This was a poem I wrote for last year's Secret Odin (which is like a Secret Santa, but with more chaos) among the Glitterati, for my good friend MuggleCreator, who has kindly allowed me to reproduce it here for you now. Many of the Glitterati make an appearance, too! It got a little out of hand… ahem.
Merry Solstice!
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The Night Before Pufflemas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Hufflepuff house
Not a creature was stirring*, except for one Puffling, who, quiet as a mouse,
Crept past the stockings, hung around the stove with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there;
The students were nestled all snug in their four-poster beds;
While visions of sugar-plums and flying cars danced in their heads.
This Puffling was not tired, no – not tonight,
She had business abroad, and so with her wand-tip alight,
Out of the barrel-door, stealthy she crept,
Past the door to the kitchens, behind which slept,
Two hundred House Elves, or more – give or take,
Conserving their energy before a Yule Feast they would make.
The portraits were slumbering, too, in their frames,
Too tired to give much thought to night games.
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Out into the Entrance Hall, quietly she slipped,
Past the door to the Dungeons, where she almost tripped.
Fast-striding footsteps were approaching her,
So she hid herself behind a tall suit of armour.
Around the corner, his robes in a swirl,
Strode Professor Snape, all in a whirl.
Someone had covered his robes in green glitter,
"That bloody woman won't know what's hit her!"
She heard him mutter, his face in a scowl,
"And the werewolf, too!" he also did growl.
He hurried towards the stairs, double-quick,
Presumably to enlist the help of one Filius Flitwick.
She waited a while for his footsteps to fade,
Then passed through the arch, so gaily arrayed,
With Emerald tinsel, the badge of that house,
Whose head was quite a legendary grouse.
She slipped into his office, as quick as a flash
And set up a confetti bomb deep in the ash
Of the fire beneath his largest cauldron,
Then, dusting her hands at a job so well done,
She snuck back out, past the potions classroom,
Which was not quite as empty as you first may assume.
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She spied several Slytherins with whom she got on,
Ranged around the longest bench, whereupon
A game of Exploding Snap was well underway.
They saw the Puffling and asked her to stay.
She played a couple of rounds, forming a team
With Mina and Lucy and fair Apolline.
They won some and lost some, and played a few hands
Before Damon and Rani were forced to withstand
The force of the blast, but luckily they
Had the foresight to charm a few shields in the way.
They laughed and decided to play one round more,
When Myssy and Mari stuck their heads round the door.
Their grumpy Professor was on his way back,
So quickly and deftly collecting the stack
The Slytherins bade our brave Puffling goodbye,
And right up the corridor, away she did fly.
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Towards the greenhouses she quickly did run,
For her Christmassy pranks she had only begun.
Decorating the plants in the greenhouse with flair,
She wrapped lots of tinsel around the top chair
And fed the Tentacula a sandwich,
So it would allow her to prank the good witch
In charge of the Greenhouse, good old Prof Sprout,
Whose sense of humour nobody could doubt.
She left the glasshouses well satisfied,
But behind a big statue was then forced to hide,
When old Mrs Norris, that dreadful spy-cat
Prowled on right past her, intent on a spat
With unwary students who were breaking the rules.
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She let her pass by and readied her tools;
In the Transfiguration classroom she caused a snowstorm
Allowing several deep drifts for to form,
Then up towards Charms she sped then, in fact,
Before the Grey Lady could catch her in the act.
'Gainst pranks Master Flitwick was usually armed
But this night she really quite craftily charmed
All the benches and tables, and the Professor's small seat
Into gingerbread, with gummies and icing so sweet,
Taking a moment to sample her work,
She heard a faint sound which made her head jerk
Around to discover two quick Ravenclaws,
Both doubled up in helpless guffaws.
To Novi and Emilie she gave a deep bow,
And the prank, they declared, was likely to wow.
She asked them why they were both carrying a shovel
And they told her they had been out, building a tunnel
To stretch 'round the Earth so they always could meet,
Where good friends and family could all find their feet.
She left them by the door to Muggle Studies
And they slipped through a heavy tapestry
Concealing the passage towards their house tower
Embroidered all o'er with carnivorous flowers.
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In this next classroom much havoc was wreaked
For 'twas in Muggle Studies her mischief was piqued
When Professor Brown a challenge had set
To enliven the holiday – she'd said it was a bet
With her husband, the master of duelling defence
And she'd told them they ought to spare no expense
On the prank, for he'd said (being an ex-Maruader)
Their detention slips he'd be prepared to launder,
Assuming his teenage pranks they could outdo.
Now, what was a self-respecting Hufflepuff to do?
When presented with such a test, she simply must shine,
Which was why she knew her teachers would whine
When first thing tomorrow they discovered their folly
For asking their students to make Christmas more jolly.
Brown and Lupin she knew would probably laugh,
As would the majority of the castle's staff –
And who would suspect a quiet, friendly Puffle
Of ever being able to make such a kerfuffle?
She left Brown's classroom covered in garlands
Of holly and baubles and pine cones from England,
And twinkling strings of bright fairy lights,
Then hurried on up another few flights.
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For Trelawny she enchanted all her crystal balls
To float up at the ceiling and cover the walls
In pale, shining light which made all the ice
She had charmed about to look rather nice,
Sparkling silvery throughout the tower
And glitter all over everyone to shower.
Next back down the ladder she quickly did slide
And took a shortcut to make the outside.
She hurried on down to Hagrid's dark hut,
And presented dear Fang with a fine, juicy cut
Of meat as a payment for his complicity
In her mission to spread maximum felicity.
