A special thanks to my editors/friends/very understanding people that know that I can get obsessive over fictional characters and their worlds; to Jake and Max. 4/03/2018 update: Now with added Nick.

Another thanks to the people that have followed me over the years and have read my other fanfics enough to follow me.

There is something to be said about beautiful women. Since they know they are beautiful they know that they can get things more easily whether it be goods, services or companionship.

The woman who walked through the market place was certainly beautiful and certainly used her beauty to gain cheap food for a good price but there was something about her.

Something more than just a beautiful woman.

Ayano Hattori would look at her and say that she had very plain clothing for such a beautiful woman. As the oldest embroider in Konoha she would know beauty, beautiful women and know how a beautiful woman like that wouldn't be wearing cheap bright clothing like the orange top and cream skirt with no patterning like that. However she would keep watching her and think about all the ways and patterns that she could make for a woman like that.

Kiki Hisagawa would slowly blink at the woman who walked and talked her way through the market place where she guards. Collecting goods and names like it was leaves from a tree. Would keep her eye on her, watching to see when the other coin would drop.
It wasn't because she was beautiful but because of the mass amount of raw chakra that the woman exuded -it would brush up against her in all the wrong ways- as she walked up and down the stalls.
Kiki could tell that the woman didn't realise that she was doing it nor did the civilians that tended the stalls either but the ninja off duty could; they could and they watched her too.

Tetsuo Kuku would be walking through the market place his eyes trailing the young woman as she walked by. He would be reminded of Mikoto Uchiha as she walks by in all the ways that mattered and watch this woman closely. He had never seen her before and he doubts that he'll see her again after this walk by. He would note her mischievous eyes and wide smile and suddenly not remember Mikoto Uchiha again. He might have had not known Mikoto Uchiha on a personal level but he knew enough to know that she didn't smile like that but the resemblance was there for all the world to see.

Many would watch this beautiful woman, many with the words Uchiha on their lips, many still wondering where she came from but most of all many would be watching when two polite not-ninja men approach her and lead her to a nearby alley way. None of them would stop these two polite not-ninja.

All of them would watch and gossip of where she came from and who was she only to come up with nothing.

[an hour before]

There was silence as Team Seven walked past the Southern Gate into Konoha. Each person was eager to get home and rest. Each one needed the comfort of their own room to recover fully from the mess that was their first 'C' ranked mission as a team.

He wanted to fill in the silence but Sakura had hit him a few times during the trip home and Kakashi had pulled him aside half way back to tell him it might not be the best time to talk to his teammates and that they might need some time to themselves.

Naruto turned to look at both Sasuke and Sakura to see if they were up for a conversation but Sasuke still looked a bit ill and Sakura looked tired. They didn't look right, no doubt that they wouldn't respond to Naruto even if he did talk. Kakashi might but he was busy reading his orange book.

The feeling of familiarity and life in one massive place where he can get lost and swept up in the streets without a care. It was home and it was safe.

Reaching the Ninja Academy Kakashi made Team Seven wait for a few minutes before another team to walked out of the missions office. The other team was an older trio of adults with two females and a male, they all bowed to Kakashi calling out "Hello, jōnin-san" before one of the females changed the little sign next to the door from occupied to free and walked off with the others.

"What was that about?" asked Naruto, scratching his head. He had seen this before but not towards Kakashi and certainly not without using his name as well.

Kakashi hummed, "Mah, mah, if I was to guess," Kakashi closed his book and hit against his lips a few times, at least Naruto thought it was his lips, "it would be because they're career genin," and put his book away.

Sasuke snorted before staring at the wall.

Kakashi did his bright one eyed smile towards everyone.

"Well, no need to worry about that since none of you are going to be career genin,"

Sasuke snorted louder as if to express his opinion of what Kakashi said, and Kakashi gave him a extra bright smile that made him glare at the wall.

"Yep, none of you are going to be career genin," said Kakashi before changing the sign over again and ushering all three of them into the Mission Assignment Desk office.

"Hokage-sama," said Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura in unison.

Inside it was exactly the same as Naruto remembered a two months ago. Nearly the same in any case, Iruka wasn't in the room instead he had been replaced with a man with light brown hair, a chin guard, rectangle glasses and a frozen smile on his face. Naruto disliked him automatically. He looked like a jerk.

Sakura elbowed him in the side making him yelp in pain, "Greet. The. Hokage." she whispered harshly.

" Did you have to elbow me that hard, dattebayo?! Hi Jiji-san!" whined Naruto clutching his side. Partly for show but mainly because it really did hurt. Sakura was a hard hitter and seemed to know exactly where to hit to make it hurt extra hard.

The old man chuckled lightly.

"Team Kakashi you're late, I was expecting you a week ago," said the Hokage, his voice light and cheerful.

"Mah, well I guess we got lost on the road to life having a grand adventure where we went off to Sakura sato and drank tea with the leader's daughter," said Kakashi rubbing the back of his head.

"Ah yes. All of you drank tea with the leader's daughter," smirked the Hokage, his voice was dry but still happy.

Kakashi nodded, "Exactly,"

"I do believe that was chapter fifteen of Icha Icha Paradise, so please tell me again why you were late,"

"Ah, you caught me." Kakashi shrugged and went from slouching to standing up fully, "Our mission rank got bumped up from C rank to about A rank. We encountered the Demon Brothers from Kiri before we realised that the client had lied about the mission rank. Naruto-kun was briefly poisoned before he bleed it out. Upon questioning the client the reason he stated for lying was because he didn't have money for a higher rank."

