Chapter Summary: Ashara must make hard decisions when it comes to protecting her child, but that's motherhood, isn't it?

Characters: Ashara Dayne, Ned Stark, Allyria Dayne, Jon Snow, Wylla, Aron Dayne (Ashara's father)

Pairings: Ashara/Ned (past), Ashara/Brandon (flirtation/not serious/past), Ned/Catelyn (mentioned), Elia/Rhaegar/Lyanna (mentioned)

Warnings: Mentions of forced abortion

283 AC

Ashara stood in the hallways of Starfall, her gaze locked on the Torrentine while worries weighed on her mind. From her perch she had a view of the shore, waves lapping onto the sands. Her father stood on the shore unmoving, staring into the water. Ashara thought he figured he could change the course of the tide with his glare alone. He certainly managed to change everything else, run her life the way he saw fit, but in truth, his contemplative nature belied her own. She did not know what to think or how to feel. Ned had arrived three days ago and presented she and her father with Dawn and said Arthur was dead, died following his prince's orders at the end of Ned's own blade. Ashara hadn't been able to believe that at first but remembered quickly that war was war and a relationship like Ned and Ashara's had no bearing in something like that, in Ned's quest for his sister, it would not stop him from striking Arthur down.

The war had seemed so far away while Ashara was in Starfall. She hadn't wanted to go but Elia had sent her off as soon as she discovered her pregnancy. She had known that Ashara and Ned planned to push for a betrothal from their respective fathers and when Brandon was killed: beautiful, magnetic, electric, impulsive, idiotic Brandon, Elia knew she would not be far behind if anyone found out. Watching Brandon choke himself to death didn't just kill him, it killed the hope inside of Ashara. She felt her dreams of marrying Ned choking and fading along with Brandon's breath. Her thoughts of growing used to the cold of the North if it meant feeling Ned's warmth burned to ash along with Rickard Stark. Her hopes for herself and her child vanished with the Red Keep and Elia when she sailed away to Dorne. All she had left was survival for herself and her child, whatever cost it wrought.

Elia had made her promise that she would come back to her one day. She said everything would be okay and once the mess had passed they would be together again. But Rhaegar had lost the Trident and died (not that Ashara lost any sleep on that). Aerys was dead now too and Elia... Elia had been tortured before she died. She refused to believe Elia killed herself and the children when the Lannister army sacked the city as people were first made to believe. Eventually the truth made its way to her. Elia was raped and murdered after watching her children die. Ashara had felt sick to her stomach, so much so she found herself dry heaving into her chamber pot. Elia had been the sun Ashara, along with so many others, revolved around for so long and now she was gone. Now there was just Ned returning Dawn and informing her that Arthur was dead. On top of that, her eldest brother Alaric had still not returned to Starfall. They were not sure if he lived or not. Suffice to say, Ashara was beyond angered and the accusatory look her father had thrown at her when Ned told them Arthur's fate had only stoked her anger.

Aron Dayne had never been a particularly warm father. Despite the views of most of Dorne, her father had always been more rigid, a result of his long period of time fostering in the Westerlands starting at a young age. When she returned home pregnant, with a Northman's child no less, he had been disgusted and incensed. He first ordered her to drown the babe with moon tea but it was too late for that. Then he tried to force her to undergo a dangerous procedure to cut the babe out of her but Ashara had fiercely fought him on his decision.

She remembered how much that argument had blown up. It started off as a perfectly lovely memory. Allyria was excited for the baby and was already rattling off names.

"If we keep to ancestral names he will be Alaric or Arthur after our brothers. Or Aron after Father."

"No. Not Aron." Ashara protested. The seven-year-old shrugged, nonplussed.

"Not Aron then. Allyrio maybe." She said with an impish smile that forced Ashara to reciprocate it. On her way to Dorne, she had been uncertain how she would be with her sister who was so much younger than her and who she only knew through letters, but they had immediately fallen into one another.

"Why are you so certain it's a boy? Could be a girl and they are certainly not beholden to the letter 'A' as Father has made his children after him. They could be Yelyssa after Mother or Nymeria after the warrior queen."

"Or Ammeric. I like that." Ashara chuckled lightly at the girl's steadfast belief that she had a boy in her belly. Elia had been the same. Thinking of her friend brought her sadness but also roused her. Elia had been supportive of her and sent her away to protect her. She would not waste her friend's efforts.

"If he is a boy, his name will be Jon." Allyria wrinkled her nose at that.

