So my cousin has tried to kill herself for the second time in as many months…also Aubrey's meds have stopped working and we had to section him again. So I have both of them up in the Mental Health Unit pretending not too know each other as I run about like a chook with it's head cut off trying to maintain both jobs as well as cater to their needs. I am stuffed. Tried to have a snooze and this was the resulting nasty….it's dark. Really dark and nasty. A bit of homophobia, a lot of angst. might not be for everyone and it is exactly 10 chapters because in-between moments of madness today I sat and wrote it in a single day. Most of it in my head while driving back and forth….back and forth….back and forth….wonder if they have a spare bed up there.

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1

Jack hadn't been here in a while and as he walked the path down to their meeting place he wondered why it wasn't more overgrown, it seemed more like itself the closer he came to the spot.

Then he saw him and it didn't matter anymore, Ianto standing there looking out over the river with his hands in his pockets looking as delectable as ever and Jack resisted the urge to call out for fear that it may startle him and he would turn, loose his footing and fall. Of course then came the realisation that Ianto knew he was there and he felt stupid for the flash of concern.

"Heard you were back" Ianto said without turning and Jack grunted as he chose a spot in the mossy roots of their tree.

"Last summer I went backpacking around Peru" Jack said after he realised Ianto wasn't going to speak again, "Felt it was the best thing to do, came back and heard about Lisa. Sorry."

Ianto shrugged as he watched a bird fly from a treetop and then he swung to face Jack, his head canted in a way that was always infuriatingly sweet, "At least I was with her at the end. So why this time? Why now? It's been two years since you've come here, why now?"

"What don't want to share your spot?" Jack challenged and Ianto snorted as he shook his head and looked back to the water.

"Don't be a Twypsn you know this was always our spot" he finally said so softly Jack almost didn't' catch it.

"so…how often do you come here?" Jack tried.

"Dunno, wanna come see my etchings?" Ianto said back and Jack snorted with mirth.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like a pick-up line" Jack laughed, "I just…I've not seen you around and now here you are right here in our secret spot. Of all the days I need you I find you here."

"Where else would I be?" Ianto asked with that adorable look of consternation Jack always forced across his features when he was being a dickhead.

"Well, I came home for thanksgiving because my mother told me she wanted a real family Christmas. I was going to skip it again but then…well. Not like I'm doing anything else so if it pleased her, then…well…" Jack petered out and got up, walking over to watch the water as well, "Actually I am failing. They don't know yet but my boss said I needed to take this time to decide if I want to even be here, ya know?"

"Well I am entirely the wrong one to ask" Ianto sighed, "I will debate the arse out of that with you. Of course I would win, I always won. But then I am biased, I never wanted to be here so I have a slanted view on the whole life and death debate."

Jack snorted "Trust you to bring it back to that. You morbid prick."

"When Lisa died you sent flowers, why?"

"It seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, she was your friend, I had hoped she would be able to give you everything I couldn't ya know? I had hoped you would be happy with her, even imagined petty little tepid children. When I heard about the bombing I was so …disappointed that she hadn't made it." Jack shrugged, "I mean, she and I never really clicked but that was because she always knew I was her rival. You still loved me."

"Always" Ianto nodded, "Hard to love someone who loves someone else but she pulled it off well. My parents were so relieved that I had a nice girl even if she were black. At least coloured babies are better than no grandchildren at all."

Ianto had taken on a more Welsh accent as he spoke and had sounded so much like his mother that Jack choked with laughter, "really? Coffee coloured Grandchildren?"

"Maybe if they were pale enough she could pretend they just had a lot of sun or something" Ianto said dreamily and then they both laughed softly, the water babbling along with mirth too.

"I'm sorry" Jack whispered, "We should have run when we had the chance, before they smelt us out like that. We should have run and never looked back."

"We saved all our pocket money that time, remember? What were we? Ten? Eleven? Remember Cariad? We were going to blow this popsicle stand, steal a car and ride off into the sunset."

"I remember, the small fact neither of us could drive was a bit of a bummer but we were so sure it would be easy to wing. We saved nearly a hundred bucks that summer….we were sick on all the junk food we brought when we agreed we couldn't leave" Jack laughed again as he reached out to touch Ianto but he evaded him, like he could, "Ianto, we should have gone."

"Too late" Ianto whispered "Your brother had his accident and it was too late."

"Yeah" Jack sighed as he watched Ianto fade into the bushes leaving him alone by the river. "Gray."