Notes/Way to read this story:
... = Transition into Yukiho's POV or diary entry
'Text' = Diary Entry (Entire entry is in the ' ')
Text = Internal Thoughts
Yukiho sighed once she got home. Trudging to her room, she noticed that her sister's bedroom door was open. Peering into Honoka's room, the middle schooler saw a book lying on Honoka's study desk.
"Diary," the girl said. "Onee-chan just left it out?"
She wasn't one to be invasive. But, she couldn't deny her curiosity of wanting to see her sister's thoughts. Just a peek…
Opening it to a random page, she felt the crumpled sheets with her fingers. I wouldn't think it's that old. This entry is pretty recent.
So, she didn't think anything of it. She began to read:
...
'Ahh! I don't like being scolded by Umi-chan! She always looks so disappointed with me, and I don't like seeing that look on her. Worrying so much will just make wrinkles show up faster. I know that she does it for my sake. Even if she can be too mean, Umi-chan wants me to be better. I always try, but I always seem to fail at being better. But, it excites me when I see Umi-chan being proud of me! Umi-chan is so pretty. Being an idol and being in archery really makes her look good. She's so smart too! She's always trying to teach me because I don't pay attention in class. She always has the best marks! If I could only be a bit more like Umi-chan, I could make her happy.
I think that's what I want to do. I want to make Umi-chan happy all the time. Just thinking about it, I know I like Umi-chan a lot!'
...
'I'm happy that Kotori-chan is so friendly all the time! When Umi-chan gets mad at me, I'm happy that Kotori-chan will be there for me! Even thought I like Umi-chan a lot, I like Kotori-chan a lot too! She's smart as well, and always helps me with homework. Umi-chan scolds me, but Kotori-chan makes sure I understand what to do. She's so helpful. She's also so pretty! She's super trendy and her designs are always cute! When I see them, I know that it can only be made by Kotori-chan! She's always happy when the three of us are together. I am too, and I know Umi-chan does as well!
I love them both so much! If I could be together with the both of them, I would be the happiest girl alive! I just know it!'
...
Yukiho couldn't help but smile. Onee-chan really loves Umi-chan and Kotori-chan. Can girls be in a romantic relationship? I guess it doesn't matter; if they love each other, they can be together. Alisa-chan and I are like that too! Maybe the bigger problem is her being with both of them.
Yukiho turned the page to the next diary entry. It simply stated:
'I love Umi-chan and Kotori-chan! I'm going to tell them tomorrow! Hope it goes well!'
The energy seemed to radiate off the pages and lift Yukiho's spirits. Onee-chan is always happy. I'm glad that Kotori-chan and Umi-chan can give her that.
Turning to the next page, it seemed much more crumpled that the rest of the pages. Huh?
...
'Things didn't go as planned. Oh well!
Umi-chan and Kotori-chan asked me if they could come over to my house. Of course I said yes! It makes it easier to tell them my feelings! After some snacks, I was getting prepared to tell them how I was feeling. But, they had some news to tell me. They started dating! Umi-chan was super embarrassed when they told me, but she always is. Umi-chan always gets so shy about love. It just makes her cuter. Kotori-chan couldn't be happier when she told me. The only reason they wanted to talk to me about their relationship first was because they were nervous about how the others would react. Since I'm their best friend, I would be honest with their relationship.
I couldn't be happier for them! It was clear that they liked each other a lot. So, their feelings for each other grew, obviously! When I told them how happy I was for them, they had big smiles on their faces! They hugged me, saying that they were so happy. They're going to tell the others tomorrow. I can't wait to see their reactions! They'll all love the two of them together. I know I do.
I guess that I couldn't get them as my girlfriends. I'll just move on! I need to be happy for them!'
...
Yukiho saw tears falling onto Honoka's study desk. "Huh?" She began to wipe her eyes, but she realized what the cause of her tears were.
Onee-chan…Why did you hide this from us? Why can't you just tell Umi-chan and Kotori-chan? Maybe they'll understand. You shouldn't have to be so sad. You shouldn't have to hide your emotions.
As the girl scanned through the pages, she noticed a similar pattern. A few pages were crumpled, but there was a sheet that was nearly destroyed.
She skipped a few pages to get to the next page about her sister's love.
...
'Eli-chan is so cool! Maybe she's a bit too hard on us during practice. I get tired so easily! But, she's only doing it for making us better. Her body is really nice. I wish that my body could develop like that. She always looks so good in Kotori's costumes, and I can't help but admire her. Not only is she pretty, she's smart too! I always fall for pretty and smart girls, huh? I always see that she and Nozomi-chan are at the top of the grade scores. And she's the school council president! She must be super smart to be the president! Since Kotori-chan and Umi-chan spend more time together, I ask Eli-chan to help me with my homework. She's, like, the best between Kotori-chan and Umi-chan! She knows when to be serious and when to be kind. I think I get through my homework faster when I'm with her! She has so much about her that is amazing! I think she is perfect!
