Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything that relates to Star Wars.

Summary: Snoke was no longer whispering in his mind, poisoning him from the inside out. Instead, a beautiful ray of starlight was seeping into his thoughts, into his very being. Into his heart. [Reylo] [ReyBen] [Warning: Citrus Content]

Parings: Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo [Reylo] [ReyBen]

Continuity: Set directly after Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi ends [FULL SPOILERS].

WARNING: This story contains adult content, if you cannot handle, do not like, or are not of age, DO NOT read this.

A/N: The Last Jedi is everything I wanted and thought I'd never get! Honestly, I'm still a little stunned that Reylo is canon. I was just hoping they weren't related! It's a Christmas miracle! This fic will be presented in three parts, and is paired with the song Finding You by Kesha off the Rainbow album. You can find me on Tumblr as sushigirlali as well. Enjoy!

Finding You
Part I

By: sushigirlali

I wanna lay in your arms when the world is burning
I wanna dig in your heart, take away your hurting
Kiss me and tell me I'm fine and forget we're dying

Rey fiddled with the busted control panel she was supposed to be fixing. The escape pod on the starboard side of the Millennium Falcon had taken some damage during the battle on Crait. It should have been a quick job, but Rey just couldn't seem to focus on the task at hand.

"Did he know?" she muttered to herself distractedly. "Did he know that I was on the Falcon?"

Rey chewed her lip, trying to concentrate on the web of wires before her.

"Ow!" she gasped as sparks suddenly erupted from a nearby junction.

Pulling her singed fingers back, Rey turned around—and nearly ran right into the dark robed man before her.

"What—Ben?" she looked up, shocked at seeing him so soon after their last connection on Crait.

They stared at each other in tense silence, taking inventory. Rey was glad to see that he wasn't injured, that he was okay. He looked absolutely livid, to be sure, but whole. Rey opened her mouth to speak, but Ben beat her to it.

"Despite your best efforts, I'm still alive." Kylo Ren said, his dark eyes bright with fury.

"Ben!" Rey objected. "You can't really believe I want you dead!"

"Why not?! I offered you the galaxy and you turned on me without a second thought!" he accused.

"That's not true! I wanted—want—to help you, but not at the expense of what's left of the Resistance." She tried to reason.

"The Resistance is nothing but a band of inept dissidents who have deluded themselves into believing that they can defeat a more powerful force with nothing but sentiment and luck!"

"The Resistance is made up of the bravest, most decent people that I have ever met! Don't you dare speak about them like that!" Rey's voice rose as she defended her friends. "I had to leave! I had to save them!"

"You left me unconscious before a broken throne with hell raining down around me!" he charged roughly. "You left me to die!"

"Ben, I checked to make sure you were breathing before—"

"YOU. LEFT. ME."

The pure anguish in his tone tore through her. But she knew, deep down, that no matter how much he was hurting, giving into him now would spell doom for them both. He wasn't ready to turn back to the light, not yet.

Still, she wanted to offer some comfort. Rey reached toward him, but he caught her hand halfway.

"Ouch!" Rey protested as he grasped the burnt fingers of her left hand.

His grip softened automatically, soothingly, but he didn't let go.

"You gave me no choice, Ben." She replied firmly. "I can't be what you want. I won't."

"Then we're at an impasse." His voice was harsh, unwavering.

"Ben-"

"Ben Solo is dead. Kylo Ren is the only name I answer to." Kylo said resolutely.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn! I only want what's best for you! I've seen your future! It doesn't have to be this way!" Rey snatched her hand away as frustrated tears streamed down her porcelain cheeks.

"The future doesn't come to order, Rey. It's something that happens to you, and if you're not strong enough to cope with it, it will destroy you." The hand that had been holding hers clenched at his side.

"Like Luke's betrayal destroyed you?" Rey asked softly.

"You go too far!" Kylo snapped back.

"Ben, you don't know Luke's side of it. I know this is difficult to talk about, but there's something I need to tell you." Rey pleaded with him.

"His side of it?!" Kylo snarled. "My master, my mentor, my uncle tried to murder me in cold blood! While I was sleeping! Defenseless! And you dare to defend him?!"

"Ben, there's more to it than that. Luke told me that he sensed your dark side was rising, yes, but that when the moment came he—"

But suddenly her surroundings came back into focus.

"Rey?" a familiar voice asked hesitantly from the doorway.

She glanced around, cursing the interruption, but knowing that she would forgive her best friend.

"Yes, Finn?"

"Dinner is ready. We're waiting for you." Finn said with a concerned expression. "Is everything alright?"

