To all my readers, thank you for your great comments and reactions of this fic. It's very experimental for me as I don't usually write angst as my biggest fear is being too over the top so this is an exercise for me.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy this final chapter.
Warning: MORE ANGST! We're going for GOLD here!
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When You Fall Chapter 3 - When You Fall To Me
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With the sounds of battle out in the distance, Wolfram sat alone drinking some cheap lager to ease the soreness of his worn-out muscles.
They were in the middle of a decisive battle on the border of Dai Cimarron. Wolfram and his fire militia would head out to lead an assault on the Dai Cimarron forces within the hour. Wolfram and his men were now allowed a precious moment of respite to prepare for the upcoming attack. But instead of thinking of battle tactics, Wolfram found himself reminiscing on the past few years he and Yuuri had been distant. All because one of his scouts casually mentioned that the king was at one of the makeshift battlefield clinics just less than a third-mile away from where they would launch their attack.
Yuuri was where the Lord Bielefeld couldn't watch him from the distance as he had done for years. The king had made a name for himself among the men for his humanitarian work as a medic. They spoke of how, when not strategizing battles with the generals, he was tending to the soldiers. He used his immense power to heal anyone with no hesitation. Because of their king, dozens of men would see their families again.
Wolfram had yet to see this for himself. He maintained as much distance as possible and simply watch Yuuri grow into a ruler. He listened to the stories spread from camp to camp of the wimp's commitment, bravery, and generosity.
Wolfram wouldn't have expected different from his ex-fiance.
Wolfram hadn't seen - actually, hadn't watched the young king in months. Because that's all he did. Watch. What few times he conversed with Yuuri were so proper and stiff one wouldn't have known they had been engaged to marry. But that was how Wolfram wanted it from the beginning.
Those first few years, Wolfram convinced himself that he hated Yuuri. Yuuri was nothing but a weak, selfish, immature little prick that took Wolfram's heart and tore it to shreds right in front of him. Yuuri deserved to be hated for giving his love and attention to everyone but Wolfram, who was the one who gave and offered so much, much more than anyone else ever could. It was Yuuri who ruined his standing among the nobility and made him a joke in the eyes of the court because of his blind "puppy-love" for the king. So he tried to replace Yuuri with a series of lovers, men and women, in an attempt to erase the pining he felt whenever he thought of the king while living at his family lands.
Wolfram regretted those days. As his anger and sadness subsided with time and devoting himself to his duties as the sovereign lord, Wolfram began to see the unanswered questions Yuuri left for him.
'You shouldn't want to marry me!"
'You don't want to marry a kid!'
'You deserve better!'
What did it all really mean? It sounded as if Yuuri thought Wolfram was mistaken to love him.
Wolfram refused to believe that and still didn't to this day. He wasn't mistaken to have fallen in love with Yuuri. Even if Yuuri and the fates disagreed.
Yuuri embodied an innocence and sincerity that Wolfram had never seen before in his life. Growing up in court, Wolfram witnessed the older nobility use sexuality, false promises, and blackmail to crawl up the social ladder. He watched so many men try to seduce his mother and when they couldn't get her attention they went after him. Wolfram's romantic life before Yuuri was nothing but a string of disappointments and paranoia as he was nothing more than a political prize to those who claimed to love him.
Yuuri wasn't like that. Wolfram didn't think he would see the day when someone would look beyond his twin-like beauty to his mother and actually treat him like a person. Yuuri was immune to the dishonesty and ulterior motives that Wolfram saw in everyone around him that wasn't family. Wolfram was in awe at how Yuuri saw the best in others when he could only see the worst. He blamed it on the king's naivety and ignorance of Shin Makoku court life. However, it was that same devotion to seeing others different from what others said that made Wolfram love Yuuri. When others called him a spoiled brat and loud pretty boy, it was Yuuri who saw Wolfram as someone who was strong, capable, and passionate. Yuuri recognized and accepted Wolfram for who he was and had accomplished, not just for what he had in comparison to his brothers and mother. Yuuri saw him.
When Yuuri became king and then slapped him, he inadvertently gave Wolfram a renewed purpose. Wolfram was no longer the male version of his mother or the pitiful shadow to his older brothers. He had something he could claim for his own. He finally had someone who saw beyond what the rest of the court saw in him. He remembered showing off his fire magic and fighting capabilities to Yuuri's amazement and the eager questions from the younger man gave Wolfram someone to recognize his years of hard work and determination to be more than just arm candy. Yuuri was the only person Wolfram could truly call his best friend. It was obvious he would eventually fall in love with the foreign boy.
After the engagement ended, Wolfram's attempts to find a new lover only heightened his awareness of the void Yuuri left in him. As soon as he moved back to his family lands, he was overrun with suitors all begging for his body and wealth, but none looked at him the way Yuuri had. They were too eager to exploit his hurt over being rejected by the Demon King. Yuuri had looked at Wolfram with a genuine friendship that Wolfram didn't know existed until he met the younger man. These people looked at him like injured prey.
No, he wasn't mistaken in loving Yuuri. He deserved and wanted nothing else.
Even now, after they had gone separate ways, he watched Yuuri grow from awkward teen to graceful adult. Behind the lines of aggressive admirers he witnessed Yuuri become the very king they had been promised. Even during war, he saw Yuuri win the hearts of so many people - human and demon. The people, not the nobles, found in Yuuri the leader they wanted and a source of hope not seen in centuries. Yuuri saw no difference in shaking hands with a filthy beggar and that of another king. He saw in people what others didn't or refused to see. He saw them.
No, he wasn't mistaken at all. Nor did he miss the wistful glances thrown his way when Yuuri thought he wasn't looking. Wolfram was always looking. Yuuri made it difficult not to, what with him becoming more and more exotically beautiful every time they saw each other.
So he sought answers to Yuuri's claims of being unworthy of Wolfram's hand. He sought out the sage, who explained that Earth wasn't kind to those that practiced "same-sex relationships". The sage told him of the various "hate crimes" and threats directed at "homosexuals". He told him that even with his parents' blessing, Yuuri ran the risk of being harrassed and ostracized by his friends, classmates, and strangers. Even Yuuri had been the victim of school bullies who threw horrid slurs at him and physically threatened him. People lost their jobs or were disowned by their families for loving someone of the same gender, the sage told him. Others were outright killed. Things were somewhat better now, but all it took was one tragedy.