I've been thinking about it for a while now. Ever since I couldn't be with Umi-chan or Kotori-chan, I was scared to say something. But, I feel confident! I'm going to tell Eli-chan tomorrow.'
...
Yukiho sniffled. Onee-chan…
Turning the page, her suspicions were confirmed true as she began to read the words in the diary.
...
'I guess I shouldn't have been that optimistic.
When we got together for idol practice today, Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan told us that they were dating. I don't know why I didn't see it before. They were always together since they were both a part of the student council. Since they are in the same grade, they would be with each other for a while. I got so excited to tell Eli-chan, that I didn't remember that she was so close with someone else.
I'm happy for them! They are very nice and deserve each other. It's just that I want someone to love. I thought I had it with Kotori-chan and Umi-chan, and then with Eli-chan. I won't give up yet! I'll just take a while to find someone.'
...
Yukiho saw her tears falling onto the pages and she quickly tried to dry them away.
Her tears…That's why these pages are so damaged, she thought. I can't blame her. Onee-chan had her heart broken twice.
She took a look at the next few pages, hoping that her sister found some sort of happiness. When she saw Honoka, she always was happy and positive. These diary entries were making her very concerned.
...
'I don't get to go hang out with Kotori-chan and Umi-chan too much. I don't want to distract them from each other. They're dating, after all. With Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan staying behind to work for the student council, I'm left with the others. I'm happy to say that I'm having fun with all of them. I can work and talk about idol stuff with Nico-chan and Hanayo-chan. Rin-chan is super fun to be around. And I like to hear Maki-chan's piano playing. It's fine to be like this.'
...
'I went to get some ramen with Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan! It was really fun, being able to hang out with the two of them. Rin-chan and I can talk about a lot of things! Hanayo-chan is kinda like Kotori-chan, with how she was able to listen and talk to us!'
...
'Nico-chan and I got to listen to Maki-chan's new song. It was really good! Even when Maki-chan told us it was a love song, I could tell with how happy it was! I don't know how she did it, but it sounds good for our next song! I can't wait to see Umi-chan's reaction when she needs to write a love song. I couldn't stop laughing when Nico-chan got upset that the song wasn't her center! It's just like what I expect from Nico-chan. It's so fun to be around them!'
...
Yukiho wanted to smile. It seems like she was having fun. And yet…
As she looked to the next few pages, she saw the similar crumpled pages that were painful to look at. She didn't think Honoka fell for any of them. But she knew about her sister's feelings now. She wouldn't be surprised if Honoka fell for at least one person.
It was way worse when she flipped the pages to the first highly crumpled page.
...
'Rin-chan came up to me and asked me how to ask Hanayo-chan out. What a surprise, another pair of friends are getting together. I don't know why she had to ask; it was clear that those two liked each other from the day I met them. So, I just said to tell her. They'll be all lovey-dovey tomorrow and good for them.'
...
Yukiho did a double take after reading the entry. She never saw her sister be angry at anyone or anything. Just at herself. She wasn't surprised that Honoka felt that way, but it was such a turn for her sister that she couldn't help but be surprised. Those words held so much emotion.
Pain.
Anger.
Disdain.
When she flipped to the last of the highly damaged pages, she noticed the rips in the paper. It was ripped halfway from the spine, and Yukiho could only feel sympathy for her sister.
She began to read.
...
'How could Maki-chan and Nico-chan be so dense? They pretend to not like each other, and yet it's clear that they want to love each other. They should have just said something already. I had to literally push them together during idol practice. Everyone's happy for them, now that they finally got together.'
...
Everything that Yukiho felt about the previous entry was amplified. The entry was short, but it conveyed all of Honoka's emotions clearly.
It wasn't just pain. The words made it sound like Honoka was being stabbed in the back by every single one of her friends.
Honoka didn't seem angry. She sounded furious that all of her friends could either be together or needed to have a struggle just to be together.
Her sister didn't only feel disdain. She was disgusted with her friends.
And Honoka had all of this power to hide it under her unending happiness and her overflowing energy.
No one knew that Honoka was feeling this way. Not until now.
Yukiho only wanted to keep going. She didn't like how her sister was hiding these feelings away. So, she wanted to understand what Honoka's feelings were even further.
The next pages of entries allowed her to do so. And it scared her.
...
'Why did Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan ask me to hang out with them? I'm not needed there. Those two are close; they won't need me to be watching them. Do they think I'm lonely? Well, I just feel worse being with them since I always remember that I'm going to be a third wheel. It's not fun, and I just hope they'll stop asking me.'
...
'I want to be happy when Umi-chan and Kotori-chan invite me out. They're my best friends. But, I just can't. Of course I'm going to be there for them, but it's clear that those two are the BEST of friends. They're dating, that's only natural.'
...
'I hate being around all of them. All I can think about is how lonely I am. They're my friends and I still like them. I just feel like I want to get away from it all. I don't want to be around people that I fell in love with. I don't want to be reminded that I am just a friend. Why can't we just go back to when I was a hopeless fool, wanting to be with my two best friends.'
