Chapter 44: To War

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, but any OCs are mine.

As it happened, I wasn't over it that next morning.

That night, I didn't sleep a wink. I felt wired and restless, darting to the window several times with the intense urge to jump out and run. To where, I couldn't say.

When the sun rose, exhaustion set in, and my stomach groaned in protest. Once again, I tried eating. This time, a heaping plate of bacon and eggs. I gagged at the taste but forced it down…only to vomit it all up later.

Sweating and shaking, I finally gave up and made my way to the closet to get into uniform. Only, my foot caught something on the way in and I fell face-first into my shoes. Inspection revealed that I'd tripped over Alucard's new coffin.

I ground my teeth at the revelation that he'd practically taken over my closet. Irritation ruled my emotions both from the exhaustion paired with the hunger that continued to grow with each passing hour. It took everything in my power not to leave a big scratch in the finely crafted coffin. He'd flay me for it.

Outside, things had dissolved into chaos under Varris's flimsy rule. While he could keep the attention of the younger recruits, the older group had lost interest. I grit my teeth at the absolute anarchy happening in the sparring ring.

Hope and Tierno stood in the middle, circling each other like a pair of goofy sharks. After a round of chanting, they collided in the middle, each trying to force each other out of the center ring.

"Stop cheating!" Tierno bellowed, already red in the face with exertion. "That's not fair!"

Hope only smirked. "My aspect isn't cheating. I'm merely using the gifts at my disposal." She mimicked my voice so well, that for a moment, I wasn't even angry…just impressed.

Like the big bad wolf, he huffed and he puffed, but he couldn't blow Hope over. Finally, after she seemed to have enough of toying with him, she threw him outside the circle and tossed her hands in the air as if begging for more applause from the enraptured audience.

Tierno grabbed his water bottle in embarrassment and, upon finding it empty, lifted it aloft. "This bitch empty!"

"Tierno!" I hollered, unable to stand back and watch the debacle any longer.

The teen blinked in shock, frozen with his water bottle in the air. The rest of the group stopped their giggling to stare as well, looking as guilty as could be.

Hope, however, would not be deterred. Crossing the ring in three strides, she snatched the bottle from Tierno's grip and hurled it towards the bunker with the force and accuracy of a professional baseball player. "YEET!"

A loud shatter broke the air, and pieces of glass rained down on the lawn. Hope balked at the sight and tried to escape into the crowd as blind fury bubbled to the surface of my calm. "Hope, Tierno…twenty laps, NOW! And come clean this shit up when you're done!"

"I told you she'd notice!" Tierno whined, flipping his sweaty hair out of his eyes as he began his punishment.

Hope's finger twitched, but at a second glance at me, seemed to rethink the crude gesture I had no doubt was coming.

"Get busy!" I bellowed at the remaining recruits, causing them to scatter like a flock of pheasants. Scrubbing at my face, I tried to regain control of my anger. In another 48 hours, they were liable to die, and they were acting like it was spring break.

Elis came bounding out of the bunker, curls bouncing as he glanced back at the broken window. "So, I see things are going well."

I shot him a venomous look, and he put his hands up, palms forward to placate me. "Sorry, bad joke I guess."

"I can't help them if they won't help themselves." The frustration eeked out in my tone. "This isn't a game. They will die if they aren't ready."

"Chances are, they already know. That's why they're acting up." Elis shrugged as if the entire situation wasn't a big deal. "It these are their last few days, do you really think they want to sulk about?"

Maybe he had a point. Perhaps I should take a page from Desiree's book and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe…in another universe, I would have been born with the ability to step back from a problem. But, not in this one. "Well, you don't have to live forever knowing you always could have done more." I bit back, shoving my sunglasses further up my nose.

"Maybe not, but I still worry. It's you teaching them, and I know you do your best."

"My best isn't always good enough." I shook my head as Tierno shoved Hope into the bushes on their third lap around the bunker.

"Ye of little faith." Elis playfully nudged my shoulder with his own.

Lunch came and went, with little progress on training. When I wasn't thinking about my stomach or the throbbing sensation in my teeth, I was yelling at the recruits for one infraction or another.