"He wanted to protect you," the sage had told him that cold fall night. "He knows his world would never accept him or you and it was that fear that made him end the engagement."
"But why didn't he tell me?" Wolfram pleaded with the sage. It explained so much. It explained Yuuri's fear and shame. All this time, Wolfram thought it was because of his masculinity, but now that he knew Yuuri risked being banished from his community or murdered just for loving another man, he could understand that fear. It was so easy to forget that on Earth Yuuri was no more than a commoner. He wasn't a king and didn't have those that would protect him with their very lives in his homeland. He didn't have Wolfram.
But the sage was shaking his head. "Maybe he didn't want to hurt you. I think he wanted to protect you from such travesty. It can be difficult to accept one's sexuality. For many, especially teens, it can take years. His Majesty knew this and wanted to save you from having to deal with something you didn't know nor could truly understand."
"All he did was hurt me!" Wolfram said angrily. "He never gave me a chance to understand!"
"Don't think of it that way," the sage said. "What he did was actually the fair thing to do. You have the right to your own life."
"He should've talked to me first!" Wolfram protested.
"He loves you," the sage said to Wolfram's shock. "He truly does. But you have to let him come to terms with it."
"How?" Wolfram asked in frustration.
"Leave him for now," The sage advised. "Let him find his own way and maybe he'll come back to you. But for now, just watch. Your moment will come."
So Wolfram watched for that "moment". Though he had no idea what it was, he remained vigilant. He still watched when Zachary came into his life and became part of Wolfram's objective to be less desperate. He watched when Yuuri made the formal declaration of war. He watched when Yuuri rode out before the ranks of soldiers into battle. He watched Yuuri take on the weight of the world and sacrifice his well-being for the good of others. He couldn't understand how Weller and the others didn't see the weariness and turmoil in Yuuri's eyes. He could see it clearly in spite of standing among the ranks of the Bielefeld army a good several yards away. He definitely saw it that night he found Yuuri in the gardens and the king asked him for a simple hug.
Maybe what Yuuri did was technically fair. But it didn't lift the curse of loving him. Now, out here in the midst of war and violence, there remained a wall between them that Wolfram didn't know how to break.
Wolfram finished off the beer when one of his soldiers entered. "My Lord, the men are ready to head out."
"Very well," Wolfram sighed and got up to prepare for this decisive assault. He toyed with the idea of maybe seeking out Yuuri afterwards, but pushed away the thought. He needed to focus on being a lord and leader to his men.
All he could do was serve his king and country. For now.
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It took Yuuri a few moments after waking up to remember how he got to his tent.
He groaned as he rolled over to his back to stare at the top of the tent. The memories slowly came back. After the meeting, Conrad guided him back to the royal tent and all but tied Yuuri to his cot with a strict order to get some sleep. In the meantime, Gwendal, Gunter, and Murata went to make preparations for the final assault on Dai Cimarron.
Yuuri sat up weakly and looked around. The space between the tent flaps showed it was either dusk or dawn, he couldn't really tell. But he could hear the ever-present sounds of battle in the far distance.
"Conrad?" he called out tentatively. "Gunter?"
Something caught Yuuri's attention to his side. He saw a piece of paper fallen to the ground. He picked it up and immediately recognized Gunter's spidery handwriting.
My Beautiful Majesty,
It pains me to leave you like this, but it was clear to all that your health is in a critical state and we all wanted you to rest. We meant to fetch you to see off the men for the final assault, but when Lord Weller and I came for you, you were so deeply asleep that we couldn't wake you. His Grace examined you and said that you were near the limit of your strength. We care for your well-being so we made the final march this morning and left you in the care of your assistant, Master Vince. Again, please do not be insulted by our actions. Your well-being means the most to us and this was the best decision that could be made given the situation.
We will fight with our hearts and swords for the victory of your Majesty and the Great Demon Kingdom.
Your humble servant,
Lord Gunter von Christ
"Vince!" Yuuri called out.
Vince appeared within seconds. "Your Majesty! You're awake! How do you feel?"
"When did the generals move out?" Yuuri frowned and held up the note.
Vince shifted nervously. "Ah well… yesterday morning. They couldn't wake you and his Grace said you had over extended your magic helping the soldiers so they marched out in your name."
"What time is it now?" Yuuri asked angrily.
Vince thought for a moment. "It's almost six in the evening…the day after they led the march."
"Damn it!" Yuuri had wanted to at least see his men off for the final battle. If he couldn't join them in the final march, then he could, at the very minimum, give them words of courage and support. Now he just looked like a weak little punk who overslept his own war.
"Your Majesty," Vince stepped a little closer. "How do you feel now? We were all worried for your health."
"I'm fine," Yuuri grumbled. He got up to find some fresh clothes. He could at least check on his patients in the meantime to make himself useful.
"Your Majesty must rest!" Vince moved to stop him. "The generals - they ordered me to make sure you ate and rested properly in case they send for you."
This caught Yuuri's attention. "They might send for me?"
Vince nodded. "Yes, your Majesty." But he made no attempt to further explain. Likely, Conrad and the others only gave minimal information.
Yuuri sighed, there was no point in fighting it now. He was sure his generals would wait until their every last limb was broken off before they even considered sending for him.
"Very well then. Bring me some food and water. But I will check on my patients as soon as I'm done eating." An image of Wolfram's pale face appeared in Yuuri's mind and it made him anxious to see how the lord was faring.
Vince bowed and immediately followed orders. Within minutes, Yuuri had a bowl of hot stew, bread, coffee, and a bottle of cold water. He ate quickly and dressed himself to see to his patients.
The healing tents were buzzing with activity. Most were preparing for the expected wave of injured soldiers from the ensuing battle. The novices were in an assembly line preparing the medizin and ether, while others cleaned and sharpened the surgical tools. Yuuri found his own surgical kit polished, sharpened, and sterilized in its usual cubby. A terse command brought him the notes that shared updates on all the current intensive care and recovering soldiers. Yuuri was pleased to see there had been no major events during his semi-coma and all patients were stable.