"Why? That's so... common."

"Maybe so but it is a Northern enough name and may give him some closeness to his father. Besides, Elia chose the name. She said it should be in the vein of many other Northern names: strong and simple, succinct."

"I think it's boring but fine. I will still love you Jon, even if you have a boring name. I shall be the best aunt in the world." Allyria declared, kissing Ashara's stomach. Her lips pulled into a smile, but it quickly fled as she caught sight of her father standing in the door flanked by a guard, a look of disdain on his lips.

"Leave us, Allyria." He ordered. Her sister nodded back at their father and curtsied before scurrying from the room, throwing a worried look at her older sister.

"How can I help you, Father?" Ashara asked coolly, walking further into her room towards her bedside dresser. It was populated by much paraphernalia these days. Books mostly and jewelry but her jewelry chest, gifted to her by her mother, also resided there. Her dagger, a gift from Ned, rested on top of the small chest. She grabbed her goblet of water, sure to keep an eye on the men as they walked into her room, leaving the door open.

"You should not let her indulge herself with your shame. You will give her ideas." Aron said. Ashara gave him a flat look.

"What ideas? To love her child? To live her life freely?"

"Her life isn't hers to live freely any more than yours or mine. Our lives exist thanks to our house, our family name."

"And here I was thinking it was a meeting of two genitals that brought about my existence, come to find a banner and some words did. The maesters in Oldtown shall be shocked to hear of this development."

"You are trying to use vulgarity to distract me from my purpose. You always did the same as a child to steer me away from your various wrongdoings and promiscuous behavior. It will not work now."

"You think that's vulgarity? You're too sheltered here on this island then." She replied with amusement, taking another sip of her water. Her father didn't budge. The guard behind him was not so stoic and he eyed her nervously and with some form of shame. It turned Ashara's only recently calmer stomach. She placed a hand over the swell and held her head higher, eyeing her father defiantly.

"You mentioned your purpose. What purpose would that be?" She asked evenly. If she were prone to leniency and thinking the better of people, she would say there was something like remorse in her father's eyes but Ashara had never been one to dig for goodness in someone when they had proven enough times that there was none. She wasn't as forgiving and benevolent a figure as Elia.

"That... mistake you bear in your womb cannot be allowed to know life. It is an affront against our house and my honor."

"Your honor?" Ashara scoffed.

"Don't start. I don't care what Oberyn Martell or any other Dornishman or woman gets up to, my daughter will not bear bastards of Northern blood in my home."

"What's so insane about Ned being a Northman? He follows the Old Gods same as us. The blood of the First Men sings in his veins. I know how important that sort of thing is to you. It seems like something that you would be overjoyed with."

"The man is married. They say the Tully girl is with child." Ashara felt the same jolt she did whenever she was reminded of these facts, something her father loved to do.

"Our child was conceived before he married the Tully girl."

"It matters not. It will remain a bastard unless Catelyn Stark dies in childbirth. And if you stand in front of the Heart Tree and pray for her death, it will matter not even still. The child inside of you cannot be allowed to live. I will not have it be known that my daughter is a whore. Not that the rumors don't already fly." Ashara felt herself standing stock still. She would never show how much his words hurt, not to him or to anyone else who had ever named her a whore.

"What do you plan to do about it, Father? It is too late for moon tea. My child will be born and there is nothing else for it." Aron shook his head in return.

"There is a procedure that can be performed. It is risky and many maesters do not like to perform it-"

"No."

"But I have found one that can and will and his success rate has been higher than most others."

"No."

"It will leave you ill for some time and may leave you unable to have children afterwards-"

"I said no."

"But Allyria can yet prove fertile and if Alaric comes back he will marry as soon as possible. This procedure may seem harsh but it will preserve the honor and integrity of House Dayne and-" Aron stopped talking as Ashara's goblet suddenly went flying towards his head. He stared at her wide-eyed as Ashara seethed.

"Have you lost your head?" Aron asked her incredulously.

"You will not touch me or my babe." She replied, her voice steady and sure.

"You are my daughter, you have no choice in the matter." Ashara's eyes flickered to the guard who gazed between father and daughter uncertainly.

"That's why you've brought your guard? Some big man you are then. Willing to what? Shackle and strap a pregnant woman down and cut her child out of her against her will?" She spat at the guardsman who impossibly looked even more uncomfortable.