In truth, I missed Alucard's presence at my back. It made dealing with the extra sensations easier. And, to be honest, I missed his easy smirk. God, when did I become such a sap?

But he needed the rest, and he wasn't alone there. I needed a good night's sleep as well.

The aches worsened, taking little bits of my sanity with every hour. Seras woke early and found me in my office at dinner. I poked at the food miserably, hating how even the smell bothered me now. My wine glass had emptied twice now…it seemed to be the only thing that still tasted good, if not better than before. However, my brain lacked the fogginess that usually took hold, and I had a suspicion getting drunk was no longer possible for me.

"It isn't going to work." She finally broke the silence, ruby eyes somberly watching me prod my steak with my fork.

The utensil clattered to the plate and I pushed it away. "I'll starve first. I don't give a damn what Alucard thinks."

"You're not doing anyone any good! Trust me!" The draculina's eyebrows furrowed. "You'll snap and hurt someone on accident."

"I'm not even sure that's what I need. Dr. Howard's been running tests on my blood all day and he still can't figure it out." I nibbled on the loose piece of skin on my thumb, as if the action would stave off the hunger gnawing at my stomach.

"It can't hurt to try." She pleaded.

I shook my head. "You can't know that. Look, I'm fine. A little starvation isn't going to kill me."

"Maybe not, but it's going to compromise your ability to teach them." I'd known Seras long enough to tell when she wasn't going to back down.

Now that, was a solid point. Even today, it proved difficult to think clearly. "I have a dwindling list of things that make me human. I don't want to shorten that list any more than I have to. Just…let me deal with Mitica first. And then…then I'll consider it." It wasn't my intention to starve to death, but it was my right to fight off this thing as long as humanly possible.

"Let her figure it out on her own, ma chere. She's stubborn, but she'll come around. They always do." Pip's chuckle filled the space. "Isn't that right?"

"Luckily for you." Seras grinned, a hint of pink in her cheeks.

I wrinkled my nose. "Ugh, stop…it's too adorable."

Seras thankfully stopped lecturing me for the moment, but I had a feeling she would be back to work on me later.

I didn't see Alucard that night, but I could sense him lingering just outside my room as I battled sleeplessness. Once again, it would seem I'd go another night without rest.

In the morning, Dominic met me in the conference room to discuss rune application. He seemed to be taking my appearance in stride, carefully skirting around the subject as he discussed his interest in Mitica's alchemy.

"Bastard's clever, but you're slipperier than most." He chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee.

The hunger howled up from the depths of my stomach as I watched him enjoy his breakfast, only made worse by the sound of his heartbeat thudding loudly in the small room.

"Guess I'm hard to kill." I grinned a little too wide, then shut my mouth when the seasoned Elder flinched at the sight of my teeth.

"Are you eating, kid? You look a little scrawny." He seemed to be testing the waters, entering territory he hadn't dared to approach before.

"I'm fine." The lie came easily now after being repeated so often. I didn't care if anyone bothered to believe it. It wasn't for their benefit anyway. For my own sanity, I needed to believe nothing had changed.

Dominic didn't appear to agree, but returned to the matter at hand. "You say wearing these runes as clothing will be more effective?"

"In effect. It's not a fix-all but it'll keep them off some of his nastier traps."

"Good. I'll have a word with Walter and make sure this gets added to uniform." He picked up the ink picture of my homemade rune, studying it before setting it down and frowning. "And take the morning…seriously. You look like you need sleep." He tapped the table with his index finger and stood up.

As he left, I sighed in relief as the strength of his scent faded. I swallowed back the excess saliva in my mouth, feeling disgusting for my body's perverse reaction to his presence. I wanted so badly to ask if Seras had felt the same way, but admitting how bad the sensations gripped me would only bring on another lengthy lecture.

The sun beat down on the back of my neck once I worked up the courage to brave the outside. Grunts and the clashing of weapons sounded in the background as I worked my body to the limit. Sweat dripped off my nose as my arms shook from the effort. I'd only been doing pushups for about ten minutes, and already I felt exhausted. Even in my sports bra and a pair of shorts, the sun felt hotter than it had ever been.