Yuuri did his usual rounds of checking on the soldiers, greeting them and making sure they were receiving the care they deserved. He finally came to the end of the intensive care tent where Wolfram was laid, the only one who remained unconscious. Some color had returned to his face, much to Yuuri's relief, and his bandages were recently changed. Yuuri could smell the fresh wodka on the bandages. He touched Wolfram's forehead. He had a mild fever, but it was expected and wasn't worrisome.
"Wait a second…" Yuuri remembered Wolfram's thigh needing stitches. He carefully removed the bandages and sure enough, he could see the blood staining the lower layers of cloth. It was likely that the other healers hadn't had time or hadn't noticed that Wolfram's wound needed additional treatment.
With a sigh, Yuuri opened his surgical kit and retrieved a scalpel. With a curt order to a passing novice, he was brought a catgut suture. He removed the rest of the bandages and saw the dried flesh around the edges. The wound was deep and definitely needed to be stitched together for proper healing. After applying a topical anesthetic, Yuuri immediately went to work removing the dead flesh and beginning the suture process.
Yuuri's mind wandered to the fates of his generals. They should be in the midst of the assault now. They would attack from the middle and spread out to surround the enemy troops to entrap them and then it was a matter of picking them off until they surrendered or all were killed.
There was once a time when Yuuri would be horrified at such violence and disregard for life. He remembered those nights where he would wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares brought on by anxiety and guilt over plunging his people into yet another war. But now, he regarded the fighting as a fact of life. Since war couldn't be avoided, he would instead devote his energy and life to helping the victims of this war rebuild their lives one day at a time.
A soft groan diverted Yuuri's attention. He looked to where Wolfram lay and saw the lord slowly waking up.
Yuuri set his tools down. "Hello Wolfram. Are you awake? Can you hear me?"
Wolfram blinked owlishly, eyes glazed and not quite seeing. Yuuri glanced at Wolfram's chart. One of the assistants gave him a mild sedative over four hours ago, so it made sense that he should be waking up about now.
"Don't move. Just be still," Yuuri said quickly when Wolfram tried to sit up. "You've been seriously injured and shouldn't move." He laid a hand on Wolfram's chest to gently coax him to relax.
"Yuuri?" Wolfram drawled, brows furrowed.
"It's me," Yuuri gave a comforting smile. "You're safe. Just relax for me."
Wolfram gave a tired groan and relaxed back into the cot. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm the lead healer for this medical unit," Yuuri explained, returning back to his work. "I'm stitching the wound in your thigh, so try not to move for a few minutes, okay?"
"My chest hurts," Wolfram moaned. "Hard to breathe."
"You took an arrow to your right lung," Yuuri explained. "I removed it and had the wound sealed, but it still needs time to fully heal."
"I thought I would die," Wolfram whispered, face pained.
"I would never let you die," Yuuri said with no hesitation.
"They said they would take me to you," Wolfram slurred. "That you could save me... You saved me."
"Of course," Yuuri said with a small smile and went back to work.
"I thought I would never see my family again," Wolfram said, voice heavy with awed relief. "Or you."
That made Yuuri hesitate, but he quickly brushed it off. "I would never allow that. You have too many people who love you. I wasn't going to lose you. You fought bravely and you gave us the opportunity to end the war for good. You have done a great service to the kingdom. Thank you."
"I thought of you - of my family. I wasn't going to let Dai Cimarron win…" Wolfram said dazedly.
"I'm honored, Lord Bielefeld, to have you as one of my leaders," Yuuri said in the formal tongue to convey his earnestness.
"I live to serve my king," Wolfram returned with a tone that picked at Yuuri's innermost emotions.
"Sure," Yuuri mumbled and awkwardly shifted to continue treating the wound.
Yuuri felt Wolfram's gaze on him as he carefully stitched the flesh back together. He dutifully kept his eyes on his work as he didn't know if he could handle Wolfram's intense stare. Wolfram always had the most expressive eyes that Yuuri felt could pierce his soul and see his ruse. So he kept his face stoic and focused completely on fixing the wound.
"Almost done," Yuuri said as he made the last few stitches.
"Yuuri…" Wolfram said after being completely silent for the past twenty minutes. A glance showed that he was more aware now that he had woken up a bit more.
"Yes?" Yuuri replied cautiously, not quite sure of Wolfram's piercing green eyes.
"Was….was I speaking to you earlier?"
Yuuri froze. He panicked for a moment before choosing the clinical answer. "You were under a heavy dose of ether and sometimes when it wears off the patient will start talking but have no idea what they're talking about. It's typical for a healer to speak with them in that state to keep them calm." Textbook accurate.
"Was it you?" Wolfram asked intently, eyes narrowed.
Yuuri brushed it off with a half-shrug and pushed away his nerves. "Probably. I was checking your vitals and you woke up for a bit. So I just talked to calm you down."
Yuuri shoved away the growing anxiety. He didn't want Wolfram to remember his confession or the rest of the exposing conversation. He only said what he said under the caution that the ether would leave Wolfram too lethargic to remember Yuuri saying he loved him. Yuuri was now inwardly cursing himself out for being so careless and letting his emotions get the best of him. Again.
"I remember you speaking," Wolfram said suspiciously. "I...only remember bits and pieces."
"Ah well," Yuuri gave a nervous cough. "I just said some general things that could be applied to any situation, so long as it helps the patient stay calm."
"You weren't being general," Wolfram pointed out flatly.
Yuuri shifted nervously some more. He feared Wolfram's memories and needed to excuse himself immediately before the lord put two and two together. He finished with the stitches and moved quickly to apply new bandages. Hopefully, this would distract the blonde lord.
"Okay, well don't think too much about it. But I have to replace your bandages." Yuuri shifted on his stool to face Wolfram directly. "Put your leg on my shoulder."
Yuuri carefully lifted Wolfram's leg to prop it up on his shoulder. This way, he could apply the bandages easily around the thigh. "Let me know if it's too tight or if you feel any discomfort."
Yuuri kept his eyes on the bandages, feeling Wolfram's own eyes on him the entire time. Being able to physically touch him made the feelings of fear and yearning arise within him that he had so expertly ignored when they first brought in Wolfram's bloodied body. But now that he could see and hear the other man those feelings came forward again, this time mixed with the ever-present forbidden love. He maintained a look of professional distance and tried not to indulge the vulnerability he felt with Wolfram so close to him.