"Yukiho?!"
...
Her name being called out made the girl jump in her spot. Looking back, she saw her sister in the doorway, her face conveying all sorts of emotions.
"O-Onee-chan?"
Honoka quickly ran over and shut her diary closed. "What are you doing?! This is private stuff!"
Yukiho didn't want to respond the question. She wanted to help her sister. "Onee-chan, you can talk to me."
"No." The edge in Honoka's voice made Yukiho shrink. "There is nothing to talk about. Just leave."
"I know you're feeling lonely. You should tell them," Yukiho desperately tried to bargain. She felt her sister squeezing her shoulders, in a painful and unbearable way.
"Don't say anything about this." Honoka was forcefully pushing her sister out of the bedroom. "You don't have to deal with this." The anger in Honoka's voice was evident and it only made Yukiho shrivel up.
"I do!" Yukiho tried to get released from Honoka's grip, but it was only becoming tighter. "Onee-chan! Please!"
They quickly made it to Yukiho's room. The older girl pushed Yukiho in quickly, making Yukiho lose balance and fall over.
Neither could care about it.
Yukiho saw something that she should not have seen.
Honoka needed help, but she was pushing it all away.
"Onee-chan!" Yukiho tried to reach for her sister, but was only met with a loud slam of her door and another slam of her sister's. She opened her door and attempted to open Honoka's, but there was a lot of resistance. So much so that trying to open it was futile. "Onee-chan! H-Honoka!" Yukiho screamed in frustration. "Let me talk to you!"
She gave up and sat on the floor right outside of her sister's room. She soon heard her sister drop to the floor and cry. Her sobs and wails were deafening, and Yukiho could only stop and listen.
It was clear that Honoka would only try to push herself away from these problems. All her sister wanted was for everyone to be happy, even with the expense of her own. The guardian angel for everyone shouldn't have to bury these thoughts to herself. And yet, everyone knew that it was something Honoka always did.
As Yukiho began to hear the softening cries, she slowly opened the door. Her sister was reduced down to a crying mess, nearly knocking herself out due to tiredness. With the small amount of consciousness left in Honoka, the two made their way over to her bed. Yukiho laid Honoka on the soft mattress, as Honoka continued to cry herself to sleep.
Once the sobs stopped and Yukiho could only hear the steady breathing of her sister's slumber, she knelt down to meet her sister's face. "You can talk to me, onee-chan," Yukiho whispered. She kissed Honoka's forehead before leaving.
…
Honoka woke up to the smells of dinner. She heard her stomach growl and could only salivate at the smell.
Getting back to consciousness, she noticed that she was still in her uniform. Sitting up, she began to take off her uniform and get into something more appropriate for home. As she started, she saw the note on her small coffee table from her sister.
I'm always here to help. You can talk to me, onee-chan.
- Yukiho
The note reminded her of the fight the two had earlier in the day. She was very upset that Yukiho went into her diary and read the most private parts. However, Honoka saw that all Yukiho wanted to do was help.
It was tough; not being able to be a girlfriend to people you like, trying and failing to not fall for a person, having your entire group of friends be in a romantic relationship, them trying to make you feel included but making it clear that you are the third wheel in every relationship.
It wasn't something that she should burden her sister with. It was her problem, and she didn't want her sister to feel sad for her.
She balled up the note and threw it in the trash bin.
Thanks for trying to help, Yukiho. But, you don't have to feel sad. I hate seeing that.
A/N: I think this is pure angst. I just hope that everyone knows what I was getting at.
When I thought about this idea, my first thought was to have Honoka fall in love with a specific person before having her heart broken because they fell for someone else. Umi, Eli, Maki, and Hanayo seemed like the best ones since they had the most personal connections with Honoka, IMO.
As I wrote Umi and Kotori's part, the idea of having her fall in love with everyone seemed a bit implausible. What I saw as more realistic was falling for her two childhood friends, and then the one who she could feel the most connection to. Once those three people were off the table, Honoka would be hesitant to want to love someone else. Just being friends would be enough, and she wouldn't have to deal with a relationship. Once everyone was in a relationship, she would just get tired of being alone and having to be around them with the constant reminders.
TL:DR – Fall for her friends, fall for Eli, be content with friendship, be sick and tired of anything to do with relationships.
I feel that this story could be expanded upon. I have a few ideas in my head, but I don't want to write it out just yet. I would probably lose interest, especially with school starting soon (which is complete crap. Sigh).
However, if you like it and want a continuation, I would be happy to do so. I can't guarantee that it'll be out soon, but I would want some sort of continuation if people ask for it.
So, leave reviews asking for a continuation (if you want). If you do want it to be continued, leave ideas as to where this story could go. I'll be glad to incorporate them. Also leave critiques and such; always looking to be a better writer and critiques are the way to do so.
If you liked this story, favourite (and I guess follow just in case).
Thanks for Reading!