Eventually, my arms gave out, and I flopped down on my stomach in the dirt, breathing heavily. Frustrated and dirty, I hoisted myself up onto my knees, sitting on my feet. As I brushed the dirt off my torso, I tried not to flinch at much weight I'd lost. I tilted my head towards the sky, biting the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood. The taste, while wrong, assuaged the horrendous ache in my belly for just a split second. Planting my hands on my hips, I breathed through it, trying not to listen to the rapid hearts beating too close.

Finding some modicum of strength, I heaved myself back to my feet, resting my hands on my knees. Nearby, two recruits from the younger group sparred. Usually the younger group lacked in form, but they appeared to be doing better than expected.

I watched with interest until one was pushed roughly to the dirt. He sat up, dazed, and brought his elbow to his face. Fresh blood welled from the scrape, painting a path down his arm.

My eyes darted to the droplets, making the monster inside lash at her restraints. Hunger so vile carved a path through my body…trying to claw at the substance.

The young recruit grinned toothily at his companion, laughing as he slapped a handful of dirt over the scrape. Part of me whimpered as the substance concealed the scent.

Both boys glanced up at the noise, immediately jumping to attention. "Sorry! Didn't see you there, sir!"

I came out of the red haze in a rush, shocked at how close I'd moved to them without even knowing it. My hands were curled at my sides like claws, and I took a step back from them. "Carry…carry on." I managed to bark at them, wanting to retreat as far away from the sweating recruits as possible.

Darting away, I ran up to my office and shut the door. Up here, in my own private sanctuary, the desires were less poignant. Still, that little slip scared the hell out of me. Taking a seat in my chair, I swiped a hand over my face. Alchemy books and various paperwork littered my desk. I'd never maintained a very clean desk in the first place, but the cluttered mess it was now surprised me.

Who the hell crawled inside me and replaced who I used to be? Surely I couldn't be this different. The real me wouldn't even think about hurting one of her own recruits. And Seras had said so herself…it never changed who you were originally.

Yet, there was that lingering doubt nibbling away at my confidence. Lamia was crazy, and maybe she had always been crazy, but what if becoming what she was changed her. There were too many variables to consider. I had on file everything we knew about the vampiress, but we still didn't know how she managed to survive the change. And aside from her and obviously myself, I had no other reference.

At this point, I feared Lamia more than Mitica…because she knew something I didn't. Her taunts were like barbs, making me doubt myself. Worse, they were working. It was one thing to deny her claims that we "weren't so different" when I was human, but now, I couldn't be sure. Hell, who was I to deny being any different than Radu, Az, or any of the other shitheads who tried to kill me in the past.

Then, that old conversation with Alucard hit me…when he'd once mused about something similar.

"You prefer to hunt. I can relate."

"It's not the same thing…"

"Isn't it? Does your heart not race? Do your muscles not tighten in anticipation for the kill?"

I felt sick to my stomach. I'd passed it off at the time as him just trying to rile me up but now it all made sense. He'd seen it a long time ago, and suffered through my denial patiently. Slayers suffered through the necessities of their roles in life while enjoying the small bits of peace in between. I'd always thrived on constantly having something to do. Fighting pumped the blood, made life worth living when everything else had gone wrong.

The epiphany had me on my feet in a second with a hand clasped over my mouth.

Every Elder…ever single man and woman on the Convention of Twelve…had put me in a position of power. None the wiser, they'd offered it to me on a silver platter and I took it because the power to shape things the way I wanted was finally within my grasp. All this time I thought I was doing everyone a favor but in reality, I'd been grasping for more.

This monster rattling her cage couldn't be a stranger…she had just been hiding behind good intentions. It had always been there, waiting for the opportunity.

Suddenly, the room felt too stifling. My heart hammered in my ears as I attempted to find an escape. In the process, I ran smack-dab into something much more unyielding than the wall.