She covered the pumpkin patch with tinsel
Even winding it round the big dragon skull,
And dusted the hut with glittering snow,
Adding reindeer horns to Fang for a show.
She hurried back in for the night was quite cold
And she had work to do before all was toll'd.
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For Dumbledore's office she ran up to next,
And having consulted the secretive text
Of sweets in the library they kept for this cause
Could guess at the password quite without pause.
Fawkes greeted her warmly, recognising her goal
And helped her decorate to gladden the soul
Of that old Professor we all love and trust,
Who (most of the time) thinks our welfare's a must.
She fitted his office with a holiday spread
She'd collected at Honeydukes to delight the head
Of the school who worked so hard to keep them safe
Though his rules did sometimes make people chafe.
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Outside, again, there arose such a clatter
She sprang behind a tapestry to see what was the matter.
Along the corridor came an old poltergeist
Singing loudly and badly and distributing ice
All over the floor to make people trip.
"When Filch sees this," she thought, "he's going to flip!"
Sure enough, came a shout and a speedy caretaker,
Who slipped on the ice and near met his maker!
He got to his feet and yelled at the ghost
Who raised his blood pressure right up – more than most.
He stuck out his tongue and vanished through the wall
Whereupon poor Argus once more he did sprawl.
He crawled away on his hands and knees,
Swearing revenge and rattling his keys.
The Puffling tutted and rolled up her sleeves –
It was never good to be on the wrong side of Peeves.
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Up in the tower where they studied the stars,
She charmed up a shield before opening jars
Filled with fairies and bright holly branches.
She strew them around in that place where romances
When class was not in most often did bloom,
Reflecting it could be Hogwarts' most visited room.
Ancient Runes was treated to hundreds of vines
Of mistletoe, 'neath which lover's hands could entwine,
She ran into a Gryffindor on a travelling staircase
And swapped tips on where hazards were, just in case.
They shared a Butterbeer on the fabled third floor,
Before Meag took her leave and she was alone once more.
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Defence Against the Dark Arts was her last port of call,
Her pièce de résistance, the great sum of all,
For to impress a Marauder all stops you must pull
And come morning he'd find his class particularly full
Of oversized presents (the furniture, wrapped)
And a ridiculously large Christmas tree, scent of sap.
The skeletal dragon she hung with candy canes
And all manner of sweets. She took great pains;
His proverbial sweet-tooth 'round Hogwarts was famed.
Well-pleased with her work and feeling quite tired
From the classroom this Puffling quite quickly retired.
Outside the Great Hall she ran into a pickle
(Which shows that luck can be really quite fickle)
When Alastor Moody, complete with a sack
Came in from the cold, dusting snow off his back.
He grumbled and sorted through the sack full of presents,
And the Puffling decided a really more pleasant
Surrogate Santa could likely be found.
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As towards the guest rooms Moody went with a bound,
She was about to leave her scant hiding place
When out of the Great Hall at a leisurely pace
Strolled Professors Lupin and Brown, arm in arm,
Congratulating one another on a fine use of Charms.
The Great Hall it seemed would be subject to cheer
Though the Puffling hadn't set her sights so near;
Her teachers, she decided, had something afoot,
Or there'd be no reason for them to put
A foot out of their rooms so late that Eve,
So she shook her head and waited for them to leave.
The troublesome adults were close to the stairs
When Amelia paused and turned back to stare,
To the brave Puffling's horror, towards her hiding place.
Expecting the worst, she screwed up her face,
But, unexpected, the scarred fellow said, "Mel,
Don't stop her now – she's doing quite well!
And if we catch her we'll have to undo all
The chaos she's wrought, which won't be a ball."
His wife rolled her eyes at his chivalrous ways
And, with a grin, averted her gaze.
She turned back before they were quite out of sight,
Causing that Puffling a little more fright,
But before dark thoughts of capture she could think,
Her Professor gave her a conspiratorial wink!
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Back towards the safety of common room and bed,
The wandering Puffling took the chance then to head,
Whereupon when she opened the common room door,
She was startled to find herself on the floor!
Hit in the midriff by two other Puffles,
It wasn't long before they ended the scuffle.
"We noticed you were out and about," Lauren said,
"And Christmas Eve's no time to languish in bed.
So we snuck into the kitchen and cooked up a surprise!"
Grinning, Karelin directed Clare's astonished eyes
To a pile of sweet treats, and good Christmas food.
"And you know," Kare said, "to refuse would be rude."
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Having eaten their fill and, beginning to doze,
Outside the common room there abruptly arose
A clamour of hooves on the grounds outside;
They sprang to their feet and tore the curtains aside.
The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
When, what their wondering eyes should enthral,
But a thumping great sleigh, pulled along by Thestralls**,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
Conversing gaily with Nearly Headless Nick.
"He must have stopped for directions," the Pufflings declared,
"Or else studied here, and stopped in for a dare!"
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More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
Up into the night and away they all flew
Leaving three Hufflepuffs on this image to stew.
They climbed up the stairs and away to their beds,
Excited to know Christmas magic ain't dead.
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And in the morning, when her traps came to pass,
The Puffling quietly had occasion to laugh,
As Professor Lupin, his promise not to slough,
Sneakily gave points to Hufflepuff!
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* Which was unusual for Hogwarts, but there had been a fairly chaotic snowball fight that day, followed by a substantial feast. Consequently, most people were unconscious.
** See 'An Epic Christmas Tale, Chapter One' by the Mudbloods.