The end of this chapter contains an important authors note, it would be greatly appreciated if you all would read it and maybe leave a reply, it would be very helpful!

Anyways, I put a lot of time and though in this chapter, and I think this might finally be a real stepping stone leading up to the actual end of this story. (don't worry, this still has quite some chapters to go!)

Enjoy ready!

Chapter 32

The moment the three of them entered the apartment, Tikki flew up to hug her charges cheek. "Oh, Marinette, I didn't know!" She said sadly. Tikki hadn't bothered hiding from Alya anymore, the girl already knew Marinette was Ladybug, anyways.

"It's alright, Tikki." She replied, putting her hand up to her face to give the Kwami a soft pat with her finger. Marinette's eyes shifted up to her dumbfounded best friend.

"What… What is that thing?" She asked, intrigued yet extremely confused. Her eyes lingered over the small God's red body with black dots.

Tikki buzzed up to smile at Alya. "Hello, I'm Tikki, Marinette's Kwami."

Alya held her hand out to touch her, and Tikki hugged her Index finger like a baby wrapping it's tiny hand around someone's finger. "You… make her Ladybug, don't you?"

Tikki nodded her head in encouragement and floated to sit in her hand, her big blue eyes staring up at the reporter. "Yes! You really are smart." She said and giggled. Even if she hadn't been awake for a couple of years, she could still see the same Alya that she'd gotten used to before.

Alya visibly gets flustered a little. "I know." She says and downplays the compliment a little. From the inside she's actually losing it. This tiny creature that makes her friend her favorite superhero is actually complementing her.

Marinette chuckled a little at the interaction and rolled her eyes at Alya's reply. "She knows all about you already, so don't bother introducing yourself." Marinette said to Alya.

The girls eyes widened a bit more, realizing Marinette had probably kept her hidden for the longest time. "How do the two of you know each other?" Alya started, but her curiosity got the best of her an she started sputtering more questions before either of them could reply. "You came with the earrings, didn't you? That's why Hawkmoth came after you, to get the powers from them?"

Tikki and Marinette gave each other a knowing look and started explaining things to Alya. It took them almost half an hour to get Alya to understand everything, but luckily the girl caught up quick.

"Why didn't you show yourself to us earlier?" The reporter asked, truly wondering why the 'Kwami' hadn't showed up when Marinette had told her about her secret superhero life.

Marinette looked down almost painfully for a moment, remembering all those years spend without her precious little friend. "After Chat and I defeated Hawkmoth the Miraculous' went dormant, so we hadn't seen our Kwami's in four years." She explained.

"So Adrien's Kwami, Plagg, is also back?" She asked. No one had spotted the cat superhero in Paris yet, which was really strange, since Adrien had always loved going out as Chat, right? "Why hasn't anybody seen Chat?"

"Plagg is still resting." Tikki confirmed. "He's always been lazy, so I wouldn't expect him back all too soon." The red god huffed, her little arms crossed in front of her, but there was still a bit of fondness clear in her expression.

Marinette softly padded her companion over her small head in a comforting motion. "He cares about you and Adrien, so I'm sure he'll be back soon enough." She promised.

Tikki nodded and attacked her Chosen's hand in a hug. "I'm sure you are right, Mari."

Tikki could see the conflict her charge was going through after the conversation was turning to other things than the Miraculous. She was taking in every word, growing more and more concerned for Marinette the longer she and Alya were talking.

While she had been dormant she had no idea what happened in the world around her. For her it had felt like she had just blinked, but she was once again reminded how long four years were. So many things had changed in Marinette's life and she knew she wouldn't be able to catch up on everything for a long time.

But what she did know was that Nathanael had hurt his wife, mistreated her somehow. Even if neither Marinette, Alya or anyone else had said it out loud, Tikki just knew what had happened at one point. She wasn't oblivious. After thousands of years of looking after ladybugs, she knew how awful some men could be to women. She had experienced through her female bugs how unjust women were being treated. Even if she slowly saw the torment becoming less, it was still there, sometimes almost unnoticeably, but still clear to her.

That doesn't mean all men were awful, not at all. Tikki had countless of male holders over the centuries, but they all faced different problems. Usually their problems were related to their wealth, to the injustice for lower class people. None of them ever had to endure the pains of their female counterparts.

The fact that the same thing had happened to Marinette had Tikki fuming. How could everything be so unjustified for her ladybug? This had been the first time Tikki had felt sure none of the misfortune would come to this holder. Marinette had always been strong and knew how to take care of herself. She was surrounded by a loving family and caring friends.

Even if Tikki thought the ladybug and the cat holder where meant for each other this time, she never discouraged Marinette from getting together with Nathanael. She quickly came to realize how well the two fit together. There were many aspect in which the two were the same. They boosted and helped each other. Not once had she doubted their relationship.

But now Tikki was at a loss. What had happened that made the bond between Marinette and Nathanael so awful. What kind of bad things had he done to Tikki her little bug?

It was obvious Marinette wasn't okay anymore. Her panic attack earlier that day was enough proof of that. Tikki hated it. Everything about it. Her bug was supposed to be happy. But now she was doubtful and depressed. She seemed always on alert, her posture and rigid breathing had as she walked to work had made it all too clear.