"My lady, I-"

"Do not speak to her." Aron ordered.

"Oh, now I am so under your control that you would dictate who speaks to me? You may control every other person in this keep. Every tree and pebble may bend to your heel, but I will not. My child will live! I will make sure of it to spite you if I must, but you will not take them from me. I will go with no guard, no foreign maester shall touch me and you can scream to the high heavens all day long, but I will not get rid of my child." Aron made to step towards Ashara, she grabbed behind her and latched onto her dagger, brandishing it with a practiced hand.

"I will carve both of you open, root to sternum, before you lay a hand on me." Aron looked at her with exasperation more than incredulity.

"I will give you time to rest as the heat has clearly gone to your head and this pregnancy is making you hormonal and unreasonable, but this procedure will go on as planned whether you want it or not." Aron stared Ashara down like his gaze would change her mind. It only made her angrier and she grabbed the first thing she saw and hurtled it at her father and his guard. Both men ducked once more. Ashara kept flinging things after them until they had to crouch and quickly flee the room. Once they were gone, she looked over all she had thrown at them. The broken jewelry chest lay on the floor outside her door. Her mother had given her that chest and she had treasured it for so long, only for it to be destroyed in an instant, in a fit of rage.

She stayed angry for a long time after that. She liked rage better than sadness, liked anger better than melancholy, screaming and throwing things was better than crying and giving up. She made herself scarce on the island. She would disappear completely and avoid her father and the maester he brought until the maester got fed up and left. Only then did Ashara reappear with some frequency around Starfall. After that, she wouldn't eat any food her father gave her for fear he had drugged it and trusted no one in his service.

Finally, after enduring his abuse for too long and hearing him mutter on and on about how he would rid his house of the stain of her bastard the moment he got the chance, she had come up with a quick plan. She would tell her father the babe died so he would not look for him. Her friend and handmaiden Wylla had been the brain behind it.

Ashara began hiding herself away once more. After a time, Wylla told Aron that she went into labor, embellishing details about how far along Ashara had been, and that she had given birth to a full term stillborn girl. She had still been two months away from giving birth when they told that lie. Her son was not the result of she and Ned's activities in Harrenhal but had occurred when they ran into one another in Sunspear. Ned had been there with Robert Baratheon who was no doubt there for the brothels. Ashara was there visiting her friends. They spent many nights together before Ashara went back to King's Landing and learned she was pregnant and then Rhaegar ran off with Lyanna and Aerys killed Lord Rickard and Brandon and then, and then, and then. The world kept hurtling at a breakneck pace since then and was not likely to slow any time soon.

Ashara hid her pregnancy well in those two months. She avoided her father and he did not seek her out, thinking she was mourning. She avoided his known spies and anyone who wasn't Wylla until she gave birth to her son. When she saw he was a boy, just as Allyria, Elia and even Wylla thought, she had wanted to kiss Wylla for that touch of brilliance in giving her father the wrong gender so even if Jon was found out, he would not immediately think the babe hers. Plus, Wylla had recently given birth to a boy so if anyone saw Ashara with him, she could easily say Jon was Wylla's boy.

Jon was with Wylla now, hidden in the caves of Starfall with her and most likely with Allyria too, who was already prone to disappearing to explore before Jon was born and had always been privy to Ashara's plans and kept her secrets easily enough despite her young age. She even perpetuated to their father that Jon was indeed a stillborn girl, lamenting her niece who she named Alysanne frequently, complete with tears. Alaric had returned from the war wounded and tired and wholly uncaring that Ashara snuck away to the caves periodically. He never asked what she was doing. He never asked about her pregnancy or her affairs with either of the Stark boys. Instead, he held her tightly and apologized to her for Elia's death as if it was on his head. Ashara wouldn't hear her eldest brother apologize for it. The only ones who should were Lannister and his men and Robert Baratheon, and Rhaegar too. But she wouldn't get apologies from any of them.

Ned had apologized. She had avoided him as much as she could, and her father was certainly fine with that. He didn't want them to have any interaction should another bastard pop up, but it would be bad form not to offer his home to Ned after he returned their house's ancestral blade, even if he had killed a member of said house. Most men would take the sword so they could forever boast of their victory against a warrior as renowned as the Sword of the Morning, but not Ned. Ned and the men that came ashore from his ship took quarters in the keep but Ashara knew some did not come ashore from the boat.