It was weird hearing Kakashi sound serious. Like finding out that Iruka was a pervert or people could make terrible ramen somehow.

"And you believed him?"

Kakashi nodded, "Yes, Hokage-sama."

"And how many days outside of Konoha did you encounter the Demon Brothers from Kiri?"

"Half a day."

"Half a day and you didn't alert anyone?"

"No."

"Kakashi-sensei," sighed the Hokage, "continue on," the Hokage took an extra long drag of his pipe, the air soon turning to a slightly wooden scent mixed in with tobacco. It was the scent Naruto most commonly associated with the old man.

"We decided to carry out the mission and escorted the client back to his home. We went around to the south of the Land of Waves by boat in case we alerted any enemies. Once we reached the island we were attacked by Momochi Zabuza-san, one of the seven swordsmen from Kiri. I managed to get captured by Zabuza-san while Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun rescued me then I defeated Zabuza-san. However he had an accomplice, not part of the bingo book. I suffered from chakra exhaustion and rested for three days."

"And you didn't tell anyone at all about this?"

"No time and barely any chakra left."

"Really now?"

"Of course! I'd never lie to you, Hokage-sama," Kakashi was probably doing his smile thing considering the way the officials behind the desk were frowning at him. Naruto didn't get why people hated the smile thing so much, sure it could be annoying and was probably fake but it didn't warrant frowning. It probably warranted concern but not frowning.

"Of course you wouldn't," said the Hokage dryly.

"We faced off against Zabuza-san and his accomplice again when the bridge was nearly complete. Sasuke-kun got injured non-lethally by the accomplice. The accomplice sacrificed himself when I was about to kill Zabuza-san. Gatō-san killed Zabuza-san but Zabuza-san killed Gatō-san and the rest of his mercenaries. Zabuza-san and his accomplice are now buried in Wave."

"That's quite the reason for being late," the Hokage took out his pipe and slowly lit the match for it before taking a few puffs, "so where is the proof of the kill?"

"Funny thing about that, the poor Wave islanders couldn't afford anything so we let them keep the proof of the kill, so they could start up their economy back up,"

"So you let them keep an A ranked proof of kill and let them get away with paying a C ranked mission?"

"That sums it up,"

The Hokage sighed, rubbed his forehead and took a few more puffs from his pipe.

"Right, collect your pay. Kakashi-sensei, you're going to report to me in two hours for a formal debrief to sort this out,"

"Thank you Hokage-sama,"

"Don't push it," warned the Hokage as he took more puffs of his pipe.

They bowed to the Hokage as they waited for Kakashi to walk up to the front towards the jerk looking guy to collect their pay. He talked a bit with the guy as he collected their pay and the other officials exchanged scrolls and notes to each other murmuring lightly.

It was so boring, the first time it was kind of fun being in the room since he could never sneak in or listen in, not even when scaling the side of the building to overhear, but Naruto got used to it after so many D ranked missions. There was nothing interesting about the room either apart from the scenery in the background but it was a classic Konoha background full of trees mixed with buildings.

Soon enough they had been ushered out of the room where another group was waiting outside. Kakashi turned the sign over again but before walking them outside the academy.

"Okay my cute little students, here's your pay," he distributed each of the envelopes to them, "now you have rest for two days so try not to get in trouble," here Kakashi looked directly at Naruto.

"OI! Why'd you look at me when you said that, dattebayo?!" shouted Naruto, it wasn't like he purposely got in trouble but sometimes a lot of people needed to be taken down a peg or two or constantly. He didn't do it anymore!

"Why'd you think, idiot?" asked Sasuke with sneer number one. Sasuke didn't have expressions so much as he had numbered faces that he used on will and most of them were sneers or rage or I'm-better-than-you type of faces.

"Okay kids, time to go home, sleep in a bed, do what you need to, with that I'm gone. Goodbye, remember I don't want to see you for two days," said Kakashi as he vanished in smoke.

"Thank Kami-sama, I need a shower. I'm filthy from the road, 'bye everyone," said Sakura as she left. Naruto was slightly sad to see her go. It would have had been nice if she wanted to hang out a bit, maybe go to lunch.

Sasuke made a sound before leaving as well. Naruto guessed that it was his version of what Sakura said without any words and more in a bastard type way. He really should learn how to talk to people more. Naruto didn't remember Sasuke being like this when they were seven.

And with that Naruto was by himself again, needed to get back to his apartment and take stock of what he had left and how much he needed for kunai. Money was always tight and such a pain to calculate. Fruit was expensive and so were sweets, vegetables were gross but Iruka always made naruto buy at least two each week and Ichiraku's ramen was always expensive but so good.

Naruto looked at his pay, to Sasuke's retreating back, and back to his pay again.

He had an idea.

He knew he shouldn't but habits were hard to kick so easily.

With that Naruto grinned.

[Presently]

To be honest the inside of the Interrogation and Torture division wasn't that plain, the walls were done in bright colours like neon green, fluoro yellow and orange; all in splashes like someone threw up in the most obnoxious colours ever and decided to just leave it there.

Personally Naruto thought that it was really cool; many would disagree. Loudly.

What wasn't cool was the fact Naruto was the one in the interrogation room.