Of course, Alucard had been listening…to every damn thing. Not that it mattered…he knew everything already. Fury sparked inside me, and I began beating my fists on his chest madly. "You knew! You knew and you didn't say a damn thing! How could you?!"

Alucard ducked his head, ebony locks concealing his eyes from view. "You needed to come to your own understanding."

"Fuck that!" I screamed, continuing my assault while he stubbornly refused to defend himself. At this point, I wished he would. How could I have been allowed to get this far? "Why didn't you stop me? Now it's too late!" Fisting his shirt in my hands, I pushed him against the wall. When he didn't respond, the dam broke. "Answer me, goddammit!"

His head lifted, his aristocratic features registering sorrow. My chest ached at sight. "It is not something simply revealing the truth to you would have stopped." His hands came up to rest gently atop my clenched fists.

And there it was. That stupid unspoken word: Fate. For whatever reason, God gave some of us a lust for power so great that it ruled us from the shadows…unseen. Or, maybe I wasn't giving humanity enough credit. After all, we did plenty of terrible things on our own. "Knowing what you know…why did you come back? How could you…love someone like that?"

Carefully, the Count began to unravel my tightened fists. "In the spirit of transparency, that trait attracted me to you, at first. Most humans revel in it but you…you denied it. And it fascinated me."

My shoulders sagged, and I pressed my face into his shirt. "At first?"

His lips pressed against my hair, and I could swear I felt him smile. "Despite your obvious lust for power, your strength rivaled my own. You were, without a doubt, nearly my mirror image without it." Releasing my hands, he lifted my chin up to lock eyes with me. "I was weak…too weak to contend with my desires. Yet, there you were…battling them like a true warrior."

"I don't feel much like I'm winning." I mumbled into his chest. In fact, this felt more like a loss than anything I'd ever endured. Part of me wondered how many others had seen my little quirk. Nothing ever got past Glinda, and Integra…she had to have known. That thought alone disturbed me more than anything.

"It rarely will." He mused, trailing a claw over my jaw. "Now will you drink?"

Shivering, I slid my arms around his waist. "I…I'm not…ready."

Alucard's consciousness prodded mine. "Come. You need rest, then."

Relief flooded me as I realized he wouldn't push me…at least, not this time. Still, I frowned as he led me to the closet and pushed the door open, revealing his coffin.

He tugged on my arm, and I glanced up at him in confusion. "Yes, it's very nice. Think I've got my bed though…thanks anyway."

Alucard arched an ebony eyebrow and held me fast. "It isn't a request. Get in."

Squirming under the force of his crimson stare, I swallowed a lump in my throat and slid the cover back. Instead of seeing the inner lining of the coffin, I saw only a yawning pit of blackness.

As I began to pull back, a light push sent me off balance, sailing headfirst into the coffin. A brief shriek passed my lips as the darkness enveloped me almost entirely.

I thrashed only momentarily, suspended in the in-between before another body settled in beside me. Only then, did I feel the sensation of cushioning underneath me. Sucking in a breath, I grabbed hold of Alucard's midsection and held on for dear life. I couldn't fathom why I expected anything of his to be normal. Still, enveloped in his arms, I felt safe from whatever might be lurking in the inky blackness.

Even more curious, I actually felt tired. My protests died on my lips as my face split in a yawn. A slightly darker blob in the darkness flitted past, and I snuggled back into Alucard's arms with a shudder.

He chuckled and placed a kiss on the back of my neck. "This coffin is my kingdom. You're safe here."

Was there any doubt? I teased back, turning in his arms to find his crimson eyes burning like live coals in the darkness.

Our legs tangled together, bringing us closer. His cool breath washed over my face, and my instincts flared into overdrive once again. Before I could grapple with the new desire forming in my head, my lips latched hungrily onto his.

The Count froze for a moment at the action before a slow rumble built in his chest. The sound only egged me on as I chanced grazing my teeth over his bottom lip. Shyness warred with the part of me that didn't care for propriety at the moment. I still wasn't sure what he completely thought of the new me.