They managed to avoid one another for three days before Ned came knocking at her door. She was surprised to see him standing there when she opened her door, his fist poised to knock on the wood. She quickly stood up straight, looking at him stoically.

"Lord Stark, is there something I can help you with?" She asked, her voice distant.

"I... I hoped I might speak to you in private, my lady." He replied. His voice was not much louder than it had been all those months ago at Harrenhall when she first spoke to him but it had a steely edge that wasn't there before. It was a voice that was battle worn, Ashara was coming to know it well after speaking with Alaric enough times. Even so, she wanted to snap at him that she was not his lady, not anymore but she bit that response back.

"I don't know how appropriate that would be, your being married now and all. People may talk." She retorted instead.

"Aye, they may, which is why I was hoping for a walk in the gardens."

"Is that so?" Ned didn't answer, just stared at her. Ashara wanted to refuse him but those grey eyes of his had some effect on her that she couldn't explain and didn't necessarily like. Maybe this was how Elia felt with Rhaegar, but Ned was not Rhaegar. He was a much better man than that melancholic fool. Still, she did not fight the pull to him. She hesitated for a moment when he offered her his arm before deciding to follow decorum and looped hers through his, leading him towards the gardens. The walk was quiet and Ashara felt some eyes on them. No doubt much of the keep knew their previous dealings with one another. Some might even report her to her father but she ignored the looks and walked down the steps with Ned into the garden. She wouldn't be a prisoner in her own home.

The garden was filled with blooming flowers indigenous to Dorne that were probably foreign to Ned. He observed them with interest as they continued quietly. However, the weirwood tree ensconced in the gardens did catch his attention and make him pause. It was a small weirwood and how it had survived the Andal invasion and the arrival of the Rhoynish was a story lost in retellings and embellishments over time but as a result the Daynes followed the Old Gods and the New and their weirwood held as much value as their sept. There was a smiling face on the tree, red sap falling down the eyes in stark contrast with the smile. He walked towards it and knelt in front of it.

"I haven't seen a Heart Tree, much less a weirwood since the poisoned great tree in Raventree Hall. They say the Old Gods cannot see in the South thanks to the loss of most of the weirwood trees when the Andals invaded. This war has not been kind to those of the Old Way seeking some refuge in our gods." Ashara stared after him before kneeling beside him.

"I suppose it wouldn't be." She replied simply.

"I haven't the chance to properly pray for any of my dead. My father, my brother… my sister." Ashara glanced at him from the corner of her eyes.

"She died then?" Ned hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"She was sick." He replied curtly.

"Your sister for my brother. Some might find that fair." She said simply. Ned jolted a little but didn't respond to her barb. They sat silent in front of the tree, Ned praying for his family and Ashara praying for hers before her eyes snapped open at his hand brushing against hers.

"I'm not sure your wife would like that." She said, snatching her hand away. Ned was silent for a while.

"I hadn't wanted it. I did not ever plan to marry Catelyn Tully. Brandon was betrothed to her and you were… you were everything I had wanted. The day I went to my father to ask for his permission to marry you, he received Aerys Targaryen's summons to King's Landing. I… we needed the Rivermen. The marriage was the only way to get them. Hoster Tully wouldn't have us any other way. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made."

"And yet you made it." Ashara snapped back, some anger filtering into her voice.

"I did and I'm not proud of it to this day. I don't even know her. I've met her once, my wife, and I already have a son living in the world whom I have never met and know nothing about, not even his name. I've never wanted anything like that for my children. I've always thought I would be close with my own, love my children, protect them, teach them. I don't know how… I'm being selfish. I shouldn't be telling you any of this." Ned said, cutting himself off with a tired sigh. Ashara felt discomfort rising in her as she thought of their son whom she was hiding. Would Ned want his son even though he was a bastard? Of course he would, he was Ned. He would claim him. But should she let him? Then again, did she have a choice?

"No, you shouldn't be telling me this." She agreed finally.

"Arthur, he died fighting, yes?" She asked after another long silence.

"Nine of us faced three kingsguards. Your brother killed most of my men. Only myself and Howland Reed arrive here in Starfall from that fight." Ashara nodded in response. At least he went fighting. Though, fighting for Rhaegar's sake. It's what her brother would have wanted even if Ashara never approved of his oft times blind devotion to the prince. She thought it ran deeper than friendship on Art's side but she never asked and now she would never know. She should be concerned how numb she was to all of this but she cried herself all out when she heard about how Elia was tortured and raped, forced to watch her children die. How she, her sister, had screamed and fought and called for help from a man that wasn't her husband but was probably more likely to save her even if Rhaegar had been alive then. Ashara had exhausted her tears. Maybe it would hit her later on and she'd find herself drowning in them again but for now she pushed it to the side. She had to use her brain here.