Well, he didn't look like Naruto currently, he looked like a woman who was in her twenties with long dark hair claiming to be an Uchiha. How the hell did claiming to be an Uchiha while buying groceries land him in an interrogation cell?

It usually only landed him at the police station if something went wrong like getting caught.

So Naruto waited, twiddling his thumbs while he waited for someone to come. It was rather boring actually, apart from the bright colours there was only a table and two chairs. Occasionally the colours would flash words at him and wasn't that a bad sign?

Was that the word for honesty written in the wall?

Naruto leaned over to catch a glimpse at the wall until he was practically pressed against it. It wasn't there. Was he seeing things?

There was a bang from somewhere behind him that made Naruto jump.

"That's quite a jump you did there, miss...?" said a guy from behind him. Swiftly turning around Naruto could see the guy was blond, blonder than he was! He looked a little like Ino as well, if she was a guy.

"Oh, er...Sakura." Naruto shuffled in his seat, it was a pathetic name, he knew, he really did, especially since he knew Sakura and she would hit him if she knew he was using her name like this.

"Sakura-san? That's quite a pretty name," said the man said playing with his hair, a pen appeared in his hand like it was magic, "do you spell it like the cherry blossom? Or is it like virtuous blossom?" there was a file magically in his hand as well. Naruto couldn't resisted the urge to clap. The man looked amused, a wide smile on his face.

Naruto slammed his hands on the table, making the man tense a bit, and shouted "Wow! How did you do that!", making a show of pointing at the file in the man's hand to make it obvious of what he was talking about. He nearly blurted out a 'dattebayo' at the end and barely resisted; that would have gotten him caught out immediately.

He smiled, amused, "It's magic, all ninja know how to do it but would you answer my question?" The man still looked pleasantly happy, surrounded by really cool colours.

Naruto panicked a bit, his smile fading. How did Sakura spell her name again? Was it in Kanji? Oh man if it was in Kanji he wouldn't be able to spell it.

Naruto slumped back into his chair, "Er, with hiragana." He was in trouble, like really big trouble for lying. He knew it and he knew the other guy knew it too, it was now a game to see how long he would last, and he would last if it was the last thing he did.

"So like cherry blossoms then," The guy nodded to himself, whistling to himself as he wrote things down on the file he had, "And you said that you were an Uchiha?"

Naruto carefully looked away from the man, thinking. What should he say? Yes or no? Should he stay silent? Deny it? He wanted to just say screw it and laugh it off as a prank, he could do that, couldn't he? His blood was thumping, like it was a game at the police station, another false move and he could be in trouble but this could be the greatest prank ever. The one that could be his legacy.

The guy paused for a bit before looking up, raised an eyebrow and gave Naruto a look, like he was Naruto's father or something. Usually that would annoy the heck out of him, annoy him unless Iruka was doing it, but this time it took all that Naruto had not to grin at the guy. His blood was still singing, telling him to say something, anything, but he didn't say a word.

"Were you the one that said that you were an Uchiha?" asked the guy again. Naruto really didn't want to answer that. It seemed like a trap like whenever the mean people at the police station would ask him 'did you steal this?' or did you 'acquire that?'. It was stupid, there was no good way to answer it so instead he just smiled at the guy and kept quiet. It was difficult but it was going to be so worth it.

"It's okay, you don't need to answer that. Where did you come from?" Male older Ino kept smiling and it was starting to freak Naruto out. He just looked so amused by everything, usually people weren't this amused by Naruto, even when he smiled at them. Something was wrong.

Naruto shifted in his seat, perhaps it was time to release his transformation? But if he did that then he would lose his legacy! His last big prank!

No, he was going to stay here and just answer the questions until he was released. It happened sometimes when he didn't get an Uchiha officer back in the day and this man was no Uchiha. Naruto was going to win this.

"Where were you born?"

Naruto had to think carefully about what he remembered about the villages of Konoha. Something about flowers?

"Sakura sato...?" Naruto meant to do it as a statement, he really did, but it came out as a question. He was screwed, so screwed. If there was one thing he knew from sitting in a police interrogation cell it was that confidence was everything. The guy was going to win this at this rate.

The man wrote something down in his file again, "Ah, Sakura sato. Good place, I visited there a couple of times in my youth. Are the vegetable crops doing well?"

"Er, yes? I mean they were sprouting when I left the village." The man's mouth twitched a bit at the corners and drew something on the file. Damn did he get that wrong? Wasn't Sakura sato something to do with tea?

Naruto was panicking. He knew he was shaking, he couldn't help it. Nothing helped, not even biting the inside of his cheek and he was going to be found out at this rate. It was like he was eight all over again in a small interrogation cell after getting arrested for stealing.

"I'll make sure to buy some when they come to Konoha," the man shifted in his seat before getting up, "pardon me but I forgot something."

Was he doing good? Could he actually pull this off? Of course he could pull it off! He was Uzumaki Naruto, there was nothing he couldn't pull off!

Looking at the file the man left behind Naruto hesitated before shouting to the closed door, "Hey! Mister! You left things behind!"

He sighed before placing his hands behind his head and leaned back on his chair, legs spread to keep balance. Was he free or was this the calm before the storm? Should he even be worrying about it? Was this going to be the last great prank or a terrible decision?

Naruto looked around but there was the same bright walls and dull table that was there 5 minutes ago. Actually, that was a lie, there was the file and a pen sitting on the table.