"How is Lord Zachary?" Yuuri felt the need to remind himself that Wolfram was taken.
"He's fine," Wolfram replied bemusedly. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious," Yuuri said noncommittally. "You're going on about three years, right? Any future plans?" He tried to sound chatty.
"Not at this time," Wolfram replied slowly, seemingly tolerating Yuuri's attempt at distraction.
"No?" Something in the way Wolfram spoke piqued Yuuri's morbid interest. "You both make a good couple. It's a good match."
"I suppose it is…" Wolfram said compunctiously.
Yuuri frowned. "Is everything ok with you two?" Yuuri finished with the bandages and carefully laid Wolfram's leg down. "There we go. You should be able to walk in a couple of days, alright?"
Wolfram nodded at Yuuri's instructions, still intent on how Yuuri's hands so gently handled his body. "Zachary and I...have different ideas about what is needed."
"Really?" Even if he disliked Zachary, he didn't want to see Wolfram looking so wistful. "How so?"
Wolfram just shrugged. "Just different ideas…" And that was all he revealed.
Not quite sure how to address this, Yuuri tried to be reassuring. "Well, relationships take work. It's hard sometimes, but worth it in the end."
"I can see that…" Wolfram made eye contact with Yuuri and it left the king feeling cornered, like Wolfram was seeing something he couldn't, or wouldn't, see.
Yuuri stood up, quick to avoid Wolfram's scrutiny and his own uncertainty. "Well, I'll let you rest. Are you hungry? I can have an assistant-"
Yuuri sputtered to stop when a cool hand gently took his wrist and made him move closer to Wolfram's penetrating green eyes.
"Wolfram?" Yuuri's voice was timid and small.
Wolfram's grip tightened and Yuuri was forced to move in closer, brushing against the side of the bed. Yuuri bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself grounded when he locked gazes with the older man. Wolfram's expression was so intense it made Yuuri feel small. He couldn't remember a time the demon lord had looked at anything with such focus.
"I saw your face," Wolfram said slowly, voice low and barely above a whisper. "It was your voice I heard speaking to me."
"You were drugged, Wolfram," Yuuri interjected, tone cold to hide his growing unease.
"Why did you say those things to me?" Wolfram demanded.
That caught Yuuri off-guard. Wolfram didn't say anything else but kept Yuuri pinned with his stare, reading Yuuri's reaction to his statement.
"You were hallucinating," Yuuri debated and yanked his wrist from Wolfram's grip.
"Does anyone else in this unit have black hair and eyes?" Wolfram's voice took on a sarcastic edge.
"Michael is one of my assistants and has dark brown hair," Yuuri blurted in defense.
"No, it was black..." Wolfram argued. Yuuri had no idea how Wolfram could be that aware when he was coming out of a heavy sedation. It didn't make any sense.
"How the hell would you know this?" Yuuri exclaimed annoyedly. "You were high off your ass!"
"Because I know you!" Wolfram countered determinedly. "I know your voice and accent! I knew it was your face when you leaned over me. And only you would speak such things!"
Yuuri frowned. He trained his expression into one that was strictly clinical. "Wolfram. You suffered serious injuries and were on strong sedatives. It's all in your head." Yuuri backed away, far out of Wolfram's reach. "I have other patients to see to. I'll have the assistants bring you some soup in a few minutes."
"You said you loved me…"
Yuuri was struck silent and his mask cracked. Wolfram spoke with such certainty that he had no idea how to argue back. It struck that forbidden chord inside him that only worsened when Wolfram's hand reached out to gently touch his own that hung at his side.
"Is it true?"
Yuuri couldn't bring himself to lie. He could hide and ignore the truth, but to outright lie was impossible - especially when the one thing he had wanted for years was laid before him and forcing him to be honest.
If Yuuri said yes, he loved Wolfram and had loved him for years, what would it accomplish? What would Wolfram get out of it? A magical fairytale ending sounded too corny for Yuuri to give it a chance.
"Get some rest, Lord Bielefeld," Yuuri said quickly and without waiting to see what Wolfram would say, he half-ran to see to his other patients. Yuuri barely heard the pleading call from the older man as he stumbled out of the tent and into the evening.
That was way too close. Far too close.
"Vince!"
Vince morphed out of thin air as he was wont to do. "Your Majesty?" He asked, concerned at Yuuri's disheveled appearance.
"Who was overseeing Lord Bielefeld while I was resting?" Yuuri asked shakily.
"Ah… I did?" Vince said cautiously. "I last checked on him this morning. He awoke late last night but I gave him a mild ether for the pain."
"Did you speak to him?" Yuuri had to know what state of mind the lord had been in.
"Not really," Vince said. "He...he did ask about you. He said he remembered someone speaking to him and I said it was you. I told him you were the one who saved him. He was convinced the two of you had a...conversation of sorts."
Yuuri cursed under his breath. Wolfram's scrutinizing stare and skepticism made sense.
"Is...something wrong, your Majesty?"
"No, not now," Yuuri irritably waved Vince's concern away. "I'm going out for some fresh air. Watch things for me."
Vince gave a small bow. "Yes, your Majesty."
Yuuri didn't look back as he walked to stand on a hill overlooking the roads the troops used to elad out into the battlefield. The night was eerily quiet. He couldn't hear the sounds of fighting muffled in the distance. He wondered where his generals and the sage were. He prayed they were in good health and the battle was in their favor. Ever the healer, his mind found comfort in thinking about the needed medical supplies for the returning wounded. It was easier to think about quantifiable things rather than his own wrecked feelings.
Why? Just why? After all these years of carefully distancing himself from Wolfram and trying to give the lord another chance at love, he still managed to screw it up somehow. The way Wolfram had looked at him, like he actually wanted Yuuri to confirm that yes, he did just tearfully confess his hidden feelings after all these years. He was so stupid.
'But you do love him,' his mind pointed out.
'I do...but…' Yuuri struggled with his thoughts.