Ned had a son with Catelyn Tully, an heir. She did not know the woman but maybe this would help their cause, make the woman less likely to scorn Jon since she did fulfill her duty and give Ned an heir. Or maybe that will not matter to her and she will want Jon cast out of her household into the cold. Maybe bringing anything up to Ned was a mistake and she should just let him go none-the-wiser to Jon's presence. But she couldn't hide him forever, she needed a plan to get him away from Starfall and her father. The best thing to have presented itself lately was Ned. Ashara was angry at him, angry at him for a lot of things but she didn't want her anger to rob her son of his father and get in the way of preserving his safety. Jon was too precious to her to throw his life into flux over any jealousies to do with the Tully girl or feelings she may have about Arthur's death.

Ned got up after a while and brushed his knees off, intent to leave, but Ashara grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Don't. I need to tell you something." Ned looked down on her curiously. Ashara stared up at him, the words on her tongue but unable to come from her mouth. She looked around the garden before pulling herself up.

"Come." She said, nodding for Ned to follow her as she set a brisk pace from the gardens. Eyes still followed them, but they became less and less as they made their way down the steps of the keep and onto the now deserted beach.

"Ash, where are we going?" Ned asked as they trekked along the sand.

"Just come." She replied, counting the openings in the stones Starfall was built upon until she came to the correct opening and ventured inside. She glanced back to make sure Ned still followed her and found him right behind her, his face belying his confusion. As they got further into the cave, Ashara could hear Jon's fussing and babbling along with Allyria's coos. They walked for a moment more before the cave widened into a small cavern lit up by torches. Wylla was on one side of the cavern crouched over a pot of boiling stew over a small fire. Allyria sat on a fur blanket to the other side of the cavern. Jon was laid on the seven-year-old's legs looking up at her with wide grey eyes as Allyria played with him.

"My lady. My lord." Wylla said as she noticed them, curtsying to them with her eyes betraying some of her uncertainty. Allyria looked at her with a smile that quickly dulled when she noticed Ned. The little girl stood up quickly, Jon cradled protectively in her arms. Ashara gave her a reassuring smile as she approached her and took her son from her arms. She walked back towards Ned, her eyes sweeping Jon's serene features. He wasn't a very fussy baby. He had a quiet countenance and was mostly content despite the circumstances of his birth. He did not like the sun very much, probably due to spending much of his time alive in this cave. He was smaller than Ashara would like him to be, but he was healthy. Ned stared at her wide-eyed as she stopped in front of him.

"Who— who is…?" He trailed off. Ashara wordlessly placed Jon into Ned's arms allowing him to study him and see all the parts in him that was Ned, (the grey eyes, the pale skin, the long face) and the parts that were Ashara (the black hair, the chin, the shape of his eyes, the cheekbones). Ned's breath caught in his throat staring down at their son. Ashara watched him slowly sink to his knees holding Jon in the crook of his arm. He looked like he'd held babes before, perhaps Robert's bastard girl.

"This is… it's our…"

"Our son. His name is Jon." Ashara said finally. Saying the words brought her some semblance of peace. Ned stared at her speechlessly and Ashara would've laughed if it was under any other circumstances.

"I was going to tell you." She said, kneeling down across from him.

"I planned to tell you when you returned to King's Landing for me after asking your father for my hand. I was going to tell you about my pregnancy as you soon as you came. I could hardly contain myself for joy, waiting for you to come back, waiting to start our life together. But then your father and brother were killed, and I had to flee King's Landing for fear Aerys would find out you were Jon's father and kill us or use us to lure you to the capital. I couldn't let that happen." Ned nodded his head in understand before looking up at her with bewildered grey eyes.

"I heard whispers around the keep. They said you gave birth to a stillborn girl five months ago."

"A lie that Wylla, Jon's nurse, and myself fabricated. I had Jon three months ago in this very cave and this is where he has remained for most of his short life."

"But why?" Ashara let a wry smile touch her lips.

"Because if my father were to get his hands on him, he would cast him into the sea and be done with the "shame" I have brought upon my family." Ned looked at her with a horrified and guilty expression.