The file...

Well if it wasn't important enough to take with him then he should make it interesting. Naruto grinned to himself and jumped into the other chair. Maybe a cool cover as well? It should be filled with spirals and some cool looking dragons too.

Naruto mused on should he look inside as well before shaking his head. If he was going to make this the last prank then he should make it memorable, awesome then he should make it look awesome all over. After making a few spirals on the cover and a terribly awesome dragon he opened the file.

There was only one page with a few sentences and a seal written. Naruto frowned and carefully turned the page but that was fully blank. This wasn't a profile file, Naruto knew profile files and personal files as well, this was different. The bastard was messing with Naruto! With a growl he drew some spirals and faces of the previous Hokage, it wasn't his best but he felt that it was as good as he was going to get while angry.

"In the cicada's cry, no sign can foretell, how soon it must die." Naruto jumped in his spot for the second time and turned around, the man from before was back, "I always liked that poem. I think it says a lot about life, don't you think?" the man leaned casually in the doorway, the dim greyness of the corridor drawing Naruto's eye more than the colours in the room.

"Huh?" Naruto blinked at the guy. What was he on about?

"Ah, I forgot to tell you but the file was trapped," said the guy smiling widely.

"What!" shouted Naruto jumping away from the file as if it was on fire, it probably was considering of what Naruto knew of seal and seal tags. There was a puff of smoke surrounding Naruto as he jumped away. It was odd since the smoke didn't make Naruto want to cough.

"It disrupts chakra, a seal version of kai. So Naruto-kun, it's nice to see you as you usually are. My name's Yamanaka Inoichi, I believe my daughter, Ino-chan, was in your class at the academy?"

Naruto nodded dumbly as he realised that he was no longer a woman. His prank...

"Naruto-kun, do you mind going back to your seat?" Naruto slowly got back to his own seat, looking anywhere but the man in front of him, the game was up and it was time to face the consequences.

Naruto draped himself over the table, just enough that he could stretch his arms out and have his cheek pressed to the table, "Am I in trouble?" mumbled Naruto. Ino's dad hummed as he sat down and looked at his newly awesome file.

"Well, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions and you're going to have to answer me honestly,"

Naruto sighed. He couldn't believe that he got caught like that!

"Now I'm going to ask some basic questions and while it may seem stupid I want you to answer them," Inoichi cleared his throat, "What's your name?"

Naruto sighed again, watching the table fog up from his breath. Before slowly getting into a normal sitting position and held up all of his fingers, "Uzumaki Naruto, twelve years old, Konoha, orphan, no relatives, genin, the old man is the Hokage, West Tobirama complex, and dragon head snake tail."

Naruto looked at his hands in despair, only nine of his fingers were down, "What did I miss?"

"Well, for one I have never heard the Hokage in an interrogation be called the old man over his real name and I believe your password was 'the beginning was like a dragon's head, great and majestic, the end like a snake's tail, tiny and pathetic'," Inoichi gave a little chuckle before writing things down again, "So we have name, age, place of birth, family, occupation, place of residence, who is the hokage, and the password. You left out education."

Naruto tilted his head a bit, squinting at the guy trying to see if he was trying to be funny or not before saying "Konoha Ninja Academy."

Inoichi beamed at Naruto, it was disconcerting, "Now that the basics are done, I'll like to ask you why you were imitating an Uchiha at the market place."

Naruto scowled at Ino's dad. It was obvious of why he did it so there was no reason to beat around the bush, "If you probably have my file," Inoichi straight up laughed at that, what was so funny? "then you'll know I have a record of it."

"That's true but why the Uchiha clan?"

Truthfully Naruto didn't know why he chose the Uchiha clan, probably to do with that it had been a while since he has done an Uchiha and the fact Sasuke was being his usual bastard self. It was always an Akimichi or Inuzuka or even Iruka because Iruka always lets him transform into him.

Naruto shrugged.

"Now, don't be like that I need verbal answers,"

"It's a stupid answer."

"No matter how stupid it may sound I still need an answer," said Inoichi patiently.

"I wanted to do one last prank, that's all."

"So it isn't because after your teammate's near miss from your last mission that'd you revert back to what you were because it was safer? Was it the death of the enemy or perhaps the fact that your self-proclaimed rival could be killed?"

Naruto spluttered, "What! No! Why would I even care about that Bastard, dattebayo!"

"I wonder, indeed," Inoichi paused for a second before smirking, "Probably because the said teammate saved you? Or maybe because you're an orphan as well and want to bond with your teammate more?" the words infiltrated each corner of the room.

His shaking got worse.

He didn't need this! Why now? Why did the system suddenly care if he transformed into a clan member of some fancy ass clan now?! Naruto shot up from his chair. "I don't need to hear this! I've told you my answer, dattebayo! And if you don't believe me then you don't need to!"

Ino's father tensed slightly before relaxing. It was barely there but Naruto saw it. Luck only played some part in setting up a great prank, you didn't become great at pranks without seeing when people were going to fall into your trap.

"Oh I believe you when you told your answer but I don't think that's all. You don't just transform into a person that looks like your teammate and call yourself by their last name. You could have just stuck to your usual targets from the general civilian population if you wanted to do a prank but this time you picked the Uchiha clan. We want to know why."