Yuuri had long ago convinced himself that he wasn't worthy of love. His desire for Wolfram wouldn't allow him to commit to anyone else and his guilt wouldn't allow him to make amends and ask Wolfram to take him back. He pushed away his feelings and focused on ruling the kingdom and protecting his people. It was so much easier. But, it was pointless, it was painful, and he did it to himself.
'God, I'm a mess…' Yuuri rolled his eyes at his own anguish.
A movement in the distance. A soldier raced his horse to the camp. Yuuri immediately recognized the khaki uniform of Conrad's swordsmen. The soldier looked exhausted with blood and dirt staining his clothes could be seen when he came within feet of the king.
"Your Majesty!" The soldier yelled when he recognized Yuuri's black uniform. He jumped from the horse and gave a hasty bow. "I've come for you! Your help is needed!"
"What happened?" All anguish forgotten, Yuuri immediately worried for his retainers.
"Dai Cimarron called for a second force!" The soldier explained hurriedly. "Our men are now outnumbered. We need the power of the Demon King!"
That was all the soldier needed to say. Yuuri was already headed for the stables for his horse. He made a quick beeline for the healing tents to find the ever-reliable Vince.
"Vince, I've been summoned to the battle!" Yuuri shouted as he hectically grabbed his sword and some light armor. "Watch things!"
He didn't hear Vince's 'yes, your majesty!' when he ran out to the waiting soldier, who turned back to the war when Yuuri had mounted his horse and they ran.
Yuuri could sort out his twisted feelings later. Now, he needed to be the Demon King.
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They made it to the hills overlooking the battlefield. The sound of metal clashing with metal and the screams of the soldiers were thundering when the scout brought Yuuri to just beyond the battle.
This was the first time Yuuri had seen the violence in action. He had only seen the aftermath of the fighting. To see it happen in real time was unnerving as he could smell the blood and see the bodies of the dead laid about while those remaining tripped over them. He couldn't see his retainers and he nearly panicked - even if he knew that he would never be able to see them among the chaos.
"Where are the generals?" Yuuri asked the scout at his side.
"I-I don't know, my King," the scout replied. "When I left, Lord Voltaire was leading a charge into the Dai Cimarron ranks. I was told by a lieutenant that Lords Weller and Christ were holding the enemy back but struggling."
"What did they tell you when they sent you?" Yuuri asked, scanning the field.
"Only to find you," the scout said after hesitating. "I saw the Dai Cimarron reinforcements and knew we wouldn't hold them off on our own," the scout explained quickly.
"I see…" Yuuri muttered. "What's your name?"
"Jacob, your Majesty," the scout replied.
"Good job, Jacob," Yuuri said and looked at the environment. He gazed out onto the battle. Not much could be seen from where they stood. He looked around and noticed a higher peak a few yards away. "Can I see more of the battle from there?"
The scout followed his line of vision. "I think so, your Majesty. I can bring you there."
"Please do so," Yuuri said and Jacob led him to the peak.
When they reached the top, Yuuri could see much better. He could make out the distinct uniforms of the Makokuan army amidst the mess of soldiers and see where they collided with the enemy. In the distance behind enemy lines, he could see the encroaching reinforcements. It remained unclear if they would prove a threat, but Yuuri didn't want to risk it.
"We've been fighting non-stop since yesterday morning, with no lulls," Jacob explained while Yuuri took in the sight. "Our men have given their all but more keep coming."
Since yesterday morning...Yuuri could only imagine the exhaustion and pain his men were going through and the loss of morale at watching their fellow soldiers fall under an endless wave of enemies.
"I've heard stories of your power," Jacob was hopeful.
They needed him. It had always been the opposite. Yuuri had needed his hand held and been told what to do for the majority of his reign. He never thought he would hear someone, a stranger, say that they needed him and his erratic magic. While he learned to control his magic for healing, he could never quite master the god-like powers gifted to him by Shinou after defeating the Originator. But not for lack of trying.
He would need to be careful. Looking around, he saw the overcast sky and felt the drizzle on his skin. A cool breeze came from the north and moved the clouds above them. This brought back a memory.
To the half-breed king,
Your lack of presence on the battlefield speaks to your childish cowardice. Are you so timid that you can't bear to watch your men die for your own cause? At least I can stand beside my men and fight with every ounce of bravery. It renders your preaching of peace and humanity worthless. It seems you are better suited to being a simple military nurse than fighting like a man. Tell me, are you also servicing your men by being a camp whore as well? Surely, they will need comfort after recovering from your incompetence as a leader. - King Ranjeel of the Great Dai Cimarron
Yuuri crushed the paper in his fist. He did not need this right now. "Is this idiot really that bored? You'd think he'd be too busy to send taunts if he's fighting with his men." Gods, this man was obnoxious.
Conrad sighed. "Ranjeel is a hypocrite and coward."
"He wins a couple of fights and thinks he has the entire war!" Yuuri snapped. He turned to Conrad. "I should be out there fighting. Show that asshole who's in charge!"
"Yuuri," Conrad tried to calm him. "What Ranjeel says is hyperbole and shouldn't motivate your actions. He just wishes to taunt you and hope you make a mistake in your anger. No king goes into the heat of battle. It's too much of a risk."
"I'm not a coward," Yuuri whispered heatedly. "I am the Demon King. I do what is right!"
"You are the Demon King," Conrad echoed.
"If it ever rains on the battlefield," Yuuri half-joked, still fantasizing about beating Ranjeel into the ground. "I want you to retreat…Tell the others."
"Yes, your Majesty…" Conrad chuckled quietly.
"If it ever rains…" Yuuri whispered, looking at the clouds and an inspiration came to him. "I hope he remembered."
"Your Majesty?" Jacob said timidly, sensing the power now emanating from the king's being.
"Jacob," Yuuri's voice deepened with the growing power within him. "Find the generals. Tell them to retreat as fast as they can. No questions. This is an order from the king."
Jacob bowed. "Yes, your Majesty." He ran to the battlefield to fulfill his orders.
Yuuri closed his eyes and breathed deeply, summoning the water magic that always flowed underneath his psyche.