I wasn't left to wait long when he responded with a hunger that rivaled my own. The extra senses were almost overwhelming, and I struggled not to get distracted. Through our mental link, Alucard's desires only amplified my own. A hiss broke through my teeth as he bit down on my collarbone, likely leaving a very visible mark. But it cooled my ardor long enough to come back to myself momentarily.

A flush crept up my cheeks as I realized where my hands had strayed to. Groping him in his coffin wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I envisioned ever taking our relationship further. Sorry.

"As much as I enjoy your eagerness, my dear, you need to rest." His voice rasped in my mind, loaded with enough lust to singe the hair off a nun.

I pouted at the rejection, unwilling to admit he was right. I'm not tired anymore. Of course, my body thought it fit to betray me at that moment, releasing another long-drawn out yawn.

"No? Well, my mistake." Alucard simpered, the tendrils of his hair tickling my cheeks as he nuzzled my neck.

My limbs continued to get heavier and I sighed in resignation. Fine, you win.

Those three words seemed to be the magic trick, because a rough purr of delight escaped him. Tucking my head against his arm, he cocooned around me in the strange, ethereal place.

Calling what I did sleeping wouldn't have been entirely accurate. Even while I drifted in a seascape of strange dreams, I could hear the sounds occurring outside of Alucard's coffin. In fact, my hearing was so defined, I could pick out distinctive footsteps treading throughout the bunker. Walter's smooth, almost undetectable gait contrasted sharply with Desiree's confident stomping. Elis tended to shuffle, and I could hear his fingertips drumming on the handle of the fridge in the kitchen. Olivia's waddle especially made me smile, and my hearing picked up the sound of the extra heartbeat…tiny, like the soft fluttering of a bird's wings.

The soothing melody lulled me into a deeper sleep, and I eventually shut out the noises in the other rooms…focusing solely on the arms wrapped around me.

At some point, my brain must have totally shut off, because I was rudely awakened by a violent tremor. Blinking my eyes open, I squinted into the gloom, groping at the open space next to me. Alucard wasn't there. Maneuvering onto my back, I felt above my head for the catch.

When the lid slid off the coffin, sweltering heat rushed inside. Smoke filled my lungs, and my eyes immediately began to water. Dropping to the ground, I coughed and brought my shirt over my mouth. Alarms blared somewhere in the bunker, and I crawled to my closet door, fumbling with the overheated handle.

The door swung open, revealing a gaping hole the size of a large vehicle in my office wall. Moonlight shone down unimpeded onto the debris and broken glass littering the carpet. Flames licked up the walls hungrily, charring anything recognizable in their path.

It took several moments of stupidly blinking at the chaos in front of me before I was finally able to move. Scrabbling on my hands and knees, I squinted through the thick smoke in search of Assurance.

Another loud boom shook the floor, shaking loose more debris. A scream rose in the night, chilling me down to my bones. I inhaled deeply through my nose and winced at the odor only thinly masked by the smoke. It seemed a cross between decaying fish and charcoal.

Silvery light caught my attention, and I spotted Assurance's curved blade buried beneath the sad remains of my desk. I tossed pieces left and right, unearthing the rest of the weapon. My stomach sank to my toes as I pulled it free and promptly dropped it as it seared my unprotected palms. The fire must have burned the grip away. "Dammit!"

I looked around for something…anything to protect my hands, and ended up ripping up the blackened remains of my bedspread. Tying the cloth around my hands, I snatched the weapon off the ground and headed for the stairs.

The smoke thinned as I reached the bottom, enough for me to see the true state of the bunker. Smoldering holes as wide as mini-vans created a look similar to swiss cheese.

Recruits brushed past me, eyes the size of dinner plates and faces smeared with soot. As I emerged into the front lawn, I stopped cold.

Two young girls, whom I recognized as Aster and Cara, clung to each other on the steps. Long tracks of tears cut through the soot on their cheeks as they averted their eyes from the bloodied sheet lying at their feet. Another group with Tierno at the lead stood with their backs against the bunker, eyes tilted towards the sky as if watching for something.

A dozen or so charred forms littered the yard, vaguely human shaped. Smoke still rose from the curled-up forms, hands poised in front of their faces in a last minute attempt to defend themselves.

