.

"Now, where is the shit, so we can finally get this party started?"

"So? What do you need so desperately out of your car this time?" I ask Emily maybe a little bit too sarcastic and get a little nudge into my ribs for that.

"Stop teasing me, Erin. You know why. Gosh, he's so attractive! Who knew cops can be this sexy? I'd totally let him handcuff me."

"Okay, Emily." I scoffed, trying to play my annoyance down.

"What? Don't you think he's attractive? Come on, Erin, you can't tell me that you've been working with this guy all this time and never thought about going there." She smirks at me with raised eyebrows and I'm having a hard time lying to her. But I know that if she knew, I'd have to tell her everything and I'm not ready for that. So I just shake my head with a fake grin.

Jay is already here, leaning against his car as we make our way out of the front door.

"Damn," she whispers. "He looks like a fucking calendar model."

I say nothing and decide to ignore her comment, while we make our way over to Jay. He immediately pulls me into a tight hug. It's no longer one of those awkward hugs. When we pull away, I notice that Emily is staring at us with a bright smile on her face and I know what she wants.

"Uhm Jay, you remember Emily?"

"Of course. We've met a few times already." He reaches his hand out for her to shake it. And she moves forward to do so.

"Yes, we did!" she smiles at him and gives him that innocent girl look. I know that look, it's her go-to look when she wants to wrap someone around her little finger. "I think it's great to meet Erin's former partner-in-crime. Four years, right? You must know her very well."

Jay raises his eyebrows and lets out a breath before, trying to figure out what to say, I guess. "Well, Erin and I-" I interrupt him with a loud cough, obviously fake but I hope she won't notice. Jay gets the hint though, he knows me too well. He asks me if I'm ok before he rephrases his answer. I just nod and he continues.

"Where was I? Uhm...oh, yeah so Erin and I have been partners for 4 years but I wouldn't necessarily say we were partners-in-crime since we've been the ones fighting it together." He chuckles and we both smile at each other. It's one of those moments where I'm not able to drag my eyes away from his. Just looking at him tells me that we're both lost in memories from when we used to be partners, doesn't matter if as friends or as a couple because no matter what happened at home, we've always put work first.

"Oh yes, my bad." Emily laughs and we snap back to reality. "well, I bet there are a lot of stories to tell. We should all hang out sometime, with David obviously, those inseparable lovebirds."

I feel my face heat up and Jay immediately loses his smile.

"Sounds great!" he suddenly responds. I look at him surprised and just nod, unable to find words. "well I'm starving so, see you soon, Emily." he continues and makes his way over to the driver's seat. He gently touches her shoulder and I can see her trying to hide the biggest smile.

"Cool! See you then. Later, Erin." She winks at me and makes her way back to the shelter.

"Later." I simply reply with a little smile.

After Jay and I got into the car, he starts the engine and begins driving in the direction of our milkshake spot. He is focused on the road. When I look at him I notice that his hair looks a little different than usual, he styled it differently or was running late this morning. They are curly and brushed to the side instead of slightly up. There's a little smirk on his face and I can't help but wonder what it's about.

"What are you smiling about Halstead?" I ask, too curious not to. He smiles even wider and shrugs, and I frown confused. "Tell me!" I command and he turns to face me. The sun makes his freckles pop. He looks like a teenager with that curly hair, freckles and a wide boyish grin on his face. It's cute. But I probably shouldn't think that.

"Just thinking, that's all."

"Meaning?" I ask him to continue.

"About earlier."

"Meaning?" I repeat. I'm getting impatient with him but that is what he wants. He loves to tease, especially when it comes to me. It's funny because I know what he is doing and that he's doing it on purpose but it works anyways. Every. Damn. Time.

"You didn't tell her about us did you?" his gaze is on the road again and I turn to look out of the window. I didn't expect that question but it's also my own fault. Dumbass.

"What? Who?" now I'm the one playing dumb trying to avoid the unavoidable.

"You know who I'm talking about, Erin. Emily. She doesn't know about our past does she?"

"Uh...nope." I pop the P. "I didn't tell her. You think she'd be all over you if she knew?" I turn to face him again and his eyebrows shoot up out of surprise.

"Woah, that's not true. She's just being nice." he shrugs. What a boy, he really doesn't get it.

"Mhm,"

"Okay, so what makes you think that?" He looks at me again, going back and forth between me and the road.

"Dude, she basically asked us to go on a double date with her and David, what else do you need?" he frowns and then realizes. His mouth drops open and I can see that he doesn't know what to say. Jay eventually found his voice again.