Once. Two. Three. He counted to give as much time as possible to allow those he loved to run to safety. He watched the Dai Cimarron forces advanced and looked for any sign that his message had made it. Slowly, to buy more time, he held out his hands and synced himself with the natural flows of hot and cold hair in the atmosphere. He heard the telltale rumbles of the storm forming above him. He saw the skies darken as the clouds turned black and the small flashes of blue light could be seen within them. A move of his hands directed the storm clouds to center above where the Dai Cimarron armies were concentrated and as far from his men as possible.
Yuuri briefly wondered if he could do it. These men were only following the orders of their king. He knew from his own experience that they had families and friends and feared for their own lives. They didn't have much of a choice. He didn't know if he could live with that guilt. No, he pushed the thought away. Ranjeel had forced his hand. It was now a choice between his people and Ranjeel's. As the Demon King, he would always choose his own people. It was his sworn duty.
The air currents sped up. Cold and heat swirled around above him. He pushed the hot air up into the colder atmosphere. He felt the electrical currents grow in power and move faster, agitated and searching for a connection to the ground. Always for the shortest route possible. Positive and negative charges formed. Yuuri could feel the static in his hands from directing the electrical currents into a single swirling mass that continued to build above the Dai Cimarron armies. Water was the more erratic and violent of the elements when it formed in the skies. Even now, Yuuri could barely control the currents of moisture and electricity that fought him for release.
Yuuri spared one more glance. In the poor light, he couldn't quite make out if Jacob succeeded in relaying the message. He could only hope that the now torrential rains would jog Conrad's memories and he would lead them away. He hoped they would sense that this wasn't a natural storm. Right now, Yuuri couldn't wait longer. His arms were shaking from the struggle to maintain control. He had to release the power into the Dai Cimarron army.
Thunder so powerful it vibrated the earth. It was the final warning before the storm burst and released the power of the Demon King onto the earth. Yuuri could only hear the monstrous thunder and the crackles of the lightning as it tore through the bodies of the enemy and roasted them inside their own armor. He smelled burning flesh, dirt, and metal. His body shook with the raw power of his element. He felt the heat on his skin and only prayed that his retainers were not among the victims. When he dared to open his eyes, he was blinded by blue and white light streaking across the battlefield and tearing its victims apart.
He struggled to stay in control. He fought with the storm to keep it in one spot though its nature dictated it spread out. He had to keep it away from his men, but it wasn't certain. He breathed raggedly as he forced the storm to dissipate now that the damage was done. He sent a rush of cold downdrafts to weaken the storm. He quickened the dissipation phase and was relieved to feel the gentle rain that signaled the storm's end. It washed away the scent of death. Those that survived were horrified and he heard the sounds of the retreating armies.
In the span of a few minutes, King Yuuri Shibuya destroyed the Dai Cimarron army and won the war.
* * * * * * * * * * * * WYF * * * * * * * * * * * *
"All Hail His Glory and Majesty! Our Great Demon King!" Gwendal's voice resonated among the great hall of Blood Pledge Castle to the roars of victory from the nobility, generals, and Great Families in attendance to pay respects to the fallen and celebrate their victory over Dai Cimarron.
The last thing Yuuri remembered was his generals running up to him in total shock and awe at his immense display of power just as he collapsed to the ground. After nearly a week in a coma-like state, Yuuri awoke in time for a messenger from Dai Cimarron to arrive, scared and quiet, to deliver the formal surrender of King Ranjeel and his army. Yuuri had destroyed over eight thousand troops using the power of nature and demonstrated, once and for all, that his advocacy for peace and diplomacy was not born of cowardice.
Yuuri stood before them in all his regal attire. "To the Great Families, my generals and advisors, and to my beloved subjects, I thank you for your bravery and sacrifices. This war was not won by a single man or king, but by the strength of those that stand before me and those who rest in peace in the afterlife. You should be proud of your accomplishments. I am proud to be the king and leader of such honorable men and women. May this victory bring about peace and prosperity to the Shin Makoku and her allies. Thank you."
His speech was met with raucous cheers and goblets of wine toasting to his sovereignty. Yuuri watched them revel and their relief was evident. No more suffering, no more death.
Yuuri didn't get to see the aftermath of his attack. Later, his generals told him that the field was rank with the stench of the burned bodies soaked from the rain. It would take weeks to remove the bodies. Many would be thrown into mass graves with little to no ceremony. Yuuri balked at that and demanded that every soldier in Makokuan armor was given a ceremony and their bodies returned to their families. He didn't care if it took months.
People gathered around Yuuri to congratulate him and speak of his power. They all said that they had never seen such strength since the time of Shinou. Yuuri would become a legend just like the First King. They stood in awe of him, which Yuuri couldn't get used to. He would rather disappear and find just a small moment of peace to let his mind understand exactly what he had done.
Not once, not ever in his life did Yuuri think he would be the one to kill someone. And now, he had killed several thousand men and received praise for it. He felt oddly numb and his mind struggled to comprehend how many lives he had destroyed. He went against his very nature and his morals. It was for the greater good. That was what he kept telling himself when he thought of how many families would never see their fathers and sons again.
Deep down, Yuuri knew that his quest for peace wouldn't go smoothly. As he had been told so many times, he couldn't control the actions and feelings of others. There would always be jerks like Ranjeel who would start wars and ruin thousands of lives for the sake of their own egos. All Yuuri could do was carry on and protect his people. Even if it meant killing.
Now, he could focus on helping Shin Makoku and her allies rebuild their lives. He was already thinking of the veterans programs and support systems he could put in place to help soldiers return to a normal life. He didn't think this world knew what depression and post-traumatic stress disorder were, but he would make sure they learned and could properly treat it. He would clean up the mess and create a bright future for his kingdom.
Finally, hours later, the festivities ended. He made his way down the hallways and to the garden, one of his favorite places to find peace. He could smell the spring flowers that were just beginning to bloom. He found one of the elaborate fountains and sat on the edge. The sound of pouring water calmed him.
He could still smell the burning bodies. He could still hear the distant screams of the men as he burned them with lightning hotter than the surface of the sun. How many of them were Makokuans who couldn't make it out in time? The current tally was over two-hundred, and that didn't include the men that were still missing.
"What do I do now?" He asked himself and was only met with silence. He would have to make amends somehow. He resolved himself to a fate of righting the wrongs of his reign and preventing this from happening again. He would never summon such a violent and deadly storm ever again.