Tikki wasn't sure what she could do. She'd seen so many ladybugs unable to take care of themselves anymore because they had faced abuse and misuse. Most of them ended up madly depressed, lost motivation in anything they did, were restless. There had been one thing that every holder had, at least one mental illness, if not more. It was a common thing, not just for the ladybugs, but also for the cats, even any of the other holders were so, so prone to it.

Tikki had seen some slight signs in her holder before, way back when she was still a teenager, but she had always come out stronger. This time that didn't seem to be the case.

Tikki snapped out of her angered musings when Alya announced she had to get home. The reporter had an important press conference the next morning where she needed to be.

The three of them had said their goodbye's and good lucks and soon it was just Tikki and Marinette.

The Kwami could hear Marinette sigh a little as the door closed. Some of the tension that had left Marinette the last hour was starting to comeback.

"Marinette? Maybe you should get some rest." The God said, her eyes concerned as the stared at Marinette her face.

The woman nodded and wondered what was going on inside the little head of her friend, but she didn't want to pry. Tikki had seemed out of it and she hadn't even noticed as she had let some slight curses as Marinette and Alya talked. She knew Tikki was concerned about her, but she was honestly done talking about it for tonight.

As she was getting ready to sleep Alya's idea came back to mind. Therapy seemed like… something she could use. But as she had said to her friend earlier, she simply couldn't afford it right now.

She tried shaking off the thought, kept trying to convince herself she didn't need it.

The idea kept her mind buzzing, she tried going to sleep, but she just lay restlessly in bed. She twisted and turned every few minutes, her mind racing. At one point during the night she even screamed into her pillow. She kept seeing the minutes of the clock ticking by, wishing she could just fall asleep.

Tikki watched her helplessly, not knowing what to do. She'd tried everything she could to get her holder to calm down, but all attempts were in vain.

As minutes literally crept by it started to become morning. The night seemed endless due to the February winter and darkness. Marinette finally got up from bed again, forcing herself to start the day.

Within an hour she was at work, a lot earlier than she'd usually be. None of het coworkers were there yet.

Within minutes Marinette was working on a commission. If it hadn't been a daily routine for her to do this work she would've easily screwed up some of the lining. She thanked God her client had approved of her design earlier this week, because she lacked the motivation to create any new designs.

Half an hour later Marinette was lost in her work, losing sight of her surroundings. She was pulled back to awareness when someone closed the door a little too hard.

"Mari, you are here already?" Jamie her voice rang through. She still sounded tired too.

The bleunette nodded and gave her a meek smile. "Yeah, you're early too." She pointed out.

"Good heavens, you look like hell." Jamie said to her and winced at her coworkers appearance. "I'll get you some coffee." She said and moved to the boutique's kitchen. Within five minutes Jamie had come back, sitting down on the chair next to Marinette and handing her the cup of coffee. "So what has been keeping you up tonight?"

Marinette hesitated a little bit. "Alya told me I should talk to someone who can help me with my problems…"

"Like a psychiatrist?" Jamie asked.

"Like a therapist." Marinette said and rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "I'm not crazy, y'know."

Jamie winced a little and made a so-so motion with her head. "Well I'd hate to break it to you…" She joked.

Marinette laughed a little and shook her head in disbelief. "You're so mean." She said, before taking a sip from the hot coffee.

"Alya might have a point though." Jamie pointed out. "A lot has been happening these past few months, it might make you feel a bit better."

The bleunette sighs a little and shrugs. "I guess…"

"So what's holding you back?" her coworker asks, frowning a little.

"I just don't have the money for that." She replies simply. How she wishes she could just accept professional help, instead of always bothering friends with her problems.

Jamie nodded, understanding her struggles. She was quite some years older than Marinette, but when she had come out of college she had trouble getting by too. This job payed enough to get by each month for one person, but it didn't if you were also awaiting a child.

Although their situations had been comparable, Jamie couldn't believe how Marinette kept herself afloat. She quickly realized Marinette wasn't actually keeping herself afloat, but she wasn't giving up yet either.

Jamie thought for a moment. "Have you… looked into going to a support group?" By Marinette's expression she could tell she hadn't and that the idea was new to her.

"I… hadn't thought of that before." She confirms. She purses her lips a little. "I might just try that." She says. Although she had no idea how support groups really were, nor where she could find them, she felt willing to try. Maybe some good could come from this.

A/N thank you for reading this chapter!

I'm actually working on the rewritten version of this story as we speak, and the story is still in the making. I feel like I've improved quite a lot since I've started writing this story two (three?) years ago.

I'm actually looking forward to improving even more so I'd love to get some feedback. I'm curious to know part of this story you've all enjoyed the most, and which parts you hated. Feel free to be brutally honest, because I really do want to know what flaws are in this story.

I'd also like to know what you'd think of me adding a 'flashback' chapter in between normal chapters, kind of going more in-depth of Mari and Nathan's relationship?

Also I'd love to know what y'all are still expecting from this story so I can use t as inspiration.

Once again thanks for reading, and I'll see y'all next chapter!