"What? Oh, yes. I'll be along shortly."

Finn nodded and went back up the entry ramp. Rey slumped down against the wall dejectedly once he turned the corner. Nursing her burnt fingers, she blew out an angry breath.

She needed to tell Ben what Luke had imparted to her. Once Ben knew the whole truth, when he understood that Luke had made a grave mistake, she hoped that he could finally start to heal. Rey knew the wound was deep, how could it not be, but she didn't believe it was irreversible.

Now that Snoke was dead, and his disgusting influence lifted, Ben could finally have his mind back. This didn't absolve him of the horrible choices he had made on behalf of the First Order and his master, on behalf of his own misguided lust for power, but Rey suspected Snoke had been leeching the light out of Ben Solo for longer than any of them knew.

That kind of long running mental and physical abuse left deep scars. Still, she refused to give up hope. The link between them was strong, despite Snoke's death. And that thought would give her solace for the difficult times ahead. The Resistance needed Ben Solo, she needed Ben Solo. Now if only she could convince him of that.

Kylo Ren paced his private quarters, fuming. How dare she presume to lecture him about Luke Skywalker! His lip curled. Skywalker. The last Jedi Master. Destroyer of the Emperor and Darth Vader. Attempted murderer of his only nephew.

"His side." Kylo mocked, furious at the implication.

There was only one side—Kylo's. Luke Skywalker was a coward who only challenged his betters when they're backs were turned. And yet…something at the edge of his mind nudged him that there was more to the story. Something that had been obscured. By Snoke? He didn't know for sure. Not yet at least. But with the death of his master, Kylo's mind was clearing.

Maybe Rey did know something. He should have forced her to tell him, before they were interrupted. As soon as he thought it, Kylo smirked. Right. Like he'd ever been successful in forcing her to do anything.

Kylo recalled their argument and flinched. He'd charged in with accusations and anger, but she seemed relieved, almost happy, to see him again. He didn't know if he could forgive her for betraying him, though. He had offered to share his ambition, his very life, with her, and she had rejected him.

No, she hadn't just rejected him, she'd also attempted to attack him. With his grandfather's lightsaber nonetheless! But while he was knocked out, vulnerable, she hadn't slit his throat. She had left. Was she so sure of her premonition? Did she really believe that he would turn to the light?

And what did Rey know about Skywalker? He was curious now. Next time he saw her, he'd listen. Not because he believed he was wrong, but because she believed she was right.

I wanna feel you tonight like the very first time
Let's run away, baby, drive straight into the moonlight
Kiss me and tell me you're mine like no one's watching
Like time is stopping

It was three days before he saw her again. And while it had been an agonizing wait, the time alone had given Kylo perspective. The more time passed, the more Kylo realized how often Snoke had infiltrated his mind. It seemed that he had always been there, lurking in the shadows. And the sudden absence of his master now, after so many years, caused Kylo great disquiet.

There were things in his memory, terrible things, deeply buried, that were suddenly available to him. But he was afraid to look at them directly. At least, not until he could give himself context. As a result, Kylo had taken to deep meditation over the last few days, determined to root out how it all began.

Focusing inward, Kylo traveled into the past, reliving pivotal moments in his life—trying to understand what had brought him to this point. His mind opened as the stain of Snoke's concealment receded.

He could see it now, how it started. Even as a child, as far back as he could stretch his mind to remember, Snoke had been with him. Snoke was subtle at first, merging their minds a little at a time, making sure never to penetrate too deeply. And once young Ben Solo had begun to bond with the soft, authoritative voice in his head, Snoke had imprinted on Kylo's lonely soul with false promises of companionship and understanding.

As Kylo grew older, he started to resist Snoke's invasion. The presence became uncomfortable, demanding. And like his parents, Ben Solo was not one to bow to orders. The turning point, yes, he could see it clearly now, was the night that Skywalker had crept into his room to murder him. The old Jedi had sensed his growing power, and the dark connection that bolstered it.

But was that what actually happened? He had always believed so without a doubt, reinforced by Snoke's insistence. Or was Rey right? Was there another side to the story? If his uncle's true intention had not been to kill him, then what had it been?

Kylo stepped outside of himself, examining the scenario from an objective position. Skywalker was reading his mind that night, looking for evidence of corruption. But…it wasn't all Kylo. Snoke was there as well, feeding the darkness within until it was all Skywalker could see.

The horrified look on his uncle's face disturbed Kylo. His old master looked pained, and panic stricken. As he pulled out his lightsaber, Kylo saw the indecision there, the fear. But also, a realization that his actions were impulsive and wrong. And then, just as Skywalker moved to turn off his lightsaber, he realized that Ben was awake.