"My father is not like most other Dornishmen. He puts much stock in titles and blood lineages and names. He would not countenance a Sand among the Daynes in his lifetime. He will never let me keep Jon here. His life would be torment constantly under my father's baleful gaze and nigh on murderous intentions. I… It is probably selfish of me and I should probably not ask but you must take him with you to the North, to Winterfell."

"Ashara…"

"I cannot keep him in this cave for the next two decades, not that I believe I could hide him from my father for so long a time. He has the island under near constant guard, I would not be able to leave it no matter how I tried and trust me, I have tried. I want him to be safe. I've done as much as I can up to this point, but he isn't safe with me anymore. I'm trusting you, I'm asking you, please take him with you." Jon cooed and stretched in Ned's arms, his grey eyes blinking up at his parents and taking them in curiously. He yawned a little and reached up to grab at Ashara's hair while burrowing deeper into Ned's arms. She smiled at the display and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"I will." Ned said suddenly. Ashara looked up at him to see that his eyes were filled with determination but were also glossy.

"I will take him with me but there are things you must know first." Ashara glanced towards Wylla and Allyria and the two got the message instantly, moving towards the entrance of the cave to leave the pair in privacy. Ned sighed as he moved to sit on the floor, his back against the cave wall. Ashara went to follow him and let a smile ghost on her lips as Ned removed his cloak and laid it out on the ground so she could sit upon it. Ned was quiet for a moment, seemingly gathering his thoughts as he lightly bounced Jon in his arms.

"Your brother, he is not dead." Ashara snapped to attention at that.

"What?"

"My men and I did confront Ser Arthur along with Ser Oswell and Ser Gerold at the Tower of Joy and seven of my men were killed along with Whent and Hightower but a midwife came from the Tower and put a stop to the fight under Lyanna's orders."

"A midwife?"

"Lyanna was pregnant but birthing fever took her quickly. According to she and Ser Arthur, she wed Rhaegar on the Isle of Faces after discovering her pregnancy. Your brother was protecting his queen and Prince Rhaegar's only living heir."

"His heir—"

"My niece. Visenya was what Lyanna said her name was."

"And Arthur?"

"He has her away from Starfall. He wanted me to say he was dead, though he would not go into detail of why, just that it would help his duty in protecting my niece. I promised Lyanna I would protect her. If Robert finds outs about her—"

"He'll kill her." Ashara finished. Her mind was whirring with this new information. She did not know how to feel. Arthur lived but he was still as shackled to Rhaegar as before. Lyanna was dead but her child lived while Elia and her children perished horribly after unknowingly being pushed aside by Rhaegar. It made a lance of bitterness go through her, but she pushed that away. Elia would not countenance her to blame a child for the sins of their parent.

"I don't know what to do." Ashara took a deep breath, her mind conjuring up plans and throwing them away just as quickly before speaking.

"Well, the first thing would be changing her name. She cannot remain Visenya."

"I know. Your brother has said the same, though he argues her name should still have some Targaryen roots. We can hardly name the child Rhaenys or Daenys or Baela. And the implications of naming her Shiera, even if just in my own mind..."

"Alysanne." Ashara said after a moment.

"It is the name of a Targaryen queen but is also common enough not to raise any suspicions." Allyria used Alysanne for Ashara's imaginary daughter.

"Alysanne then. Thankfully she takes from her mother's looks, though her eyes are violet. Arthur wanted to claim her for his own but that will still not ensure her safety, Robert is not likely to believe Lyanna was willingly with any man besides him and some may still speculate that her daughter's father is Rhaegar."

"So Lyanna cannot be her mother."

"No. She is too young to claim Brandon as her father though and no one would believe it was Benjen who fathered her, he hasn't left Winterfell during the war. And what other Northern woman could Arthur have been involved with, running around after Rhaegar?" Ashara agreed before a spark went off in her head. Allyria told people her lost daughter was named Alysanne.

"But she is of an age with Jon."

"She is a month younger than him."

"Close enough though and he is small, one can hardly tell the difference. You say she shares the Northern look, as does he. So, claim them both. Tell people I am the mother of them both and they are twins." Ned was struck quiet before he fumbled out an answer.

"Your family can dispute that."