"I just...felt like it." Naruto was starting to get uncomfortable again. What the guy was saying was totally wrong! He didn't like the bastard, he never liked the bastard, sure he saved him from Haku but it didn't mean that he would ever like the guy or even want to make him happy...

"People just feel like eating dango or ramen. They don't just feel like committing fraud without a reason."

Naruto stayed silent for a few moments, practically a miracle by anyone's standards who knew him.

"Everyone knows that Sasuke gets the best things; training, food, Sakura-chan likes him..." Naruto couldn't talk any more, his throat was starting to feel itchy and his eyes puffy and he wasn't going to cry. It was just the air in the room, it made his eyes watery and his throat itchy. Stupid air.

Inoichi twitched, paused, then looked up at Naruto, staring deeply into him. His eyes moved rapidly across his face before smiling again. The smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Excuse me but I just remembered something outside." Naruto pulled a face at the retreating guy's back and subtly wiped his face with his sleeve. Figures, just like everyone else he doesn't care for a great prank. He left his pen in the room again.

Inoichi was close to screaming. Or something like that. How did Konoha produce the most productive and seemingly normal ninjas out of all the great villages while having so many having psychological problems at the same time? His clan wasn't that big and less than a quarter were actually psychologists, they couldn't help everyone!

Was it something in the water? Knowing the second Hokage from his memoirs or Orochimaru there really could be something in the water thought Inoichi darkly.

"I have to give it to the kid, he can make a good infiltrator with those transformations. You alright?" a familiar gruff voice asked from his right, he must have seen something from my face thought Inoichi. Inoichi just ran a hand down his face.

"You were watching the same thing I was, weren't you?" Inoichi couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice. What if Ino had to go through something similar? He had brief images of Ino sitting on the other side of an interrogation table, scared but acting like she wasn't and scrambling to tell a lie, he would try and fix whatever he could to help her out.

"Yeah, just fine. He'll make a good infiltrator if he learns how to lie better, his lies were poor but I have to give it to him, he had nerves of steel to keep up the act," said Ibiki, coming from him it was a huge compliment but somehow Inoichi didn't see anyone letting Naruto in T&I even if he was really good in it.

"So you're going to tear Kakashi-sensei a new one?" his companion asked happily. Ibiki and happiness didn't usually go together. Mostly because Ibiki had more scars and monsters in his head than under a genin's bed, but he was a decent man; not a good one, nobody working in T&I was a good person but a decent one and that's all that mattered.

"Can you even tear into Kakashi-sensei? He has sent more interrogators to psychologists than we have interrogated people. The most we can do is give him a light talking down that will be ignored."

Ibiki laughed, it was a low huffy sound that tended to give children nightmares also very good psychological torture on weak minded ninja. It was probably due to the seal on his chest- a body modification- that Inoichi definitely didn't know about but if he did know about the seal then he would say that he admires Ibiki's work ethic and ability to edge the line of a decent man and monster without going overboard. Unlike some people.

"I'll start the bet then, call in at five thousand ryou of what Kakashi-sensei is going to do. Separate bet at two thousand ryou for when he's going to show up," shouted Ibiki towards the corridors, every interrogator within the complex that wasn't working a person hearing it, "I bet he doesn't even do anything and shows up in two hours." Inoichi nodded his acknowledgement absentmindedly, playing with the end of his ponytail.

How was he even going to bring Naruto's problems up to his jōnin instructor? A simple 'You're not fit to even be a teacher' didn't quite cut it and a 'Do you even care?' didn't seem enough. Barely 'You couldn't even send him to therapy?!' cut it. This type of thing could take up to half a year or even a few years of therapy to get through and God knows what else he had too!

"I'll call that! I bet he just whips out his books instead of listening, two and a half!" called a voice from down the corridor, no doubt Anko like usual. A few more shouts called up through the corridor including Kakashi never showing up, Kakashi stripping, Kakashi actually taking the damn psychological tests- must be one of his clan's members taking the bet under the mistaken hope that they could actually win something- and Kakashi bring his team with him.

"Kakashi-sensei actually listening to me, half an hour if he knows what's good for him." Ibiki laughed again and clapped him on his back a few times before leaving towards wherever he's needed next, probably the ama-no-magatama case.

Heading to the staff room, that was more of a bunker than any staff room he had ever known, he grabbed what hopefully was a hot pot of green tea but was more likely to be various simulants boiled in water with a bit of tea flavouring. Truly the brew of the tired and sick. He ruffled around the cupboards looking for something vaguely food like that wasn't straight up Anko's emergency dango supply in the fridge or stale biscuits.

There was a broken carrot that had a note that said, "For Watanabe-sama with love" complete with love heart because the people at the T&I sector were terrible, terrible people with messed up humour. Watanabe was a prisoner five days ago who was notorious for hating carrots and not going along with the carrot stick method.

Hiro had placed over a hundred carrots in the interrogation cell and the prisoner cell including one that said "Please insert me" with a love heart as well. Sometimes he didn't know how Hiro was even related to him, other times like with Watanabe he could understand how.

Sighing Inoichi doubted that Naruto would want overly strong tea with drugs in it and stale biscuits. What did young boys want to eat nowadays? Was it still Akimichi BBQ? Or chips? Or anything with a lot of carbs and protein in it?

Will Anko kill him if he took the dango? Well hopefully he can hide until she is appeased somehow, maybe buying her a dozen dango would do?