"And I said yes. Oh shit, I'm sorry Erin, I didn't know that wasn't my inten-" He stutters.

"Jay" I interrupt him. "so what? You can do whatever you want. I'm not going to hold anything against you. I have a fiancee for god's sake. You don't owe me anything, just do what makes you happy because I really, really want that for you." I'm feeling sick saying this, telling him to get with another woman but I can't sit here like a hypocrite and tell him he shouldn't go out with other people when I am in a serious relationship with someone else.

He gives me a simple smile and focuses back on the road. We're almost at the diner but I'm not sure if I'll still be able to eat.

Lunch was good, we didn't talk about Emily anymore after we got out of the car. It was awkward for a few minutes but we were back to our friendly banter again shortly after. Jay and I got our fries and our milkshakes just like we always do. Of course, there was that look again, as soon as I dipped my fries into my shake but I never cared about that. He knows me and he knows that I don't pretend to be something that I'm not. So, when I want to eat like a fucking pre-schooler, I will. We talked about random things. His work, my work, Kim, and Adam. I told him that I'm planning to throw a dinner party for the unit on Hanks birthday and he seemed to like the idea. He wasn't really sure about my plan to do it at Hanks house though. I got everything he once owned after he died. It wasn't the best for me, but I'd rather suffer, keeping it and all the memories than giving it away. Although I never had the strength to go back into that house, except this one time, 2 weeks after his death.

Two weeks. It's been two weeks without Hank and at this point, I don't really know if I'll ever smile again. I've ignored everyone ever since, including David. He tried to help me, tried to take care of everything I could need. However, it never seems to be enough. I'm pouring myself another glass of bourbon, it's all he had in this house, which seemed to be filled with a lot of stuff but it never seemed to be this empty. I'm drunk and I don't even give a damn, in fact, I probably haven't been sober today, to begin with. I'm in their room, rolled up like an embryo on their bed. I only move to actually get more alcohol inside of me.

Suddenly I feel a touch on my shoulder which causes me to jump because it scared me that bad.

"Holy shit! What the fu-" I abruptly stop talking when I see the person who's hand just touched me a few seconds ago. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Jay gives me a sad smile and shrugs, "Figured you might need some company."

"And what makes you think I'd want your company?" I'm mean, I know that but I'm also drunk and really don't care right now.

"I don't know," he shrugs again, "I thought me is better than nobody? And I know you have other people but they're probably dumb enough to leave you alone just because you told them to. No offense or anything. Plus I think even if they're looking for you, they are not thinking about looking here."

"So you're saying you're the only one who knows one plus one equals two? It doesn't take a scientist to figure out that I'm here." I scoff.

"And yet here we are just you and me? Or is everyone else hiding in Hanks closet?" He's getting on my nerves, who the fuck does he think he is? Showing up here pretending like nothing happened and he out of all people is my knight in shining armor.

"No, other people just know when they should fucking listen and leave me the fuck alone when I ask them to."

"I'm not everyone."

"You're no one."

"Wow."

"Wow?"

"Erin, you can be mean to me I don't care. I know that your grief and anger and mostly alcohol is talking to me right now. But the fact that you're talking like this tells me everyone else was fucking dumb to leave you on your own like this." He moves to sit down next to me and I immediately scoot back. He might be right but he can't come here and think after everything that happened I'd fall around his neck and be happy to see him just because the person closest to me died.

"True, it's stupid to think I can take care of myself, is that what you mean? How in the world would I be able to just grieve without hitting clubs and doing drugs, right? I know better Jay, I'm not the person I used to be. You don't know anything about what my life was like the past few years, so don't come here now and pretend like you know me better than anyone else. You know nothing. Not anymore." He stares at me, at a loss for words. What I said was harsh, but the truth. He left me. He used me and then left me in the middle of the night. Using me as a one night stand after he told me that I'm enough for him. He broke me and everything we had that night by leaving and never coming back, until now.

He moves over the bed without a word so I'm guessing I won and he's finally going to leave. But at that moment I feel his weight right behind me on the bed., his hand on my head, fingers running through my hair. He leans over, hovering over my ear.

"I'm sorry, Erin." He whispers and I can feel his warm breath on my ear. His sad voice sends shivers through my body and I can't hold back the tears that are rolling down my face. He gently kisses the side of my head and after a few seconds the weight on the bed, his weight, is gone. He left.

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you liked this chapter, thank you so much for reading and reviewing it means so much to me :)