It started as a whimper and then evolved into quiet weeping. The stress, the pressure, the guilt, and exhaustion overwhelmed him. The uncertainty of the future was too much and he had to let it out of his system somehow. Once he finished weeping, he could return to the mask of the king and healer his subjects needed him to be.
"This is the second time I've found you crying…"
Yuuri nearly jumped out of his skin. "Wolfram?"
"Yuuri," Wolfram greeted, moving to stand just before the king.
Great. Someone found him sobbing like a baby and it had to be Wolfram. Yuuri quickly wiped his face and tried to give a weak smile. "What brings you out here?"
"I saw you wandering the hall," Wolfram explained. "I thought to follow you."
Yuuri nervously fixed his hair and straightened his jacket. "Well, I'm alright and about to head back. How are you? How're your injuries? Is that salve I gave you working?"
"I'm fine," Wolfram said quietly. "But I can't say the same for you…"
"Don't mind it," Yuuri waved him off.
"Yuuri," his name on Wolfram's tongue was pleading. "Tell me what is wrong?"
It was Wolfram's voice coupled with the deep, earnest look in his eyes that made Yuuri stop. He found he couldn't move from under that intense stare yet again. It seemed Wolfram mastered the art of pinning Yuuri down and seeing through his veil with just a simple look. Yuuri felt stripped and unable to really make up anymore weak excuses.
Yuuri lifted his hands and looked around helplessly before settling on a weak explanation. "I don't know...I don't know how to explain it."
Wolfram moved until he was merely inches from Yuuri, who could see his reflection in green eyes. "Try, for me. I'll listen."
Yuuri's mouth trembled as he struggled to find a way to convey his tumultuous emotions without sounding insane. It didn't help that, once again, he was distracted by Wolfram's proximity and the depth in his gaze that showed a deeper understanding of Yuuri that even the king didn't think he had of himself. He could smell the cologne on Wolfram's uniform and noticed for the first time that Wolfram's ears were pierced with blue pearls similar to those worn by his uncle. He thought back to that moment years ago in this same garden where Wolfram had been the only one to truly offer Yuuri comfort in the form of a simple embrace. He wanted that again.
Yuuri's mouth opened and then closed. Finally, he was able to string together a semi-coherent sentence. "I can't...get my mind around it. I ended the war...I killed thousands of people. Never in my mind did I think I would do something like that...I've-I've seen the pain that war caused my own soldiers. I know they're people's sons and fathers, cousins, fiances - it goes on. I know it's the same for Dai Cimarron soldiers." Yuuri paused, not quite sure where to go with this. Wolfram remained unwavered and only waited for him to find the words to continue.
"I never wanted to do that," Yuuri swallowed the growing knot in his throat. "I've sentenced so many people to death by declaring war and what I did to end it...I don't know how to accept it."
Yuuri tried to breathe when he felt a painful hiccup from trying to suppress his emotions and maintain some dignity. "I hate it…" He finally said, not able to really think of anything else to add.
Wolfram pursed his lips and looked down, finally breaking his stare from Yuuri. They stood in silence before each other before Wolfram spoke.
"We are all guilty of that," Wolfram said.
"Have you killed eight thousand men?" Yuuri cried, his last vestiges of calm were leaving him. "That doesn't include the soldiers I had to put out of their misery because I couldn't save them! I remember every last condolence letter I wrote to every family. I avoided sleeping on purpose because I didn't want the nightmares!"
Yuuri pulled away to pace around the courtyard. "I hate it...I hate that I didn't have any other choice. I hate it because there was no other choice. But as king, I can't choose my enemy over my people and I won't."
"Yuuri, that is the reality of war," Wolfram interjected sternly. "It's disgusting, it's painful, and despite our best efforts, it's sometimes unavoidable. Destroying that army saved thousands of lives - far more that what was lost. Those soldiers swore to die for their people and country. We all do when we swear loyalty to the crown."
"I know...I know," Yuuri whispered brokenly. "But it's an oath I never wanted anyone to fulfill - on both sides."
"I know...and it's an oath we only fulfill in the most serious of times," Wolfram agreed, reaching out to touch Yuuri's hair. Yuuri's eyes widened, but he didn't move away. "But we know what it is we are swearing."
Wolfram's touch relaxed Yuuri. He couldn't remember a time when he saw the usually stern and temperamental ex-prince touch him so tenderly. It piqued at those hidden feelings inside and for once, he didn't have the energy to resist them.
"My brothers told me what happened. How you saved us and won the war," Wolfram said. "The allies had been blocked and couldn't reach them. They would have all died. It as a grave decision you made, but it saved our country and allies."
Yuuri nodded reluctantly. "I don't regret what I did." he added vehemently. "It's...it's the reality of what I did that's killing me. I hate myself for hurting others, despite my best efforts to avoid it."
"You need to stop hating yourself, Yuuri," Wolfram interjected. "That will not do us any good. What will set you apart is how you will lead us out of this dark time." Wolfram gave a comforting smile. "And I know you will do that. I've watched you do that from the very beginning."
There was something in Wolfram's voice that made Yuuri pause. "Really?"
"You think you're so incompetent," Wolfram explained. "But that it not true. I watched you. No matter how scared or stressed you felt, you remained strong and gave strength to your people. You've grown so much since you were first crowned king. I saw the bravery and compassion you showed. Because of you, many of my men will see their families again. They love you. So many people love you and you earned it. We love you."
Wolfram reached out to gently lift Yuuri's face. When Yuuri locked gazes with him, he felt a raw determination in the other man that left him both scared and hopeful.
"I love you," Wolfram whispered reverently.
Of all the things he expected Wolfram to say, that was not it. Yuuri blinked dumbly and struggled to respond while Wolfram remained steadfast. Yuuri's mind couldn't settle on an emotion. It was incomprehensible that such a confession would come from the one person he resigned himself to never have. "Why...would you say something like that?"
"Because it's true," Wolfram said matter-of-factly. "And I know you love me too."
"Wolfram," Yuuri breathed, backing away from Wolfram's touch.
"Look me in the eyes and say it's not true!" Wolfram snapped. "Stop running from me and stop punishing yourself! I forgave you long ago so why can't you do the same?"