Inoichi went back to the interrogation cell with the ill-gotten dango in hand. Naruto still looked young and guilty looking as much as he did when Inoichi left, more so in fact considering he had vandalised the walls of the room with spirals and badly spelled words. To think a quarter of the budget went to those walls, particular the hidden seals used to impersonate random interval killing intent, now ruined within ten minutes thanks to what could amount to as a young kid.

Brilliant.

"Here, something while you wait." Naruto looked up and Inoichi swears that he saw stars in the kid's eyes. Could he ignore what Naruto did? If he kept silent then Ibiki would be the one to clean it up or anyone else but him.

"How long am I meant to stay here?" Naruto grabbed a few sticks and while Inoichi was confident that he would survive Anko's wrath he still did faintly flinch when Naruto started to bite into the dango. Looks like Anko trained them all too well. Maybe he should use those techniques on other people as well, it was something to think about later on.

"Just until Kakashi-sensei comes to get you." Naruto groaned and Inoichi felt for the kid, Kakashi wasn't going to arrive anytime soon. In fact Inoichi was fairly confident that the messenger was still trying to find Kakashi.

Inoichi really should be interrogating other prisoners but he wasn't going to leave Naruto by himself. Sitting down he blamed the fact that he was a father on why he was still in the room. Naruto gave him a weird look before chewing much faster on the dango and squinting at him. Inoichi pushed the file that he used towards Naruto as a hopeful hint to the boy that he should start drawing again, just not on the walls. Even if Naruto didn't know what he drew it was quite helpful to seeing how he was psychologically.

Predictably Naruto didn't even bother taking the file again. Quite a shame really, it wasn't even gimmicked this time around.

"Hey, what was the seal that you used? How did you do it, dattebayo!?" asked Naruto almost startling Inoichi, he was expecting that he would need to start talking before Naruto but it didn't seem so. Inoichi was glad for that, kids were not always the best to talk to without pushing them for answers.

"Well, to understand it you need to know the basics of fūinjutsu and how everything works like how numbers and writing come into play..." Naruto nodded earnestly and honestly it was adorable. It was times like this he wished that he had the option of being a teacher instead of head psychologist of T&I.

Inoichi really didn't mean to but he stayed until Kakashi came in, with no escort (and where was his escort?), teaching Naruto the basics of fūinjutsu. During that time he was going to think of a way to complain to Kakashi but instead got sucked in by the younger blond. Naruto wasn't so bad with fūinjutsu despite his terrible handwriting and skill with numbers, quite creative as well even if it didn't work.

"Ah, Yamanaka-san, I heard that you had my wayward student." Inoichi smiled, the default one, usually shown to prisoners or shinobi that he felt neutral to, or in this case to Kakashi.

"You did hear right, Kakashi-sensei. If you will follow me." Naruto was starting to look nervous, Inoichi shot the kid a small more reassuring smile before getting up and walked out the room. Inoichi closed the door before heading to the small room on the side of the interrogation room. Kakashi gave a questioning glace or at least Inoichi was going to interpret it as questioning, it was somewhat hard to know when more than half the face was covered up and he was trained in masking his natural body language.

"You know if you wanted some private time with me then you should have said so but more importantly who won the bet?" Inoichi wasn't going to even question how Kakashi knew about the bet. It was just one of those things.

"What time is it?" Kakashi tilted his head a bit before looking around the room, it was all for show. Inoichi knew that Kakashi knew what time since he had an impeccable body clock from a couple of A ranked missions with the guy.

"A little past five."

Inoichi did the mental calculations. He vaguely recalled someone calling two hours but they were probably going to have to fight Anko for the prize pool since it was two hours and fourteen minutes, knowing Kakashi it was probably on purpose.

"Anko-san did." Kakashi nodded knowingly. Anko was going to win that fight and nobody was going to stop her if it came to that.

"How much am I worth?"

"Not as much as you were the second time you came here." Kakashi drooped a bit before rubbing his head, was that a false tell or a real one? Both? No, real, the way he ran his hand through his hair was not smooth enough to be a false tell.

"I guess I'm too much of a regular here, my fault, but what is Naruto-kun here for?"

"He impersonated an Uchiha." Kakashi ran his hand through his hair again. Inoichi almost felt a vicious pleasure at that, it was the real tell again. Twice within minutes, a miracle.

"That doesn't seem too bad."

"A random Uchiha that wasn't Sasuke Uchiha-kun." Kakashi definitely winced this time, this time it was a false tell but maybe a bit of truth in it?

"Will he get a black mark?" asked Kakashi, almost concerned, so very concerned in Kakashi language.

"Luckily for him it's merely a warning due to the fact that he wasn't able to purchase anything in the Uchiha name but it may go into a severe warning due to his record. As his team leader you are to talk to him about it."

"May I ask the reasons?"

"He's said that it's because he wanted to do one last prank and that he feels jealous of Sasuke-kun. He broke his usual MO by turning into an unknown Uchiha."

"Did he tell you that or did you ad lib it?"

"I simplified it. I'll be blunt, Naruto-kun has problems, more so than what an average genin has. You know that right?"

"Of course! Though that isn't as much as I thought it would be," Kakashi practically pranced away, did the man even get what he was saying? Naruto had issues that needed help and he was dancing out the door, hell the whole team probably had issues if this is what Kakashi was like and he couldn't help any of them!