"My father doesn't even know that Jon yet lives, let alone if I could've been pregnant with twins. Allyria has kept my secrets thus far, she will keep this too. Alaric has known nothing about any of this, if I tell him that this is the truth of it, he will have no reason not to believe me. Arthur can hide away in the North with them, protecting them, and if anyone discovers his identity then he is just a brother looking over his niece and nephew for his sister's sake. A noble endeavor. It can work, Ned. It will keep our son safe and our son's existence will keep your niece safe."

"I can't make you do this. I promised Lyanna I'd take care of my niece, that I'd protect her. This isn't on you. I've sullied your honor enough."

"My honor was already sullied to my father and much of the realm long before I met you, Ned Stark. What does one more bastard upon it matter? And you're not making me do anything, I'm choosing."

"Ash..."

"What other plan did you have to protect her? What else would've made any sense besides claiming her as your bastard? Tell me it hasn't crossed your mind at all." Ned had no answer to that. Ashara looked down at Jon cradled in Ned's arm. He was content to stare up at the ceiling none-the-wiser to the world around him. His grey eyes flicked over to Ashara as she leaned over into his line of vision. She knew he was still too young to smile but she could swear his face lit up, even just a little bit, as he looked up at her. She suddenly felt tears gathering in her eyes. She was going to lose him. No, she was sending him away. It was for the best, it was to protect him but still, she was going to lose him. She felt her chest tightening and her throat contracting as her eyes burned with tears she tried not to let fall.

Gods, what was the matter with her? She hadn't even wanted to be a mother. It wasn't for her, she'd always known that. Arthur always complained that she was too wild and free, that she did not know how to apply caution and restraint. King's Landing had taught her better and she grew to understand how Arthur could go from a brash, deathly charming Dornishman to a docile, sullen, quiet servant. She came to understand how Elia could go from a surprisingly lively, bubbly, witty, kind woman to a quiet, subservient, wounded glass doll. Above all else, King's Landing had taught Ashara that she was a fighter, that she was a survivor and of the few traits she passed on to her son that was the one she was most thankful for. He had fought to survive for this long, birthed and shuttered away in this cave for most of his life. She had to believe and hope that he would continue to survive and fight in the North where she could not be with him.

She didn't know a tear had fallen from her eyes until Ned's thumb brushed it away. He left his hand there, holding her cheek. She should've pushed him away but she was too busy trying to keep herself together.

"You can change your mind." Ned offered. Ashara shook her head.

"No, I can't. I don't want to lose Jon. I want him with me always, but I won't put him in danger. He deserves a home, a life and let's be honest, you'll be a better parent than I would've ever dreamed to be."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. I was never meant to be a mother. I never even wanted it. I was too independent for all that and playful and unladylike. My mother died trying to give my father another child after Allyria. Elia almost died having Aegon. Then there are the women who lose their children. How many babes did Princess Loreza and Queen Rhaella bury between them? I lost count. I never wanted to meet my death in the birthing bed any more than I thought I could handle the death of a babe that grew inside of me for months only to come into the world and breathe their last in my arms. No, I was never cut out to be a mother, but I hear that sacrifice is a large part of that. I've always been too selfish for all of that, if I wanted something then I have let nothing stop me. Well, right now I want my son safe. He will be safe with you. Your niece will be safe with you. They look alike now, they will probably only continue to grow that way. Telling people I am her mother protects her as well as him."

"You don't have to protect her. You don't have any obligation to do so."

"I know. But Elia would've." Ashara replied, sadness engulfing her. Ned made an aborted gesture to hug her before remembering himself and stopping. Ashara threw propriety and caution to the wind and threw her arms around his shoulders, embracing him. She felt Ned tense under her arms. A part of her bitterly remembered a time when he melted under her without hesitation, when he blushed and demurred as she brashly went about seducing him, their positions reversed as if he were the innocent maiden and she the charming, dashing lord. Ned held stiff for a minute more before relaxing and wrapping his free arm around her back.

"Thank you. I cannot… I never deserved you." Ashara shook her head against his shoulder.

"You did. We deserved each other. We would've been happy together, I know it." Ned nodded against her, holding her tighter.

"Aye, we would've been happy. If I were not married…"

"Yes. But we shall not make the same mistakes that started this war. Just take care of him for me, Ned. Love him and make sure he knows that he's loved. Tell him about me when he is old enough to understand, the good and the bad. And one day, hopefully, I will see him again."

"I hope so." Ned replied, his voice thick with emotion. They held one another for long moments more, despite the impropriety. The future was so uncertain, and it was easy to hide from it in the other's arms but they would have to face it eventually, no matter how afraid of it they were.