My knees hit the dirt as my legs gave out from underneath me. No, they can't be my recruits…they can't be…

Hands grabbed me by the forearms and yanked me to my feet violently. Desiree's face appeared in my vision, eyes wide in panic. "Get up now! We have to stop that thing!"

"My recruits…" I let the slayer tug on my arms all she wanted as I stared at the bodies quickly dissolving into ash in the snow.

"They're gone, Ryder. And we will be to if we don't kill that thing!" She snarled, tugging more forcefully.

No, no, no… My mind couldn't stop replaying my denial. Not my students…not my students. The shock only slightly numbed the horrendous tearing sensation in my chest.

"God help us…it's coming back!" Desiree's terrified voice snapped me back to the present, and I numbly fell into step beside her.

"What's coming back?"

"I don't know. But it's fast. Seras took a shot at it and it bounced off. Fire grenades too. Shook them off like they were nothing. Elis and Walter are in the copter. Shit, if they don't get that thing out of the sky…"

She wasn't able to finish her sentence. A screech worthy of a being that crawled up from the pits of hell split the air, making every hair on the back of my neck stand on end. My teeth pulsed, and an involuntary keen worked its way up my throat. Deep on an instinctual level, I knew we were in serious trouble.

Harsh wind beat down on us a split second before the air heated up around us. White-hot flames burst forth from the sky, blasting into the dirt and missing us by mere inches. The rotten fish smell filled my nostrils as Desiree tackled me out of the way.

A deep, hollow whoosh sounded overhead, and a shadow overtook the light of the moon. The low light glittered off millions of ebony scales, and broad wings swallowed up the stars. Tilting, it turned on a dime and hovered above the trees. Its harsh wingbeats blew back the fragile pines like matchsticks. Heat waves simmered over its wicked scales, creating strange mirages in the night sky.

The dragon…free from its master at last. Mitica had just demonstrated the pinnacle of his alchemical exploits. The sacrifice alone required to summon the beast had to have been immeasurable. Not to mention bringing it to heel.

Molten gold eyes fixed on me underneath a crown of horns, and with sickening awareness, I spotted the rune glowing in the middle of its forehead.

Unmistakably, a Cromwell rune.

"That thing's blocking the only escape route. Varris and Edi are in charge of evac, but they need time." Desiree sneered up at the massive creature, brandishing her whip.

I turned to face the burning bunker, watching the embers drift lazily into the sky. The anguish threatened to consume me from the inside out, coiling around my heart and squeezing like an evil boa constrictor. It took all the effort I had left to bite back the tears burning like acid in my eyes. They didn't deserve this fate. They'd barely begun to live.

Slowly, turbulent outrage churned up from the cauldron of my own emotions. Sparks zipped off my skin, and a long drawn out hiss passed through my bared teeth. Alucard.

One second was all it took for the nightwalker to respond to my call. Armor clinked together as he materialized from the shadows, taking Desiree by surprise.

He was a vision in his old armor…an imposing figure on the battlefield heralding promises of death and destruction. In the moonlight, he could have been one of the stars in the sky with how the moonlight reflected off his armor. The wind played in the riotous curls of his hair and sent his cape flaring out behind him like a pair of bat wings. "Is it time, my dear?"

I nodded slowly. "It's time."

An insane light burned in his eyes. I'd just offered him a perfect gift on a silver platter. Chaos…destruction…the thrill of bloodshed. He wanted it all, and I couldn't help but feel almost jealous.

Because for the sake of not denying my desires…I wanted all of them. Their blood would be penance for the innocent lives lost tonight. I hated that he or someone else would take that away from me.

It was time to end it. Tonight, hell would indeed sing.

AN:

I had to yank this chapter out of my head kicking and screaming, but I finally managed it. As a writer, I get hung up on the weirdest things, I swear. I can blow through an action scene but get caught up on how someone walks across a room.

Anyway, brace yourselves for the heavy stuff. Cause I'm not holding back from here on out.

Thanks for all your patience so far, and for all the favorites and reviews. They really keep me going. As always, let me know what you think!