"Why would you forgive me?" Yuuri said, totally not getting it. "After what I did to you?"
"I did think I hated you once," Wolfram admitted, but didn't back down. "But I forgave you when I finally realized that you were trying to spare me from a horrid fate. That was the first clue that you acted out of love. It was out of love that you wished to protect me. But now, I won't watch you continue to punish yourself - and me."
"You didn't deserve to have a dumb kid ruin your life," Yuuri fell back on his old argument, but it was starting to feel weak in Wolfram's presence.
"That wasn't a choice for you to make alone," Wolfram said angrily. "You should've told me."
Yuuri shook his head despairingly. "I-I...I just wanted to do right by you. I thought you deserved better."
"Only I can decide what I deserve or not," Wolfram countered and then moved to stand within inches of Yuuri. "Yuuri...why do you think I'm foolish for wanting you?"
"I don't think you're foolish at all!" Yuuri quickly said. "It's just that given the situation, it didn't seem right for me to hold you to an engagement where everything was one-sided. I wanted to protect you from being mistreated and-and you deserve someone who will love and respect you - not some teen who can barely run a country!"
"You insult me with your presumptuousness," Wolfram frowned. "I can decide who does or doesn't deserve my love. I've decided it is you and let me tell you why." Wolfram cupped Yuuri's chin to make the other man look at him completely. "Yuuri, you possess a kindness, sincerity, and selflessness I have never seen before. Yes, you started out as a young, inexperienced king but you've risen to the challenge. Not once have you ever acted out of selfishness or dishonesty. You regard your people and even your enemies with an empathy I didn't know existed nor fully appreciate until now. In the face of war, you sacrificed your own well-being to save every last man possible. You took on an immense burden for the greater good. That is a king worth loving."
"Wolfram, I…" Yuuri started, unsure of how to respond to that, but Wolfram wasn't done.
"Let me finish," Wolfram chided. "Even after you broke my heart, I couldn't forget you. I tried to replace you, but failed. Because no one affected me that way you did. You gave me a renewed purpose where I could be more than a Little Lord Brat. You gave me something to believe in - and devote myself to. You were my truest friend. Of course, I would come to love you as well."
"Is...that what you feel?" It was incomprehensible to Yuuri. This confession made with such conviction was beyond his ability to understand. Here, standing before Wolfram, Yuuri heard the words he didn't want to admit he had been wishing to hear for years.
"Yes," Wolfram continued. "I've seen the turmoil and pain you try to hide from others. I can see you breaking right now. I know I can help you heal. I just need you to let me. It frustrates me, because I know there will never be anyone who can love you as purely as I do."
"Wolfram...I don't know what to say," Yuuri whispered, wide-eyed and caught under Wolfram's passion. He always knew the lord to be one to feel things very deeply and act on his feelings with little hesitance. But to be the focus of such passion was another thing entirely.
"Tell me you love me," Wolfram leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Arms slid around Yuuri's waist and the king complied, far too vulnerable to resist. Yuuri slid his hands up Wolfram's chest, still conflicted but his resistance weakened by the second. "Tell me you love me so I can be there for you. So I can help you heal and be your strength - as it was meant to be."
Wolfram offered him comfort and stability. Wolfram would be the one to let Yuuri collapse when things became too much. That was the companionship Yuuri wanted but didn't think he could have. He didn't bother to find it in others because he knew the one person who could give it to him was beyond his reach. It took him so long to accept his feelings, but when he did, he thought it was too late. And yet, here Wolfram was, offering forgiveness and love without having to be asked - save for one small request.
"I love you," Yuuri breathed, letting go of the secret he kept for so many years. "I've always loved you. Even when I was sixteen. But I couldn't accept myself and I didn't want you to suffer. I learned things from Earth that made me afraid. I missed you, but I couldn't ask you to return because it was selfish. I thought I'd just leave you alone because it felt like the only way and I-"
Yuuri was cut off by a pair of soft, warm lips against his own. Wolfram was gentle and carefully eased Yuuri into his touch, but it still left the king struck dumb. When he timidly returned the gesture, Wolfram pulled Yuuri against him so he couldn't escape again. Though Yuuri had no intention of doing so. Yuuri threw out whatever hesitations he had left and let himself give in to the love and desire he had for this man. They both did. It wasn't long before their kiss was no longer innocent as they tried to make up for the years apart. Yuuri let Wolfram claim his mouth and everything with it. Tongues and lips entwined and promised much more. Yuuri wanted so badly for Wolfram to claim him, to make him his - to make this pain go away.
"Give yourself to me," Wolfram whispered, voice heavy with passion. "Let me love you in every way possible."
Yuuri had spent so much time just being numb that the feelings aroused within him now were overwhelming. He felt relief, hope, want, and so many other emotions. And all because of Wolfram. He could feel Wolfram's heat through his clothes, his breath on his face, and his lips on his neck while the blonde prince waited for his answer.
"Yeah" was the only thing he could think of. But it was all Wolfram needed. The lord gave him a triumphant grin and led him back into the castle where they could make up for all the years lost. This is what it meant to have someone catch him when he fell.
Yuuri was twenty-four when he allowed himself to be loved and forgiven by his best friend and now-lover. He finally felt complete.
* * * * * * * * * * * * WYF * * * * * * * * * * * *
In the corner of one of the halls, beyond where the reunited couple could see, stood a lone figure who watched them in relieved satisfaction.
"That took forever," Murata muttered and walked back to his rooms to get some sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * WYF * * * * * * * * * * * *
I know, right? Murata calls it like it is.
This fic was inspired by the song "Suddenly" by BT, I definitely recommend his music if you're into electronica music. He's one of the more thoughtful electronica artists.
I also wanted to write my own take on the "Yuuri annuls the engagement" trope. Every fic makes Yuuri reject Wolfram because of his "we're boys" sentiment and comes across as one-dimensional and obnoxious. I don't think this fits with Yuuri (especially when you look at his character in the novels and manga). Thus, I wanted to craft a different spin on this trope and make it so that Yuuri rejects the engagement as an attempt to respect Wolfram's feelings.
The hopeless romantic in me took over in that last scene. My guilty pleasure is romance novels. Can you tell? lol.
Thanks for reading and Happy New Year! - EB