Kylo came out of the memory slowly, adjusting to the dim light of his personal command shuttle. He had taken to utilizing the private cabin aboard the spacecraft when he needed to meditate, preferring the confined solitude to the main living decks in the crowded Star Destroyer. The cabin doubled as a troop carrier compartment during battle.

Lifting himself off the bed, Kylo tightened the silken belt around his waist. He liked to use a lighter, less repressive robe during meditation; the weightless texture allowed him to reach out to the Force with ease. It was something he wore only when alone, however, because Kylo always felt more vulnerable out of uniform.

Still, merging with the Force had been demanding on both his mind and body this time. It had taken a great deal of willpower to uncover Snoke's smokescreen. Kylo walked over to a basin near the door and splashed cool water across his face and neck. Whipping the excess off with a plush towel, Kylo contemplated what he had seen through the Force.

The burning hatred he had harbored toward his uncle all his life was still there, but tempered as reason took over. The man had been a coward, coming in the dead of night to test his own nephew instead of speaking with him in the light of day. If only they had talked about the unspoken thing inside him—about the dark side. But neither Ben Solo, nor Luke Skywalker, had taken that course.

Kylo knew now that the blame wasn't solely on Skywalker's shoulders. He had contributed to the situation with his silence, his fear of admitting that something—someone—had taken a hold of him. He had been Ben Solo, son of the great rebel war heroes Princess Leia Organa and General Han Solo. He was the nephew of one of the greatest Jedi Masters to ever live.

And yet, he had failed them all. He had killed his own father in the misguided belief that Han Solo's death would bring closure to the gaping wound in his soul. At the time, he'd felt betrayed and abandoned at every turn, by his entire family. He had felt justified in his vengeance. But now, all he felt was empty.

His mother and father had never given up on him, had never given up hope that one day he would return to the light. And now, with all the knowledge he had gained, Kylo Ren had to admit for the first time that he had been wrong. Luke Skywalker had made a mistake, but he, not his uncle, had destroyed Ben Solo's life. And as a result, his family, who had loved him, was broken beyond repair.

Casting aside the towel in a fit of anger, Kylo whirled to find Rey standing before him. He must have looked fearsome because she took a quick step back.

"Ben, are you…alright?" She asked hesitantly.

Kylo didn't answer her; he couldn't. He knew he should, that he had a lot to explain to her, but he couldn't speak because the words were choking him. He needed more time to process the shocking revelations of the last hour. When he didn't speak, Rey took the lead.

"Ben, I need to tell you about Luke. Now. Before we're interrupted again." She started imploringly. When he didn't make a move to interrupt, she continued, "Luke told me what happened. He did go into your room that night. Not with the intention of killing you, but he was testing you all the same. And when he saw the darkness in you, when he saw what Snoke was doing to you, he overreacted. But he never would have killed you! His mistake cost you your life, your family, your soul! And he never forgave himself for it. So, you see, it wasn't all your fault! There's still time to come back, to join me on the right side."

She was almost panting as she finished speaking. It was one of the many things that he admired about her—her passion for life, her goodness. Despite her desolate upbringing, Rey was the most accepting person he had ever met. She strived to bring people together in an effort to create what she had been denied all her life: a family.

He understood her, and she him. Though their circumstances were wildly different, the aching loneliness was the same. And so, as he gazed into her pleading eyes, Kylo felt his strength flow back into him. He could put aside any weakness when she was near. His soul rose up to meet hers, his equal in the Force. His balance.

"Rey, I believe you." Kylo told her.

Her eyes widened, shocked by his easy acceptance. Clearly, she had worked herself up over the last few days and was expecting a fight.

"You…you do?" she asked in wonder.

He nodded. "I've been meditating. There are periods in my life that have always escaped me, no matter how hard I concentrated."

"Snoke." Rey said with disgust.

"Yes." Kylo acknowledged. "He was in my mind almost my entire life, blocking off connections, blurring memories. It's difficult work to discover where the suppression lies. As I clear out the cobwebs in my mind, however, the truth is beggining to take shape."

"So…you've already seen everything I just told you?" she asked a little sharply.

The barest hint of a smile titled his lips. "Yes, I have."

"And here I've been, going out of my mind with worry about you!" Rey huffed.

"You were worried about me?" Kylo asked, surprised. "Why?"

"Well, I didn't know if you were going to fly off the handle after I left. I certainly didn't expect you to investigate the situation on your own." She said honestly.

"Why not?"