Kakashi paused at the door way, Inoichi having no doubt that if there was a window that wasn't the interrogation screen the other man would be going through that instead, "Oh I heard that Ibiki-san said that Naruto-kun showed potential for infiltration. This true?" How Kakashi even got his information Inoichi would never know but dearly wished that he had the same resources. A vague thought started to brew in his mind, it was probably crazy but...

"Would you even be asking if you didn't know that it was?" Kakashi hummed before giving Inoichi a false one-eyed smile and leaving.

"Wait!" Kakashi turned around questioningly, and Inoichi knew it was now or never, "after his punishment could you let him do a mock infiltration mission later to test him? His crime record is strong for infiltration but due to his personality he was never pinged but this time..." Inoichi knew that he sounded desperate but a good infiltrator was worth their weight in espionage.

Kakashi hummed before walking out the door. Maybe Kakashi would actually heed his advice and he would win that bet.

Kakashi wasn't too sure what to do with Naruto, well he had some ideas but those types of ideas the Hokage forbid Kakashi from teaching to his students. Something about it may be good for ANBU but not good for genin.

Kakashi would normally selectively choose what he heard from the Hokage but this one he was forced to listen to. It wasn't fair but that was the life of a ninja; all work until you die because you'd accept nothing less. Maybe the mock mission would be good, this way he could do ANBU level training like he wants to while pretending that he that he was going genin level.

"My cute little student, what are we going to do with you?" asked Kakashi as he entered the interrogation room once more, it was far more decorated then he remembered and it wasn't just the blinding colours either. Naruto looked like someone killed his puppy through the most heinous of tortures and Kakashi had no doubt that Inoichi was still watching from behind the carefully hidden screen.

"You're not going to yell at me are you?" Naruto looked pathetic, his head looking down and muttering. Kakashi looked around the room, carefully not looking at Naruto because otherwise he'd be looking at the image of his dead teacher looking all depressed, which was something he really didn't need.

"Have I ever yelled at you before?" Kakashi had to be careful and stuff with kids, everyone kept telling him that. He was sort of glad he didn't have kids of his own.

"No...but I did something wrong didn't I?"

"Nope," said Kakashi purposely popping the p. Naruto whipped his head up so fast that Kakashi was worried that he'd broken his neck, that would be a different way to put onto a epitaph onto a grave. Kakashi could already see it 'dead by self-inflicted broken neck, age twelve'.

"What do you mean I'm not in trouble? They don't take people into T&I for no reason!"

"Well that's true but your only mistake was getting caught. Ibiki-san said that he thought you had a career in infiltration, isn't that great?"

"Er..."

"Yep, it's very good. It means that you have a future and a future is important," when Kakashi said a future he meant that Naruto was probably not blacklisted or anything, that would be bad for his dreams if he was a genin forever. Career genin was just that; genin.

He was in a mind to stay in the interrogation cell, just so he watch the interrogators get twitchy when he leaves, or leave to have a talk with Naruto. In the end it was when Kakashi started to see words written in the paint of the walls that weren't badly written on them that he had decided what he needed to do.

"Okay, time to leave." Naruto practically sprinted to the door and would have had gone out it too if Kakashi didn't catch him by the neck of his jacket. Kakashi completely ignored the "Hrk!" sound Naruto made.

"You don't even know where we're going," Naruto made a choked questioning noise, "just because Ibiki-san said that you have potential doesn't mean that you won't be punished, it just means that T&I isn't going to punish you."

Naruto made a wounded sound before allowing himself to be dragged away with Kakashi. Kakashi had no doubt that if Naruto really wanted to he would find a way to try and escape or Inoichi would help Naruto escape.

They walked in silence to the end of the corridor where they were met by a spare interrogator- a non-clan member- and who held up a pair of blindfolds up. Kakashi would have had something inappropriate had the blindfold been for him but it was for Naruto instead and there was no way he was going to let Naruto think about that. Naruto wrinkled his nose when the blindfold came on a tad too tightly but Kakashi gave the interrogator a cheerful smile and made a note to set his dogs on the guy while signing his name in a 'guestbook' with a hint of his chakra.

Kakashi placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and pushed him to the way before the interrogator rushed to stand in their way.

"I'm to escort you both to the exit." Kakashi gave the guy a one-eyed smile but the guy didn't budge, how annoying.

"Really there's no need for you to do so, I know my way out by now." The guy didn't look amused. Kakashi sighed before releasing killing intent on the guy. It also had an unintended side effect of making Naruto shiver uncontrollably, which wasn't so much of a bad thing since he was planning on getting them to do killing intent training after they completed water walking.

The guy bit his lip, "Sir, please, I need you to stop that otherwise I'll have to force you to stop." Kakashi chuckled a bit, low and fake, and quickly stopped releasing his killing intent. It probably felt like a shock to the system. Naruto made another choked sound.

"Mah, mah, there's no need to use violence. We'll let you do your job," said Kakashi with the utmost compliance that he could muster at this time, carefully ignoring the fact he just released killing intent on the guy. If asked he was going to blame an open interrogation room. He was also probably setting a bad example for Naruto but he had to learn at some point and what kind of teacher would he be if he didn't teach his cute little students?

The interrogator glared at him before leading the way through the corridors. he went quicker than he should havehe went quicker than he should have, what with a blindfolded genin in tow, however Kakashi was determined that they wouldn't be left behind.