"You seemed so angry with me, Ben." Rey bit her lip. "I thought you would just ignore everything I said and brood until we met again."

"I was angry, very angry, at first. But the more I thought about what you said, the more curious I became. I knew you weren't lying to me, that you believed in what you were saying, so I decided to uncover the truth for myself." He told her.

Rey moved closer to him, her eyes bright. "I'm so proud of you."

Kylo felt something lift in his chest, like a burden being removed. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved, for not listening to you earlier." He replied.

"I understand why you were so upset. But, please, just talk to me in the future. I don't like fighting with you." Rey beseeched him.

"I'll do my best." Kylo agreed.

"Ben, there's something else." Rey started cautiously. "Something I wanted to ask you."

"Anything."

"Did you know that I was on the Millennium Falcon when the First Order tried to shoot it out of the sky on Crait?" Rey asked, frowning.

Kylo was stunned. No, he had not known. How could he not have known? Their connection was strong, but he had been blinded by rage, by a sense of deep betrayal after waking up alone in the throne room. He still felt it now, to a lesser degree, if he was honest with himself. But if he'd been in control on Crait, it would have been more than obvious that Rey was in command of his father's vessel.

In his anger, he could have lost Rey. He could have killed her.

"I didn't know." Kylo fell to his knees in front of her, head bowed. "Please forgive me."

Rey stared at the proud man in front of her, her heart pounding. Their previous meetings had shown him to be honest to the point of insolence, but this contrite response was beyond her wildest expectations. She had anticipated an argument at the very least, but looking at Ben now, Rey felt ashamed for doubting his feelings for her.

"Ben, I believe you." Rey said, repeating his words back to him.

Ben lifted his head, as if soaking in Rey's radiant smile.

"Here," she said, holding out her hands, "I'll help you up."

He hesitated for a second, but allowed her to pull him up. Electricity raced up her arms from where their bare hands melded together. He wasn't wearing gloves, for once, and his rigid uniform had been replaced by a lightweight black silk robe.

Rey blushed as they continued to hold hands, as she tried not to stare at him.

"Rey," Ben said quietly, "how did you get back aboard that ship?"

"After I left," she stopped herself from saying 'you', "the throne room, I knew that the Falcon was the only chance for the Resistance to survive, so I took Snoke's escape vessel and signaled Chewy to pick me up. The chaos created by Holdo's sacrifice covered my escape."

"I'm sorry I put you in that position. I still believe that the past needs to be put to rest, but I shouldn't have tried to sway you from helping your friends." Ben told her seriously.

Rey felt hope swell up inside her at his words. She still had so much to learn about the Force, about life, but she believed Ben was being sincere. It was clear that everything he had seen while mediating over the last few days had had a profound effect on him.

"I don't care if it's selfish or silly of me, but I don't want to choose. I didn't then and I don't now." She confessed. "I want it all—you and my friends."

Ben's eyes burned into hers in response, innumerable emotions swirling in their dark depths. Bringing up his ungloved hands, he cupped her cheeks. She quivered in response; it was the most intimate touch she had ever received.

"Why are you here? Why has the Force connected us?" Ben asked huskily.

"Don't you know?" she whispered coyly.

He shook his head. "You deserve better."

"I deserve you." She said boldly. "I've been alone all my life until now. Suddenly I have friends—family—and I'm not scared of opening up to them anymore. I owe that to you, to the trust we've built between us. Now stop implying that our connection isn't mutual!"

Ben smiled slightly, then reached down for her left hand, lifting her knuckles to his lips. The burn she had sustained a few days ago was mostly healed, but Rey felt her face heat at the sweet gesture.

"Okay," he conceded, his tone holding a wealth of apology and acceptance.

Rey beamed up at him, curling her fingers tighter into his. Raising her other hand, Rey pushed back Ben's lush hair, framing his cheek. Then, with all the courage she possessed, Rey stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, sealing their bond for all time.

A/N: In my mind, there has to be a lot of meditating and talking to get to a point where Kylo Ren is ready to be Ben Solo again; I want his turn to the light to feel earned. Part II will be posted sometime next week, once I button up Part III, and will include some lemony goodness! You can find me over on Tumblr as sushigirlali as well.

A little something extra!

Kylo: Who hurt you?

Ali: …what?

Kylo: Why are all your favorite male characters in need of a redemption arc?

Ali: Because I'm a slut for complex character development?

Kylo: It's because they always wear all black, isn't it?

Ali: Ummm…no?

Kylo: You a freak.

Ali: Oh, you're one to talk, Cry-lo Ren.