Was it stupid? Yes. Was it worth it? The glare from the interrogator when they left the building certainly made it so. Especially with Naruto cheering when the blindfold came off.

Kakashi carefully lead Naruto to the training grounds making sure that they didn't meet anyone that they knew, no doubt Sasuke would have had already heard about his unknown family member and been told that it was only false rumours. It was a rather long walk from the T&I to the training grounds, Naruto was carefully not looking at him and it was cute that he thought that Kakashi wouldn't know.

The grounds were the same grounds as they always were, like they had been for generations of ninja that had the honour to train at Third Training Grounds. It was also a very fancy way of saying that Kakashi had bullied, subtly of course, every other ninja from the training grounds until they just gave up using it a few years ago. It felt good to do so.

They stood there awkwardly. Neither wanting to break the silence. Kakashi didn't mind the silence but he knew he had to punish Naruto somehow, at least to teach him how to not get caught. He rubbed his head and sighed.

"By now Sasuke-kun would have had heard about his mystery relative and been told that it was all false," Naruto flinched and looked down, "You'll need to apologise to him, first thing and find a way to make it up to him. Next you will need to train with me, you'll be pushed to your limits."

Naruto nodded.

"Naruto-kun, do you understand why you have to apologise to Sasuke-kun?"

"The bastard- Sasuke-kun...I messed up. I thought that I could make a really awesome prank where I'd pretend to be Sasuke-kun's family member and I don't know, buy something and play pranks on people...I don't know where his family went. There used to be a lot of them, I used to be arrested by a fair bit of them. Kagen-san gave me tea in between interviews when drunk old guys would yell at me, he had a scar on his cheek that he said was from a cat scratching him."

Kakashi hadn't realised that Naruto was in contact with the Uchiha clan that much, not enough to even remember some of them by name at least. He knew that Naruto had a record but not like this.

"Sasuke-kun's family had all died. That's why everyone treats Sasuke-kun so differently, all his family died when he was seven. One of his family members decided to kill everyone one day. They said that he snapped and planned it for a few days; he started off by murdering his cousin by a river." Kakashi knew that he sounded bored, like it was routine. It reminded him too much of ANBU and why child prodgies aren't allowed through any more.

"I didn't...I knew that it was something big. Nobody would tell me where they went. Is Sasuke-kun lonely?"

Kakashi hummed but didn't say anything.

"If I get Sasuke-kun a family then do you think he'd forgive me?"

"Not if you create them other than that, sure, I don't see why not but it's not like Sasuke can get adopted. He's going to be a clan leader in the future, you do know that right?"

"Oh course I do! That's why all the girls in my class were all over him!"

"Just checking."

"That's it, dattebayo! What if I get him a girlfriend? Then later on they can have a child together, dattebayo!" Kakashi resisted laughing, he really did but honestly it was too funny!

"Oi! Don't laugh, dattebayo!" shouted Naruto angrily. It would be so funny if Naruto didn't look so serious. No, he was wrong, it was more hilarious because he was serious. Obito would get a laugh out of it as well when Kakashi goes to the memorial stone later.

"So you think that if Sasuke gets a girlfriend then they can have a child together?" asked Kakashi wryly. Was it bad that he thought he was starting to get too old for this? To think it had been just 4 months since he first started teaching the genin.

"Well you need a guy and a girl to have children." Naruto said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and at least the education system didn't fail him in this regard. It was terrible if he had to give them the talk.

"You do know that sperm for young men like yourself aren't really potent until later on, right?" Naruto looked confused. Please, please, please no.

"Huh? What are you talking about? Sperm? Potent? Dattebayo?" Naruto looked horribly confused. Kakashi just felt like the whole world was on a joke and he was a punch line that he was just starting to realise now. It was like a full circle of bad decisions involving the talk, though if that was the case then he was a full generation too early to give the talk.

"Okay, a reminder to give you guys the talk. The point is that Sasuke can't have children until he's sixteen."

"What talk? But I didn't know that there was an age restriction for children. I guess there is plenty of time to find Sasuke a girlfriend then, dattebayo!" Naruto is adorable. Kakashi could laugh at him for days.

"How are you going to do this?" Naruto looked like he was seriously considering everything.

"Well I guess I could follow people...or I could make it a mission, dattebayo! The old man would let me make it a mission!"

Kakashi was pretty sure that the Hokage wouldn't do that if Naruto just asked him but if Kakashi made it a mission then he could use that to teach his cute little students how to evade spies, give false information and if he happened to have fun laughing at everyone then it would also be a bonus.

It wouldn't be the first time that a teacher made a false mission against their team in the name of good will, he knows Jiraiya had done so once against Minato, but Minato was older of course when the mission happened.

"I could help you make it a mission, to get Sasuke-kun to forgive you but keep it a secret because Sasuke-kun might not think of it as a good idea," said Kakashi sweetly. Naruto just beamed at him like he just gave him the best present ever. Shouldn't he know that when things are too sweet that they're probably not true.

"Thanks! You're the best teacher ever, dattebayo!" shouted Naruto. There was a faint warmth from within his chest where he was pretty sure he lost a while ago but wasn't too was a faint warmth from within his chest where he was pretty sure he lost a while ago but wasn't too sure. It startled him a bit, far more than a bit but he didn't show it. Maybe teaching wasn't so bad.

This will be the only chapter to be posted to , if you like this chapter enough to want to read more it has been posted on ao3 under the same title but different username.